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| the sequel is "The Pedestrian Who Was Dropping His Pants While Also Dropping A Barf" | T-Rex: Most of Shakespeare's life is a mystery! People spend their time reading his plays and saying "Man, this guy has dudes sailing from cities that are days away from large bodies of water." / T-Rex: "He must not have known geography that well!" / T-Rex: "Therefore... he must not have travelled... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1391 |
| WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THE AFTERLIFE, AMIRITE? SOMEBODY SHOULD GET ON THIS | T-Rex: So, God!
/ God: HEY WHAT'S UP
/ T-Rex: I was wondering, what happens when you die? / God: UM
/ God: PRETTY SURE I GET TO LIVE FOREVER / T-Rex: No no, I mean, what happens when the RHETORICAL "you" dies?
/ God: WE ALL START SPEAKING MORE PRECISELY
/ T-Rex: What happens to ME when I die? Me. Myself!
/ God:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1392 |
| it's only plagiarism if you write "plagiarism: the final frontier" and then you have a li'l footnote ... | T-Rex: I think it would be a great idea to write a really convincing essay praising plagiarism, and have significant parts of it plagiarized. Hilarious! / T-Rex: Looks like this Thursday morning just got filled up!! / T-Rex: Ahem. Plagiarizing is the act of plagiarizing; taking someone's words or ideas... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1393 |
| astute readers will notice that t-rex has travelled through time on many occasions. just sayin'! | T-Rex: Any machine that travels through time has to be a machine that travels through space as well! I've been saying this for years. / T-Rex: Because dudes, the Earth is spinning on its axis! / T-Rex: And it's whipping around the sun, and the sun is rotating in the arm of a galaxy that's also whipping... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1394 |
| if this were the last dinosaur comic ever, it would be exactly the same, except the last panel would ... | T-Rex: So let's say I'm a painter, and I've studied really hard and I've worked really hard and I've become one of the best painters in the world. Hooray! Except there's one problem: / T-Rex: There's nowhere to go but down! / T-Rex: I've got no new frontiers to challenge! Do I quit while I'm ahead?... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1395 |
| hey everyone, remember xtreegold? man i have been on, like, a 24-hour xtgold nostalgia bender | T-Rex: It's Tuesday, everyone! Let's talk about our bodies!! / T-Rex: Wooooo / T-Rex: Okay, my body is big AND tall AND it has many hidden surprises. I wonder which one YOU'LL discover next?
/ Dromiceiomimus: I'm not sure I'd want to be with someone who describes their own body as "surprising".
/ T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1396 |
| AND BY "RELIGION" I MEAN "CHRISTIANITY" | T-Rex: If I had lived in the past I'd have different beliefs, because I'd have nobody modern around me to teach me anything else! / T-Rex: FACT. / T-Rex: And I find it really unlikely that I would come up with all our modern good stuff on my own, running around saying "YOU GUYS! DEMOCRACY IS PRETTY... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1397 |
| i've eaten so many friggin' animals!! i've eaten ALL the friggin' animals. | T-Rex: I have been assuming that our development as a people is linear, moving generally from less to more permissive. It occurs to me: / T-Rex: Maybe that isn't always the case! / T-Rex: Maybe 100 years from now people will look back on us and say "MAN I can't believe they permitted lifestyles different... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1398 |
| 10,000-pound gorillas!! | Narrator: ADVENTURES IN METAPHORS!
/ T-Rex: Hey everyone, let's kick up our metaphors a notch, okay? It's time for 800-pound gorillas to become 1000-pound gorillas! / T-Rex: 10,000-pound gorillas!! / T-Rex: It's time for us to do things three-quarters assed. Or deci-assed. If we're doing something... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1399 |
| to my knowledge there are no helicopter pilots who have married poorly who read my comic. if you are ... | T-Rex: What's so great about being an adult? / T-Rex: Let's consider! / T-Rex: Adults can eat whatever foods they want, but also have to pay income taxes and manage personal finances, which is Boring and Stupid!
/ Dromiceiomimus: Adults can buy their own clothes, but also have to reconcile themselves... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1400 |
| the gift-givers were like, "SERIOUSLY?? ALL YOU HAVE ARE NASEEM BALLOONS? FRIG. I'LL TAKE *ONE*" | T-Rex: Here are some things that are sad! / T-Rex: Abandoned puppies, and little birds with a wing in a cast. Aww! / T-Rex: And then you throw in an orphan with a crutch! And a little girl holding the limp string and rubbery plastic remains of her only birthday gift this year, a balloon with the words... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1401 |
| over two years ago i had a comic that ended with "warning: the preceding erotica was extremely sexually ... | T-Rex: Here are some things that are joyous! / T-Rex: Puppies! And little birds with tiny ADORABLE wings! / T-Rex: And then throw in a happy little girl with a bow in her hair to play with the puppies and the birds. Ooh! And give her a bright blue balloon that's printed with the words, "Congratulations... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1402 |
| wikipedia says secrets are in our biology, and that sexual reproduction allows us to SECRETLY share genetic ... | T-Rex: SECRETS. / T-Rex: Do we keep them in order to keep relationships running smoothly? / T-Rex: Do we share them to cement friendships? Treasure them because we value knowledge, and if the knowledge is privileged then it's even MORE valuable? Create them because we are all hopelessly duplicitous... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1403 |
| don't call us "the contamination". just call us "the other", and respond to us accordingly, i guess | Narrator: LITERARY TECHNIQUE COMICS today's technique: FLASH FORWARD
/ T-Rex: Flash forwards are a useful storytelling technique! They happen when you- / Narrator:
/ T-Rex: Frig, we're all dead!! / T-Rex: Get the hell out of here, Dromiceiomimus! The Contamination is right behind me!
/ Dromiceiomimus:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1404 |
| the real murderer was you, the reader. nice going. | Narrator: LITERARY TECHNIQUE COMICS today's literary technique: PLOT TWISTS
/ T-Rex: Plot twists are when you think the murderer was the cape guy, but then it turns out.... / T-Rex: ...the murderer was actually this other cape guy!! / T-Rex: They also happen when a plant is revealed to ACTUALLY be a... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1405 |
| today is the day my ms word spell check evolved the ability to hate | T-Rex: Dudes! It's time to impress my friends with my EXPANSIVE VOCABULARY! / T-Rex: ... / T-Rex: Okay, shoot, I know I had something planned here. What word was I going to use? S-... "Standard"?
/ Dromiceiomimus: "Standard" is the word you were going to impress us with? "Standard".
/ T-Rex: I -... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1406 |
| it's also the universe where t-rex puts asterisks in conversation. it's a two-in-one | T-Rex: I bet that I could be an amazing ballet dancer. In fact... yes. Wait. Yes! / T-Rex: Yes, I'm certain of it! / Dromiceiomimus: Ballet is hard and takes years of training, T-Rex! To suggest that you could just barge onstage during Swan Lake and just join in is actually kind of offensive to ballet... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1407 |
| someone monitoring my google searches today would find "where are darwin's remains", "where is darwin ... | T-Rex: Guess who's two hundred years old today? Charles Darwin!
/ T-Rex: He invented evolution. / God: T-REX
/ T-Rex: What? / Dromeceiomimus: Darwin didn't invent evolution, he described it! It existed before he came along. And he's not two hundred years old today, T-Rex! His birthday was two hundred... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1408 |
| guys valentine's day is TOMORROW! if you're single, holy crap time is running out!! | T-Rex: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury! I appreciate you giving me the chance to address you. This whole thing started... / Narrator: ...TWO DAYS AGO:
/ T-Rex: Yes! / T-Rex: I'm really excited about this, Dromiceiomimus.
/ Dromiceiomimus: I am too, T-Rex! It's going to be great.
/ T-Rex: I know!... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1409 |
| one day i'll write a comic like this and get a visit from the government, and the government will say, ... | T-Rex: Okay, so let's assume you know the position of every air molecule in the room. / T-Rex: Things are going pretty well for you, my friend! / T-Rex: Someone in the room says something to another person, and then they both leave. Assuming you know exactly how they moved when they left (and therefore... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1410 |
| TINY BATMAN HEAD APPEARS COURTESY OF DC COMICS, WHO INVENTED HIS ENTIRE BODY ALSO ACTUALLY | T-Rex: Let's say I break the law BUT I had a really good reason for doing it. Maybe I'm Batman! / T-Rex: MAYBE I'M BATMAN. / T-Rex: So maybe I'm Batman and I break the law and I get caught but I had a really good reason. I'm going to hope that the police take that into account! I'm BASICALLY going... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1411 |
| it's way cuter if mr. tusks does it. 'excuse me, but the inside of your mouth looks a LITTLE dry', he ... | Narrator: HOW TO KISS
/ T-Rex: Some people who have never kissed before worry, "What if I'm bad at it? My sweetie will never want to kiss me again!" / T-Rex: This is entirely reasonable! / T-Rex: In the high-stakes world of kissing, there's just no room for second chances. Luckily for anyone,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1412 |
| here i am assuming that the amount of radiation needed to kill a human (10 Gy) is the same as the amount ... | T-Rex: Deinococcus radiodurans is one of the most radiation resistant bacterium ever! It can ALSO survive dehydration, exposure to vacuum, and acid being thrown in its face. / T-Rex: It is the T-Rex of the animal world! / T-Rex: You give this guy enough radiation to kill a dinosaur, and it survives.... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1413 |
| this comic continues the series of "comics in which immigration is used as a way to segue to robocop" ... | T-Rex: The immigrant experience: / T-Rex: ...what's the deal? / T-Rex: Well, if you ask ME, I'd say it's the experience of "immigrating", if you will, to a new country. Coupled, of course, with the emigrant experience of leaving your old country behind!
/ Dromiceiomimus: That's all you've got?
/ T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1414 |
| hey, all the bill petersons out there in the world who read my comic and who are coming to terms with ... | T-Rex: My new book is called "BILLY THE TEEN! BILLY WAS THE TEEN... WHO LOVED BEING A TEEN!" / T-Rex: (It's aimed towards teens!) / T-Rex: So, after clearly being established as a teen, Billy goes off and meets some other teens! They become friends and they hang around outside fast-food restaurants,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1415 |
| it took a few tries to find a domain name like businesssuccessislifesuccess.com that wasn't already taken ... | Narrator: TIPS FOR JOB HUNTERS
/ T-Rex: Attention, people who are hunting jobs! You are know as "job hunters" and guess what? I have some tips for you, my friends! / T-Rex: Tip number one is to have a good email address! / T-Rex: If I were an employer and I had two equally qualified candidates, but... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1416 |
| CORPORATE verbing weirds language | T-Rex: I am generally a pretty easy-going guy! But guys, there's this one thing really boils my potatoes! / T-Rex: TWEETING. / T-Rex: Okay, I get that you're using Twitter! SUPER. But I really don't get why we need a new verb for that.. All "tweeting" means is "posting to Twitter": it's got the same... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1417 |
| qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1418 | T-Rex: Somebody please write a really popular song about me, okay? / T-Rex: And make it really catchy, okay? / T-Rex: And make sure all the lyrics are really positive, stuff like "Oh T-Rex you're so fine / you're so fine you blow my mind / Oh T-Rex / you are assuredly the best is what I'm communicating... |
| What if dreams are the REAL world? | T-Rex: You know when people say "oh my GOSH what if dreams are the REAL world and this world is all a crazy mixed-up dream??" / T-Rex: Attention everyone! You should not listen to these people!! / T-Rex: If the dream world is real, then the real world is one where stuff is crazy all the time, where... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1419 |
| What if dreams are the REAL world? | T-Rex: You know when people say "oh my GOSH what if dreams are the REAL world and this world is all a crazy mixed-up dream??" / T-Rex: Attention everyone! You should not listen to these people!! / T-Rex: If the dream world is real, then the real world is one where stuff is crazy all the time, where... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1419 |
| in undergrad i was batman against parking tickets. i can't tell you how; you'll all just have to accept ... | T-Rex: Parking tickets! / T-Rex: Everyone who loves parking tickets, throw your hands up in the air! Raise the friggin' roof! / [[No hands raise up in this panel.]] / T-Rex: Ah. So everyone's stealing my anti-ticket opinions INSTEAD of raising the roof. That's fine, that's cool.
/ Utahraptor: Whatever! / Utahraptor:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1420 |
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