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Jeez Joe And to think five years ago you were struggling to choose a major / Look at that thing / She's pretty awesome ain't she / Knowing you you'd think it'd turn into some sorta big robot thing / All in good time / Let's go back inside I'll show you where I holed up for the past few months in my free time / Holed up / We'll just say I wanted to get my mind off a girl / Did it work / No |
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And we have lift off / U.S.S. Destiny is go / We're witnessing the next step in human civilization / Every eye in the nation is on this tonight / Who lives in a pineapple under the sea |
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Hey / Well whaddya know It's my elusive roomie / Hi / Feel free to ignore my little life here and go about your usual business / Fine I'll join your little party / Awesome Pick truth or dare / Truth / Have you ever been in love / If I pass does that mean I take off an article of clothing or something / It may surprise you that life is not an American Pie movie |
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You can't pass on truth or dare you chickens# / Have you been in love or not / Well well honestly I just don't really know / Figgered / I mean there is Joyce who I suppuse you probably know about thanks to the Head Alien and there's another girl I can relate to on a different level than I'm used to but I'm not sure if either are / Are you even still listening / Where do you pull those sandwiches from / Hrmph |
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Am I a horrible disgusting man whore / Nonsense / Daniel / Sure you may have slept with like 2000 women but it's what inside that counts and you're a thoughtful considerate guy / Actually I think it's exactly 2030 women / Ew / That was supposed to be a humorous exaggeration |
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If you're so Ms. Bible why do you tolerate me Shouldn't you mock and shun me / What No / My faith's for me I can't hold you to the standards of a faith you don't believe in / Well since Robin and I don't have those standards I guess she's free to treat me like crap / Oh you pagans and your problems are so cute / That was a joke |
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Hey Agatha Rachel can I ask you guys a question / Is there any reason Robin is always picking at my history Have I ever done anything to her I'm not aware of / Okay Joe I think it's time we told you the sad truth Robin has had to face throughout her childhood It's a long and sordid tale and every twist and turn will break your heart / Robin's father slept around / or have the Cliffs Notes version |
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Hey can I talk with you / I know you disagree with my promiscuity but I wish you'd see that I'm still an okay guy / Oh yeah How many girls did you build up expectations with and then drop like old meat / I dunno Out of 2030 women only 67 ever expressed regret / Y you keep statistics / Every 50th girl get this coupon for half off any entree at Fazoli's / That's a pretty good deal |
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Robin I'm not your father okay / What / So yer drillin' my friends for info now Vader / and don't answer that you perv / Will you stop pushing this When will you get the hint When will you leave me alone / All right |
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Hey Joe Long time no see Your thighs look kinda out of shape Wanna go play / Actually could we sit down and talk about things instead / Hssssssssss / Holy s# / Agh / what's wrong with me |
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Great what kind of hellhole have I wedged myself into / I've finally become some Danny like pansy ass who wants a relationship but now I'm used goods tenfold / When this whole alien thing is over I'm gonna hafta move to where my reputation doesn't precede me / I've heard Neptune is nice / Huh / Maybe people can't overhear me talking to myself from there |
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So hey / I'm sorry for stuff You know / Things / agh / Okay so I've really messed up I like to be friends with everybody / Can we be just friends / Do you want to tag along with me and my friends to see a movie Robo Vac premieres tonight / I dunno A movie doesn't strike me as exclusively platonic / Believe me A relationship will be the last thing you'll want after seeing Danny and Billie bicker |
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Hey guys This is it / Nice costume / Tickets / Robo Vac / Now / Heh / Dammit Dan You were supposed to wear one of these Robo Vac hats too / Oops / So where's your date / She's just a friend / Oh please She's just some playbunny ditz and you know it / You shut up / Wow This is over the top even for you Joe / She's uh wearin' the Dust Bunny costume / The who what now |
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So are you a Robo Vac fan too / Naw not really They are / I swear day in and day out with those two it was Robo Vac this and comic books that The obscure trivia they know about this dumb superhero is boggling so I just nod and smile And now there's a stupid motion picture / So I'm here only because I'm a supportive girlfriend / And to see Denzel Washington / You bet your ass |
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Man I can't believe that Robo Vac is almost all CGI in this movie / What you think he'd be better as some guy in a uni leg Robo Vac costume hopping around with Robo Vac's face painted on / Yes / Joe put your Robo Vac hat back on and tell me how you look / Authentic / Yeah lest you want all those half man half vacuum cleaner people to sue for slander |
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How the hell / I can't believe / Lame / Dammit / For cryin' out loud / So how did you like the movie / Best movie ever |
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And so Joe and I picked up his mattress with Danny still sleeping on it and carried him into class / Heh / Did you know that Joe once tried to hit on Sal / He didn't / Oh yes he did / Okay okay Ice cream for everyone on me / I don't think you want to do that Joe / Just 'cuz I buy you ice cream doesn't mean anything Robin / No I just don't think you can afford me / Oh how many ice cream cones do you eat and then drop like dead meat / My wallet shudders / Do the funky chicken / Revenue hit a record $10 billion but total unearned revenue which reflects long term corporate software / HAHAHAHA and he say for ME / PICKLE / Y'know what It's too cold for ice cream Who's up for Ramen |
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Rachel left a message on my cel Big Boss has called for a gigantacular meeting in a few hours / Okay Lemme do some quick things first / By the way thanks for inviting me along Joe I had fun See ya at the big meeting in a few / I'll find you / You have 1 new message / I am sorry I have frustrated you with my secrecy I wanted to get to know you better but I wouldn't let you get to know me better can we fix that Rachel / Oh # |
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Over twenty five years ago all martians hiding on Earth were murdered / The individuals responsible have not yet been confirmed but that is irrelevant / With Mars itself deserted the next nearest martian colony was several lightyears away / Needless to say the empire is not happy and they are already on their way here / Our time is up / When they arrive you will be the first line of defense the best hope for mankind / You will / we will face this challenge together We are here on Earth for a reason and this is our reason / Somehow some way humanity must live on Our legacy will prevail / To survive this is our destiny |
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Why's all this happening Why is it our job to fight these stupid martians We didn't kill them Why is this our destiny / I don't know why I just know that we have to have faith that life hands us responsibilities try our best and trust that the outcome is what's meant to be / Screw that s# why is my f# destiny chosen for me I'd rather go f# around than fight stupid martians I didn't plan on fighting / I know / Me too |
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Okay team I want you to run a few cycles in the training area Joe I want to talk to you alone / Joe I think the Cheese is someone we know Didn't you say that his body was like a support shell for a lifeforce inside / He could be anyone from any time Someone who's dead or someone who isn't dead yet / You spent a lot of time fiddlin' through his circuits Joe And lately / I think you know who it is |
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What I honestly have no idea who the Cheese is / Fine then / Then explain to me why you always look guilty when you see me / Why you're hiding something / How the Cheese looks at me a certain way How it doesn't / I'm sorry / He thinks the Cheese is / Dina |
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And for one split second I could see everything / I remember more and more / Walky / Do you need a hug / Everything fits together You're right We'll do our best and what happens happens Like pieces in a puzzle / Maybe that hug was partly for me |
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Hey Rachel What's new / Hi Joe / See She's not so bad Stop being so shallow She's a wonderful person / I mean she's not even all that fat More you know pleasant I'd almost say healthy / Her stomach doesn't even bulge out that much But by the time she's forty five / I'm shallow I'm shallow I'm shallow I'm shallow I'm soooooooo shallow |
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I need my comfort zone I need my comfort zone |
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London / 1976 / Pick up the pace / How is my wife / Sort of / Still in labor / Fix that / Dargon we ca / I don't have time here / The portal is open sir / Keep it open as long as you can / Get my son out of my wife / I want you to find some place some reality / without him / BANG |
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It wasn't supposed to happen like this We had a schedule A chosen migration time Plans And all of it stolen from me in just fifteen damn minutes / Sir if we want to stay in this new dimension it's gotta be an even trade Conservation of energy and all that / Port the difference somewhere A rock a newspaper I don't care / Dargon / I am coming for you |
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This universe checks out chief There's no sign of the Wanderer at all / Everyone file through the portal Children first This is it / I'm sorry son / Where is it |
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The surplus Where did you put it / The what / The excess energy The trade off mass from the other universe Tell me and I will allow you to leave my domain alive / Lloyd where did you end up shunting it / Into a uh tree branch chief / A tree branch Where the bloody hell did you find a farking tree branch in a London back alley / I dunno It was just on the ground It was sparkly / Hmm |
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Problem Extra dimensional mass is perfectly shielded within this tree branch / I must find a suitable lackey to help me extract it and integrate it into my universe in your absense Without the balance my cosmos will spiral into an energy death / BANG |
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