Rock, Paper, Cynic archives

You're browsing the archives of Rock, Paper, Cynic.
You can search these comics too.

show: [ show full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]

Starbucks Is Basically Star Wars, But With Coffee	[In a scrolling manner, similar to that of the Star Wars films:] / STAR / BUCKS / Episode I / Sound Familiar? / In the distant future, a vast empire has / seized ultimate control of the galaxy. / The vile hipster, Java the Cup, / subjects the human populace / to ridiculous drinks with equally / absurd prices.... http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-07-20
Raining, Pouring	Narrator: It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring. He went to bed and bumped his head and / Narrator: Everybody dies alone. / {{I think that's also how "Ring Around the Rosie" and "You Are My Sunshine" end.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-07-21
How Many Empty Facts Can Your Life Be Reduced to by a Facebook Quiz?	Peter took the How many empty facts can your life be reduced to? quiz and the result is You're too cool for this sh*t! / Seriously, your brain is emotionally epic! It's made of 100,000,000,000 separate neurons, all doing their thing. Then there's your DNA. You've got 20,000-25,000 protein-producing genes... http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-07-22
Bumblebees Are Way More Hardcore Than You	Bumblebee: You are tens of thousands of times my size. But if you cross me, I will inject myself into your bloodstream and follow you to the grave. / Bumblebee: You can strike me down, but my spite will keep my venom pumping from the dark beyond. / Bumblebee: So go ahead, call me "Bumble," motherfucker. / {{Sparta's... http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-07-23
I Like My Women Like I Like Myself	Narrator: I like my women like I like myself... / Narrator: ...Which is to say, not having some asshole... / Narrator: ...Telling them how they should be. / [[smiley face in female gender symbol]] / {{This whole "my" women business seems silly too.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-07-24

All They See Is a Monster	Narrator: They look at you, and all they see is a monster... / Narrator: But when I gaze into your eyes, all I see is / Narrator: Epic. Mount. / [[giant frog perched on building]] / {{I am Kermit, destroyer of worlds.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-07-28
Bill Gates is Super Wrong: An Exercise in Translation	"I'm a great believer that any tool that enhances communications has profound effects in terms of how people can learn from each other, and how they can achieve the kind of freedoms that they're interested in. / -Bill Gates / [[translate to Japanese]] / [[translate to Czech]] / [[translate to Korean]] / [[translate... http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-07-29
Jean-Jacques Rousseau Doesn't Get Mad...	[[Jean-Jacques Rousseau holding a box of chocolates]] / Narrator: Jean-Jacques Rousseau doesn't get mad. He gets Genevan. / {{You probably knew this, but you can you can hear me sing about Jean-Jacques Rousseau, or watch the acoustic demo below: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIlVwjU388w}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-07-30
Star Wars Coffee: DEATH STARBUCKS	STAR WARS COFFEE / [[parody of the Starbuck's logo with Darth Vader helmet and Death Stars]] / I find your lack of non-dairy alternatives disturbing. / {{Luke: Your syndication is your downfall. / Emperor: Your alternative lifestyle is yours! / (Last one of these, I promise!)}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-07-31
The Flying Spaghetti Monster Needs a Macaroni Heresy	If the church of the flying spaghetti monster wants to be taken seriously, they're going to need some good heresies. / How about the Flying Macaroni Monster? / Do you have the courage to see right? Will you challenge the Spaghterodoxy? / Deus Ex Macaroni / {{The Church of the FSM has yet to legitimize... http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-08-03

If You Aren't a Part of the Solution	If you aren't part of the solution then you're part of the / precipitate. / {{It has come to my attention that someone thought of this first. Oopsie. ((link to http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/010905/part-of-the-solution.gif))}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-08-04
Ransom Note from a Scientist	Mad scientists leave the coolest ransom notes. / Sincerely, - / [[all letters cut out from the period table]] / {{PS: what I stole was your periodic table... you, um... can't have it back.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-08-07
Why to Always Keep a Puppy and a Hostage	I don't know if it's better to be feared or to be loved, but I do know that as long as I have a puppy and a hostage I will never have to choose. / [[an adoring dog]] / {{PUPPY!}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-08-10
Pulling Teeth	Loving you has been like pulling teeth... / ...Loud, bloody... / ...Our kind of fun. / [[bloody tooth shaped vaguely like a heart]] / {{Medication before and CANDY AFTER? Best date ever!}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-08-11
You Can't Prove I'm Desensitized to Violence	You can't prove / That I'm desensitised to violence / But I can prove that I'm quite desensitized to hearing you say that. / [[fingers in shape of gun]] / {{OK, so maybe you can prove it.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-08-12

How to Have a Slightly Better Day	[[hay bales]] / TODAY WILL BE A GOOD DAY. / TODAY I WILL TURN OFF THE NEWS, / AND THINK ABOUT THE 6.7 BILLION PEOPLE / WHO DIDN'T GET SHOT. / {{The world birth rate will make this comic inaccurate REALLY quickly. While I could shoot people to make up the difference, I think I'd rather spend my time r... http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-08-14
Rorschach's Journal: Hella Manly	[[Rorschach, from Watchmen, holds a pink book in his hands, with a pink band around his hat, writing with a fuzzy pink pen. The text on the book says "REAL MEN KEEP DIARIES."]] / {{Rorschach's Journal, August 15th: Night Owl is so dreamy, but he doesn't care about me. He says mean things and he wouldn't... http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-08-17
Lions, Tigers, and Bears	Lions, Tigers, and Bears, / HELL YES. / {{If you made a sandwich from these animals it would be a BLT. YES.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-08-18
We All Must choose Between What Is Right and What Is Awesome	Did I need to steal an attack walrus in order to win my freedom from that government research facility? / No. / But at some point we all much choose between what is right and what is awesome. / [[silhouette of man riding walrus by edge of sea]] / {{I stick to my guns.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-08-21
Fractal Zelda: The Video Game	The Legend of Zelda continues... / ...indefinitely / With the FRACTAL edition! / Break the recurse of the Skulltula family! / Save the Mandelbrot Tree! / Learn Sierpinski's Song! / THE POWER OF THE N-FORCE IS YOURS! / [[A picture of the Tri-force turning into Sierpinski's Triangle, and a picture of what I... http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-08-24

It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's Progressive Myopia!	[[hawk/eagle silhouette]] / IT'S A BIRD! / IT'S A PLANE! / IT'S PROGRESSIVE MYOPIA! / SERIOUSLY, WHO CONFUSES THOSE FOR A MAN IN TIGHTS? / {{This would also explain why nobody figured out that Clark Kent is just Superman with glasses on.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-08-25
Cultural Mosaic	[[mosaic of filled beer steins in shape of Canadian flag]] / HELLS YEAH, CULTURAL MOSAIC! / {{Our first national anthem went: "Chug, Chug, CHUG, CHUG," and then had a guitar solo. }} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-08-27
The Philosophical Zombie Slayer	In the world of the post-apocasolipsist / One man has the Balzac / To Thoreau down. / THE P-ZOMBIE SLAYER / COGITO ERGO SUMMER 2010 / [[pensive man standing with crossbow in pile of books]] / {{Someone on the performance video pointed out that I missed a Thoreau pun. I owe them this.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-08-28
T-Shirt Slogans: The Medium Is the Message	Face: When your T-Shirt says, / T-Shirt: Stop staring at my chest / Waist: It does help to remember that / Underwear: The medium is the message / {{The comic was built out of an idea provided by my roommate who lurks in the forum as Gallium_Arsenide.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-08-31
Shakespeare Is My Wingman	[[Shakespeare with an open mouth, and tongue sticking out]] / SAY WHAT YOU WILL ABOUT MY ARTS DEGREE, SHAKESPEARE MAKES A BITCHIN' WINGMAN. / {{Where there's a Will, there's a way with the ladies.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-09-04

Monkeys Have Better Things to Do Than Use the Internet	[[A 6x9 grid of rectangles, each containing a picture of a person, or part of the below text.]] / CONDITIONS ARE PERFECT. / ONE MILLION MONKEYS. / ONE MILLION TYPEWRITERS. / AND YET FOR ALL OF THE / FURTIVE TYPISTS / WE HAVE NO HAMLET / JUST BLOGS, WEBCOMICS, / AND THE NIGGLING FEELING / THAT REAL MONKEYS / HAVE... http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-09-07
The Best Part of Zombie Apocalypse	THE BEST PART ABOUT THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE WILL BE DEVOURING ALL THOSE DIPSHIT DIETICIANS WHO MADE US FEEL GUILTY FOR EATING WHAT WE WANT / / {{I swear on all that is holy that I will go right back to eating ice cream when I'm done.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-09-08
How To Base a Dating Policy On Fish	You're buying me a drink, how cute. / See this salmon on my plate? / He swam twelve hundred miles upstream just to get laid. / I have this policy, you see. / I don't go out with guys who are routinely outclassed / by horny fish. / {{Either that raw salmon is very small, or that green drink is very large... http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-09-09
Happiness in a World of Shock Media	In a world of shock media and mass-marketed Che Guevera t-shirts, the greatest act of rebellion is just being happy most of the time. / {{Smiling at strangers is the new smoking.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-09-10
Bop It Taught Me Everything I Know About Foreplay	Bop It taught me everything I know / Flick it! / Spin it! / Bop it! / Twist it! / Pull it! / (about foreplay). / {{I still don't understand the "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" command.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-09-13

Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 >>