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| When Shit Hits the Fan | When shit hits the fan
/ replace your plumber / [[ceiling fan with brown splatters all across it]] / {{JA reader named Jim advises me that this is, in fact, a possible malfunction.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-05-21 |
| St. Bartholomew | St. Bartholomew was flayed to death, so they made him patron saint of tanners.
/ This "patron saint of cause of death" idea sounds terrible.
/ Because modern saints get to choose between drunk drivers and people who don't use condoms. / [[Saint Bartholomew on a cloud holding his own skin]] / {{He's also... http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-05-22 |
| Black Humour | Humour:
/ Once you go black, you never go back. / [[crosswalk figure in a pool of blood, stabbed through the chest by a sign reading "Danger: Falling Signs"]] / {{It's the same with coffee?}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-05-25 |
| Philosophy Majors from a Sociological Standpoint | Banner: Philosophy Majors: Blurring the line between "Artistic" and "Homeless" since 385 B.C. / [[philosopher on street corner]] / {{I'd like to thank Plato's Academy...}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-05-27 |
| The Yin Yang Is at War | [[yin-yang (or yin and yang) with eyes and mouth on each half]] / Yin: Jerkwad
/ Yang: Bigot / {{Imagining this makes hippies much more amusing.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-05-28 |
| Cthulhuists Do It... | [[Pink heart comprised of two Cthulhu heads gazing at each other]] / CTHULHUISTS DO IT TENDRILLY. /
/ {{Single white male seeking elder evil. Preferably betentacled.
/ [Enter ex-girlfriend jokes]}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-05-29 |
| One Shell, Two Shell, Red Shell, Blue Shell: A Mario Kart & Dr. Seuss Parody (Part I) | One shell, two shell, red shell, blue shell, / Death-on-swift-wings-comes-for-you-shell, / Pain-such-as-you-never-knew-shell." / {{Part I of a V part series.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-06-01 |
| One Shell, Two Shell, Red Shell, Blue Shell: A Mario Kart & Dr. Seuss Parody (Part II) | One banana, two banana, three banana, four, / Bowser's Trousers! This means war! / Last one there's a sentient spore. / {{Part II of a V part series.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-06-02 |
| One Shell, Two Shell, Red Shell, Blue Shell: A Mario Kart & Dr. Seuss Parody (Part IV) | There's fratricide (and hat-ricide!)
/ There's what-the-hell-was-that-ricide,
/ There are secrets better kept inside,
/ (Like cannibalistic fungicide!) / {{Part IV of a V part series.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-06-04 |
| One Shell, Two Shell, Red Shell, Blue Shell: A Mario Kart & Dr. Seuss Parody (Part V) | One shell, [[one green shell]]
/ Two shell, [[two green shells]]
/ Red shell, [[one red shell]]
/ Blue shell, [[one blue shell]]
/ Death-on swift-wings comes-for-you shell, [[winged blue shell]]
/ The blood will run when you press start,
/ For all is fair in love and kart. [[heart shape on checkered flag]... http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-06-05 |
| How Awesome Something Is vs. How Likely It Will Kill You | Probability it will make you famous
/ Probability it will get you killed
/ Less awesome
/ More awesome
/ Be a Beatle
/ Eat a Beatle
/ Date a Beatle
/ Devour your young
/ Devour your pocket change
/ Make too much toast
/ Make a webcomic
/ Molest a cactus
/ Make delicious toast
/ Play soccer in Canada
/ Train attack-walruses
/ Ride... http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-06-08 |
| No Quarter: The Pacman Story | I am always running, always running from the ghosts of the past, always on the move.
/ The pills make me strong again, ready to face them head-on.
/ But it never lasts.
/ Never.
/ I die over and over.
/ And when the drug rages inside of me, I become a monster.
/ I want to scream but I have no tongue: I... http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-06-10 |
| Yoda's Thoughts on Size | Size matters not.
/ What you do with it it is that counts. / [[Yoda grinning lewdly at his lightsaber]] / {{Forget Leia! Yoda is definitely the sexiest Star Wars character}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-06-11 |
| There's No Condescending Prick in Team | Smiley Face: Remember friends, there's no "condescending prick" in "team!" / {{There is an ATM in TEAM...}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-06-12 |
| If Spam Ads Cared About Us | Title: Congratulations Winner!
/ Text Box: I wanted to make you feel special, validated, if only for a moment. But you don't need to earn my approval or deserve my love. You don't need fixing or redeeming. You've always been strong. You've always been beautiful. Congratulations, winner! / {{DO U... http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-06-15 |
| I scream, You Scream | I scream, you scream, we all scream for morphine! Hahahaha, I love hospitals! / [[medical patient with a bloodied arm and a transparent IV]] / {{Hmmm... not laughing... must have broke his FUNNY BONE! Hahahaha!}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-06-16 |
| Honk If You Never Wanted Any of This | Sticker: Honk if you never wanted any of this.
/ Narrator: One thousand angry hands pound one thousand angry horns, and one thousand bitter tailpipes belch Armageddon at the sky. / [[car traffic]] / {{Honk if some days the world seems pretty okay.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-06-17 |
| My Dog Actually Did Eat My Homework | It's unspectacular that my dog ate my homework. / [[chewed up assignment]] / What's crazy is that six hours later, he passed my exam. / {{This is a stealthy poop joke.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-06-18 |
| Flowers Judging Each Other | Rose: Skank / Flower: Slut / Dandelion: Prude / {{Flowers Grown Wild: Spring Bloomers }} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-06-19 |
| Life Isn't Measured By the Breaths You Take | Narrator: Life isn't measured by the breaths you take,
/ Narrator: But by the breaths you don't waste on cliches. / [[a dinosaur flying through outer space]] / {{If you like this philosophy, you'll also like our new demo tune below:}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-06-22 |
| RPCST3000 - Sin City | Marv, Dwight: In Sin City, we do not let the yellow mellow. / {{We're corrupt, not filthy.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-06-24 |
| Arguing on the Internet | Arguing on the internet is like competing in the Special Olympics:
/ No one needs your goddamn approval to find it rewarding. / [[Argument via YouTube comments]] / {{Rock, Paper, Cynic has a forum, but we discuss instead of argue (most of the time).}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-06-25 |
| An Awesome Way to Be Lemmings | LEMMING OF ONE / [[spread-eagle lemming diving off cliff]] / {{Critics of lemmings tend to overlook how awesome it is to run off of tall things.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-06-26 |
| Stomach Ache: A Poem About the Importance of Knowing Chemical Formulas | Erlenmyer Flask: Johnny had a stomach ache, but he doesn't anymore. 'Cause what he thought was H20 was H2SO4. / {{This one is best read out loud in sing-song; I learned it from a high school chemistry teacher.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-06-30 |
| Happiness Is Never More Than a Yoho! Away | [[Newspaper folded into a Pirate's hat, reads: "Recession", "Eco-crisis", "Hard times are coming, experts say"]] / Happiness is never more than a "yo-ho" away... / {{The day I crack will be... well, a while ago.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-07-01 |
| Putting Fire Ants on Living Statues | I got thrown out of an arts festival for covering the living statues in fire ants. / I just wanted to see who would stay in character until the bitter end. / [[George Washington statue, presumably being imitated by a person who is about to be covered in fire ants.]] / {{When you're a living statue,... http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-07-03 |
| Why Being a Frog is Way Better Than Being a Prince | [[frog catching fly with tongue]] / Frog: Screw princedom, this is awesome! / {{You can drink through your skin and eject your tongue like a grappling yo-yo. WHAT ISN'T AWESOME ABOUT THAT?}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-07-06 |
| Sonnet | Sonnet Writer: "I am a vulture for your weary charms,
/ A ragged scratch upon a sordid sky.
/ Whose indolent predation soon disarms
/ the cares of one found wandering and dry. / I ache to know you to your bones, my dear,
/ such paltry things are flesh and sweat and skin:
/ When hearts are spent and lovers'... http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-07-07 |
| I Don't Want Your Junkmail, but Hey, Would You Like a Hug? | I try not to shoot
/ the Messenger / [[Mailbox with a sticker on the side reading "I don't want your junkmail. But hey, would you like a hug?"]] / {{Hug the messenger.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-07-08 |
| The Loneliest Stickman in the World | Stickman: Please don't click anything... I don't want to be alone again. / {{This is an unposted comic from Rock, Paper, Cynic's early days. I think I drew it like... maybe half a year ago?}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-07-13 |
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