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| 82% Vegetarian (#3) | [[A stick figure is shopping for beef in a supermarket]]
/ Stick: Wow, this beef is cheap. / [[Close up on the beef: "Tube O' Beef*" It's beef! In a tube! *contains 18% beef]] / [[A stick figure decides to purchase the beef]]
/ Stick: 18% beef? Did SunnyD start making beef? / {{title text: Dudes, you... http://waxturds.com/2009/02/12/82-vegetarian-3/ |
| Cat 1 Human 0 (#26) | [[A man and his cat, who is on a table sitting]]
/ Man: Listen, cat, we need to have a talk. / Man: Your poop really stinks, and you refuse to bury it. / Man: To show you how much it bothers me, I'm going to move your litter box next to your food dish. / Man: Perhaps if you have to smell it you will... http://waxturds.com/2009/03/30/cat-1-human-0-26/ |
| "421" (#39) | [[Two men talking]]
/ Man: So yesterday was "420". Did you celebrate by smoking some green machine? / Other man: Nah, I decided to celebrate 421 instead.
/ Man: What's that? / Other man: 421 is where you just eat a bunch of brownies and chips like you just got done celebrating 420. / {{title text:... http://waxturds.com/2009/04/21/421-39/ |
| Tragedy in Booger Society, Pt. 2 (#46) | [[Header reads, "The tremendous winds were only the beginning...". Boogers are shown being blown around by the wind.]] / [[Header reads, "Next came the Zicam missile, with it's horrible rain of homeopathic injustice...". A Zicam nostril spray is squirting liquid onto the boogers.]]
/ Booger: Look out!... http://waxturds.com/2009/04/30/tragedy-in-booger-society-pt-2-46/ |
| It's snot right to do nothing, Pt. 3 (#47) | [[Header reads, "Meanwhile in the right nostril region of Snotland...". The boogers here are similar to native americans, and live in tee pees.]] / Booger 1: It appears our neighbors in Lef Nostrilopolis have suffered a terrible tragedy. / Booger 2: First a giant worm monster, then a Zicam missle,... http://waxturds.com/2009/05/01/its-snot-right-to-do-nothing-pt-3-47/ |
| The ladies totally dug me in 1984 (#53) | [[Two men talking. One has a haircut and facial hair similar to Wolverine]]
/ Man: That's a pretty sweet Wolverine beard and haircut you've got going there. Did you do that to coincide with the movie?
/ Wolverman: No way, bub! / Wolverman: I was born with hypertrichosis, and this is how the hair grows... http://waxturds.com/2009/05/12/the-ladies-totally-dug-me-in-1984-53/ |
| Cat 2 :: Human 1 (#61) | [[A nice dinner and a glass of wine, next to which is a giant cat turd]]
/ Bike Guy: Dammit, cat! / [[Bike Guy and cat stare each other down]] / [[Cat is eating dinner, when suddenly Bike Guy takes a dump right next to his bowl of cat food]] / {{title text: This website is called Wax Turds, don't act... http://waxturds.com/2009/05/22/cat-2-human-1-61/ |
| Cat 4 :: Human 5 (#71) | [[A bird sits dead in a bird cage, with a pile of cat poop next to it]] / [[Bike guy and cat stare each other down]] / Bike Guy: Alright, Stevens, if that's how you want to play... / [[Bike Guy puts Stevens into cat box, and goes to the vet]] / [[Bike Guy reads a magazine in the waiting room. The... http://waxturds.com/2009/06/05/cat-4-human-5-71/ |
| 82% Vegetarian (#73) - Remake! | [[Man in grocery store, looking at the prepackaged beef]]
/ Man: Wow...this beef is really cheap. / [[Close up on the beef. It reads: "Tube O' Beef*" "It's beef! In a tube!" Then below, reads "*contains 18% beef"]] / [[Man ponders this, then tosses the beef into his cart]]
/ Man: 18% beef? When did SunnyD... http://waxturds.com/2009/06/09/82-vegetarian-71-remake/ |
| Cat 5 :: Human 5 - Cat's Revenge (#75) | [[Man talking on the phone next to a new pair of shoes, with cat watching]]
/ Man: Yeah I've got a hot date tonight! I even bought a new pair of nice shoes for it! / [[Cat has thought bubble, showing a tombstone the reads "RIP Cat's Balls"]] / [[Cat takes a shit on the new shoes]] / {{title text: Well... http://waxturds.com/2009/06/11/cat-5-human-5-cats-reveng-75/ |
| The name, Pt. 1 (#82) | [[A man and a woman talking]]
/ Woman: Hey, Brad.
/ Man: Oh, hey...umm...
/ Woman: You forgot my name, didn't you? / Man: Of course not!
/ Woman: What is it then? / Man: ...Mulva? / {{title text: I think I would just name the kid Vulva. I mean, why fuck around?}} http://waxturds.com/2009/06/22/the-name-pt-1-82/ |
| The name, Pt. 2 (#83) | [[A man talking to a woman]]
/ Woman: We went on four dates, how can you not remember my name?
/ Man: Umm... / Woman: And another thing, what the hell kind of name is "Mulva"? This isn't an episdoe of Seinfeld, ass-clown. / [[The man's three friends appear, who bear a striking resemblance to Elaine,... http://waxturds.com/2009/06/23/the-name-pt-2-83/ |
| Don't ask me where I got a t-shirt 65 million years ago (#90) | [[Man talking to another man]]
/ Man: Man, sometimes I really wish I was born in a different era. / [[1978: Man dancing under disco ball]] / [[1848: Man riding on wagon]] / [[1325: Man in jousting competition]] / [[65 million years ago: Man encountering T.rex]] / [[14 million years ago: The big bang]] / {{title... http://waxturds.com/2009/07/02/dont-ask-me-where-i-got-a-t-shirt-65-million-years-ago-90/ |
| 8% Paycut (#100) | [[Man talking to another man who works for the University of California]]
/ Man: Oh, you work for the University of California? So that must mean you're getting that 8% paycut I heard about on the news.
/ UC employee: Yep. / UC employee: The ironic thing is, none of my pay comes from the state. I get... http://waxturds.com/2009/07/16/8-paycut-100/ |
| Well, that is a unique name (#101) | [[Husband talking to wife]]
/ Husband: I really want our baby to have a unique name.
/ Wife: Me too! Let's decide on one. / Husband: How about...Gator?
/ Wife: Meh..
/ Husband: Maybe..Archaea?
/ Wife: That's weird. How about Gum?
/ Husband: Nah.
/ Wife: This is hard. / [[Many years in the future, on the first... http://waxturds.com/2009/07/17/well-that-is-a-unique-name-101/ |
| Pretty much the same (#102) | [[Man talking to another man]]
/ Man: I really really like to create robotic contraptions out of normal household objects in my spare time. What do you like to do in yours? / [[Other man reading buxom babes magazine]] / [[Other man sleeping]] / [[Other man reading buxom babes magazine again]] / [[Other... http://waxturds.com/2009/07/20/pretty-much-the-same-102/ |
| Spending some time with the cat (#103) | [[Man talking to another man with cap on]]
/ Man: My cat is a real nightmare...he won't stop pooping everywhere!
/ Man with cap: Have you tried spending more time with him?
/ Man: Hmm... / [[Collage of images showing man spending time with his cat: playing chess, fishing, romantic dinner, rubbing noses,... http://waxturds.com/2009/07/21/spending-some-time-with-the-cat-103/ |
| I better get Xenu on the phone (#104) | [[Man talking to another man]]
/ Man: Man, have you been reading all that crazy stuff PETA is doing lately? I swear, they are going to turn into the next Scientology.
/ Other man: You think? / Man: No, think about it! They advocate a belief system, a way of living, and have a mass of followers willing... http://waxturds.com/2009/07/22/i-better-get-xenu-on-the-phone-104/ |
| The Illumidarwin (#105) | [[Man wearing field hat]]
/ Paleontologist: Holy crap, I've found a fossil of a human riding a dinosaur! This changes everything we've learned about evolution and possibly help to support so-called "intelligent design". / Paleontologist: I better get a hold of my Paleo-colleagues right away...uggh...I... http://waxturds.com/2009/07/23/the-illumidarwin-105/ |
| Scientific efficiency (#106) | [[Scientist talking to man]]
/ Scientist: I've decided to focus my scientific pursuits from curing disease to creating a "love potion".
/ Man: Really? Why? / Scientist: Well the university I work for is laying people off, so I figured I should start working on something new so I can get hired by a company... http://waxturds.com/2009/07/24/scientifc-efficiency-106/ |
| BSA (#107) | [[Bike Guy speaking at podium in front of other bike people]]
/ Bike Guy, addressing other bike guys: Hi, my name is B.G., and I have a serious problem. / Bike Guy: I just...can't stop. I know it's not appropriate all the time, but I just can't resist the urge. / [[Sign outside room saying "Bike Shorts... http://waxturds.com/2009/07/27/bsa-107/ |
| Lucky Pierre (#108) | [[Man talking to goatee-wearing Pierre]]
/ Man: Hey Pierre, you look a little shaken up.
/ Pierre: Well, I just fell off the roof of my building, but a truck of pillow cushions was driving by and I fell onto it! / Man: Wow, you're really lucky! I think your nickname should be "Lucky Pierre"! / [[Closeup... http://waxturds.com/2009/07/28/lucky-pierre-108/ |
| Wingman (#109) | [[Man talking to another man]]
/ Man: I want to pick up chicks at a bar later. Would you be my wingman?
/ Other man: Sure. / [[Outside of bar called 100kPa=1bar / [[Man holding drink in bar, his friend comes in with angel wings on his back]]
/ Man: That's not really what I meant. / {{title text: Don't... http://waxturds.com/2009/07/29/wingman-109/ |
| Like climbing a mountain (#110) | [[Man talking to woman friend]]
/ Woman: I hear you're dating a new girl.
/ Man: Yep! She's pretty rad, but really tall.
/ Woman: So? / Man: Well, kissing her is like climbing a mountain! / [[Man climbing up a very tall woman, while wearing a rock climbing harness and rope]]
/ Man: Coming up for a kiss.... http://waxturds.com/2009/07/30/like-climbing-a-mountain-110/ |
| Cat vs. Diaper (#111) | [[Man talking to cat owner]]
/ Man: I've been thinking about your cat pooping problem. Have you considered putting a diaper on him?
/ Cat guy: Hmm... / [[Cat wearing a pink diaper.]]
/ [[Cat and owner staring each other down]] / [[Man talking to cat owner, who now has a scratch across his face and a fresh... http://waxturds.com/2009/07/31/cat-vs-diaper-111/ |
| Fancy cellphone (#112) | [[Man talking to another man holding a cell phone]]
/ Man: Hey, nice phone. Is it new?
/ Man with phone: Yep, just got it.
/ Man: Is it one of those smart phones? / Man with phone: It sure is! It's got lots of features, like a touch screen, email, push support, a ten megapixel camera, expansion slot for... http://waxturds.com/2009/08/03/fancy-cellphone-112/ |
| New helmet, Pt. 1 (#113) | [[Scientist, holding red helmet with attached glasses, talking to Bike Guy]]
/ Scientist: I have an exciting new invention for you, B.G. Behold... / [[Close-up on new helmet]]
/ Scientist: It's a bike helmet with glasses! The helmet detects when women are attracted to you, and highlight these women on... http://waxturds.com/2009/08/04/new-helmet-pt-1-113/ |
| New helmet, Pt. 2 (#114) | [[Bike Guy, wearing new red helmet with attached glasses]]
/ Bike Guy: Alright, let's see who is attracted to me. / [[HUD inside of glasses shows all women in vicinity show 0% attraction]] / [[Bike Guy talking to Scientist]]
/ Bike Guy: I think the helmet is broken, it says all women are 0% attracted... http://waxturds.com/2009/08/05/new-helmet-pt-2-114/ |
| Recommendation (#115) | [[Man is talking to another man]]
/ Man: So what did you think of that movie I recommended?
/ Other man: Well, I think it kind of sucked.
/ Man: Wow, really? / Other man: You totally over-hyped it, despite the fact that the story is dumb, the acting is bad, and it's almost three hours. My recommendation... http://waxturds.com/2009/08/06/recommendation-115/ |
| Eats anything in its path? (#116) | [[A scientist stands next to a microscope]]
/ Scientist: I've done it! I've created the first artificial organism! And even cooler, it eats anything in its path. / [[View in the microscope shows tiny Pac-Man organisms]] / {{title text: Hey...wait a minute...that organism looks like Pac-Man!}} http://waxturds.com/2009/08/07/eats-anything-in-its-path-116/ |
| Blood Hero? (#117) | [[Man with bandage on his arm is talking to an attractive woman]]
/ Man: I just donated blood, so I'm kind of a hero who saves lives.
/ Woman: Yeah, I guess. / Man: Maybe I'll start wearing a cape and spandex...and people will cheer my name when I walk by. / Woman: Well since you're so gung ho about... http://waxturds.com/2009/08/10/blood-hero-117/ |
| Two Heroes (#118) | [[A man with a bandage on his arm is talking to an obviously uninterested woman]]
/ Man: I see that you're looking at the bandage on my arm. Well, it's true: / Man: I am a blood-donating hero! But I don't let these good deeds go to my head, I'm still very humble. / [[Deli clerk puts wrapped sandwich... http://waxturds.com/2009/08/11/two-heroes-118/ |
| Cat Stevens' Organic Fertilizer Co., Pt. 1 (#119) | [[Man is standing next to a very large pile of shit]]
/ Man: What the hell am I supposed to do with all this cat poo from Stevens? / [[Man gets a bright idea]] / [[A new business is shown, called "Cat Steven's Organic Fertilizer Co."]] / {{title text: I don't foresee any problems with this.}} http://waxturds.com/2009/08/12/cat-stevens-organic-fertilizer-co-pt-1-119/ |
| Cat Stevens' Organic Fertilizer Co., Pt. 2 (#120) | [[View of the sign for Cat Stevens' Organic Fertilizer Co.]] / [[Man and Yusuf Islam are talking]]
/ Yusuf: I have a problem with the name of your business. / Yusuf: I also disapprove of your "Play Cat's Cradle and get 50% off" promotion.
/ Man: Sorry, Yusuf. / {{title text: I'm referring to the Cat's... http://waxturds.com/2009/08/13/cat-stevens-organic-fertilizer-co-pt-2-120/ |
| Cat Stevens' Organic Fertilizer Co., Pt. 3 (#121) | [[Man is talking to Cat Stevens]]
/ Man: I'd really rather not get sued by you, the artist formally known as Cat Stevens. / Man: But I also have all this cat poo that I need to get rid of!
/ Yusuf: I think I have an idea. / [[Outside, the sign name has changed to "Yusuf Islam & Cat Stevens' Organic Fertilizer... http://waxturds.com/2009/08/14/cat-stevens-organic-fertilizer-co-pt-3-121/ |
| "Down south" (#122) | [[Two men are talking]]
/ Man: I recently read an article saying people in Atlanta enjoy sex more than people in New York. / Other man: They must spend more time "down south". / {{title text: It's funny because being "down south" also refers to spending time around the genitalia. FYI.}} http://waxturds.com/2009/08/17/down-south-122/ |
| The highest form of male intimacy (#123) | [[Two men are talking]]
/ Man: Dude! The sports team I like is also the sports team you like!
/ Other man: Awesome! / [[A high-five]] / Text: High-fives: The highest form of male intimacy. / {{title text: OK, maybe sword/penis fighting is the highest form of male intimacy, but I didn't really want to... http://waxturds.com/2009/08/18/the-highest-form-of-male-intimacy-123/ |
| Just makin' some turds (#124) | [[A man is removing old wax from his surfboard]]
/ Woman: Hey, whatcha doing?
/ Man: Scraping old wax off my surf board. / Man: After awhile the accumulated wax looks like a turd.
/ Woman: Hey, isn't that the name of a web comic? / [[The earth asplode]] / {{title text: Now you know the actual origin... http://waxturds.com/2009/08/19/just-makin-some-turds-124/ |
| Cat vs. Lizard (#125) | [[A man talks to his cat]]
/ Man: I've decided to get another pet since you are always mean to me, Stevens. / [[A lizard]]
/ Man: This is Rodan, my new lizard. / [[The cat promptly poops on the lizard]]
/ Man: Well, at least he didn't poop on me...Baby step, baby steps. / {{title text: To be fair, Rodan... http://waxturds.com/2009/08/20/cat-vs-lizard-125/ |
| New bike helmet, revisited (#126) | [[Bike Guy and Scientist are talking]]
/ Bike Guy: OK, so apparently women don't find me attractive. According to your fancy helmet, at least.
/ Scientist: Maybe you should wear different clothing? / [[Bike Guy goes back out, only to find that the women like him even less]] / [[Pan out to Bike Guy, who... http://waxturds.com/2009/08/21/new-bike-helmet-revisited-126/ |
| Bathroom revenge (#127) | [[Two men are urinating. One decides to call his girlfriend]]
/ Man: Hey babe, whatcha up to? Me, ah, nothin' really. / [[The other man seems very surprised that the man is talking while going to the bathroom]] / [[The other man decides to let out a loud fart so the person on the other end of the phone... http://waxturds.com/2009/08/24/bathroom-revenge-127/ |
| Should have gone with Sandpiper Air (#128) | [[A man and woman are talking]]
/ Man: I can't believe our flight out of Nantucket got canceled. Damn Aeromass. / Man: I knew we should have flown Sandpiper Air!
/ Woman: Dude... / [[A rather large man in a blue blazer and mustache appears]]
/ Woman: Are you making references to the early 90's sitcom... http://waxturds.com/2009/08/25/should-have-gone-with-sandpiper-air-128/ |
| Top search term (#129) | [[The author speaks]]
/ Jason: Hi, this is Jason. I write these turdy comics. I wanted to share with you one of the top search terms used to find this site: / Jason: "Poop dildo" / [[The author looks down, shaking his head]] / {{title text: If you happen to know me, that's pretty much how I dress,... http://waxturds.com/2009/08/26/top-search-term-129/ |
| Top search term, revisited (#130) | [[The author speaks]]
/ Jason: Hey, it's Jason again. So I decided to google "poop dildo" to see where Wax Turds shows up. Turns out, a poop dildo is a real thing. / Jason: It's also known as an "Alaskan pipeline". Seriously. / Jason: Urban dictionary is simultaneously the greatest and worst site on... http://waxturds.com/2009/08/27/top-search-term-revisited-130/ |
| Cat vs. Dunce Cap (#131) | [[A man is talking to his cat]]
/ Man: Alright Stevens, I'm sick of you shitting everywhere. You are going to wear this dunce cap and sit in the corner as punishment. / [[Stevens is sitting the corner with a dunce cap on]] / [[Stevens is crying]] / {{title text: Only while wearing the dunce cap can... http://waxturds.com/2009/08/28/cat-vs-dunce-cap-131/ |
| Little green men (#132) | [[A man and woman are talking]]
/ Man: Have you ever noticed that aliens in pop culture are always little green dudes? / Man: I mean, what the hell? Either our imagination is lacking in creativity, or the universe is boring. / Woman: Either way it's pretty much lame sauce!
/ Man: I know! / Woman: Dude...what... http://waxturds.com/2009/08/31/little-green-men-132/ |
| "STdate.com" (#133) | [[Two men are talking. One is dressed very similar to Geordi La Forge.]]
/ Man: Are you wearing a Geordi La Forge visor?
/ Geordi dude: Hell yeah!
/ Man: But...why? / Geordi dude: I've got a hot date with a woman I met on STdate.com. She insisted on it. / Man: STdate.com?
/ Geordi dude: Star Trek date.... http://waxturds.com/2009/09/01/stdate-com-133/ |
| A rough ride (#134) | [[A man is talking to Bike Guy]]
/ Man: Wow, you rode your bike in today? It's snowing outside! / Bike Guy: Oh yeah...right...because of my helmet...yeah, it was a rough ride in today... / [[The caption says "Earlier". Bike Guy is driving in a car]] / {{title text: I don't know if you can tell or not,... http://waxturds.com/2009/09/02/a-rough-ride-134/ |
| < Displaying user's thoughts > (#135) | [[Science guy is showing off his new invention]]
/ Science Guy: My latest invention is a device that will display an image of what the user is thinking. Try it! / [[An image of a naked women is displayed]] / Science Guy: This thing must be broken...it displays a similar image for everyone. / {{title... http://waxturds.com/2009/09/03/135/ |
| Labor Day B-day (#136) | [[Two men are talking]]
/ Jason: You know why it's awesome to have a birthday on September 4th?
/ Man: Nope. / Jason: I always get a three day weekend thanks to Labor Day! / Jason: Also cake. / {{title text: Hey guys, it's really my birthday today. I'm 27 and a year closer to death, but feeling pretty... http://waxturds.com/2009/09/04/labor-day-b-day-136/ |
| "Evil twin" (#137) | [[Two men are talking]]
/ Man: Man I hate pickles. They are like the cucumber's evil twin. / [[A cucumber with a goatee, aka a pickle, is talking]]
/ Pickle: Shit, the humans are on to us. / {{title text: Is it really a pickle, or a cucumber from an alternate dimension? I mean, it DOES have a goatee... http://waxturds.com/2009/09/08/evil-twin-137/ |
| teh revenges (#138) | [[Two men are talking]]
/ Man: Ever since I put a dunce cap on my cat he has been acting weird and not pooping at all. I'm a little worried about him. / Man: I mean, where could all his poop be going? I hope he's not planning some kind of revenge for the dunce cap I made him wear. / [[Stevens is not... http://waxturds.com/2009/09/09/teh-revenges-138/ |
| That would be illogical (#139) | [[A man in a visor and a woman dressed like a vulcan are on a date]]
/ Man: So, my Vulcan beauty, would you like another drink? / Woman: If you think that getting me intoxicated will increase your chances of copulation, I should inform you that this is an illogical conclusion. / Man: Oh, haha, of course... http://waxturds.com/2009/09/10/that-would-be-illogical-139/ |
| Hedonism (#140) | [[A man is talking]]
/ Man: You guys, my love of pizza has lead to a major life decision: / Man: I have decided to become a hedonist! From this day forth, I will only do things that give me the maximum amount of pleasure! / [[A tombstone reads: Here lies J. Benjamin. He died doing what he loved: eating... http://waxturds.com/2009/09/11/hedonism-140/ |
| JCN-9000 | [[A man watches as scientist builds a robot]]
/ Man: Dude, are you building a robot?
/ Scientist: Indeed I am.
/ Man: Any particular reason? / Scientist: Well, I am in need of a reliable wingman. And what could be a better conversation starter than a robot standing next to me that I built? / Scientist:... http://waxturds.com/2009/09/14/jcn-9000-141/ |
| Daisy Bell (#142) | [[A scientist and his robot]]
/ Scientist: Alright, JCN-9000, you are now online. Please execute program "DB2001" from your neural net. / JCN: Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do / I'm half crazy for the love of you / It won't be a stylish marriage / I can't afford a carriage / / JCN: But you'd look... http://waxturds.com/2009/09/15/daisy-bell-142/ |
| He's a real ladies' robot (#143) | [[At a bar, named 100kPa=1Bar]] / [[Scientist and JCN approach ladies]]
/ Scientist: Hello, ladies. My robot friend JCN and I were just admiring you from across the bar. Mind if we join you? / [[Later. All the ladies are around JCN.]]
/ Scientist: Dude. / {{title text: I'd probably go for the robot... http://waxturds.com/2009/09/16/hes-a-real-ladies-robot-143/ |
| Biden the prankster (#144) | [[A text message]]
/ Text: Hey joe wilson, your wife said your penis is really small. sorry @ ur dick. xoxo joe biden / [[Man stand up]]
/ Joe Wilson: You lie! / [[President Obama looks over, with Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi behind him.]]
/ Joe Biden: heh heh... / {{title text: Now you guys know the ... http://waxturds.com/2009/09/17/biden-the-prankster-144/ |
| Holy crap (#145) | [[Two men see an angel taking a crap]]
/ Man: Holy crap. / {{title text: Angels really have no sense of privacy. I mean, really. Get a door or something. Or do your business behind a bush so our eyes can be spared.}} http://waxturds.com/2009/09/18/holy-crap-145-2/ |
| Not so jolly (#146) | [[A man and woman are talking]]
/ Man: How about a hug in celebration o the holiday season?
/ Woman: I doubt I could even get my arms around you, fatty.
/ TEXT: Getting fat: Turns out, no so jolly. / {{title text: What a jerk she is. I mean, what if he was pregnant or something?}} http://waxturds.com/2009/09/21/not-so-jolly-146/ |
| Town hall meeting (#147) | [[A sign reads "Tonight Town hall meeting about swine flu"]] / [[A man addresses a crowd at a podium]]
/ Man at podium: To help combat the chance of a pandemic, please, go out and get your free flu shot. / [[An old woman stand up in the crowd]]
/ Old woman in crowd: Don't tread on me! We don't want your... http://waxturds.com/2009/09/22/town-hall-meeting-147/ |
| I don't see the correlation (#148) | [[A graph compares the likelyhood of catching swine flu vs. the number of pigs owned. Turns out, there is no correlation.]] / {{title text: I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to get some damn pigs.}} http://waxturds.com/2009/09/23/i-dont-see-the-correlation-148/ |
| Quality apparel (#149) | [[A banker and a business woman shake hands]]
/ Man: Your small business loan is approved, Ms. Crapi.
/ Woman: Thanks! I can't wait to get started on my clothing line! / [[Closeup on a woman's rear. The pants appear to be fuzzy, and there is writing across the butt: "CRAPI"]] / {{title text: You want... http://waxturds.com/2009/09/24/quality-apparel-149/ |
| Indiana Jones 5 (#150) | [[A movie theater opening. A line of dudes are buying tickets. The movies title is "Indiana Jones and the Hospice of Doom"]] / {{title text: At the rate Mr. Ford is aging, I don't really think this is out of the question.}} http://waxturds.com/2009/09/25/indiana-jones-5-150/ |
| The PETA Files (#151) | [[A man stands alone in a room]]
/ Man: PETA now has a blog. It's called "The PETA Files". / {{title text: I wish I was making this shit up.}} http://waxturds.com/2009/09/28/the-peta-files-151/ |
| Humanity is doomed, duders. (#152) | [[Two men are talking]]
/ Man: Dude, you're pretty harsh on the movie series "Twilight". What gives?
/ Other man: Well, let me put it this way: / Other man: I recently saw that there will be Twilight-inspired dildos. That's when I realized humanity was doomed. / {{title text: Dudes! This is true! At... http://waxturds.com/2009/09/29/humanity-is-doomed-duders-152/ |
| Biden the prankster and the Dean Scream. (#153) | [[Joe Biden speaks to Howard Dean. The date is Jan. 19, 2004]]
/ Biden: Well, Howard Dean, if you ask me, you just need some more emotion in your speeches.
/ Dean: Thanks, Joe Biden. / [[Later, at a speech]]
/ Dean: ...we're going to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico,... http://waxturds.com/2009/09/30/biden-the-prankster-and-the-dean-scream-153/ |
| Sans caffeine pills (#154) | [[A woman and a man are talking]]
/ Woman: So what do you think about my new denim skirt? / [[Closeup of the skirt]] / Man: I think you look like Jessie Spano. / {{title text: If she had a bottle of caffeine pills it would really complete the outfit.}} http://waxturds.com/2009/10/01/sans-caffeine-pills-154/ |
| An abomination (#155) | [[A mother and son are talking]]
/ Son: Hey, mom!
/ Mom: Ack! / [[The mother notices that the son has eyes]]
/ Mon: Young man, you take those...those THINGS off your face this instant! / [[The son sadly throws away his fake eyes. A single tear falls down his cheek.]] / {{title text: See, this is why... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/02/an-abomination-155/ |
| The "K-word" (#156) | [[A man and woman are talking]]
/ Woman: ...so then I told her th...
/ Man: Woah! Look at that dog!
/ Woman: Dude, you interrupted me. Thanks, Kanye. / Man: Don't ever call me that. Seriously. It's like the c-word for guys. / {{title text: Seriously though: Ladies, don't ever call a dude Kanye. It's just... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/05/the-k-word-156/ |
| Sad, but true. (#157) | [[A man is talking]]
/ Man: I've come to a sad realization, my friends. And yes, it has to do with Guitar Hero and Rock band. / [[An image of numerous plastic instruments]]
/ Man: I have spent over two years playing music games on fake instruments. If I had spent that time playing a real instrument I'd... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/06/sad-but-true-157/ |
| Circles (#158) | [[A man approaches the scientist, who is watching rocks go around in a circle]]
/ Man: Whatcha doing?
/ Scientist: I'm watching these rocks go around in a circle.
/ Man: Oh...why? / Scientist: Well, millions of people love Nascar, which is basically just cars going around in a circle. I don't really like... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/07/circles-158/ |
| Pretty much never a good idea (#159) | [[Two men are talking about movies]]
/ Man: Dude, if there's anything worse than resurrecting old movie franchises, I sure as heck don't know what it is! / Other man: I know! How many bad ones have there been in the last few years? Rocky, Rambo, Indiana Jones, and even Terminator! Jeez, what's next? / [[Man... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/08/pretty-much-never-a-good-idea-159/ |
| Remakes (#160) | [Two men are talking about movies]]
/ Man: Ok, I figured out what's worse than resurrecting old movie franchises!
/ Other man: Oh?
/ Man: Remaking classic movies! Seriously! / Man: Like, did you see the remake of "The Day the Earth Stood Still"? The old movie is SO rad, but the new one totally blew! I... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/09/remakes-160/ |
| Google as a verb (#161) | [[A man is waxing philosophic]]
/ Man: Dude, you would think that Google would love that their company name is now used as a verb ALL THE TIME! But, nope! / Man: Turns out they have repeatedly made pleas to the public to only use their name as a noun! I guess they are afraid of losing their trademark... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/12/google-as-a-verb-161/ |
| I wish I could walk West and find cool stuff (#162) | [[A man is thinking about stuff]]
/ Man: Is it just me, or was discovering stuff like, WAY easier in the past? For example: The Mississippi River. / Man: Back in the mid 1500's this guy named Hernando de Soto "discovered" it. But really, all the dude did was travel west until he ran into this big ass... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/13/i-wish-i-could-walk-west-and-find-cool-stuff-162/ |
| Costume ideas (#163) | [[Two men are talking]]
/ Man: I have a serious Halloween-related problem: All year I think of great costume ideas, and then when October rolls around I go blank!
/ Other man: So? / Man: So? So it's super annoying, guy! I can totally remember back in April thinking of the BEST costume ever, but now I... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/14/costume-ideas-163/ |
| Password (#164) | [[A man is speaking]]
/ Man: I just read an online article stating that "123" is the most common password in the world! That's CRAZY! / Man: And it's not crazy only because it's easy to guess: I think it's crazy because it is so unbelievably uncreative. / Man: It really says a lot about a person, if... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/15/password-164/ |
| It must run in the family (#165) | [[A woman stands on the North American side of the Bering land bridge, watching the Asian side.]]
/ Text: 25,000 years ago an ancestor of Sarah Palin keeps an eye on the Bering land bridge. / {{title text: She's got to make sure those pesky ancestors to native americans don't cause any trouble.}} http://waxturds.com/2009/10/16/it-must-run-in-the-family-165/ |
| Life is like watching a box of chocolates on TV (#166) | [[A man talks to bike guy]]
/ Man: Hey, Bike Guy! It's been a long time, where ya been?
/ Bike Guy: Umm... / Bike Guy: Well, you know that part in Forrest Gump where he just starts running, and doesn't stop?
/ Man: Sure. / Bike Guy: I've been watching that part over and over for a month.
/ Man: Oh..I... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/19/life-is-like-watching-a-box-of-chocolates-on-tv-166/ |
| Bike Sale (#167) | [[A newspaper ad reads, "This Saturday - BIKE SALE"]] / Bike Guy: Maybe it's time to actually get a bike. I'm sick of being a "pretend" bike guy. / [[Saturday arrives, and Bike Guy is watching TV]] / {{title text: To be fair, Bike Buy is watching a show about biking instead of actually biking. It's... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/20/bike-sale-167/ |
| A big glass of milk is the secret (#168) | [[Bike Guy runs into Bob Dylan]]
/ Bike Guy: Hey...aren't you Bob Dylan?
/ Bob Dylan: I sure am.
/ Bike Guy: Daaaaannnnggggg! / Bike Guy: It's weird, your voice sounds pretty normal. How come it sounds so...different when you sing? / Bob Dylan: Oh, that's just my singing voice. You know, it's part of... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/21/a-big-glass-of-milk-is-the-secret-168/ |
| Just blame the juice (#169) | [[Bike guy is talking]]
/ Bike Guy: For some reason I was thinking of O.J. Simpson today! I had completely forgot he is in jail, and I was pretty ok with that. And then I started thinking... / Bike Guy: That murder trial back in '94 was kind of the birth of reality TV, wasn't it? So in a way, O.J. is... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/22/just-blame-the-juice-169/ |
| Nothing exciting ever happens here (#170) | [[Bike Guy ponders things]]
/ Bike Guy: Man, I'm SO bored! There's never anything to do in this stupid town. / Bike Guy: And there's nowhere to meet hot sexy ladies with similar interests as me. / [[Bike Guy walks under a sign that reads "Nude Female Bike-Lovers Convetention". He is going the opposite... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/23/nothing-exciting-ever-happens-here-170/ |
| Gary Wright = love at first sight (#171) | [[Science guy thinks out loud]]
/ Science Guy: All the long hours I spend in the lab sure makes it hard to meet sexy ladies. If only this place wasn't such a sausage... / [[A hot science lady walks by]]
/ Science Guy: ...party... / [[Science Guy hears a song in his head]]
/ Song: ooh dream weaver / I... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/26/gary-wright-love-at-first-sight-171/ |
| A scary invention (#172) | [[Science Guy invents something]]
/ Science Guy: Dudes! I'm sick of wearing lame masks for Halloween! They look cheap and are way uncomfortable! / Science Guy: I'm going to invent a compound that transforms your face for 24 hours into various scary things! / [[1 year later. Science Guy has transformed... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/27/a-scary-invention-172/ |
| That's a pretty scary condom if you ask me (#173) | [[Science Guy contemplates a new costume idea]]
/ Science Guy: OK, that pumpkin head thing wasn't such a great idea. I need a simple and scary costume idea, darn it. / Science Guy: I know! I'll be a scary ghost! It's a Halloween classic, and so simple. All I need is an old sheet. / [[Science Guy later... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/28/thats-a-pretty-scary-condom-if-you-ask-me-173/ |
| Why Halloween is rad in Nevada (#174) | [[The head turd speaks, while in a Dr. Grant costume]]
/ Head Turd: Dudes, Halloween is WAY more rad in Nevada! And it has nothing to do with gambling or prostitutes! / Head Turd: It turns out Nevada was admitted into the union on October 31, 1864! And it wasn't sexy ladies of the night that made it... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/29/why-halloween-is-rad-in-nevada-174/ |
| Trust me, it's scary. (#175) | [[Science Guy is doing some science work on a dry erase board, and gets an idea]] / Science Guy: Dude, I totally just thought of the perfect costume for Halloween! / [[Later, Science Guy is dressed up in a complicated protein costume with DNA trailing from it]]
/ Science Guy: I'm a malfunctioning telomerase.... http://waxturds.com/2009/10/30/trust-me-its-scary-175/ |
| Time flies (#176) | [[Two dudes are talking]]
/ Science Guy: Dude, I can't believe it's November already.
/ Other Guy: Why? / Science Guy: I don't know...I guess the end of the year is just approaching faster than I realized. / Other Guy: I guess that is pretty common.
/ Science Guy: I'm really just trying to hint that I... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/02/time-flies-176/ |
| OK, maybe a small amount of pun intended (#177) | [[Science Guy ponders time while looking out the window]]
/ Science Guy: Man, I hate that it gets dark so early now! / Science Guy: My body is all confused, dude! I can't tell if I should go to bed or play some video games. / Science Guy: *sigh* It may be time to invest in a clock. No pun intended. / {{title... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/03/ok-maybe-small-amount-of-pun-intended-177/ |
| They pretty much are (#178) | [[Jason is waxing philosophic]]
/ Dude: Listen: I'm not a super big sports fan, but I keep track of baseball stuff. So I feel fairly comfortable saying that the Yankees are pretty much doo doo heads! Surely you agree! / Dude: OK, maybe not everyone agrees with that. I live on the West coast, and the... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/04/they-pretty-much-are-178/ |
| The November Classic? (#179) | [[Two dudes are talking]]
/ Dude: Does anyone else think it's crazy that the World Series is going on so late in the year?
/ Other Dude: Not really. / Dude: Well, pshh! The darn thing is also known as the "October Classic", dude! There's nothing classic about November! / Other Dude: What about Thanksgiving?... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/05/the-november-classic-179/ |
| A hard C (#180) | [[Two dudes are talking]]
/ Dude: Man, I think I made a horrible relationship mistake. I dropped a casual "hard C" in conversation!
/ Other dude: "Hard C"? / Dude: You know, the c-word! I don't now how it happened! We were just watching TV when Ann Coulter came on. Then shortly after I dropped the hard... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/06/a-hard-c-180/ |
| Old-fashioned (#181) | [[A dude notices another dude is reading a newspaper]]
/ Dude: Dude, what the crap are you doing?!
/ Newspaper dude: Reading a newspaper.
/ Dude: A NEWSPAPER!? / Dude: What else do you do? Use a landline phone? Drive a DeLorean? Listen to the radio? I bet you think those fancy talking pictures are just... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/09/old-fashioned-181/ |
| The great debate (#182) | [[A man is pondering cheese]]
/ Dude: To (eat) cheese, or not to (eat) cheese: That is the question. / [[A piece of paper reads "Should I eat this block of cheese". What follows is a pros / cons list. Pros: delicious, kinda healthy, delicious, I like the color, quesadillas, delicious, I really want to... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/10/the-great-debate-182/ |
| Armistice Day (#183) | [[Two dudes are talking about stuff]]
/ Dude 1: Did you know that Veterans Day used to be called Armistice Day?
/ Dude 2: Say WHAT!?
/ Dude 1: It's true! / Dude 1: It was originally to commemorate the signing of the Armistice to end World War I on Nov. 11, 1918. The rest of the world still celebrates it... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/11/armistice-day-183/ |
| Ono he did'int (#185) | [[Two dudes are talking, one is holding a cd]]
/ Dude 1: So Yoko Ono has a new album out.
/ Dude 2: Oh? How is it?
/ Dude 1: Well... / Dude 1: It's an interesting combination of guttural sounds, animal screaming, and punk-ish guitar riffs. / [[The cd breaks in the dudes hand]]
/ Dude 1: Also, the album... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/13/ono-he-didint-185/ |
| A Sloppy Joe by any other name... (#186) | [[Two dudes are talking]]
/ Dude 1: DUDE! Did you know there are a ton of different names for a Sloppy Joe?!
/ Dude 2: Umm... / Dude 1: Well, it's true, guy! Here are some good ones: Yip Yips, Wimpies, Slushburgers, Steamers, Taverns, and Dynamites! Dude, some people call them Dynamites! / Dude 2: I... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/16/a-sloppy-joe-by-any-other-name-186/ |
| Hell House (#187) | [[A dude is thinking about stuff]]
/ Dude: Man, I just heard about this thing called "Hell house". You guys, it's pretty crazy! / Dude: Inside the Hell house, you get various depictions of "sinful behavior", like pre-marital sex, homosexuality, rape, drug abuse, and even what it's like in hell! / Dude:... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/17/hell-house-187/ |
| Controversy, you guys! (#188) | [[Two dudes are talking and stuff]]
/ Dude: Man, there sure is a lot of uproar over Modern Warfare 2 on the news channels.
/ Dude 2: Oh? About what?
/ Dude: You know, that at one point in the game you shoot innocent people while playing as a terrorist! / Dude: Basically, people are upset that the game... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/18/controversy-you-guys-188/ |
| Goin' Rogue-ish (#189) | [[Two dudes are talking]]
/ Dude: So Sarah Palin has a book out now.
/ Dude 2: Oh yeah. I almost forgot about her.
/ Dude: Yeah, I thought you seemed happier lately. / Dude: Apparently she gives the "real" story behind the infamous Katie Couric interview. Spoiler: Katie was a jerk. / Dude: Unfortunately... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/19/goin-rogue-ish-189/ |
| One of the many reasons you should mess with Texas (#190) | [[Two dudes are talking and stuff]]
/ Dude: So I was reading online today that Texas may have accidently banned all marriage.
/ Dude2: Ha! How? / Dude: Well, apparently they were trying to make gay marriage illegal, or rather, "more" illegal or something. And the wording they used for the law makes pretty... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/20/one-of-the-many-reasons-you-should-mess-with-texas-190/ |
| A tad awkward (#191) | [[A dude is talking about stuff]]
/ Dude: I've been having a recurring awkward social situation lately. And yes, it involves my inability to gauge when it is necessary to be polite and sociable. / Dude: Basically, I can never tell if I need to say hello to someone I only kinda know while walking by... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/23/a-tad-awkward-191/ |
| Tofurkey (#192) | [[A dude is, you know, talking about stuff]]
/ Dude: OK, here's the deal: I am OK with dudes and dudettes having tofu on Thanksgiving. Seriously! / Dude: The only problem I have is what you call turkey-flavored tofu: Tofurkey. / Dude: I don't want to sound like a Meleagris bigot, but you shouldn't call... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/24/tofurkey-192/ |
| Leftovers (#193) | [[A dude is talking about Thanksgiving leftovers]]
/ Dude: Listen: I know you probably think the most important part of Thanksgiving is some individual part of the meal, like the turkey or the pumpkin pie. / Dude: But dudes! It's not! Seriously! It's the leftovers, man! / Dude: The Thanksgiving leftover... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/25/leftovers-193/ |
| Y'all be Trp'in (#194) | [[Science Guy is about to drop some truth bombs]]
/ Science Guy: Here's the deal, duders: I'm going to give you the REAL truth about this turkey and tryptophan business! Spoiler alert: What you believe is probably wrong. / [[Science Guy draws Tryptophan on a board]]
/ Science Guy: This is tryptophan.... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/26/yall-be-trpin-194/ |
| Dirth Panels (#195) | [[Senator Dirth and another Senate member are talking]]
/ Senator: Fantastic work, Senator Dirth. Without you, this healthcare reform couldn't happen. We may even name the panel after you. / [[Dirth hands over a report, titled "Proposition to create a panel to keep people alive as long as possible, by... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/30/dirth-panels-195/ |
| Girth Panels (#196) | [[Two dudes are talking. They have also overheard something about the "Dirth Panels"]]
/ Dude: Dude! I just heard something about "girth panels". / Dude 2: Holy shit! What is that?
/ Dude: I don't know! Maybe it's a panel to make sure we all have nice girthy penises?
/ Dude 2: Dude... / [[A high-five]]
/ Dude... http://waxturds.com/2009/12/01/girth-panels-196/ |
| Some people I just cannot get down with! (#197) | [[Bike Guy is thinking out loud]]
/ Bike Guy: I've come to realize that there are certain things about people that I just cannot get down with. Here's a specific one: / Bike Guy: If you've ever said the phrase, "Glenn Beck tells it like it is.", I just cannot get down with you! / Bike Guy: The ironic... http://waxturds.com/2009/12/02/some-people-i-just-cannot-get-down-with-197/ |
| Geophagy (#198) | [[Bike Guy is talking to Science Guy]]
/ Bike Guy: Hey, there's a lady outside eating dirt.
/ Science Guy: Oh yeah, she's just pregnant.
/ Bike Guy: Huh? / Science Guy: Geophagy is a common practice for people throughout the world. Here in the states it is usually associated with pregnant women who "crave"... http://waxturds.com/2009/12/03/geophagy-198/ |
| A disturbance (#199) | [[A dude is talking]]
/ Dude: You guys, I've totally been noticing a disturbance in the force lately. / Dude: I keep getting friend requests on Facebook from people I'm not even friends with! Some, in fact, I would even go so far as to say we are enemies! / Dude: It's like Darth Vader adding Luke Skywalker... http://waxturds.com/2009/12/04/a-disturbance-199/ |
| Those are not the kind of pencils I want to see (#200) | [[Bike Guy is thinking about stuff]]
/ Bike Guy: OK, I've been thinking about more people I just cannot get down with, and I think I've come up with another one: / Bike Guy: People who pluck their eyebrows out and then draw them back in! Seriously, what gives? / Bike Guy: I can understand MAYBE if yours... http://waxturds.com/2009/12/07/those-are-not-the-kind-of-pencils-i-want-to-see-200/ |
| Sweet sweat (#201) | [[Two dudes are talking]]
/ Dude: Man, you know what's been cold-buggin' me?
/ Dude 2: Umm...
/ Dude: Whenever I read "sweat" I think "sweet". / Dude: I really think we should start spelling "sweat" like this: SWET. Look how easy and awesome that is! / Dude 2: What the hell does "cold-buggin'" mean?
/ Dude:... http://waxturds.com/2009/12/08/sweet-sweat-201/ |
| A travesty (#202) | [[A dude is talking about stuff]]
/ Dude: I have an embarrassing admission that might drastically affect your opinion of me: Until recently I had never had something get stuck in a vending machine after purchase. / Dude: CRAZY, right? Well, this has been rectified, friend! Only thing is, instead of... http://waxturds.com/2009/12/09/a-travesty-202/ |
| Going green (#203) | [[A hippie spots danger: I dude is throwing away something that should be recycled.]]
/ Hippie: Hey man, what are you doing? You really should be more green. / Dude: (thinking) WTF is this guy talking about? Oh...maybe... / [[Later, the dude has painted his skin green.]] / {{title text: You don't even... http://waxturds.com/2009/12/10/going-green-203/ |
| Technically, your mother is an app store (#204) | [[Two dudes are talking about cell phones]]
/ Dude: You know, my whole life is basically contained within this phone. / Dude: I'm starting to feel like "I'm" just an app for the phone. / [[Two phones are talking]]
/ Phone 1: Shit, the hu-mons are on to us.
/ Phone 2: We must procure a new method of transportation. / {{title... http://waxturds.com/2009/12/11/technically-your-mother-is-an-app-store-204/ |
| In the case of 2 day old poop...Stevens, you ARE the father [Pt. 1] (#205) | [[Bike Guy is talking to a friend]]
/ Friend: Hey, didn't you used to have a cat? What happened to him? / Bike Guy: Well, I had a major problem with Stevens and his urge to poop all the time in bad places. After trying everything I could think of, there was only one thing left to do. / [[Stevens and... http://waxturds.com/2009/12/14/in-the-case-of-2-day-old-poop-stevens-you-are-the-father-205/ |
| Audience participation [Pt. 2] (#206) | [[On the Maury show, an audience member yells something at Stevens]]
/ Audience dude: You're just a stupid cat! Why don't you go play with some string or something! / Stevens: Whatevah! You iz just jealus! Don't make me come up there! / [[The dude now has a turd on his head]] / {{title text: Security... http://waxturds.com/2009/12/15/audience-participation-206/ |
| Stevens is going to boot camp [Pt. 3] (#207) | [[On the Maury show, a surprise guest is about to confront Stevens]]
/ Maury: Well, Stevens, we've got a surprise for you: Meet D-West! He's here to whip you into shape. / D-West: Hey cat hey cat hey cat! You gotta change your ways cat! I'm takin' you to boot camp! / Stevens: Whatevah! You don't know... http://waxturds.com/2009/12/16/stevens-is-going-to-boot-camp-pt-3-207/ |
| Stevens: A cat reformed [Pt. 4] (#208) | [[2 weeks later on the Maury show]]
/ Maury: When we last saw Stevens, he was a real bad cat: He was pooping everywhere, just to spite his owner, B.G. / Maury: We introduced Stevens to D-West, who has spent the last two weeks adjusting Stevens' attitude at kitty boot camp. Let's see if Stevens has changed! / [[Stevens... http://waxturds.com/2009/12/17/stevens-a-cat-reformed-pt-4-208/ |
| And now for a surprise guest [Pt. 5] (#209) | [[Back on the Maury show]]
/ Maury: Well Stevens, you certainly look much better. A nice collar and no dingleberries that I can see. But have you changed? / Stevens: It's a struggle every day, Maury. I can't promise it will never happen again, but as of now it's been six days since I pooped anywhere... http://waxturds.com/2009/12/18/and-now-for-a-surprise-guest-pt-5-209/ |
| One, two, Santa's coming for you. Three, four, better lock your door (#210) | [[This dude has a fantastic idea]]
/ Dude: So I was watching "A Nightmare on Elm Street" recently and had a startling realization: Freddy Krueger loves Christmas! Check out that sweater, dude! It's totally red and green. / Dude: This got me thinking, and I'm pretty sure I've come up with the best idea... http://waxturds.com/2009/12/21/one-two-santas-coming-for-you-three-four-better-lock-your-door-210/ |
| Ho Ho Ho (#211) | [[A MAN IN YELLOW IS GOING TO TELL YOU A JOKE]]
/ Man: Listen dudes, I GET IT! Making "ho ho ho" jokes is funny! Especially when said ho's are associated with loose women! / Man: But man, those jokes are starting to get kind of old! That being said, I've got a ho ho ho joke that I think is pretty funny.... http://waxturds.com/2009/12/22/ho-ho-ho-211/ |
| Only two options (#212) | [[A frusterated dude]]
/ Dude: Man, every friggin' year there is one person I just cannot think of a Christmas gift for! / Dude: Surely you know what I'm talking about! There's always a person who has EVERYTHING and appears to want NOTHING. So what is a gift buyer to do? / Dude: I feel like I've only... http://waxturds.com/2009/12/23/only-two-options-212/ |
| Jingle, well, some of the way. I guess. (#213) | [[A dude is talking!]]
/ Dude: When I was a kid, Christmas Eve was pretty exciting, you guys! Fancy dinner, watching movies, and sometimes I even got to open a present early! / Dude: And trying to sleep the night before Christmas? FORGET ABOUT IT! No amount of cookies or milk could help. / Dude: But... http://waxturds.com/2009/12/24/jingle-well-some-of-the-way-i-guess-213/ |
| Happy Festivus! (#214) | [[It's a holiday one, you guys!]]
/ Happy Festivus!
/ [[There are a lot of characters drawn on this, IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW]] / {{title text: That dot is Pluto! It's not a mistake, even though some people thought making Pluto a planet was a mistake, so I guess calling it a mistake would have been funny.... http://waxturds.com/2009/12/25/happy-festivus-214/ |
| Pondering the McRib (#215) | [[This dude just saw a McRib billboard!]]
/ Dude: I'll be the first to admit I really don't understand America's fascination with the McRib. Seriously, what gives, you guys? / Dude: The idea of putting meat of questionable origin into my body just seems gross. And not only that, but they keep taking... http://waxturds.com/2010/01/04/pondering-the-mcrib-210/ |
| It rhymes with 2009, you guys (#216) | [[A dude tries out a pick-up line]]
/ Dude: Girl, you're so hot you must have been born in twenty-oh-FINE! / [[Subtitle: Is it a bad pick-up line or a cry for help from a pedophile?]] / {{title text: Either way, he's getting my number.}} http://waxturds.com/2010/01/05/it-rhymes-with-2009-you-guys-216/ |
| Tiger is good at what he does (#217) | [[Two dudes are talking]]
/ Dude: Listen, you really shouldn't be surprised that Tiger Woods was banging chicks on the side.
/ Dude 2: OK. / Dude: This guy trained his entire life to put something into a hole. So if you think about it, his cheating was really just a sign of his dedication. / Dude 2:... http://waxturds.com/2010/01/06/tiger-is-good-at-what-he-does-217/ |
| Gefilte fish (#218) | [[A dude is interested in fish!]]
/ Dude: My ignorance of fish dishes and Jewish culture has never been more evident than when I recently realized I don't know what gefilte fish is! / Dude: Like, I didn't even know how to spell it, you guys! As much fun as it is to say "gefilte fish", it doesn't really... http://waxturds.com/2010/01/07/gefilte-fish-218/ |
| Ke-mo sah-bee (#219) | [[A dude has just learned the horrible truth]]
/ Dude: Dude, I just found out "ke-mo sah-bee" isn't a real word! It's some made-up piece of junk from an old radio program, "The Lone Ranger". / Dude: Now, I'm all for making up words, but I feel tricked! And what is even worse, someone told me it was... http://waxturds.com/2010/01/08/ke-mo-sah-bee-219/ |
| Let me graph that for you (#220) | [[The scientist is pissed at RAM!]]
/ Science Guy: I recently tried to buy some RAM for an old computer, and was SHOCKED at how expensive it was! I did a little research and decided to graph cost over time. / [[A graph]] / Science Guy: Yes, I am aware of the concept of "supply and demand". And don't... http://waxturds.com/2010/01/11/let-me-graph-that-for-you-220/ |
| Turn signals are so underrated (#221) | [[Two dudes are talking about turn signals]]
/ Dude: Man, I am such a big fan of turn signals! It really makes me upset that a lot of drivers don't feel the same way.
/ Dude 2: I bet. / Dude: I think my love of turn signals comes from the fact that I bike a lot around the city. It's pretty scary when... http://waxturds.com/2010/01/12/turn-signals-are-so-underrated-221/ |
| I really really like idea 1 (#222) | [[Two dudes are still talking about turn signals]]
/ Dude: Anyway, as I was saying, I am a big fan of turn signals. But since others are not, I have some ideas. / Dude: Idea 1: We get to work on developing self-driving cars. You know, like that taxi in Total Recall! Idea 2: Telepathy. But, like, only... http://waxturds.com/2010/01/13/i-really-really-like-idea-1-222/ |
| Red shirt (#223) | [[A Geordi fan is talking to a TOS fan at a Star Trek convention]]
/ Geordi dude: Hey, nice original series uniform. But why are you wearing a red one? The red shirt always dies on away missions. / Red shit dude: Well, that's just on the show. I'm sure the red shirt rule doesn't apply to Star Trek conventions. / [[Later:... http://waxturds.com/2010/01/14/red-shirt-223/ |
| 1-15-09. Oh, dang! (#224) | [[Bike Guy is writing a check, but has messed up the date by writing "09" instead of "10"]]
/ Bike Guy: Frig! / Bike Guy: I hate that I always write the wrong year for like a month after New Years. / [[Bike Guy turns the "9" into a dog face.]] / {{title text: That 9 was supposed to be transformed... http://waxturds.com/2010/01/15/1-15-09-oh-dang-224/ |
| @levarburton (#225) | [[A fan of Geordi is talking to some dude]]
/ Geordi Dude: Man, I would really like to talk to Levar Burton! He's my fave!
/ Dude: Why don't you message him on twitter?
/ Geordi Dude: Oh man! / [[On the computer, Geordi dude is writing: @levarburton You are so awesome. Remember that episode where you turned... http://waxturds.com/2010/01/18/levarburton-225/ |
| Team Ghostal (#226) | [[Two dudes are arguing]]
/ Dude: Blah blah blah Jay Leno.
/ Dude 2: Blah blah, blah Conan.
/ Dude: Blah blah Space Ghost blah.
/ [[Team Tad Ghostal]] / {{title text: Hands down the best talk show host EVER, in the entire galaxy you guys!}} http://waxturds.com/2010/01/19/team-ghostal-226/ |
| My what a big screen you have (#227) | [[Two dudes are talking! One has a touch screen cellphone!]]
/ Dude without phone: Wow, that new phone sure has a big screen. You better be careful what you view on that. / Dude without phone: The last thing you want is to get caught viewing porn or something on the bus. / [[Later, on the bus]]
/ Lady:... http://waxturds.com/2010/01/20/my-what-a-big-screen-you-have-227/ |
| There are no good American bumblers (#228) | [[A dude is, you know, thinking about stuff.]]
/ Dude: Man, you know what I am REALLY bad at? Retelling funny jokes that I've heard! / Dude: And the weird thing is, I consider myself a pretty funny dude! But something about retelling a joke turns me into an American version of Hugh Grant or something. / [[Example]]
/ Dude:... http://waxturds.com/2010/01/21/there-are-no-good-american-bumblers-228/ |
| Helen Hunt was definitely in on it (#229) | [[Two dudes are talking about tornadoes!]]
/ Dude: Did you hear there was a dang tornado in SoCal on Tuesday?
/ Dude 2: What?! I don't believe that.
/ Dude: It's true! / Dude: What, do you think the tornado was some elaborate Hollywood scheme to get people to start buying the movie "Twister" again? / [[A... http://waxturds.com/2010/01/22/helen-hunt-was-definitely-in-on-it-229/ |
| The Lean Pockets diet (#230) | [[Two fat dudes are talking about diets]]
/ Dude: So I just started a new diet: nothing but Lean Pockets.
/ Dude 2: Oh yeah, I've been on that for a few months. / [[Under text: The Lean Pockets diet: not so lean. / {{title text: Sure, they're not so lean on the calories and fat content. But they are... http://waxturds.com/2010/01/25/the-lean-pockets-diet-230/ |
| I don't think she's serious about it (#231) | [[A lady is talking to a friend!]]
/ Lady: My boyfriend caught me cheating on him!
/ Friend: Oh no! / Lady: It's ok! I'm just going to sex rehab for awhile, and then I'll be forgiven! / Friend: Awesome! Want to bang?
/ Lady: Sure! I don't go until next week!
/ Both: SEXY TIMES! / {{title text: You know... http://waxturds.com/2010/01/26/i-dont-think-shes-serious-about-it-231/ |
| Splinter (#232) | [[A dude is talking about this wicked splinter he got!]]
/ Dude: I was messing with a piece of wood today and I got a splinter! / Dude: And oh man, it's a doozy! It's so big and stuck in there I decided to give it a name: / Dude: Splinter! Not because it is a splinter, but because awhile back I vowed... http://waxturds.com/2010/01/27/splinter-232/ |
| AAAHHH I'M SO EXCITED!!! (#233) | [[A dude is really friggin' excited!]]
/ Dude: HEY GUYS! HOLY SHIT! CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE IT?! / Dude: AAAHHHHH! I'm so effin' excited! THE Apple iPad has been announced! FRIIIIGG! / Dude: Wait...this thing is basically just a big iPod. And you have to use an adapter for USB devices. Apple just dropped... http://waxturds.com/2010/01/28/aaahhh-im-so-excited-233/ |
| Lessons (#234) | [[Title: Lessons I Learned from Seinfeld]]
/ Dude: When I'm at work, if I act annoyed people assume that I'm busy! / Dude: When buying invitations, make sure to not get the cheapest ones! Also, sometimes the really expensive ones are bad, too! / Dude: If you lie about being a marine biologist, don't... http://waxturds.com/2010/01/29/lessons-234/ |
| Pirates vs. Ninjas is so 2009 (#235) | [[A dude is just thinkin' about stuff]]
/ Dude: Some people are really obsessed with whether pirates or ninjas are better! / Dude: To these people I have one thing to say: You are way too excited about your preferred internet meme! / Dude: The REAL internet argument to be obsessed about is "which captain... http://waxturds.com/2010/02/01/pirates-vs-ninjas-is-so-2009-235/ |
| Greengrocer's apostrophes (#236) | [[This dude is made about apostrophes!]]
/ Dude: Hey bloggers, news writers, and Joe-Schmoes who sometimes need to make words plural: Don't use an apostrophe! / Dude: For example: "Grammy's" is friggin' wrong! Unless you are talking about something your grandmother ownes, don't use an apostrophe. / Dude:... http://waxturds.com/2010/02/02/greengrocers-apostrophes-236/ |
| OK, maybe not the best example (#237) | [[This dude is kinda mad about smokers, but really, WHO AIN'T?]]
/ Dude: You want to know what the worst part of rainy weather in SoCal is? Spoilers: It ain't the water or bad drivers! / Dude: It's all the smokers who huddle around building entrances and make it impossible to avoid their gross habit!... http://waxturds.com/2010/02/03/ok-maybe-not-the-best-example-237/ |
| Oscar noms (#238) | [[A dude and lady are talking about the Oscars]]
/ Dude: So what are you thoughts on Oscar noms?
/ Lady: I was thinking pizza rolls and cherry coke. / Dude: Umm...no, I mean, you know, people. / Lady: Oh...well, I guess I'd have to go with Jeff Bridges. He seems to be the tastiest of the bunch. / {{title... http://waxturds.com/2010/02/04/oscar-noms-238/ |
| Star (Trek) crossed lovers (#239) | [[Geordi Guy and a nice Vulcan lady are on a date]]
/ Geordi Guy: So you really think "The Inner Light" was the best TNG episode? I personally think "Chain of Command" is the best. / [[A waiter comes over]]
/ Waiter: Can I get you guys started with something to drink?
/ Geordi Guy and Vulcan lady in unison:... http://waxturds.com/2010/02/05/star-trek-crossed-lovers-239/ |
| The near future (#240) | [[Current day]]
/ Dude: Need to find a store that sells Coke from Mexico? There's an app for that. / [[The near future]]
/ Dude: Get caught cheating on your wife with a large sea bass? There's a rehab for that. / {{title text: The future might already be here you guys.}} http://waxturds.com/2010/02/08/the-near-future-240/ |
| The great educator (#241) | [[Two dudes are talking about the Super Bowl]]
/ Dude 2: So the Saints won the Super Bowl. It's quite the feel-good story, considering New Orleans and all. / Dude: Yeah, I guess. It seems like kind of a silly reason to root for a football team, but if it helps the situation down there I guess I'm all... http://waxturds.com/2010/02/09/the-great-educator-241/ |
| Soccer isn't our fault! (#242) | [[This dude is talking about soccer!]]
/ Dude: Dudes are always saying how lame Americans are for calling association football "soccer". / Dude: But dudes! We didn't even come up with that name! The Brits did, in the 1800s! It was a slang term for "association". / Dude: That being said, I think we can... http://waxturds.com/2010/02/10/soccer-isnt-our-fault-242/ |
| X is so edgy! (#243) | [[Two dudes are talking about the letter x]]
/ Dude: Did you hear Comcast is changing its name to Xfinity?
/ Dude 2: That's...lame. / Dude: I know, right?! Are people still falling for the whole "letter X is young and edgy and will give this product street cred" thing? I wonder what's next? / [[A newspaper... http://waxturds.com/2010/02/11/x-is-so-edgy-243/ |
| V-Day (#244) | [[A dude and a lady are talking about V things!]]
/ Dude: So are you doing anything special for V-day? / Lady: V...V-day? Is that some kind of vagina-awareness day? / Dude: No, I think we're all pretty aware of the plight of vaginas. I meant, of course, ventriloquist day. / {{title text: Nah, I'm just... http://waxturds.com/2010/02/12/v-day-244/ |
| Presidents' Day, in some places at least (#245) | [[A dude!]]
/ Dude: I bet you're pretty happy that today is Presidents' Day, huh? That is, if you're in a state that calls it P-Day! Some don't! / Dude: Like Alabama! They call it "Washington and Jefferson Day"! But dudes, T.J. wasn't even born in February! / Dude: I hear he didn't even like this month!... http://waxturds.com/2010/02/15/presidents-day-in-some-places-at-least-245/ |
| Oh...darn. (#246) | [[Two dudes are talking]]
/ Dude 2: I just read that Verizon is blocking access to 4chan! / Dude: Oh...darn. / Dude: Now where will I go for perverted inside-joke images?
/ Dude 2: waxturds.com? / {{title text: Listen, I really am super against any kind of "web filtering" or whatever. But 4chan is just...well,... http://waxturds.com/2010/02/16/oh-darn-246/ |
| e-scent should at least be optional (#247) | [[This dude is a techie who likes books!]]
/ Dude: So...I kinda want an e-reader, you guys! Because, you know, I like to read a lot. / Dude: But I really like how books feel and smell. It's really part of the reason why I like reading, but I'm having a hard time quanitfying how important it is. / Dude:... http://waxturds.com/2010/02/17/e-scent-should-at-least-be-optional-247/ |
| The hero returns; and this time, he's out for blood! (#248) | [[Two dudes are talking about heroes and stuff]]
/ Dude: Woah, did you see that hero walk by a second ago?
/ Dude 2: No?! Who or what was it? / Dude: Well I don't know who he was, but he sure as hell was a hero. / [[Pan to dude who just donated blood]]
/ Dude: Hey, there he is again! / {{title text:... http://waxturds.com/2010/02/18/the-hero-returns-and-this-time-hes-out-for-blood-248/ |
| The hero's smile (#249) | [[Two dudes are talking, and one has just donated blood!]]
/ Dude: When I was giving blood today I noticed one of the perks of donating was an "inward smile". / Dude 2: That sounds like a creepy name for a vagina or something. / [[Later]]
/ Dude: So I got slapped after mentioning the inward smile to... http://waxturds.com/2010/02/19/the-heros-smile-249/ |
| My tea party (#250) | [[A dude and his tea party]]
/ Dude: I was planning to have a tea party with some friends, but a bunch of crazy people ruined it! / Dude: I think they were under the impression we were going to fight big government, but really we were just sitting around with some earl grey. / Dude: Needless to say,... http://waxturds.com/2010/02/22/my-tea-party-250/ |
| Funyuns (#251) | [[Two dudes are talking about Funyuns]]
/ Dude: So I think I just found a new venial sin.
/ Dude 2: Oh? That probably isn't hard. / Dude: Be that as it may, this one was a surprise for me. Funyuns. I ate some and then tried to kiss my girlfriend. She wasn't exactly pleased. / Dude 2: Did she demand any... http://waxturds.com/2010/02/23/funyuns-251/ |
| Amish dolls (#252) | [[Two dudes are talking]]
/ Dude: I just learned Amish dolls don't have faces.
/ Dude 2: Does that mean we are Amish dolls? / {{title text: I learned about this on the "Stuff You Should Know" podcast recently! And then I wrote a comic about it! And then I wrote this mouse-over text after uploading the... http://waxturds.com/2010/02/24/amish-dolls-252/ |
| A nice surprise (#253) | [[Two dudes have very different definitions of the word "nice"]]
/ Dude: Sometimes I like to leave a fortune from a fortune cookie in the pocket of pants I don't wear often, so I have a nice surprise when I wear them. / Dude 2: Oh I do something similar. I randomly poke holes in one condom, so I have... http://waxturds.com/2010/02/25/a-nice-surprise-253/ |
| Victoria's Secret bags (#254) | [[Two dudes have observed a woman carrying around a Victoria's Secret bag]]
/ Dude 2: What's the deal with ladies carrying around stuff in a Victoria's Secret bag? / Dude: Well, you know how some ladies let their thong show above their pants? I think the Victoria's Secret bag thing is just a slightly... http://waxturds.com/2010/02/26/victorias-secret-bags-254/ |
| Coolio is an aphrodisiac (#255) | [[A dude and a lady are on a date!]]
/ Dude: So where did you grow up?
/ Lady: Listen dude: I'm not up for small talk. Give me your best pick-up line. / Dude: Um...alright. Girl, you're so fine I wanna take you home and eat s'mores while watching "Dangerous Minds". / [[Later, outside the dudes bedroom... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/01/coolio-is-an-aphrodisiac-255/ |
| Purell strikes again (#256) | [[Two dudes are talking about Purell! And bacteria!]]
/ Dude: Ack! I need more Purell! I'm so afraid of bacteria!
/ Dude 2: You know, there are more bacterial cells in your body than human cells. / Dude: Wh...what? / [[Later, a newspaper headline reads "Area man dies after consumption of Purell, apparently... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/02/purell-strikes-again-256/ |
| Subduction junction, what's your function (#257) | [[Two dudes are sitting in Geology class]]
/ Professor: ...blah blah...blah subduction...blah blah volcanoes...blah blah earthquakes blah... / [[Image of subduction]] / Dude: Man, geology is boring.
/ Professor: Hey! Be gneiss now. / {{title text: Sorry Pat Robertson, but tectonic plates cause earthquakes,... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/03/subduction-junction-whats-your-function-257/ |
| Personifying the snow (#258) | [[A dude is walking home in the snow]] / Friend: Hey bro, how was the snow? / Dude: Cold, white, and slightly wet. Just like this girl I dated once. / {{title text: And you should see her play Scrabble. Very un-snowlike.}} http://waxturds.com/2010/03/04/personifying-the-snow-258/ |
| Beverage parties don't have to be lame! (#259) | [[Some dudes with signs]]
/ Text: First there was the Tea Party...
/ Sign: We is mad! About sumthing! / Text: ...then there was the Coffee Party...
/ Sign: Progress is not a bad word! / Text: ...and now there is the Root Beer Float party!
/ Dude: Give me Root Beer Floats or give me death! / {{title text:... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/05/beverage-parties-dont-have-to-be-lame-259/ |
| Buzzwords (#260) | [[Two dudes are talking about technology]]
/ Dude: So, heard any good technology buzzwords lately?
/ Dude 2: Umm...oh! How about "augmented reality"? / Dude: Oh yeah, I've heard of that. It's basically adding like a HUD overlaying the real world, right? Like with info about what is in the environment... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/08/buzzwords-260/ |
| And I bet you thought that only worked in Monopoly (#261) | [[Two dudes are talking about popular topics!]]
/ Dude: Man, Tiger really isn't doing so well lately.
/ Dude 2: Yeah, seems like everyone hates him. / Dude: Maybe he should direct some hit films or something. / Dude 2: I suppose that is like a "get out of jail free" card here in the U.S.
/ Dude: Literally. / {{title... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/09/and-i-bet-you-thought-that-only-worked-in-monopoly-261/ |
| A wiener by any other name... (#262) | [[A dude is eating a hot dog!]]
/ Dude: Oh man, hot dogs are SO GOOD! I wish I could have them every meal. / Dude 2: Hmm...I wonder what Freud would think about that statement? / [[1906]]
/ Freud: Frankfurter wurstel sind SEHR GUT! Ich brauche sie in mir. / {{title text: Turns out it's really hard to... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/10/a-wiener-by-any-other-name-262/ |
| You're not the only one who's Lost (#263) | [[This dude is like, complaining about stuff! TV stuff]]
/ Dude: Man, have you ever tried to explain the plot of Lost to someone who doesn't watch the show? / Dude: Dudes! It makes you sound like a crazy person! I mean, there is some pretty wonky stuff going on in that island! / Dude: Then again, have... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/11/youre-not-the-only-one-whos-lost-263/ |
| If only these sirens would stay on the island (#264) | [[This dude was speeding!]]
/ Dude: So I was driving in my car the other day when I heard sirens! I totally panicked, because I was hella speeding! / Dude: But it turns out the song plaing on my radio was the source of the siren! I was simultaneously relieved and pissed, because it was super lame. / Dude:... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/12/if-only-these-sirens-would-stay-on-the-island-264/ |
| woosh isn't supposed to be the sound it makes (#265) | [[Geordi guy and the Scientist are chatting]]
/ Geordi fan: OK, here's the deal: I know replicators aren't real, but I really really want one. So I have an idea that I hope you can help with... / [[Weeks later]]
/ Science Guy: OK, here you go. Give it a try.
/ Geordi fan: Tea. Earl grey. Hot. / [[A cup... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/15/woosh-isnt-supposed-to-be-the-sound-it-makes-265/ |
| Yeah, it's a day or so late. I blame Benjamin Franklin. (#266) | [[A dude is late for work, and his boss is not pleased!]]
/ Boss: Hey man, you're an hour late! What gives? / Dude: Oh...shot! Stupid daylight savings! Won't happen again, boss. / [[Daylight Savings: Making dudes and dudettes late since 1895]] / {{title text: The alternate subtitle of panel three is,... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/16/yeah-its-a-day-or-so-late-266/ |
| Now that's what I call a bet (#267) | [[A couple]]
/ Lady: Man, you're SO wrong!
/ Dude: Wanna bet?
/ Lady: Sure! How much? / Dude: No no no...couples bet sexual favors. It's like interesting prostitution. / {{title text: If you husband or wife is a cop, you'd better watch out: It may be a sting operation.}} http://waxturds.com/2010/03/17/now-thats-what-i-call-a-bet-267/ |
| Love at first pinch (#268) | [[Two dudes are talking]]
/ Dude: So did you wear green yesterday for St. Patrick's Day?
/ Dude 2: Oh...it was St. Paddy's Day. That makes sense. / [[Yesterday. A girl walks up to dude 2 and pinches him. He thinks it is flirting.]] / {{title text: I somehow managed to wear green yesterday even though... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/18/love-at-first-pinch-268/ |
| It's called "right" for a reason, people (#269) | [[This dude is not pleased]]
/ Dude: Man, don't you hate when people enter or exit doors on the "left" side? / Dude: It's like driving, dudes! Well, it's like driving in countries that drive on the aptly named "right" side of the road. / Dude: Don't even get me started on those also aptly named "sinister"... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/19/its-called-right-for-a-reason-people-269/ |
| History repeats itself (#270) | [[Two dudes are talking about politics in 2010]]
/ Dude: So heath care reform passed. Some people are really happy, some people are pissed.
/ Dude 2: Yep. / [[Two dudes are talking about politics in 1965]]
/ Dude: So the social security act passed. Some people are really happy, some people are pissed.
/ Dude... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/22/history-repeats-itself-270/ |
| My favorite Yogiism (#271) | [[Two dudes are talking]]
/ Dude: So what is your favorite Yogiism?
/ Dude 2: You mean Yogi Berra, right?
/ Dude: Yeah! / Dude 2: Off the to of my head, I'd have to say "It's deja vu all over again". / [[Two dudes are talking]]
/ Dude: So what is your favorite Yogiism?
/ Dude 2: You mean Yogi Berra,... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/23/my-favorite-yogiism-271/ |
| More lessons from Seinfeld (#272) | [[Some more lessons I learned from Seinfeld]]
/ Dude: It's a pretty bad idea to accidentally burn the Puerto Rican flag at the Puerto Rican Day Parade! / Dude: Even though butter may or may not be better than shaving cream, you should refrain from putting it all over your body. Especially if you plan... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/24/more-lessons-from-seinfeld-272/ |
| Rad / Bad - Turtle Edition (#273) | [[Ideas that are rad. Image: a turtle dressed like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Donatello]]
/ Text: Buying a turtle and dressing it like Donatello / [[Ideas that are bad. Image: a turtle strapped to the head of a guy]]
/ Text: Buying a turtle and using it as a helmet / {{title text: Okay, maybe that... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/25/rad-bad-turtle-edition-273/ |
| A couple of ugly grills (#274) | [[A dude is looking at a new car with his friend.]]
/ Dude: Well, I do like this car...but the grill is so ugly. / [[Dude holds up a pink pimp hat.]]
/ Dude: And what's with this stupid hat that comes with the car? Oh...wait... / Dude: This must be the T-Pain Edition Jetta. / {{title text: Wouldn't... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/26/a-couple-of-ugly-grills-274/ |
| Hey...wait a minute... (#275) | [[Two dudes are talking]]
/ Dude: So what is your favorite Yogiism?
/ Dude 2: You mean Yogi Berra, right?
/ Dude: Yeah! / Dude 2: Off the to of my head, I'd have to say "It's deja vu all over again". / [[Two dudes are talking]]
/ Dude: So what is your favorite Yogiism?
/ Dude 2: You mean Yogi Berra,... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/29/hey-wait-a-minute-275/ |
| Too ____ to bike (#276) | [[Bike Guy stands by the window]]
/ Bike Guy: Oh man, it's raining outside. Guess I can't bike today. / Bike Guy: Oh man, it's so hot outside. Guess I can't bike today. / Bike Guy: Oh man, that cloud looks like a giant wang. Guess I can't bike today. / {{title text: I take penis clouds very seriou... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/30/too-_____-to-bike-276/ |
| Good thing they don't make bikes (#277) | [[Bike Guy is riding his bike]]
/ Bike Guy: Oh shit, my bike is accelerating uncontrollably! / [[A crash]] / [[The destroyed bike has a Toyota logo on it]] / {{title text: The funny thing is, I actually do have a bike made from an auto company. It's GMC though, not Toyota! And, well, it kinda sucks.... http://waxturds.com/2010/03/31/good-thing-they-dont-make-bikes-277/ |
| April O'Neil Day (#278) | [[A dude is wearing a yellow jumpsuit]]
/ Dude: This April Fools' Day I'm dressing like April O'Neil. No pranks, just awesome. / {{title text: If anyone wants to dress like some large turtles who know karate, I'm just letting you know that I will be TOTALLY ok with that.}} http://waxturds.com/2010/04/01/april-oneil-day-278/ |
| Pshh, no. (#279) | [[Two dudes are talking]]
/ Dude 2: So did you fall for any pranks yesterday? / [[Yesterday. Dude 1 totally gets pranked]]
/ Dude: Ahhh! Holy shit! I just got a phone call from my bank and they said all my money is gone!
/ Phone: Haha! April Fools'! / [[Two dudes are talking]]
/ Dude: Pshh...no. / {{title... http://waxturds.com/2010/04/02/pshh-no-279/ |
| Read the sign (#280) | [[Bike Guy spots some crime: A dude just parked in a handicap spot]]
/ Bike Guy: Hey man, you can't park there! / Dude: Dude, I'm handicapped. Don't you see this crutch? / Bike Guy: Uh, DUDE, that parking space is for people with big butts. Read the sign. / {{title text: Wouldn't it be rad if your... http://waxturds.com/2010/04/05/read-the-sign-280/ |
| Baseball is back (#281) | [[Two dudes are talking about baseball!]]
/ Dude: Oh man, baseball season is here! I'm hella excited for some national pastime action! / Dude 2: Dude, baseball is so boring.
/ Dude: Whatever, man! Maybe YOU are boring. / [[Dude 2 sheds a tear]]
/ Dude 2: Damn you, baseball. You're a metaphor for my life... http://waxturds.com/2010/04/06/baseball-is-back-281/ |
| Hella chihuahuas (#282) | [[Two dudes are talking]]
/ Dude: I was looking to adopt a dog recently and came across something crazy: 80% of these dogs are chihuahuas! / Dude 2: I guess we have Paris Hilton to thank for that. / Dude: Actually I blame Taco Bell, with that "Yo quiero Taco Bell!" ad campaign in the 90's. Or Chihuahua,... http://waxturds.com/2010/04/07/hella-chihuahuas-282/ |
| Mellow yellow (#283) | [[Two dudes are talking!]]
/ Dude 2: So did you hear about that new TV that displays yellow pixels? / Dude: Oh yeah, isn't that the one that caused some controversy because they got George Takei to do the ad about this new "yellow" tech? / Dude 2: Well of course they got him to do it! His uniform on... http://waxturds.com/2010/04/08/mellow-yellow-283/ |
| Just do it (#284) | [[Tiger Woods is in frame]]
/ Earl Woods: Did you learn anything? / Tiger: Umm...text messaging is bad, and using condoms is good. / [[The Nike Swoosh logo]] / {{title text: What, you act like this would be less creepy than the original commercial somehow.}} http://waxturds.com/2010/04/09/just-do-it-284/ |
| A beef with you (#285) | [[Two dues are talking]]
/ Dude 2: Hey, I've got a beef with you! / [[Dude 2 hands Dude 1 a photo]] / [[The photo is of Dude 1 and some beef. Dated '99]] / {{title text: This what happens when you combine writer's block and hunger for a fat steak.}} http://waxturds.com/2010/04/12/a-beef-with-you-285/ |
| Coco is a go-go (#286) | [[Two dudes are talking about Coco!]]
/ Dude 2: So Conan O'Brien is going to host a late night talk show on TBS. / Dude: Well, at least his only same-network competition will be extra-inning Braves games. / Dude 2: Let's just hope they don't push his new show back 30 minutes to cram in more Seinfeld... http://waxturds.com/2010/04/13/coco-is-a-go-go-286/ |
| Well, maybe I don't totally love how it sounds (#287) | [[A dude is thinking about IBS]]
/ Dude: I love how irritable bowel syndrome sounds: / Dude: It makes me think of a grumpy old man telling me to get off his lawn. / Dude: Instead of, you know, a large tube fucking up my shit. / {{title text: "Grr...damn kids...get off my colon!"}} http://waxturds.com/2010/04/14/well-maybe-i-dont-totally-love-287/ |
| The Iceman's bite (#288) | [[Two dudes are talking about Top Gun]]
/ Dude: Remember that scene in Top Gun where Val Kilmer bites his teeth together?
/ Dude 2: Sure. / Dude: Well apparently he's been doing that a lot over the years, because he's hella fat now. / Dude 2: I guess people should call him the Ice Cream Man now. / {{title... http://waxturds.com/2010/04/15/the-icemans-bite-288/ |
| Nothing more edgy (#289) | [[Two dudes are talking]]
/ Dude: South Korea is going to implement a "gaming curfew" soon. / Dude: This will probably lead to underground gaming clubs, where these dangerous fugitives can congregate and experience Mario in all his unrestricted glory. / Dude 2: There's nothing more edgy than a bunch... http://waxturds.com/2010/04/16/nothing-more-edgy-289/ |
| 21 or 70 (#290) | [[Two dudes are talking about temperature]]
/ Dude 2: Hey, what is the temp going to be today?
/ Dude: 21.
/ Dude 2: 21? / Dude: Oh, that's about 70 degrees Fahrenheit.
/ Dude 2: Wow, how do you know that off the top of your head? / Dude: Well, I'm a scientist. So I'm bi-temperature-al. / {{title text:... http://waxturds.com/2010/04/19/21-or-70-290/ |
| Kitty rehab (#291) | [[Bike Guy and a dude are talking]]
/ Dude: So how's your cat? I haven't seen him in awhile. / Bike Guy: Oh, Stevens? He's been in kitty rehab. / Dude: Kitty rehab? For what? / Bike Guy: Well...let's just say I probably should have named him Tiger. / {{title text: It would have been a good name because:... http://waxturds.com/2010/04/20/kitty-rehab-291/ |
| He's a real tomcat (#292) | [[Bike Guy and a dude are still talking about Stevens the cat]]
/ Dude: Wow, so Stevens has a sex addiction problem? / Bike Guy: Oh man, you have no idea. He was really out of control. / [[20 months ago, Stevens sits outside an "Adopt a cat" cage]]
/ Stevens: Hey girl! I want to dip my #@%$ in catnip... http://waxturds.com/2010/04/21/hes-a-real-tomcat-292/ |
| Stevens' balls are not the problem (#293) | [[Bike Guy and a dude are talking about Stevens' balls]]
/ Dude: Wait, if Stevens is addicted to sex, why don't you neuter him? / Bike Guy: I did have him neutered! It really doesn't make any sense! / [[Flashback. Stevens stands at a grave for his balls, wearing a satellite dish around his head. The... http://waxturds.com/2010/04/22/stevens-balls-are-not-the-problem-293/ |
| Illegitimate kittens (#294) | [[Bike Guy and a dude are talking about Maury]]
/ Dude: Well, since he's neutered at least there won't be any illegitimate kittens. / Dude: Then you'd have to bring him on Maury or something. / Bike Guy: Ironically, we have been on Maury, but not for his sex addiction problem. / [[Flashback to the... http://waxturds.com/2010/04/23/illegitimate-kittens-294/ |
| Eye for an eye (#295) | [[Bike Guy and a dude are talking about Stevens' sex addiction]]
/ Dude: Wow, I can't believe you and Stevens went on Maury. / Bike Guy: Oh yeah, it was quite a scene. You know, come to think of it, right after Maury is when the sex stuff started. / Dude: Hmm...maybe Stevens has replaced one addiction... http://waxturds.com/2010/04/26/eye-for-an-eye-295/ |
| The Feline Persuasion (#296) | [[Bike Guy and a dude are talking about Stevens the cat]]
/ Dude: So when are you picking Stevens up from rehab? / Bike Guy: Oh, I'm just about to go pick him up now actually. / [[Bike Guy is riding his bike towards a building. On the building it states, "Sex Rehabilitation Center for Animals of the... http://waxturds.com/2010/04/27/the-feline-persuasion-296/ |
| So how'd you hear about us? (#297) | [[Bike Guy is talking to a receptionist at the sex rehab clinic Stevens is at]]
/ Receptionist: OK sir, Stevens will be out in a minute. May I ask how you heard about us? / [[Flashback to Bike Guy reading a newspaper. An ad on the back states, "Does your pussy have too much sex? Call us..."]] / [[Bike... http://waxturds.com/2010/04/28/so-howd-you-hear-about-us-297/ |
| The reunion (#298) | [[Bike Guy is in a waiting room reading "Cat Fancy" while Stevens is brought out to him.]]
/ Receptionist: Alright sir, here's your cat. / [[She brings Stevens in. Bike Guy and Stevens lock eyes.]] / Stevens: I can has cheezburger?
/ Bike Guy: Sure, buddy. / {{title text: Well Stevens hasn't shit on... http://waxturds.com/2010/04/29/the-reunion-298/ |
| Pushing it to the limit (#299) | [[Bike Guy and Stevens are talking]]
/ Bike Guy: Now that you're out of sex rehab, do you have any plans? / Stevens: Well, I was thinking of taking up golf. That way I can has all teh cheezburgers. / Bike Guy: ...right. You're really sticking to this whole Tiger Woods imitation thing, aren't you?
/ Stevens:... http://waxturds.com/2010/04/30/pushing-it-to-the-limit-299/ |
| Teh l337 (#300) | [[Stevens is trying to talk to Bike Guy while he plays on the computer]]
/ Stevens: Hey hoomin, want to play teh string game or something? / Bike Guy: Nah, I'm busy playing World of Warcraft. / Stevens: Oh come on! What, are you too l337 to play with your sweet-ass kitty? / Bike Guy: Kek. Don't be... http://waxturds.com/2010/05/03/teh-l337-300/ |
| Birth of a hero (#301) | [[Stevens is watching TV]]
/ TV News: And tonight in the news, a local woman was mugged while out buying cat food. / TV News: Police say there have been a series of similar muggings lately, but have no leads. / TV News: Despite this, they are discouraging citizens against vigilante acts. / [[Stevens... http://waxturds.com/2010/05/04/birth-of-a-hero-301/ |
| Stevens gets a new gig (#302) | [[A man is robbing a woman]]
/ Man: Hey lady, give me your purse! / Man: And don't try any funny stuff
/ [[Stevens comes up behind him]]
/ Stevens: Hey hoomin, drop da gun. / [[Stevens scratches the man's face]] / [[The man runs away]]
/ Man: Eff this! / [[Stevens sits perched on top of a building, his... http://waxturds.com/2010/05/05/stevens-gets-a-new-gig-302/ |
| Batman? Not so much. (#303) | [[Stevens approaches Bike Guy, who is playing on the computer]]
/ Stevens: Hey hoomin, let me ask you a question: Hypothetically, if I were a super hero cat, what should my name be? / Bike Guy: Hmm...well, your ears look kinda like Batman's. Maybe you could be Batcat or something. / Stevens: Who the... http://waxturds.com/2010/05/06/batman-not-so-much-303/ |
| Up in the sky (#304) | [[Four people stare into the sky in amazement]]
/ Man: Hey, what's that in the sky?
/ Man 2: It's a bird.
/ Man 3: It's a plane.
/ Woman: It's...a cat? / [[Stevens, wearing his mask and cape, is seen falling from a great height]]
/ Stevens: Note to self: the cape does nothing to slow down a fall. / {{title... http://waxturds.com/2010/05/07/up-in-the-sky-304/ |
| Stevens' kryptonite (#305) | [[Stevens spots a man with a gun]]
/ Stevens: Hey creepo, drop da gun or I give you pain. / Gun Guy: You'll never catch me, cat hero thing! / [[CHASE!]] / [[The guy jumps in a lake and swims away]]
/ Stevens: Drats...my kryptonite. / {{title text: I think I may do more Batman 1966-style "BANG" "ZOOM"... http://waxturds.com/2010/05/10/stevens-kryptonite-305/ |
| A new weapon (#306) | [[Stevens is pondering things]]
/ Stevens: I need to think of a way to stop bad guys from escaping. / [[IDEA!]] / [[SMITHING!]] / Stevens: It's done. / [[Stevens holds up a small projectile]]
/ Stevens: Behold...the Catarang! / {{title text: My other version of the "Catarang" was a cat nose with sharp... http://waxturds.com/2010/05/11/a-new-weapon-306/ |
| Does not respond well to criticism (#307) | [[Stevens is watching TV]]
/ TV Reporter: On a lighter note, it looks like we have a new crime-fighter in town. / TV Reporter: That's right folks, there is a cat wearing a cape fighting crime! / TV Reporter: Eyewitnesses describe the so-called "supercat" as ridiculous, and have even gone so far as to... http://waxturds.com/2010/05/12/does-not-respond-well-to-criticism-307/ |
| A simple questions (#308) | [[Bike Guy and Stevens are talking]]
/ Bike Guy: Stevens, I have an important question to ask you. / Bike Guy: Are you or are you not the so-called "supercat"? / Stevens: Dude, I sleep like 23 hours per day. How could I be the supercat? / Bike Guy: How can I be the bike guy when I never bike?
/ Stevens:... http://waxturds.com/2010/05/13/a-simple-question-308/ |
| New costume ideas (#309) | [[Stevens is thinking about making a new superhero costume]]
/ Stevens: OK...maybe it's time to design a new costume. / [[Batman-esque, Ninja Turtle-esque, Axe-Cop-esque]] / Stevens: Maybe I could do a different one each day of the week... / {{title text: That last one looks a little too much like... http://waxturds.com/2010/05/14/new-costume-ideas-309/ |
| More productive (#310) | [[Bike Guy and Stevens are talking]]
/ Bike Guy: So did you watch the Miss USA pageant? / Stevens: Nah, I decided my time would be better spent watching some cat porn. / Bike Guy: Cat...porn? / [[Yesterday]]
/ TV: Oh yeah...get that catnip baby...bend over that scratching post... / {{title text: Do... http://waxturds.com/2010/05/17/more-productive-310/ |
| 2012 equals :( (#311) | [[A dude is talking about 2012, the movie]]
/ Dude: I just saw a movie that was really bad! / Dude: It's called 2012! And did I mention it was bad? / Dude: And it's, like, SUPER long! So it's bad and long! / Dude: I don't know about you guys, but that combination just doesn't work for me! / Dude:... http://waxturds.com/2010/05/18/2012-equals-311/ |
| Lost in platitudes (#312) | [[Bike Guy and Stevens are talking]]
/ Bike Guy: Hey Stevens, did you catch Lost last night? / Stevens: Sure did. / Stevens: Let me ask you a questions: Why do hoomins like TV shows involving mysteries that are lame when revealed? / Bike Guy: I guess it's a little like life: It's the journey that we... http://waxturds.com/2010/05/19/lost-in-platitudes-312/ |
| No more heroes (#313) | [[Bike Guy talks to Stevens the cat]]
/ Bike Guy: Did you hear that Heroes got canceled?
/ Stevens: Wha?? / Bike Guy: I guess people are just sick of super heroes. / [[Stevens, who has been secretly fighting crime in a mask and cape at night, is dissappointed]]
/ Stevens: Frig. / {{title text: As much... http://waxturds.com/2010/05/20/no-more-heroes-313/ |
| You can lead a cat to water (#314) | [[Dude is talking to Stevens the cat]]
/ Dude: Hey Stevens, let me ask you a question.
/ Stevens: Shoot. / Dude: Is it true that all cats hate water? / Stevens: Well we all drink it. And it's not like cats only live in the desert or something. I guess you mean, "do we hate to swim"? / Dude: Well...do... http://waxturds.com/2010/05/21/you-can-lead-a-cat-to-water-314/ |
| Poop personified...sometimes. (#315) | [[A dude looks left]] / [[A dude looks right]] / [[A dude looks up, and sees the banner of the webpage]]
/ Dude: Pssh. Five days per week my ass. / {{title text: Yeah, I know.}} http://waxturds.com/2011/04/28/poop-personified-sometimes-315/ |
| They are total cheaters, man (#184) | [[A dude is waxing philosophic]]
/ Dude: You know what I HATE? When you're standing in line at Target, and a new register opens and all the mofo's behind you go to it and purchase their goods BEFORE you! / Dude: I mean, what the crap is up with that? Those dudes and dudettes are total cheaters, man!... http://waxturds.com/2009/11/12/they-are-total-cheaters/ |
| Charles has a great idea for a shirt (#1) | [[A turd is in the toilet. It is in a zigzag pattern.]] / [[Charles, who has just laid down that shit, admires it. He gets a great idea.]] / [[Charles has made a shirt to resemble the turd in toilet image.]] / {{title text: Please don't sue me.}} http://waxturds.com/2008/04/06/charles-has-a-great-idea-for-a-shirt-1/ |
| "College credit" (#2) | [[People are lined up at a university registrar to sign up for classes]]
/ Stick 1: I'm really excited to start college!
/ Stick 2: Me too! I hope I get all the classes I want.
/ Stick 1: I bet you'll have to buy a lot of books for those classes.
/ Stick 2: Probably!
/ Stick 3: I really feel like these classes... http://waxturds.com/2009/02/12/college-credit-2/ |
| Leave my cucumbers alone! (#4) | [[A rather large picture of a disgusting pickle]]
/ Text: Fuck pickles!
/ Text: Cucumbers are awesome!!! / {{title text: Seriously, brine+vinegar+fruit=delicious? NO!!!!!}} http://waxturds.com/2009/02/16/leave-my-cucumbers-alone-4/ |
| "I thought it was just illegal..." (#5) | [[A man stands before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates]]
/ St. Peter: Name? / [[St. Peter looks into his life book, called "Your Sins"]]
/ St. Peter: It says here that you've stolen 26,822 songs. / Man: Wait...those count?
/ St. Peter: 'fraid so. I hope the Spice Girls were worth it. / {{title text: "But... http://waxturds.com/2009/02/17/i-thought-it-was-just-illegal-5/ |
| Just another typical 'SoCal' day. (#6) | [[Two stick figures are talking]]
/ Stick 1: Dude, you live in "SoCal"? You must go to the beach everyday. / [[A typical beach scene in southern California. It is very, very crowded.]] / [[Two stick figures are talking]]
/ Stick 2: Not really. / {{title text: Is it still a comic if it really happen... http://waxturds.com/2009/02/17/just-another-typical-socal-day-6/ |
| Just another typical 'SoCal' night. (#7) | [[Two stick figures are talking]]
/ Stick 1: dude, you live in "SoCal"? You must go to clubs every night. / [[A view of a club, "Club Wax", with a huge line outside.]] / [[Two stick figures are talking]]
/ Stick 2: Sure, I go to them. Of course, I've never actually been inside... / {{title text: Apparently... http://waxturds.com/2009/02/18/just-another-typical-socal-night-7/ |
| Observations on the bus (#8) | [[A man is pondering]]
/ Man: Have you ever noticed how where a person sits on the bus says a lot about their personality? Seriously! / [[Layout of a bus]]
/ Text: Front of the bus: most of the time this is where ditsy, attractive females sit. Regardless of open seats or elderly people.
/ Text: Back of... http://waxturds.com/2009/02/19/observations-on-the-bus-8/ |
| 4chan...I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board. (#9) | [[Two men talking, one at a computer]]
/ Computer man: I'm about to login to 4chan.
/ Man: 4chan...you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. / [[Closeup on computer screen]]
/ Computer man: This guy keeps posting dick pictures after my posts.
/ Man: He doesn't like you. Tell him you... http://waxturds.com/2009/02/19/4chani-recognized-your-foul-stench-when-i-was-brought-on-board-9/ |
| It's all true, of course (#10) | [[A list]]
/ Text: Wax Turds Presents: Dumb things people say when I tell them I grew up in Las Vegas.
/ Text: 1. You must have a gambling problem. 2. Do people live in casinos there? 3. Have you seen all the shows there? 4. How many strippers have you dated? 5. How can you sleep with all those flashing... http://waxturds.com/2009/02/20/its-all-true-of-course-10/ |
| Flowers would have been nice (#11) | [[Two men talking]]
/ Man: Did you hear that California is delaying tax refunds?
/ Other man: What?! For how long?? / Man: "Until the state's cash problems are solved", is what they say.
/ Other man: Do we at least receive interest? / Man: Well...you will receive an interest-ing topic to complain about...But... http://waxturds.com/2009/02/24/flowers-would-have-been-nice-11/ |
| If only H.G. Wells had started a religion (#12) | [[A son talks to his mother. The year is 1926, in Nebraska.]]
/ Son: Hey mom, I have a great idea for a story!
/ Mother: What is it, dear? / Son: It's the story of how an alien brought people to Earth in an airplane, put them around volcanoes, and blew them up with bombs! / Son: And the souls of those... http://waxturds.com/2009/02/24/if-only-hg-wells-had-started-a-religion-12/ |
| Somebody pass me the butter. (#13) | [[A man stands on top of a roll]]
/ Man: I'm on a roll today! / {{title text: And it's a freakishly strong roll.}} http://waxturds.com/2009/02/24/somebody-pass-me-the-butter-13/ |
| They make your feet stink. (#14) | [[An image of Crocs shoes]]
/ Text: These shoes are a croc of shit. / {{title text: Don't wear these if you want to be my friend.}} http://waxturds.com/2009/03/02/they-make-your-feet-stink-14/ |
| Only you...can freak me out. (#15) | [[Teddy Ruxpin and Smokey the Bear]]
/ Text: I was deathly afraid of this damn tape-playing son of a bitch when I was kid. Consequently, I now have a hatred of all talking bears. / Text: Sorry, Smokey. Stop pointing that damn finger at me, bear. Don't make me start a fire. / {{title text:Teddy was my... http://waxturds.com/2009/03/04/only-youcan-freak-me-out-15/ |
| I want to know, have you ever seen the rain? (#16) | [[A man talking]]
/ Man: When it rains in Los Angeles, the population adopts one of two strategies. / [[A car driving very fast, splashing water on a person]]
/ Man: Some people do nothing different: They dress the same, drive fast, and generally ignore the fact that water is falling from the sky. / [[Three... http://waxturds.com/2009/03/04/i-want-to-know-have-you-ever-seen-the-rain-16/ |
| Some people spell it catsup, and they're weird. (#17) | [[An image of a busted ketchup packet]]
/ Text: I once tried to put ketchup on a hot dog by stepping on the packet and letting it explode onto the weiner.
/ Text: It didn't work out too well, and I felt a little gay afterwords. / {{title text: Don't even get me started on the time ALF and I tried to make... http://waxturds.com/2009/03/05/some-people-spell-it-catsup-and-theyre-weird-17/ |
| Daylight savings blows. (#18) | [[Image of Cher, singing in a skanky outfit]]
/ Text: If I could turn back time / If I could get more sla-eep. I'd take back that wasted hour / And I'd staaaaay / ....in bed / oh baby. / {{title text: Tonight your clock is gonna go down in flames / Just like Jesse James.}} http://waxturds.com/2009/03/09/daylight-savings-blows-18/ |
| Sometimes you get sand in your crack. (#19) | [[A man sitting on a beach under an umbrella}}
/ Man: Life's a beach. / {{title text: And then you pie.}} http://waxturds.com/2009/03/09/sometimes-you-get-sand-in-your-crack-19/ |
| This is the outcome anytime Crocs are involved. (#20) | [[A book is shown, called "Dichotomous Key for personality types in men"]] / [[Page 2]]
/ Text: Do you...Wear expensive tight designer t-shirts? Go to page 17. Do you...Wear plain or inexpensive shirts? Go to page 24. / [[Page 17]]
/ Text: Do you...Have a "fohawk"? Go to page 31. Do you...Have normal... http://waxturds.com/2009/03/18/this-is-the-outcome-anytime-crocs-are-involved-20/ |
| Just another typical 'SoCal' celebrity sighting. (#21) | [[Two men are talking]]
/ Man: So you live in "SoCal"? You must see celebrities all the time. / Other man: Well, I met that fat guy from Jackass once. Does he count? / [[One year earlier]]
/ Other man: Hey, aren't you that fa...erm, that guy from Jackass?
/ Preston: Yeah, my name is Preston though.
/ Other... http://waxturds.com/2009/03/18/just-another-typical-socal-celebrity-sighting-21/ |
| To catch a predator. (#22) | [[A man sits at a computer]]
/ Man: Time to work on my essay on chickens. / [[Man is using "googol" and searches for "young chicks"]] / [[On the screen is the wikipedia page about chickens]] / Man: This will do nicely for the section on baby chickens. / [[Two months later, a knock at the door]] / [[A... http://waxturds.com/2009/03/24/to-catch-a-predator-22/ |
| Wax Turds gets controversial. (#23) | [[A bunch of text, with a Mountain Dew logo in the background]]
/ Text: Top 5 reasons to not "do the Dew"
/ Text: #1. ?Mountain Dew Mouth?. This is the name of an actual condition which describes advanced tooth decay caused by long-term consumption of soda. It is caused by the high sugar content and low... http://waxturds.com/2009/03/26/wax-turds-gets-controversial-23/ |
| BBAB! (#24) | [[A dude with a rather large beer belly]]
/ Text: Beer Bellies are Bitchin'!
/ Text: Now with love handles! / {{title text: It's like being preggers, without all that silly commitment!}} http://waxturds.com/2009/03/26/bbab-24/ |
| Go out and waste water, kids: It may save your life. (#25) | [[A man ponders a urinal]]
/ Man: I've always wondered: Why do urinals need to flush? / Man: It's basically a drain, so why do we need to waste water when the pee is already gone? / Other man: It's simple: Diluting the urine keeps the C.H.U.D.s from taking over.
/ Man: Oh. / [[Pan to see where the pipes... http://waxturds.com/2009/03/26/go-out-and-waste-water-kids-it-may-save-your-life-25/ |
| Remember what day it is? (#27) | [[A plain white background with black text]]
/ Text: You are dumb for believing that. / {{title text: You know it happened today at some point.}} http://waxturds.com/2009/04/01/guess-what-day-it-is-and-guess-what-else-27/ |
| Or, you've had a great idea and you're doing a handstand. (#28) | [[A man has an idea and raises his hands into the air. The lightbulb comes out of his butt though, instead of his head.]]
/ Text: Congratulations! You've just had another shitty idea! / {{title text: I'm surprised more people don't realize they have shitty ideas, since many of them happen to have their... http://waxturds.com/2009/04/02/or-youve-had-a-great-idea-and-youre-doing-a-handstand-28/ |
| Adventures in online gaming (#29) | [[A man holding a controller]]
/ Text: A 12 year old just called me the n-word after I killed him in Call of Duty 4. Welcome to xbox live. / {{title text: Unfortunately this is true.}} http://waxturds.com/2009/04/03/adventures-in-online-gaming-29/ |
| Chicks dig STD shirts. (#30) | [[Two men talking]]
/ Man: Hey bro, check out my new shirt. / [[Shirt reads "I went to the Delta party and all I got were these 3 STDs."]] / [[Two men talking]]
/ Other man: Umm...yeah, that's rad. Chicks dig STD shirts. / {{title text: Coming soon to Wax Turds: t-shirts with your favorite STDs!}} http://waxturds.com/2009/04/06/chicks-dig-std-shirts-30/ |