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| AMAZING TRUE FACT: i wrote this comic in the emergency room of the toronto western hospital? | T-Rex: I love punch! I love drinking delicious punch, PROBABLY because of how it's so delicious! / T-Rex: Hooray for punch! / Dromiceiomimus: Are you mentioning punch because the party tonight is so liable to feature punch, T-Rex?
/ T-Rex: QUITE LIKELY! I don't know why I'm suddenly so into what is... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=815 |
| guys it's alright because i'm irish evil myself | T-Rex: ONE TIME, I snuck onto a friend's computer while at his house and altered an essay he was writing for school about EVIL. All I did for instant hilarity was relace every instance of the word "evil" with the phrase "Irish evil"! / T-Rex: Can good exist without Irish evil? SOME PHILOSOPHERS SUSPECT... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=816 |
| i am saving so many things for the judge | T-Rex: Are you a person who uses phrases at incorrect times?
/ T-Rex: I hope that will not be the case today, with... / Narrator: PHRASES FOR THE EASILY CONFUSED / Narrator: WHEN TO USE "SAVE IT FOR THE JUDGE":
/ T-Rex: After what happened to me last week, I will now wash my hands frequently. I mean,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=817 |
| SPECIAL COMIC PREMISE IN SQL FEATURE: select * from days order by importance desc limit 1 | T-Rex: I wonder what the most important day of my life is? Yesterday? Tomorrow? Maybe even... / T-Rex: TODAY??? / T-Rex: It could be that I wouldn't even recognize the importance of the day until years down the line - like, if today is the day I come across an abandoned violin and ten later I discover... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=818 |
| okay you can all stop asking for a special 'hey, whatever happened to ben' section, because here it i... | T-Rex: Hey God, would the world be an even awesomer place if everyone named "Benjamin" instead went by the name "Ben Jammin'"?
/ God: DEFINITELY YES. / T-Rex: See THAT'S what I keep telling everyone! / T-Rex: I'm so glad I was right on this one.
/ Dromiceiomimus: Do you know any Benjamins, T-Rex?
/ T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=819 |
| incidentally, in real life, poo bugs are pretty much the all-purpose revenge tool | T-Rex: What should I do if I see someone littering? Every time I do something different and every time it feels like the wrong thing to do. / Narrator: LITTERING COMICS
/ Narrator: all over the internet / T-Rex: I've tried doing nothing, but that left me feeling like a frustrated milquetoast pushover!... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=820 |
| for some reason this idea has also fascinated me, ryan, since i was little. see every time you pull ... | T-Rex: One of the things I've imagined, ever since I was a little kid, was how neat it would be if you could sort your life by events and view that instead. / T-Rex: You could see every time you eat delicious sandwiches, organized chronologically! / T-Rex: Wouldn't that be cool, Dromiceiomimus? I think... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=821 |
| according to google, i'm the first person to write 'loaded like uncle pennybags' on the internet. go ... | Narrator: LOGICAL FALLACY COMICS
/ Narrator: today's fallacy: PLURIUM INTERROGATIONUM
/ Narrator: "the loaded question" / T-Rex: A "loaded question" is when you ask a question that presupposes something unproven! / T-Rex: For instance, Dromiceiomimus, I could ask, "Hey, Dromiceiomimus! Are you still... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=822 |
| we'll burn that bridge when we come to it | T-Rex: Am I perhaps too comfortable, too satisfied with my life and friends and ROUTINE? Has the warm embrace of satisfaction become the smothering kiss of COMPLACENCY? / T-Rex: It's time to shake things up, T-Rex style! / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, here's a COMPELLING IDEA for ending complacency. We'll... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=823 |
| if you have a lot of bitches always physically climbing on your back then have i got a comic for you | T-Rex: Hey everyone! Stop saying "bitches" so much / T-Rex: There are other words than "bitches"! Daaamn! / T-Rex: These words include such fine examples as "fellows", "gravy", and "Monterey Jack".
/ Dromiceiomimus: are we to use these words in place of "bitches"?
/ T-Rex: Exclusively! FOR EXAMPLE, instead... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=824 |
| i have the best job in the world | T-Rex: Who spent their Tuesday night doing the BEST THING POSSIBLE?? The answer: me! / T-Rex: I built a statue of myself! / T-Rex: It's LARGER-THAN-LIFE and looks just like me! ONLY BIGGER. What I'm trying to say Dromiceiomimus is that it's fantastic and you should see it some time soon.
/ Dromiceiomimus:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=825 |
| i'm hoping in a few years the devil's slang is picked up, and we start saying 'as useless as the berries' ... | The Devil: MMM GREETINGS T-REX I HAVE A QUERY OF A PERSONAL NATURE
/ T-Rex: Shoot!
/ The Devil: DO YOU EVER EXPERIENCE
/ The Devil: BODY IMAGE ISSUES / T-Rex: Hah! Bawdy image issues! / The Devil: NO I MEAN LIKE DO YOU EVER WISH YOUR BODY LOOKED DIFFERENT THAN IT DOES
/ T-Rex: Well, actually, no, but I... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=826 |
| where ARE they guys | T-Rex: I think that I have a few friends, "Super Friends", if you will, that I'll keep in touch with no matter what happens, and they with me. It comforts me to think this! / Narrator: T-REX AND HIS SUPER FRIENDS / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, you are one such super friend! I can see us getting together... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=827 |
| earlier: 'wow! what a great ad for berry burst hobosnacks!' | T-Rex: I saw a totally sweet ad yesterday! I wanted to show it to my friends, BUT THEN, I realized that's exactly what the marketers wanted me to do! Who here doesn't want to be a tool of viral marketers? / T-Rex: The answer: me! / T-Rex: When I was a kid it was okay, because I didn't have any cultural... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=828 |
| Dude has his own problems! | Narrator: SUDDENLY: REMORSE
/ T-Rex: Aw, I feel kinda bad about taking advantage of Captain Suggestible. What do you do with someone who is that damn suggestible? / T-Rex: Dude has his own problems! / T-Rex: It reminds me of this friend I had in high school who could never ever detect sarcasm,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=829 |
| The first announcement is that I am awesome! | T-Rex: Hello world! I have the following announcements to make! / T-Rex: The first announcement is that I am awesome! / T-Rex: The second announcement is that everyone within the sound of my voice is awesome!
/ Dromiceiomimus: Thanks, T-Rex! / T-Rex: The THIRD announcement is that I need to borrow... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=830 |
| t-rex doesn't so much 'stop reading' books as he 'memorably abandons' them | Narrator: COMPRESSED NURSERY RHYME COMICS
/ T-Rex: Jack Sprat could eat no fat / His wife could eat no lean / And so betwixt the two of them / They licked the platter clean! / T-Rex: AND they shared EATING DISORDERS. / T-Rex: What a world!
/ Narrator: the end / Narrator: ENCRYPTION JOKE COMICS
/ Utahraptor:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=831 |
| okay so last night i accidentally superglued a two foot long scale plastic model of the enterprise d ... | T-Rex: There is a lawyer dude who has plastered the city's telephone poles and bus shelters with ads proclaiming "QUICK DIVORCE! $300". And there's always about 2 or 3 of the little phone numbers from the bottom taken. / T-Rex: Ouch for modern marriages! / T-Rex: I took one, but that was simply because... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=832 |
| t-rex learnt every langauge back in comic 70, but amnesia shortly thereafter led to a bunch of them being ... | T-Rex: Time for me to learn some new languages! AS THE OLD SAYING GOES, he who can speak many languages is suspected by his peers to be an ultra super genius times two. / T-Rex: Perhaps I will learn... SIGH LANGUAGE? / Dromiceiomimus: Oh, you should, T-Rex! Then we could talk to each other!
/ T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=833 |
| unpopular life goals: being a zepplin pilot after 1937, marrying a man who is a dog, eating the OED | T-Rex: I have a friend who has a problem, and that problem is that she is one of many with / Narrator: UNPOPULAR LIFE GOALS / T-Rex: This woman in particular wants nothing more than to fall in love with a beautiful and wonderful man, get married, and have children! The only career she wants is the... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=834 |
| the love letters are kept in a suitcase just in case t-rex needs to leave town in a hurry | T-Rex: I am a dude who came across a suitcase full of old love letters I got in high school. Sweet! / T-Rex: That's right, ladies! I'VE got a HISTORY! / T-Rex: I'd completely forgotten about these letters, and it was really cool to re-read them now with older, less hormonally-charged eyes! We were... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=835 |
| logical fallacy comics: the relativist fallacy | Narrator: THE UNIVERSE WHERE EVERYTHING COMES BACK TO TOAST:
/ T-Rex: So yeah, as I was saying, the relativist fallacy is when you reject a claim by saying "Oh, that may be true for you, but it's not true for me."
/ God: HUH / T-Rex: So if I say "the atomic mass of xenon is 131.3 AMU", a response of "Oh,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=836 |
| okay cannibals in my audience listen i'm sorry but i'm pretty sure you aren't throwing in with the laws ... | Narrator: ONE MORNING, A REVELATION: / T-Rex: Having a shower is like admitting you get dirty! / T-Rex: And - and going to the bathroom is like admitting you need to go to the bathroom sometimes! Going to bed is like admitting you get tired! EATING is like admitting you get HUNGRY. Being a cannibal... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=837 |
| i heard from someone you're still pretty | T-Rex: They make truth serum, but how come they don't make lie serum? / T-Rex: I could take some, go out, and CAUSE PROBLEMS! / T-Rex: You could even overdose on lie serum and never tell the truth again, UNTIL you got an injection of truth serum to cancel it out.
/ Dromeceiomimus: I don't think that's... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=838 |
| i have this plan to write a teen gross-out comedy where everyone but the teens is from a serious dramatic ... | T-Rex: I'm not sure if I'll ever be married and have kids. There's just so much that has to happen first! I have to meet a woman, fall in love, SHE has to fall in love with me... / T-Rex: Then we have to engage in successful sexual congress producing offspring!! / T-Rex: I'd love being a father, I... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=839 |
| i have this plan to write a teen gross-out comedy where everyone but the teens is from a serious dramatic ... | T-Rex: I'm not sure if I'll ever be married and have kids. There's just so much that has to happen first! I have to meet a woman, fall in love, SHE has to fall in love with me... / T-Rex: Then we have to engage in successful sexual congress producing offspring!! / T-Rex: I'd love being a father, I... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=839 |
| we are all big fans of mistakes here at qwantz dot com | T-Rex: Hmm... what's the biggest mistake I've ever made, I wonder? / T-Rex: More broccoli, please! / T-Rex: Oh, whatever! That wasn't even a mistake. I've got to tally up a lifetime of failings and concentrate HARDER THAN EVER BEFORE! I will stomp on things to focus my mental energies, or "menergies". / Utahraptor:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=840 |
| 'reclamation' is but one word that, contrary to many eager first impressions, has nothing to do with ... | T-Rex: Here is a terrible idea for a date: you take the lady to a stinky old sewage processing plant and then tour the facilities! You could be all, "Sorry, potential lifemate! I'm a dude who makes bad date decisions." / Narrator: T-REX AND FRIENDS IN: "DATES" / Dromiceiomimus: I bet most sewage processing... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=841 |
| t-rex calls it a fiver because that's what he imagines counterfeiters call them when they brag to each ... | Voice: Excuse me, sir!! This bill you gave me is counterfeit!
/ T-Rex: Aw snapadoodle! / Narrator: "COUNTERFEIT BILLS COMICS" / T-Rex: So then I just gave her a new bill. It was a little embarrassing, but my REAL problem is what to do with this fiver, now that I know it's a fake!
/ Dromiceiomimus: Spending... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=842 |
| utahraptor doesn't actually believe in book burning OR game melting. but, you know - controversy mon... | God: T-REX LET'S TALK ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT ALL VIDEOGAMES ARE ACTUALLY JUST MURDER SIMULATORS
/ T-Rex: It's Controversy Monday! / T-Rex: Controversy Monday is the day when you needlessly volunteer made up opinions on abortion! / God: YEAH I KNOW BUT DUDE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT VIDEOGAMES HERE AND I SAW... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=843 |
| butterfly dreams | T-Rex: I'm not a dude who usually has dreams, but last night I dreamed I had a whole other house, had forgotten about paying the mortgage, and was now horribly in debt? / T-Rex: Thanks, subconscious! / T-Rex: Not only did I get to have FABRICATED MONEY WOES, but I also got to wake up with the same... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=844 |
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