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| where are the hindus with their "there's probably many gods. now stop worrying and enjoy your lives." ... | T-Rex: Hey God, I'm gonna make an amazing new slogan for religion, okay? Please respond like you think this is a bad idea if you'd actually like me to do this.
/ God: WHAT / T-Rex: Then it's settled! / Narrator: LATER:
/ T-Rex: Okay Dromiceiomimus, which do you like better? "Assuming God exists, he... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1481 |
| whirring blender!">guest week 2009: carly monardo of whirring blender | Narrator: Hey, guys! It's time for the incorrigible adventures of... / Narrator: Baby T-REX!!
/ Baby T-Rex: gleeba / [Baby T-Rex hopping, animated]
/ < http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1482 |
| daisy owl!">guest week 2009: ben driscoll of daisy owl! | T-Rex: I have always suspected that doctors have secret "black arts" versions of certain medical procedures. / T-Rex: I HAVE ALWAYS SUSPECTED THIS! / Dromiceiomimus: What do you mean?
/ T-Rex: Like maybe they have a special version of the Heimlich maneuver that can make you poop! / Utahraptor: If you... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1483 |
| saturday morning breakfast cereal!">guest week 2009: zach weiner of saturday morning breakfast cere... | Narrator: 2093...
/ Narrator: The end is near for Ryan North, and he knows it. / Narrator: In his final days, fear has crept into his heart. / Narrator: He's spent a lifetime protecting his intellectual property.
/ Computer Screen: Dear Mr. North-- After you die, we're giving Dinosaur Comics to the marmaduke... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1484 |
| moe!">guest week 2009: michael firman of moe! | T-Rex: Today I glanced at an idiot driver as I passed him to confirm my suspicion. He was elderly. / T-Rex: Figures! / T-Rex: Old people are the worst drivers.
/ Dromiceiomimus: T-Rex I've heard you say that about every possible demographic - whether it's age, gender, or race.
/ T-Rex: They all suck! / Utahraptor:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1485 |
| ms paint adventures!">guest week 2009: andrew hussie of ms paint adventures! | Panel 1.1
/ T-Rex: Let's play a type of "Choose Your Own Adventure" where the path of the story is dictated by how fast you read. Ready... set... go! On to the next panel!!! / Panel 1.2
/ T-Rex: Ok, if you're reading this path, it means you were spacing out for a long time and didn't start reading until... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1486 |
| t-rex is saying he's better than ever because when he was down south he got a rejuvenating mineral bath ... | T-Rex: Hey everybody! I'm back! / T-Rex: And better than ever! / Dromiceiomimus: Oh hey, T-Rex! Where are you back from?
/ T-Rex: What? My vacation!
/ Dromiceiomimus: Huh?
/ T-Rex: I went on a trip? Down south? For a week?
/ Dromiceiomimus: What?
/ T-Rex: I tripped down south for a week and you didn't even... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1489 |
| this works for a bunch of other sayings too! "if the shoe fits, die in front of your tv set", "those ... | T-Rex: You know what? FINE. I'll be the guy they find dead in front of his TV ten years later. It actually sounds kinda awesome, and as the saying goes, "If you can't beat 'em, then you might as well die alone in front of a television set"! / T-Rex: Pretty sure that's how the saying goes! / Dromiceiomimus:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1490 |
| i've a degree in computational linguistics, so i speak with authority when i say "this is a bold new ... | T-Rex: Natural language processing researchers are all, "Oh boo hoo, computationally generating and understanding natural language is hard, we totally need more time to build Data from Star Trek, boo hoo hoo!" / T-Rex:Looks like you dropped the ball, NLP researchers!! / T-Rex- Because MY email autoresponder... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1491 |
| it is very convenient for me that "species" is its own plural | T-Rex: I've come into possession of the most advanced AI on the planet. Neato! So, um, what do I do with it? / T-Rex: If I copy it, then there'll be tons of my AIs running around, and that's a problem! / Dromiceiomimus: Why do you think that's a problem, T-Rex?
/ T-Rex: Hello? Skynet? Every time you... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1492 |
| i was stuck on this comic for a while until i asked myself "wait! how DO you defeat a superintelligent ... | T-Rex: I have come up with a totally original way to prevent my superintelligent email AI from trying to take over the world! And it's way more reliable than just programming in restrictions against that. / T-Rex: Tic Tac Toe! / T-Rex: I'll simply make my AI play billions and billions of games of Tic... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1493 |
| Folks I Will Never Be Friends With, also known as Folks Who Will Never Get To Be Friends With Me, And ... | T-Rex: Folk I Will Never Be Friends With: a list by me, T-Rex! / T-Rex: One! Folks who snap up expired domain names and fill them with porn! / T-Rex: It's terrible! You guys, you're like the kid in school who - who snaps up an empty desk and the fills it with - um, porn. Analogously, I mean. The point... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1494 |
| every time someone bikes by me and shouts out a compliment i'm all, "friends for life!" | T-Rex: Folks I Will ALWAYS Be Friends With: a list by me, T-Rex! / T-Rex: One! Folks who use internal pluralization! / T-Rex: It is just SO CLASSY when someone says "passers by" and eschews the much more pedestrian and terrible "passer bys". Shouts out to that!
/ T-Rex: Two! Folks who yell compliments... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1495 |
| utahraptor you can definitely make it win a few pulitzers, okay? | T-Rex: If you're going to write a book, you need an opening line! And what possible opening line could be better than "Hey there readers - what's the score, I guess I'm gonna write this book some more! / T-Rex: BEST OPENING EVER. / Dromiceiomimus: I'm not sure it's the best! Much more famous openings... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1496 |
| seriously who do you talk to about becoming a spy, i mean the romanticized kind that gets to meet a lot ... | T-Rex: Attention everyone! I am extremely interested in being a spy! Furthermore, I believe I would be an excellent spy! / T-Rex: So, um... who do I talk to about becoming a spy? / I am interested in pretending to be someone else; I am interested in parachuting into enemy territory; I am interested... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1497 |
| not too late to go back and change things | T-Rex: Oh my goodness I just woke up and I am hungry! / T-Rex: It's time for some friggin' breakfast!! / God: T-REX YOU SURE DO SAY "FRIG" A LOT
/ T-Rex: I sure friggin'do!
/ God: OKAY BUT ISN'T IT JUST STANDING IN FOR ANOTHER WORD
/ T-Rex: Like what? "Tasty-times"? "It's time for some tasty-times breakfast"?
/ T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1498 |
| time for me to starting saying "no doubt!" instead of "yes" | T-Rex: Folks will occasionally publish a story in which a particularly conspicuous orthographic symbol is missing. / T-Rex: I know a handful of justifications for doing this! / T-Rex: It's fun to scout out any limits in your wording (artificial or not) and, in doing so, hit upon an additional, unfamiliar... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1499 |
| Spacemen Cavemen | T-Rex: Who here thinks technology that existed in the past but has now been forgotten is totally awesome? / T-Rex: Everyone? Why, THAT'S JUST WHAT I EXPECTED! / T-Rex: Greek fire was a flammable liquid that burnt on water and that could only be extinguished by burying it in sand! The Byzantines used... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1500 |
| earlier versions of this comic had her team up with that self-interested aquatic vertebrate, the selFISH, ... | T-Rex: Oh my gosh! I'm ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED that I've just had the best idea for a superhero ever. / T-Rex: The PaciFIST! / T-Rex: She's torn between her desire for Gandhian passive resistance and her desire to punch her way to a unilaterally imposed solution!! She's a conflicted hero for a conflicted... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1501 |
| THESIS: everything gets better if we all pretend we're batman. assuming we all share the exact same ... | T-Rex: When I drink, I tend to get sleepy, and then I tend to go to bed! Guys! / T-Rex: I'm thinking of giving up drinking! / T-Rex: Because the last time I left a party early to go have sleepytimes for about eight hours, it occurred to be: ALCOHOL is doing this! Why am I drinking it? People drink... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1502 |
| so yeah i'm experimenting with "totes" by having fictional characters say it for me first | T-Rex: Linguistic universals are a small handful of properties that can be universally applied to every natural language on the planet! / T-Rex: For example: every natural language includes the ideas of being "alive" and "dead"! / T-Rex: That's not really surprising, I guess, since every language EVER... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1503 |
| stephen hawking says a lot of things! anyway most of them i am incredibly underqualified to judge | T-Rex: Stephen Hawking says the best proof that time travel isn't possible is that we're not overrun by loads of tourists from the future! / T-Rex: Stephen Hawking says a lot of things! / T-Rex: And maybe the reason tourists aren't running around here and now is because they have, um, ALL OF TIME to... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1504 |
| fill in your own name | Narrator: T-REX'S RAP CAREER
/ T-rex: My name's T-Rex and I'm here to say / That I'm the rappingest guy in the USA! / [[second panel blank]] / T-Rex: Eh? What do you think Dromiceiomimus? Is my flow TRULY the freshest possible??
/ Dromiceiomimus: T-Rex, the "here to say / somethingest guy in the USA"... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1505 |
| i've mentioned this oxygen molecule death before, but i feel the people must be informed. only just ... | T-Rex: As a man concerned with how, when and if I am going to die, it behooves me to know the most likely causes of death. / T-Rex: That's right, bitches! People still says "behooves'!! / T-Rex: So, God! What are the most likely ways to die?
/ God: OH HECK TAKE YOUR PICK FROM CANCER AND HEART DISEASE... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1506 |
| spell "prescriptivizm" with a 'z', okay | T-Rex: Cultural universals, like linguistic universals, are properties that are found in EVERY SINGLE CULTURE EVER! / T-Rex: For example: cultures universally have units of time! / T-Rex: And cultures universally consume food and water, which makes sense because otherwise they'd be dead. And cultures... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1507 |
| t-rex your theory is pretty basic and seems entirely plausible | T-Rex: I think urban legends start because someone tells a story, and then their friends who heard it tell it again and make it MORE FANTASTIC. This makes sense. / T-Rex: Folks just want to tell increasingly awesome stories! / T-Rex: This is why I always discount stories that "happened to a friend",... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1508 |
| BOTTOM LINE: it is almost 2010 and i know everyone has mentioned this already, but a personal jetpack ... | T-Rex: Okay, so let's say I slide down a banister! I'm awesome. Now let's say I slide down the handrail of an upwards-moving escalator. You guys! / T-Rex: I'm even more awesome!! / T-Rex: And NOW let's say the escalator is long enough and smart enough that it increases its speed so that I never... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1509 |
| midway through this comic i had to do a search to see if people actually said "beach bunny". the more ... | T-Rex: A sassy cat! FROM SPACE. A sassy cat from space who has an eye patch with a skull and crossbones on it and who has swapped out his feet for bolted-on rocket boots! / T-Rex: A sassy cat from space who reliably sports a top hat under his fishbowl helmet! / T-Rex: A sassy cat from space who carries... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1510 |
| this also works for batman and mickey mouse, but seriously, who goes around referencing mickey mouse, ... | T-Rex: I know a lot about Super Mario, on account of how I've played those games often for, um, most of my life? / T-Rex: Guys! There must be some way I can profit from this! / T-Rex: Like - maybe if someone has a question about Mario, they could ask me. Only the problem is, lots of other people also... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1511 |
| did you know that PROFESSION MEMBERS do it IN A WAY INDICATIVE OF SOME ASPECT OF THEIR PROFESSION | T-Rex: Three PROFESSION MEMBERS drive off a cliff. What's the tragedy?
/ T-Rex: The car seats four, you guys!! / Narrator: MORE PROFESSION MEMBER JOKES / T-Rex: Why do so many people take an instant dislike to PROFESSION MEMBERS?
/ Dromiceiomimus: It saves time! What's the difference between a dead skunk... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1512 |
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