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religious issues solved in this comic: zero! T-Rex: I've never had any problems with dating someone of a different religion, but I imagine under certain circumstances it could be a problem! / T-Rex: Much like... most things? / T-Rex: I guess if there was some religious beliefs that one person had and the other didn't, it could lead to tension, but relationships are about compromise, right? But if someone, say, adopts the actions of a religion as a compromise, but not the beliefs behind it, isn't that just going through the motions, which isn't really what most religions are about? / Utahraptor: I guess a lot of it depends on the faith of the people involved, T-Rex! / T-Rex: How so? / Utahraptor: Well, if you REALLY believe that by not sharing your religion, your partner is harming himself somehow (i.e., comdemning himself to a sucky afterlife), then you'd want to help him out, right? I could see that leading to tension, since there's not much room for movement there unless one of you softens your views. / T-Rex: That's true! Luckily, as I say, this has never happened to me. Therefore, double high fives for conflict avoided?? / Utahraptor: I'm not giving you double high fives, T-Rex. / T-Rex: Man! Don' leave me hangin'!!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=695
t-rex would never have been able to win the role of spock and that makes him very sad GOD: HEY T-REX SETTLE A BET / GOD: WHAT ONE CHANGE WOULD YOU MAKE TO YOURSELF IF YOU COULD / T-Rex: Raising one eyebrow! / T-Rex: I would really like to be able to raise one eyebrow. It seems like everyone can do this but me! And as a consequence of my being unable to operate my eyebrows individually, my facial expressions are limited to either SURPRISE (both eyebrows raised), ANGER (both eyebrows furrowed), or danged neutrality! The intrigue of raising a single eyebrow seems destined to remain frustratingly beyond my purview. / Utahraptor: I've seen you look intrigued before, T-Rex, I'm sure of it! / T-Rex: I'm afraid it was all an illusion! / T-Rex: When I feel intrigued, I have to say "How intriguing!" or "Guys, I'm really intrigued right now" because I can't express it through my face. Watch! Say something intriguing. / Utahraptor: Um - geez, I can't do it on demand / T-Rex: Well it probably wouldn't have worked. / GOD: OKAY WELL IT LOOKS LIKE I LOST BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO ASK TO BE PURPLE / T-Rex: Why?! Purple doesn't rhyme with "machine". / GOD: YEAH ANYWAY NOW I'M DOWN A TRILLION LIFETIMES OF FRIED CHICKEN / GOD: THANKS T-REX / GOD: YOU AND YOUR FRIGGIN EYEBROWS
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=696
ryan finally a comic that applies to my own life T-Rex: What is the deal with everyone walking in on me while I'm having showers? This has gone well beyond random chance and I am at a loss to explain it. / T-Rex: Everyone needs to stop walking in on me while I'm having a shower, please! / T-Rex: And with that I'm off to go have a bath or something. / God: HEY T-REX WHAT WAS THAT / God: WHERE ARE YOU OFF TO AGAIN / T-Rex: Nowhere, dear friend! I am off to –go sit and– read a book. About … famous deserts of the past! / God: SWEET / T-Rex: MAN! It almost happened just there! / Utahraptor: What almost happened? / T-Rex: This new "LET'S SPY ON T-REX IN THE SHOWER" problem that everyone seems to have –and now God's in on it too! I don't understand. Also I just realized I lied to God about reading a book. / Utahraptor: I think there's posters in the library warning about that. / Narrator: LATER / T-Rex: Somebody's in here!!!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=697
adventures!! T-Rex: Is it possible to have adventures in today's modern world? I mean real adventures, like ones where I get to swashbuckle. / T-Rex: T-Rex says, "probably not!" / T-Rex: I think we've made our environment so predictable and safe that there's no real opportunity to go where nobody's been before, to see things that haven't been seen. It's too bad! I want ADVENTURES! / Dromiceiomimus: What about things like EXTREME SNOWBOARDING? / T-Rex: While clearly extreme, can such activities truly be considered capital-A Adventure? / Utahraptor: Sure they can, T-Rex! You see new things, and there's danger. / T-Rex: I don't know... / Utahraptor: Man, some dudes are EXTREME!! enough to snowboard down Mount Everest! There's a real chance you could be killed doing that, PLUS, only a few people have ever done it. I'd call that "adventure"! / T-Rex: Especially since you'd have to climb up at least part of Everest yourself. Okay, you're right! / Narrator: MEANWHILE, IN THE UNIVERSE WHERE EVERYONE SNOWBOARDS EVERYWHERE: / T-Rex: Guys, I REALLY just don't think I'm as into snowboarding as I used to be.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=698
everyone gets one wish Narrator: EVERYONE GETS ONE WISH IN THIS COMIC! / T-Rex: I wish for justified happiness! / Narrator: GRANTED! / T-Rex: Woooohoooo! / Dromiceiomimus: I wish for worldwide peace and love with no negative consequences! / Narrator: GRANTED! / T-Rex & Dromiceiomimus: Hooray! / Utahraptor: I wish for more wishes! / T-Rex: ... / T-Rex: Oh man, ouch! Shot down! Looks like no wishes for you! / Utahraptor: This sucks! / T-Rex: Should've wished for ice cream, my friend! / Narrator: THE WISHES WEAR OFF IN THREE SECONDS! / T-Rex: MY EUPHORIA!!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=699
 
mutton chops and handlebar mustachios all at the same time, baby T-Rex: Oh, it's true! If it was even MARGINALLY in style, I would grow mutton chops. / Narrator: TRUE CONFESSIONS OF T-REX / Dromiceiomimus: Aw, T-Rex, you'd be one of those guys with deliberate facial hair? / T-Rex: In a second! I love the grizzled prospector look. Actually, no, that's not even true - I love PRETENDING to be a grizzled prospector. The facial hair would just be the grizzly icing on the prospector cake! / Utahraptor: I really don't think it would be that fetching a look on you, T-Rex! / T-Rex: That's okay! I have backup plans. / T-Rex: Backup plan "A" is labelled "handlebar moustache"! / Utahraptor: You really wish you were a hairy guy born a hundred years ago, don't you? / T-Rex: Sometimes I do! I wonder what it'd be like. / God: DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW T-REX BECAUSE I COULD SHOW YOU WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE / T-Rex: Really? / God: YEAH BASICALLY YOU DIE OF SYPHILIS AT 30 BUT YOU LEAVE THIS TOTALLY HAIRY CORPSE
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=700
dating both twin sisters at the same time T-Rex: Dating both twin sisters at the same time: / T-Rex: Hot? Or just, in fact, KIND OF WEIRD? / T-Rex: I'm afraid that I fall on the "kind of weird" side of the fence this time. While I'm usually in favour of the hot makeouts, they're sisters! It's like they've made out with each other, through proxy. Transitive makeouts! / Utahraptor: I really don't see how you're getting this! / T-Rex: What's not to get? Twins! Proxies! Transitive closure! / Utahraptor: Well it's just - if you were a dude dating, say, identical twin sister swim-team captains, I can imagine you reacting a little differently. / T-Rex: Things would indeed be different... / NARRATOR: FANTASY LAND: / T-Rex: Keep on swimmin', ladies, because I love you both super equally! / T-Rex: I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=701
if you are a dude who thinks puberty actually is a nightmare, then sorry for reminding you :( T-Rex: I've never had a nightmare! Or at least, I've never remembered them and they've never been enough to wake me up, which amounts to pretty much the same thing. / T-Rex: I'd like to have some nightmares, please! / T-Rex: I want some consequence-free scares and that sense of that irrational creeping terror that I really don't get in my day-to-day life. / Dromiceiomimus: Nightmares aren't really that great, T-Rex. Bad things happen to people you like. / T-Rex: Oh, I know! I know. I just feel a little left out when everyone gets to have nightmares but me! I feel... I feel like the only girl in grade 8 that hasn't hit puberty yet. / Utahraptor: That strikes me as an odd analogy, T-Rex! / T-Rex: Does it? / Utahraptor: Yeah. I don't - I don't understand what you're going for with it. Why are you a girl? And why would you compare puberty to a nightmare in the first place? You've had some success with it. / T-Rex: Hah! I SURE have. / Narrator: EARLY SUCCESSES IN PUBERTY: / T-Rex: Hey, I have unfocused, confusing sexual desires! / T-Rex: Alright!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=702
democracy comics T-Rex: It occurs to me that democracy is pretty unfair if you're not a dude who's in the majority! / Narrator: DEMOCRACY COMICS / T-Rex: It sucks, because if everyone disagrees with you, then you'll never get anything you want. It's majority rule! MOB rule! / Dromiceiomimus: Well, majority rule is sort of the definition of democracy, T-Rex. Not everyone can get everything they want! / T-Rex: Yeah, but what if the majority decide to be totally racist against you? You're pooched! / Utahraptor: People have worried about this before, my friend! / T-Rex: What do they say? / Utahraptor: Well, what you're worried about is called the "tyranny of the majority", and it's usually countered by the observation that there's at least a push for minority rights being respected in a democracy, since we're all minorities in one way or another. / T-Rex: Right! Like how I'm in a minority because I sometimese like to sleep in on weekends. / Utahraptor: Actually, I'd say most people like to do that, T-Rex. / T-Rex: Really? Are you serious?? / T-Rex: Have all my years of sleepy shame been for naught?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=703
different types of vegetarianism: a handy reference to different types of vegetarianism T-Rex: Vegetarians are chicks and dudes who don't eat a lot of meat for some reason or whatever! / Narrator: DIFFERENT TYPES OF VEGETARIANISM / T-Rex: First off, you've got your lacto-ovo vegetarians, who don't eat meat but do eat eggs and milk. There's also lacto vegetarians and ovo vegetarians. Then you've got your vegans, who don't eat meat or ANY animal products, so eggs, honey, milk, and cheese are out, and even leather sometimes. For - for shoes. / Dromiceiomimus: And pants? / Utahraptor: My favorite are the freegans! / T-Rex: Where you be vegetarian for free? / Utahraptor: Close! It's where you don't eat meat unless you're given it for free, like from a dumpster. You prevent meat from going to waste, but you don't support its production. / T-Rex: That sounds close to flexitarians, who only eat meat when being vegetarian would be rude or inconvenient! / T-Rex: Now, I myself am a tremendo-meatatarian, which means that I only eat meat that I find to be tremendously delicious! / Utahraptor: I've seen you eat fruits and vegetables! / T-Rex: Yes. On account of the golly gosh-darned scurvy.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=704
 
"dinosaur comics: it's online!" T-Rex: I am a dude in need of a catchy slogan. Something to put under my name on business cards to convince people they should associate with me and maybe be my friend! / T-Rex: Something like, "T-Rex: Your Man In ANY Situation!" / Dromiceiomimus: That probably sounds more sexually permissive than you intended, T-Rex. / T-Rex: It is a work in progress! / Dromiceiomimus: Okay! How about, "T-Rex: Better Than You Might Expect"? / T-Rex: Hah! No, I'm actually looking for slogans that are POSITIVE. / Utahraptor: "T-Rex: Not A Pedophile (Just So You Know)"? / T-Rex: Man, that's not positive either! / Utahraptor: How about "T-Rex: Your Shortcomings and Regrets, Personified!" / T-Rex: That's even less positive than the first one!! / Utahraptor: "T-Rex: That Awful Taste in your Mouth, First Thing in the Morning" / T-Rex: No! I'd be a tasty taste in the morning! / Narrator: LATER: / Utahraptor: "T-Rex: Like Waking Up Covered in Someone Else's Blood, But In A Good Way" / T-Rex: I HAVE LONG SINCE STOPPED SOLICITING SUGGESTIONS, UTAHRAPTOR. / T-Rex: Not bad, though!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=705
the blackmailer was the detective himself in a stunning, kind of dumb twist! T-Rex: The city was dark - too dark. The kind of dark that could drive a man insane. / T-Rex: As I parked my retro car outside of my detective agency, I felt for the cool weight of my gun! / T-Rex: Not just cool temperature-wise, but cool in that it made me look good. Too good. But I had to look good, because my first case of the day was my ex-wife, Fran. Turns out she was bein' blackmailed. Couldn't say by who, but I had a pretty good idea of who it might be. The night was turning out to be a real night... to remember. / Utahraptor: T-Rex, enough! Is this story supposed to have a case of the sucks? / T-Rex: No! Of course not! / Utahraptor: You're kidding me, right? It's stereotypical, but it's like you're not really sure what the stereotypes are. It reads like a parody where they forgot to put in any jokes! Also, is it night or day in the story? / T-Rex: Whoah, ouch! Last time I narrate any of my stories for you, Mr. Critical Pants! / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: Oh right, Utahraptor's having trouble with this dude he's been seeing! I forgive his critical outburst. / Narrator: "TROUBLE AT HOME?"
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=706
oh ho i know your secret mr [whatever politician you don't like] T-Rex: I have discovered that I have a weakness. Me! And though I should probably keep it a secret from my enemies, I will say what it is. / T-Rex: Smell associations! / Dromiceiomimus: That's a pretty okay weakness to have, isn't it? / T-Rex: Is it? I can be swayed by SMELLS. I loved swimming pools as a child, and now the smell of pool chlorine gives me happy memories of swimming! / Dromiceiomimus: So? / T-Rex: SO, what if there was an evil politician who smelled like chlorine? I might vote for him, against all better judgement! / T-Rex: I can be mind controlled by smelly enemies. I'm a danger to myself and everyone I know! / Utahraptor: That's absurd, T-Rex! / Utahraptor: You're worried that there'll be a politician, an evil politician, and once you get a whiff of his chlorine scented ways your pupils will change into little cartoon swimming pools and you'll rush to the nearest polling station to vote for him. / T-Rex: Yes. This is my concern. / Narrator: FUN FACT: THAT'S NOT HOW SMELL ASSOCIATION WORKS AT ALL! / T-Rex: You don' know me!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=707
not talking about jimmy and ben okay T-Rex: FUN FACT: Did you know that if you're in a situation where your messages have a chance of being lost or misunderstood, then you can never fully share information with someone? / T-Rex: It's totally true, even if all the messages arrive unmolested! / T-Rex: So Dromiceiomimus, imagine I'm sending you a letter that says "hi". You get it, so now we both know that I said "hi", but only you know that YOU know that I said "hi". So you send a letter that says "got it", which I get - but then I know that you know that I said "hi", but you don't know that I know that YOU know that I said "hi". And so on! / T-Rex: We go back and forth sending "I got your 'I got it'" letters forever! / Utahraptor: So plausible, T-Rex! / T-Rex: Well, of course we wouldn't ACTUALLY do that, but the point is that we can never know the exact same information, unless it's 100% guaranteed that the messages aren't lost or garbled. But the mail isn't like this! / Utahraptor: Oh man, this is just another one of your dumb postal service conspiracy theories!! / Narrator: MEANWHILE, IN THE PAST: / T-Rex: I plan on developing SEVERAL crazy theories about the postal service.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=708
RAIL SHOOTERS ARE NOT UNLIKE ROLLERCOASTERS BUT WITH THE ADDITION OF MAMMOTH AND INEXHAUSTIBLE MUNITIONS Devil: GREETINGS T-REX HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED PLAYING A RAIL SHOOTER GAME / Devil: IN MY OPINION THEY ARE A COMPELLING FORM OF ELECTRONIC ENTERTAINMENT / T-Rex: I have not. Okay?! Let's talk about something else! / Devil: IN SUCH GAMES THE COMPUTER CONTROLS YOUR MOVEMENT BUT YOU CONTROL THE SHOOTING OF YOUR ENEMIES AS THEY APPEAR ON SCREEN / Devil: I BELIEVE IT TO BE A CONSTRAINED GAMING EXPERIENCE BUT IN A SENSE A MORE CINEMATIC ONE THAT RAISES THE ISSUE OF WHAT VIDEO GAMES SHOULD BE / T-Rex: Aw, man! FINE, I'll ask. Video games should be video games, shouldn't they? / Devil: SOME SUGGEST THAT VIDEO GAMES SHOULD TELL STORIES LIKE FILMS OR BOOKS / T-Rex: Well, I don't. / Utahraptor: Don't what? / T-Rex: Don't believe that video games can be judged by the same standards as films. It's the Devil again. I think he's trying to convince me to play a video game with him where you don't get to move. / Utahraptor: Sounds like fun! / T-Rex: Right. / Devil: IF YOU ARE UNINTERESTED IN HEARING MY TREATISE ON COMPUTER CONTROLLED STORYTELLING I WILL FIND A MORE RECEPTIVE AUDIENCE / T-Rex: Please do!! / Devil: BUT I CAUTION YOU / Devil: I WAS QUITE CLOSE TO REVEALING RARE AND POWERFUL CHEAT CODES
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=709
 
mad friendship crushes on all y'all T-Rex: I have a friendship crush on all my friends. They're great! / T-Rex: Hello, Dromiceiomimus! I have a friendship crush on you! / Dromiceiomimus: Thank you T-Rex. You're not so bad yourself. / T-Rex: A friendship crush is where you really like a friend, but it's not necessarily sexual, but everyone makes jokes that it's totally sexual, because you like to hang out all the time. / Dromiceiomimus: Got it! / Utahraptor: Do you have a friendship crush on me, T-Rex? / T-Rex:Yep! / T-Rex: But You're not supposed to ask. That makes you seem needy! It causes my friendship crush to fade a bit! / Utahraptor: Oh no! / T-rex: But your regret is bringing it back. Revitalizing it! No- yes. Yes! The friendship crush is restored! / Narrator: Meanwhile, in another comic: / T-Rex: S- Sapphist?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=710
REINCARNATION COMICS only not really T-Rex: If I were to be reincarnated, I would like it to be as one of those big machines that eats smaller machines for an audience. / Narrator: T-REX IN: REINCARNATION COMICS / T-Rex: What? They're awesome. / Narrator: BUT THEN! / Utahraptor: Does reincarnation work on machines? / T-Rex: What, you're going to shoot down my idea? / Utahraptor: No, I've just never heard reincarnation including things that, you know - aren't alive. / T-Rex: Some people believe that you can come back as plants! They're BARELY alive. / Utahraptor: They support the entire food chain! / T-Rex: BARELY. So barely! I've seriously never been impressed with a plant. / Utahraptor: Even sunflowers? They tilt to follow the sun! / T-Rex: Don't get me started about sunflowers. God! Their salty, boring seeds!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=711
i was told yesterday that i should have made a pun about 'rein-CARNATION' T-Rex: Okay, I may have been a little hard on plants. I concede that, yes, there ARE some plants that actually do some cool things. / Narrator: AN APOLOGY TO PLANTS / T-Rex: FOR EXAMPLE: there's some dogwood plants that have tiny flowers which bloom, explosively, in something like half a millisecond! In doing so, they accelerate their pollen at rocket speeds and blast it out at over four meters per second. That's some fast pollen! And I am not a dude who's gonna say that naturally weaponized flowers aren't cool. / T-Rex: And, I SUPPOSE, plants that cure diseases are pretty alright too. / Utahraptor: A retraction! / T-Rex: Well, I realized that I do want plants on my side, even if most of them just sit there. And I do think it's kinda neat how some can turn dirt into strawberries. I've got nothing against strawberries! / Utahraptor: You love strawberries. / T-Rex: I do love strawberries. / God: HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE STRAWBERRIES T-REX / T-Rex: I don't know. A lot? They're alright. / T-Rex: To - to fully understand my love of strawberries is to fully understand the unblinking eye of madness?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=712
sick for realsies T-Rex: I am sick, but not in a good way. In a sore throat way. I am well and truly under the weather! / T-Rex: Me! Sick! / T-Rex: I never get sick. My sculpted body is invincible to all but the strongest strains of disease and malcontent! / Dromiceiomimus: You got sick a few months ago, remember? / T-Rex: Okay yeah, but this is a REAL sickness! This is a serious "I should stay in bed so I don't INFECT MY FRIENDS" sickness. / Utahraptor: Aw man, are you infecting us right now?? Go back to bed! / T-Rex: No, but - / T-Rex: But I thought we - we could get through this disease... together? / Utahraptor: Hah! Nuh uh! You thought you were bored resting in bed, so you'd come out out here entertain yourself by talking to us! Meanwhile WE'RE getting disease all up in our trouser shorts. / Narrator: SOON EVERYONE GETS SICK AND IT'S ALL T-REX'S FAULT: / T-Rex: What is this emotion called "criminal negligence"?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=713
avoiding phone breakup technique #2: pretend it's the wrong number T-Rex: I wonder what it's like to break up with somebody over the phone. There's only one way to find out! / Narrator: IT WILL ALL END IN HEARTBREAK / Narrator: a comic / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, pretend that we're dating and talking on the phone, and I'll break up with you, okay? / Dromiceiomimus: Yeah, actually that's somehting I'm not very clear on. Are we dating? / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus! There's no time for talking about FEELINGS now. We're doing an experiment! / T-Rex: Man, nevermind! / Utahraptor: Hey, what's going on? Can I help? / T-Rex: YES! Yes, Utahrpator, pretend we're dating and I'll break up with you over the phone. / Utahraptor: Okay! / T-Rex: "Hello? Hello? I'd like to break up with Utahraptor." / Utahraptor: "Sorry!! Wrong number!" / Narrator: NEXT TIME, ON DINOSAUR COMICS: SOME UNEXPECTED SUCCESS. / T-Rex: Man! LET'S GET IT RIGHT THIS TIME. I dail the CORRECT number, call you, and try to break up, okay? / Utahraptor: T-Rex - I don't think it's working out.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=714
 
logical solutions to emotional problems Narrator: LOGICAL SOLUTIONS TO EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS / Narrator: a comic to solve all your emotional problems / T-Rex: Alright! Who here has some emotional problems they'd like solved once and for all? / Dromiceiomimus: Hey T-Rex! Maybe you could help my friend, whose husband makes her jealous because he maintains friendships with women from work. / T-Rex: Your friend should be less jealous! There is nothing wrong with friendship, and you should tell your friend to be less jealous. Yes - this problem is truly solved, thanks to logic! / Utahraptor: Hey T-Rex! I've also got an emotional problem that needs solving. / T-Rex: I am your man! / Utahrpator: How come when people have emotional problems, logical solutions don't usually seem to help, and rather a more difficult emotionl solution seems called for? / T-Rex: This occurs simply because these people are placing their emotions over the warm embrace of cold, steely logic. / Narrator: THE END / Narrator: SO YEAH I HOPE THIS HELPS
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=715
i really wish i'd invented fire extinguishers or SOMETHING T-Rex: I really wish I'd invented fire extinguishers or something. Man! / T-Rex: It would be a great way to be remembered every time someone puts out a fire! / Dromiceiomimus: Another shot at immortality, T-Rex? / T-Rex: Not really! I just would like to be thought of fondly once in a while. Every time someone puts out a fire would be often enough for me! / Utahraptor: Do you know who really did invent the fire extinguisher though, T-Rex? / T-Rex: Nope! / T-Rex: But, you know, that's his fault, right? He didn't CAPITALIZE on it. But I would have! I'd have the extinguishers say "Remember T-Rex? He was so great, wasn't he guys?" every time they were use. Just a soft reminder - nothing too loud! / Utahraptor: Huh. / Narrator: A REVELATION: / T-Rex: ALTHOUGH, people sometimes shout "nooo!" while using a fire extinguisher ON a fire, so onlookers might not be able to hear, OR they might think they're shouting in response to the extinguisher! / T-Rex: It would only add to the confusion.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=716
SOCIALISM COMICS Narrator: SOCIALISM COMICS! / T-Rex: Oh-kay! Socialism is when people share the means of production and stuff. Everyone works together for the common good! / T-Rex: ... for some reason! / T-Rex: Haha! See what I did there, Dromiceiomimus? I implied that socialism is flawed because people don't really have a motivation to share with each other. / Dromiceiomimus: It's a tragic flaw of our characters that we don't share as often, or as equally, as we should. / T-Rex: Yeah, that - that was my joke. / Utahraptor: Making fun of our fundamental flaws, are we? Classy! / T-Rex: Hey! / T-Rex: Holy, why is everyone so touchy about the tragic and fundamental flaws of their nature today? I'm sorry we all don't share enough, but I'm not going to IGNORE it and hope it goes away. I deal with the issues! / Utahraptor: Not hardly! You can't deal with the "issue" of socialism by just summing it up in a few sentences! / T-Rex: True! But I can sum it up in a play involving everyone wanting some of my delicious ice cream cone! / Utahraptor: What? / T-Rex: And then we all decide to pitch in and take over the ice cream cone factory?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=717
i might be a little lactose inconsiderate Narrator: VALENTINE'S DAY EVE: / T-rex: Okay, this time for sure! I will avoid any troubles on Valentine's Day by simply IGNORING it. I will deny this manufactured holiday its very existence! / T-rex: Have I, perhaps, solved the "Valentine's Day Problem" once and for all? / Dromiceiomimus: Aww! That's kind of sad, T-rex. What if someone give you a so-bad-they're-good valentine, like those little ones with pictures of cars that say things like "I wheelie like you"? Would you really want to turn those down? / T-rex: Huh! I actually hadn't considered ironic valentines, which I do like. Hmm... / Utahraptor: And what if someone wants you to be their valentine for real? / T-rex: Well...! / Utahraptor: Seriously! What happens if a gorgeous, intelligent, funny woman asks you to be her valentine tomorrow? Are you going to shoot her down because you're denying that Valentine's Day exists? / T-rex: My friend, I will handle that situation by simply "ignoring my principles" and "reversing my position". / Narrator: ANYWAY, T-REX ENDS UP SPENDING VALENTINE'S DAY ALONE: / T-rex: {{thinking}} Why do they call it "lactose intolerant"? They should call it, "lactose inconsiderate". / {{title text: the 'Valentine's Day Problem' t-rex is referring to is the problem of what if nobody gives you any valentines!}}
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=718
one can make no predictions besides the one that predictions are impossible. T-Rex: A singularity refers to a future moment when we create artificial intelligences that are smarter than we are. It's called this because things will be so different, it's impossible to predict past it. Everything will change! / T-Rex: For instance: these smart machines could make even smarter machines! / T-Rex: And so on until we have super duper smart machines that will look on us as mere playthings. Will they destroy us? Or will we merge ourselves with technology, and in doing so become a new, more cybernetic lifeform? Our choices seem limited to either becoming something new, or facing irrelevance and obsolescence! / Utahraptor: So why does a super intelligent AI make predictions impossible? / T-Rex: Because too much has changed! / T-Rex: Also because we're too dumb. It'd be like a dog trying to predict what its owner does. / Utahraptor: I think most dogs can do that with some accuracy, T-Rex. / T-Rex: Right. Well — I've never really been one for "apt analogies". / Narrator: T-REX IS TELLING THE TRUTH: / T-Rex: Check it! Eating food in bed is like — a crappy duck? / T-Rex: What the heck, everyone?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=719
 
okay there are actually some fantasy novels that don't have talking horses PROBABLY T-Rex: Thesis statement: science fiction is a better genre of fiction than fantasy. / T-Rex: Proof: robots are clearly significantly cooler than talking horses! / T-Rex: Conclusion: my thesis statement is correct! Everyone loves robots and everyone is totally bored whenever they hear about horses with souls that talk about feelings. BORING feelings. / Dromiceiomimus: What? I bet you read just one fantasy book and it happened to have a boring horse that talked about feelings, T-Rex. / T-Rex: One was enough!! / Utahraptor: You do know the two genres are closely related, right? / T-Rex: They're actually not! / T-Rex: It is a common misconception that science fiction is just fantasy with a justification for the fantastic elements. What people forget is that science fiction rules and fantasy... / Utahraptor: ...drools? / T-Rex: Precisely, my friend. In three different ways. / God: I DON'T KNOW T-REX I'M STILL NOT CONVINCED THAT YOU CAN DISMISS AN ENTIRE GENRE / T-Rex: Come on, God! Would you rather battle Klingons on trolls? / God: I DON'T REALLY DO BATTLE THAT OFTEN / God: BUT OKAY YEAH KLINGONS
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=720
shout outs to all the female mammals in the audience, wayooo! T-Rex: I would never want to get pregnant. Having to worry about what I eat because there's a baby GROWING inside me? No thanks! / Narrator: "A MALE PERSPECTIVE" / Dromiceiomimus: There's nothing bad about that, T-Rex! It's a special experience and you could probably stand to eat better anyway! / T-Rex: The cravings would be a good excuse for eating all the damn bread, but still! Too much RESPONSIBILITY. I'm dangerously carefree! / Utahraptor: Why are we talking about this? / T-Rex: No reason, just — sharing! / Utahraptor: Well as none of us can get pregnant because, oh hey, we're not female mammals, it's not something I'd expect you to worry about! "I'd never want to be a dividing cell, because there'd be two of me and we'd be tiny." —T-Rex. / T-Rex: I don't recall saying that!! / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: "I have smelly pants." —Utahraptor. / Utahraptor: "I love the taste of chocochops!" —T-Rex? / T-Rex: Man! They are molded chocolate pork chops with a real pork chop bone. Am I now to apologize for BRILLIANCE?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=721
t-rex got a positive mention of his 'problem solving skills' on grade three report card, and NEVER FORGOT T-Rex: People are sad sometimes, and that makes me very sad. Therefore, I will dedicate my memorable "problem solving skills" towards solving the problem of sadness once and for all! / Narrator: WAYS TO BE HAPPY / T-Rex: Way to be happy #1: amnesia! Forget your problems! / T-Rex: This has the problem of robbing you of your present, history, and self, however. Most people like those things! So Method #2 is using happiness-inducing DRUGS and ALCOHOL. / Dromiceiomimus: That seems to have many of the same limitations as Method #1! / T-Rex: TRUE. But I have other methods! Method #3 is having a rewarding and satisfying professional and personal life. Tada! / Utahraptor: But that's more a definition of happiness than a guide to achieving it, T-Rex! / T-Rex: OKAY. / T-Rex: Luckily, I still have Method #4, which is to set unreasonably low expectations for everyone, including yourself. / Utahraptor: THAT only works if you're euphoric whenever expectations are met. / T-Rex: MAN! EVERYONE is making it really hard for me to solve the eternal problem of unhappiness! / Narrator: BUT THEN, INSPIRATION! A PERFECT SOLUTION FOR ENDLESS JOY! / T-Rex: W-... / T-Rex: Wildly misinterpret your own despair?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=722
how to be? remarkable! T-Rex: Everybody wants to be remarkable! Here are some awesome ways to be remarkable: / T-Rex: The first is to go further in something than anyone has before! / T-Rex: For example, maybe you could eat a whole lot of goldfish or swallow tons of orange juice? Simply think of something people already do, then think of a reasonable limit to that activity, and THEN shoot past it! It's the "go further than anybody else would ever want to" technique! / Dromiceiomimus: Remarkable? / T-Rex: Precisely! / Utahraptor: Do you think everyone wants to be remarkable, T-Rex? / T-Rex: Aww! Shooting down my ideas? / Utahraptor: No! I didn't mean to. I was just wondering if you thought everyone wants to be unique, or if some can be satisfied with just a simple life, quietly well lived. / T-Rex: Well, I suppose the idea of remarkability ties in with a desire for fame, which I SUSPECT is merely a corruption of wanting to be respected. / T-Rex: So yeah! I can see wanting to be respected but not wanting to be remarkable - it almost seems nobler than otherwise. / T-Rex: Anyway! / T-Rex: You can ALSO be remarkable by, holy shit, memorably cussin'!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=723
what if i had no friends comics T-Rex: Hey, God, would you still hang out with me if I didn't have any friends? / God: HAHA NOPE / Narrator: WHAT IF I HAD NO FRIENDS COMICS / Narrator: starring t-rex the dinosaur / T-Rex: I'm serious! I figure it's harder to make that first friend than it is to make the 20th, and I'm concerned that if I moved to a new town where I didn't know anybody, I wouldn't have any friends. / Dromiceiomimus: You're good at making friends though, T-Rex! You're not shy! / T-Rex: But that's just it — I'm just not shy among FRIENDS! It is a catch 22 in my social life! / Utahraptor: Well, how did you make friends the first time? / T-Rex: I don't remember, man! / T-Rex: I must have been two years old or something. But I've used that first friend as a seed to get me all my other friends and now I have this irrational fear that my house of cards will come crashing down around me! / Utahraptor: Hah! Looks like you'd better be EXTRA nice to us then! / T-Rex: Wait. Wait — I have the solution! All we have to do is make a legally binding promise to be best friends forever, purely out of fear of being alone! / T-Rex: T- That's attractive, right?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=724
 

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