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| #451 - Squick | {{comic title= Squick }}
/ {{comic number= #451 }} / [[ Tech support call center ]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Look, Brad, I'm in kind of a hurry.
/ Brad: Heh! I bet. Do you want to hang up, finish what you were doing and call me back? / [[ Dr. Eldritch's bedroom, Helen lies on the bed, Dr. Eldritch sits next to her, on phone ]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: I can't! She's... unconscious.
/ Brad: So? / [[ Tech support call center ]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Eww, Brad. That's just wrong.
/ Brad: Eh. When you do what I do, you really can't be squeamish. / [[ Dr. Eldritch's bedroom ]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Tech support?
/ Brad: I meant eating the brains of the living, but yeah, that too. /
/ {{ This Comic made possible by the proud workers of the Minions, Henchmen and Underlings Union, Local 641. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Brad, the tech support zombie}} {{Helen (offline)}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic451.html |
| #452 - Don't Look | {{comic title= Don't Look }}
/ {{comic number= #452 }} / [[ Tech support call center ]]
/ Brad: Yeah, That's a known problem in the latest software version. There should be a patch out in a few weeks.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Humph! I can feel a rant coming on.
/ Brad: Ease up, Cowboy! Let's get her re-booted and you can rant to my supervisor.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Fine. / Brad: Okay, feel the back of her neck for two small bumps an inch off the center line.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Ah. I've found them.
/ Brad: Good. Now press both at the same time, hold for three seconds, then release. / Brad: Reboot will take approximately three minutes. I should mention that some users find the auto-test procedures to be fairly....
/ Dr. Eldritch: EEEAAUGGHH!
/ Brad: disturbing to watch. / Dr. Eldritch: Do you get some kind of twisted enjoyment from not warning people in time?
/ Brad [[throws his arms in the air in celebration]]: Oh, no! Not at all! /
/ {{ Yet another reason why we should have VideoPhones. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Brad, the tech support zombie}} } http://askdreldritch.com/comic452.html |
| #453 - Recovery | {{comic title= Recovery }}
/ {{comic number= #453 }} / [[Dr. Eldritch's bedroom. Helen sits up on Dr. Eldritch's bed. ]]
/ Helen Alloy: Reboot complete. My chronometrics indicate a gap in operational time. Did I experience a systems failure?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Yes. You fell over. / Helen: I didn't hurt you, did I?
/ Dr. Eldritch: No. Just an interruption, and a call to tech support.
/ Helen: Oh. You poor thing! / Helen: Well, I'm still in costume. Seems a shame to let that go to waste. Unless You are already finished?
/ Dr. Eldritch: No! I mean, I'm still... interested. / Dr. Eldritch: But we should probably stick to the basics until your software is patched.
/ Helen: So, it's a Friday; bird calls or oven mitts?
/ Dr. Eldritch: How about BOTH?
/ Helen: Ooh, you ARE naughty! / {{ Kids, your parents can explain what Panel #4 is all about. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Helen}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic453.html |
| #454 - Naming | {{comic title= Naming }}
/ {{comic number= #454 }} / [[ In Trevors basement room, TV plays in the background ]]
/ Trevor: No.
/ Kari Proctor: Why not?
/ Trevor: I won. You just want to take my crown.
/ Kari: No! We want... I mean.... It's a different pageant.
/ Trevor: Yeah?
/ TV: To test this myth, I've gotten ten pounds of C-5. / Kari: Absolutely. You're Cutest Princess first runner-up, and nobody can take that away from you. This is another pageant altogether.
/ Trevor: Cool! What's it called?
/ Kari: It's the... Um....
/ TV: Um.... What's C-5? / Kari: ELDRITCH Princess Pageant.
/ Trevor: I'm in!
/ TV: It's like C-4, but ONE BETTER!
/ TV: EXCELLENT! / [[ In the hallway ]]
/ Valeria Steele: Eldritch Princess?
/ Kari: We can't really call it "the pageant to prove we shouldn't have been beaten by a troll", can we?
/ Val: Good point. / {{ Absolutely not. That name is WAY too long. }} / {{ handy reference link: the "cutest princess pageant" Comics #347-#353, #387 }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Val}} {{Trevor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic454.html |
| #455 - UH OH | {{comic title= UH OH }}
/ {{comic number= #455 }} / Valeria Steele: AUUGH! Killer Robot! RUN!
/ Kari Proctor: No, it's just Helen... / Val: RUN!I
/ [[ Val turns around while screaming and grabs Kari's wrist ]] / [[ A speedy blue-ish vase passes the place where Val and Kari have just been standing ]]
/ << WHOOSH! >> / << SMASH! >>
/ Helen Alloy: ANG!
/ Val: Told you!
/ Kari: I'm running! I'm running! / {{ It's annoying, but Pessimists are quite often right. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Val}} {{Helen (Berserker Mode)}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic455.html |
| #456 - E&E | {{comic title= E&E - E and E }}
/ {{comic number= #456 }} / [[ Val and Kari have escaped Helen, and stand behind a locked door. ]]
/ Kari Proctor: That intruder evasion protocol works pretty well. But, where's Eldritch?
/ Valeria Steele: Probably dead. Pity.
/ Voice of Dr. Eldritch [[ through the door ]]: No! I'm right outside the door!
/ << *Knock* >>
/ << *Knock* >>
/ << *Knock* >> / [[ Kari turns around to open the door, but Val holds her back ]] / Val: Wait! If a killer robot was PRETENDING to be him, that's exactly what she would say!
/ Kari: Hmmm, you're right.
/ << *THUMP* >>
/ Voice of Dr. Eldritch: Come on! I can hear her! She's getting nearer!
/ << *THUMP* >>
/ << *THUMP* >> / Kari: What's the identifying passcode code for today?
/ Voice of Dr. Eldritch: Aardvark! AARDVARK!
/ Val: Is that right?
/ Kari: I'm pretty sure it is.
/ Voice of Dr. Eldritch: Hurry, I can see her!
/ << *BANG!* >>
/ << *BANG!* >>
/ << *BANG!* >> / Kari: I don't want to get in trouble for doing this wrong. We should figure out a question that only you would know the answer, and can't easily be faked.
/ Voice of Dr. Eldritch: THIS IS NOT THE TIME!
/ Voice of Helen Alloy: ANG!! / {{ Well, it's not like we can go back in Time and do it THEN. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Val}} {{Helen (Berserker Mode)}} {{Voice of Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic456.html |
| #457 - Timing | {{comic title= Timing }}
/ {{comic number= #457 }} / [[ In the basements safe room, Val, Kari and Dr. Eldritch takl, while Helen in her berserker mode bangs on the door ]]
/ Kari Proctor: Wow! That was AMAZING!
/ Dr. Eldritch: No thanks to you. When this is over, I'm going to have to lecture you all afternoon.
/ {{ *THUMP!* }}
/ {{ *THUMP!* }}
/ {{ *THUMP!* }}
/ {{ *THUMP!* }} / Dr. Eldritch: Okay, as for you: Go ahead. Say it.
/ Valeria Steele: No, I'm cool.
/ Dr. Eldritch: What? Isn't this exactly what you thought would happen?
/ Val: Oh, yeah. Big time.
/ Dr. Eldritch: But you're not...?
/ {{ *THUMP!* }}
/ {{ *THUMP!* }}
/ {{ *THUMP!* }}
/ {{ *THUMP!* }} / Val: It's tempting, but you're not dead yet. I'm aiming for that moment right before she kills you, so then you'll be thinking "Damn, Val was right!" just as you die.
/ Dr. Eldritch: That's really twisted.
/ {{ *THUMP!* }}
/ {{ *THUMP!* }}
/ {{ *THUMP!* }}
/ {{ *THUMP!* }} / Dr. Eldritch: Yet, admirable.
/ Helen Alloy: ANG!!
/ Val: I like a challenge.
/ {{ *THUMP!* }}
/ {{ *THUMP!* }}
/ {{ *THUMP!* }}
/ {{ *THUMP!* }} / {{ One of the greatest joys in life is being Right. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Val}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Helen (berserker mode)}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic457.html |
| #458 - Retry | {{comic title= Retry }}
/ {{comic number= #458 }} / [[ Tech support, zombie call center. ]]
/ Brad: Tech support, this is Brad. How can I help you?
/ Dr. Eldritch: My S... housekeeper-bot is attacking us!
/ Brad: Are you SURE that's what she's doing? Some customers confuse certain...
/ Dr. Eldritch: Don't make me hurt you, Brad. / [[ In the basement, Ping, Trevor, Byron, Kari and Val watch TV while Dr. Eldritch talks on the phone ]]
/ Brad: Okay! Did you mess with her settings? End-users shouldn't mess with the settings.
/ Dr. Eldritch: No! I did not change any settings!
/ Brad: Did you do a reboot recently?
/ Dr. Eldritch: You know I did!
/ TV: The female clown allows the male clown to touch her balloons. / Brad: Uh huh. Well, a reboot would reset her "murderous rampage" switch back to the default of "yes".
/ Dr. Eldritch: You just knew that?
/ Brad: Sure, that's a standard feature.
/ TV: Aroused, they begin to mate. / [[ Helpdesk office ]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Then WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT BEFORE???
/ Brad: Eh. The pay here really doesn't inspire me to excellence, if you know what I mean. / / {{ Eww, yuck! He's drinking TAB! }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Val}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Brad, tech support zombie}} {{Ping}} {{Byron}} {{Trevor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic458.html |
| #459 - Unsupportive | {{comic title= Unsupportive }}
/ {{comic number= #459 }} / [[ Tech-support call center ]]
/ Dr. Eldritch [[over the phone]]: Does she have a remote off-switch?
/ Brad: Let me look. Um... No.
/ Dr. Eldritch [[over the phone]]: An override voice command?
/ Brad: No. / [[ basement ]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Okay, is there anything we can do to stop her?
/ Brad [[over the phone]]: Well, you could...
/ Brad: Wait. Um...
/ Brad: No. / [[ Nahina flies in the background ]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: So tell me, Brad, and I ask this from pure scientific inquiry, what DO you normally tell your customers when they're being attacked by one of your androids? / [[ Tech support rooms ]]
/ Brad: Actually, nobody's ever survived long enough to call.
/ Dr. Eldritch: I'm hanging up now.
/ Brad: Before you go, would you like to answer a few questions for our Customer Satisfaction Survey? / {{ Bonus panel, please VOTE daily! }}
/ Brad: I could connect you with the salesperson who handles our "murderous rampage" insurance.
/ << *click!* >>
/ Brad: Oh, like it would have killed him to say "Thanks!". / {{ Strangely, nobody ever answers questions for the Customer Satisfaction Survey. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Brad, tech support zombie}} {{Nahina}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic459.html |
| #460 - Confession | {{Comic 460}} {{Confession}} / [[Dr. Eldritch, Kari Proctor, and Valeria Steele powwow in the basement Safe Room]] / Eldritch: Okay, tech support is no help.
/ Val: You have a gun?
/ Eldritch: Yes, of course.
/ Val: It's simple. Open door. Shoot her. / Eldritch: I can't.
/ Val: Why not?
/ Eldritch: I have...FEELINGS for her.
/ Val: Crap on a biscuit. / Kari: Now it's MY turn to say "I told you so!"
/ Eldritch: You never did! / Kari: Well I THOUGHT it.
/ Eldritch: Doesn't count.
/ Val: What are you waiting for? Give MEthe gun! / {{Yeah, anybody can 'predict' an event AFTER it's happened.}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{Val}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic460.html |
| #461 - Options | {{Comic 461}} {{Options}} / [[Dr. Eldritch, Valeria Steele, and Kari Proctor are in basement Safe Room]]
/ Eldritch" I know she can't reciprocate emotionally. It's not rational, perhaps even stupid, but it's what I feel. Who is to say what's right or wrong with matters of the heart? / Eldritch: If you think about it, throughout history...
/ Val: Hey, killer robot problem!
/ Eldritch: Right. Sorry. / [[upstage, a mini-king-kong climbs the wall]]
/ Eldritch: Okay, we need to neutralize the threat without destroying Helen. Ideas?
/ Val: Shoot her.
/ Eldritch: Already rejected that.
/ Kari: Blow her up? / Eldritch: Whose side are you on?
/ Kari: The "I don't want to die at the hands of a deranged robot" side.
/ Val: Me too! Me too! / {{Now now! We can ALL be on that side.}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{ Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{Val}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic461.html |
| #462 - Plan A | {{Comic #462}} {{Plan A}} / [[Dr. Eldritch, Valeria Steele, and Kari Proctor are just on the other side of the Safe Room door from Helen Alloy]]
/ Eldritch: Helen? I need you to shut yourself down, okay? Will you do that for me?
/ Helen: Ang!
/ <<*Thump!* *Thump!*>> / Kari: Did it work? / Eldritch: Let's see. Hey! Trevor spilled ink on the sheets!
/ Helen: ANG! ANG!!
/ << *WHUMP!!* *WHUMP!!*>> / Eldritch: That's a "No".
/ << *WHUMP!!* *WHUMP!!* * WHUMP!!* >>
/ Val: So, on to plan "Let Val shoot her now?" / {{To someone with a gun, every problem looks like a psycho-android attack.}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Val}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{Helen Alloy}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic462.html |
| #463 - Plan B | {{comic title= Plan B }}
/ {{comic number= #463 }} / [[Still in the cellar's safe room. ]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Ping, we'll need to use your stun-gun feature.
/ Ping: I don't have a....
/ Dr. Eldritch: Yes, you do. All autonomous robots have one.
/ Ping: Fine. Just give away ALL our secrets.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Don't worry, I won't say anything about the plasma cannon. / Valeria Steele: So we throw Ping out the door and let him take her down?
/ Dr. Eldritch: No! We'll wire an extension to the terminals, and disguise it as a stray bit of lint.
/ Val: Lint? / Dr. Eldritch: I plan to exploit a glitch in her programming. Her operational optimization algorithms often cause her multi-processor to activate her housekeeping subroutines concurrent with ... um... non-housekeeping activities.
/ Val: HEH! She starts vacuuming while you're doing it?
/ Dr. Eldritch: No! Well, it's dusting, mostly. / Val: Ha! "Ooh, take me hard while I do your windows!"
/ Dr. Eldritch: To be fair, an old place like this practically grows its own cobwebs.
/ Kari Proctor: So, Ping has a plasma cannon? / {{ Too bad there's not a Tricorder handy. You can rewire those to do ANYTHING! }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari}} {{Val}} {{Trevor}} {{Ping}} {{Byron}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic463.html |
| #464 - Rampagebot | {{comic title= Rampagebot }}
/ {{comic number= #464 }} / [[ Helen is wielding a vacuum cleaner, two of the house-gnomes flee. The vacuum cleaner is broken and the collected dust is flying around. ]]
/ Helen Alloy: ANG!!
/ 1: Oh! Dibs on saying "This will be the shock of her life!"
/ 2: Must you? / {{ What a mess! Somebody better vacuum that... Oh. Never mind. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari}} {{Helen (Rampage Mode)}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic464.html |
| #465 - Stunning? | {{comic title= Plan B }}
/ {{comic number= #463 }} /
/ Dr. Eldritch: With any luck, the power spike will trigger a safety shut-down to protect her circuitry. Kari, now it's time to say the phrase.
/ Kari Proctor: Oh, no! If this doesn't work in the next five seconds, we're doomed! Five...
/ << *THUMP!* >>
/ << *THUMP!* >> / Kari: Four...
/ Helen Alloy [[through the door]]: ANG!!
/ Kari: Three...
/ << *THUMP!* >>
/ << *THUMP!* >> / Kari: Two...
/ Kari [[whispering]]: This isn't going to work, is it? / Kari: One...
/ Helen: A-!
/ << ZAZAP! >>
/ << *THUD!* >> /
/ {{ It's like dynamite fishing, except with electricity. And an android. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari}} {{Val}} {{Trevor}} {{Ping}} {{Byron}} {{Helen (Rampage Mode)}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic465.html |
| #466 - Geeks Return | ((Comic 466}} {{Geeks Return}} / [Geeks and Kari Proctor in the entrance hall. A passing zombie lurks]] / Geek 1 and Geek 2: Hi, Kari!
/ Kari: Hi, guys! Hey, have you been working out?
/ Geek 1: Yeah! Well, I got a Wii Fit.
/ Geek 2: I've been playing a lot of Halo 3! / Kari: Well, you're both looking good! Go on into the living room, okay?
/ Geek 1 (sotto voce): I think she likes me!
/ Geek 2(sotto voce): No, she likes ME! / [[enter Dr. Eldritch]]
/ Eldritch: Did you flirt with them?
/ Kari: Yes. Is it really necessary, though?
/ Eldritch: Perhaps not. But it makes them so happy. / KariL Then next time YOU get to do it.
/ Eldritch: I've tried. They don't respond well. / {{Training for the Azeroth Marathon is not the same as getting in shape}}
/ {{AppearancesL}} {{Geek 1}} {{Geek 2}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{Passing Zombie}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic466.html |
| #467 - House Call | {{Comic 467}} {{House Call}} / [[Dr. Eldritch, Geek 1, Geek 2 and Helen Alloy in the living room]]
/ Geek 1: Hey, E! Nice sexbot!
/ Eldritch: No, housek... Fine, whatever. / [[Enter Kari Proctor]]
/ Eldritch: We need to change her default settings, so she boots up with a "no" for murderous rampages. And maybe check for any other potentially undesirable behaviors.
/ Geek 2: Sure! But this may void your warranty.
/ Eldritch: We're already past that point. / [[pan in, cropping out Kari]]
/ Geek 2: Say, while we're working on her, we could do some casemods, too...
/ Geek 1: Ooh, a Seven of Nine!
/ Geek 2: Hot!
/ Eldritch: No! She's good the way she is! / [[Eye Stalk critter eavesdrops]]
/ Eldritch: But if the red-glowing eyes could happen at will, I wouldn't complain.
/ Geek 1: Got it.
/ Geek 2: Say no more! / {{Ooh! One could play Roboticist and Naughty Android!}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Geek 1}} {{Geek 2}} {{Helen Alloy}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{Eye Tentacles}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic467.html |
| #468 - Gratuity | {{Comic 468}} {{Gratuity}} / [[Kari Proctor, Geek 1, Geek 2, Dr. Eldritch, and a supine inactivated Helen Alloy are in the living room]] / Geek 1: There! We fixed the boot-up default, and if she does go on a rampage, saying the safety phrase will reset the switch back to "no."
/ Eldritch: And that phrase is?
/ Geek 1: "No! Stop! Don't!"
/ Eldritch: I can remember that. / Geek 2: Here's the emergency override phrase, too.
/ Eldritch: Excellent. You work fast.
/ Geek 2: Her operating system's written in a dialect of uncommon LISP.
/ Geek 1: Not like it's anything difficult! / Eldritch: You guys are so smart! That's really... sexy.
/ Geek 1: Hey, dude. We talked about you doing that.
/ Eldritch: Fine. I'll just mail your check.
/ Geek 2: It would be okay if Kari flirts with us some more. / Kari: You guys are so smart! That's really... sexy.
/ Geek 1: Aw! It's nothing.
/ Eldritch (sotto voce): That's exactly what *I* said. / {{Context, Dude. Context}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{Geek 1}} {{Geek 2}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Helen Alloy}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic468.html |
| #469 - Awakening | {{Comic 469}} {{Awakening}} / [[Helen POV, in red]]
/ Eldritch: Helen? Can you hear me?
/ Helen: Yes. My chronometrics indicate a gap in operational time. Did I have another systems failure?
/ Eldritch: Yes, you did. / Eldritch: Do you remember what happened?
/ Helen: i noticed some lint, and attempted to pick it up.
/ Eldritch: How about BEFORE that? / [[POV angle is now horizontal]]
/ Helen: I was trying to break through the basement door with a vacuum cleaner so I could kill you all.
/ Eldritch: Oh. Well, your memory's good.
/ Helen: I do have a question.
/ Eldritch: Yes? / Helen: Why am I wearing red goggles with words on the lens?
/ Eldritch: To reduce your urge to kill.
/ Helen: It's not really working. / {{And monochromatic vision? Seriously?}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Helen Alloy}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic469.html |
| #470 - Repercussions | {{Comic 470}} {{Repercussions}} / [[Helen Alloy and Dr. Eldritch in living room]]
/ Helen: I expect you'll return be to Zorbletech now.
/ Eldritch: No, of course not!
/ Helen: No?
/ Eldrithc: No. / Eldritch: It's the way life is. Any one of us could be possessed, brainwashed or turned evil. And it doesn't even have to be an act of outside forces. Who hasn't ever had a simple misunderstanding that causes one to try and kill all one's friends? These things just happen. And when they do, the best thing is to forgive and forget. / Helen: That's a very accepting philosophy.
/ Eldritch: Thanks. I try to be open-minded. / Helen: And it has nothing to do with sex?
/ Eldritch: "Forgive and Forget" includes not questioning anyone's motives, okay? / {{But that vacuum cleaner is coming out of your paycheck.}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Helen Alloy}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic470.html |
| #471 - Comfort Food | {{Comic 471}} {{Comfort Food}} / [[Kari Proctor, Namaste Butterfly Spirit O'Hare, Helen Alloy, Trevor, Ping, Byron and Dr. Eldritch around the kitchen table]]
/ Kari: I'm glad Helen didn't kill us all!
/ Helen: Yes. I guess I didn't want it badly enough.
/ Kari: Um...
/ Helen: It's funny because I have no...
/ Kari: Yeah, we got that. / Eldritch: So, Val, are you disappointed that I survived?
/ Val: Meh. A little. But this isn't over yet.
/ Eldritch: You don't think so? / [[a Sad Evil Clown peeks in from the mist]]
/ Val: I figure that just when you think it's all safe again, Helen will go crazy and take your head off. I bet Trevor fifty bucks that you'll be dead within a week.
/ Eldritch: Your vote of confidence is duly noted. / [[exeunt SEC]]
/ Trevor: I'm glad you're not dead.
/ Eldritch: Thank you. I appreciate that.
/ Trevor: But loan me fifty bucks, just in case? / {{Betting on someone's death may seem wrong, but that is what Life Insurance is.}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{Namaste Butterfly Spirit O'Hare}} {{Helen Alloy}} {{Trevor}] {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Evil Clown}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic471.html |
| #472 - Debriefing | ((Comic 472}} {{Debriefing}} / [[Dr. Eldritch, Kari Proctor, and Sudbury in Eldritch's office/study]]
/ Eldritch: ...and number 73: Insisting on a new protocol in the middle of an incident is against standing protocol!
/ Eldritch: Okay, I think I've lectured you enough about that. Let's review our rampaging robot scenario. What worked? What didn't? What should we do differently next time? / Kari: One thing leaps to mind. Remember when you were wanting to get into the basement?
/ Eldritch: I'd say that me seventy-three point lecture indicates that I do.
/ Kari: Maybe in the future you could... / [[picture in picture, Eldritch enters between Val and Kari Proctor]]
/ {{< http://askdreldritch.com/comic472.html |
| #473 - New Skill | {{Comic 473}} {{New Skill}} / [[Dr. Eldritch, Sudbury, and Kari Proctor in his study/office]]
/ Kari: This is not to say that I've stopped being annoyed about this, but could you teach me to walk through walls, too?
/ Eldritch: Probably. It's mostly a matter of practice.
/ Kari: Excellent! / [[Nahina passes through, near the ceiling]]
/ Eldritch: Be aware that it took me awhile to get so I could do it reliably.
/ Kari: Like several months?
/ Eldritch: Fifty years.
/ Kari: Oh. / Eldritch: But this is a great apprentice exercise. It's difficult but attainable, if you're willing to devote long hours of frustrating and possibly humiliating attempts which are rewarded with just enough successes to keep you from giving up in disgust. And you'll hate the fact that I can do it and you can't! / Kari: I'm regretting this already.
/ Eldritch: See! It's perfect! / {{Wax On, Wax Off is for AMATEURS!}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Sudbury}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{Nahina}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic473.html |
| #474 - Demonstration | {{Comic 474}} {{Demonstration}} / [[mounthgate hall, the gym]]
/ Dr. Eldritch (off-panel): Okay, I don't want you to get stuck half way, so put your arms around me and don't let go for anything. Closer. Seriously. Even closer.
/ Kari Proctor (off-panel): You'd better not be enjoying this.
/ Eldritch (off): Don't worry. I think of you like a distant relative that I'm only moderately fond of.
/ Kari (off): I'm ignoring that. / Eldritch (off): Ready? No imagine that the tiny spaces within your molecules are lining up with the matching spaces in the wall, so they can all slide past each other simultaneously.
/ Kari (off): Okay. Is that what they do?
/ Eldritch:(off): Oh, not at all. It's just something to occupy your mind while this happens. / [[Enter Dr. Eldritch and Kari Proctor]]
/ Kari: AAACK! / Kari: Son of a...!
/ Kari: That HURTS!
/ Eldritch: Yes. Every time. You have that to look forward to!
/ Kari: Mom said I should be a librarian, but NOOO...
/ <<*Flop!*>> / {{One shouldn't do such things to get even, but if it works out that way...}}
/ {{Appearances (eventually): {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari Proctor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic474.html |
| #475 - Review | {{Comic 475}} {{Review}} / [[Dr. Eldritch and Kari Proctor aerobic exercise in the gym]]
/ Kari: For our intruder protocol, why do we go to the basement, and not a panic room?
/ Eldritch: That's essentially what the basement is. Thick stone walls. Impenetrable door. Nearly anyway. And it has cable. / Eldritch: Also in a crisis situation, you're running TOWARD Trevor. That's good if anybody is following you. Anyone edible, that is.
/ Kari: I guess. It's not as cool as a real panic room. / Eldritch: But in the worst-case scenario, where we have to abandon the mansion, we can escape into the tunnels beyond the basement.
/ Kari: Because it's better to die far underground?
/ Eldritch: They do have their own dangers, yes, but they connect to other places...
/ Eldritch: Like the Roman Catacombs, and the Mounthgate Hall in Dorset, England.
/ Kari: Awesome! / Kari: So why aren't there any weapons in that part of the basement?
/ Eldritch: I moved them when Trevor couldn't still to the "No firing guns in the house" rule.
/ Kari: But we shoot in the gun range.
/ Eldritch: Trolls aren't good with nuance. / {{Which is probably why trolls aren't big fans of Jane Austen novels}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic475.html |
| #476 - Love Talk | {{Comic 476}} {{Love Talk)) / [[Valeria Steele and Dr. Eldritch have coffee in the kicthen. ZGTJ is in the news.]]
/ Val: So, have you dealt with it yet?
/ Dr. Eldritch: There are so many things you could possibly mean, it seems best just to ignore that question.
/ Val: I figured you'd refuse to talk about it. / Val: But you'll have to, one way or another. You're in love with an android who can't feel anything back. There's no way that isn't going to blow up in your face. Even if she doesn't kill you.
/ Eldritch: HUMPH. I'm not an idiot.
/ Val: Heh! / Eldritch: I know. If someone in this situation wrote to me for advice, I'd tell him to end it. It's pure hubris to think that somehow I'm exempt. That it will be different for me, merely because I'm THE Dr. Eldritch.
/ Val: Was that so hard to admit?
/ Eldritch: No as difficult as sending her away. / Val: AW! You're cute when you're in love.
/ Eldritch: Now you're just trying to annoy me.
/ Val: No, but that's a bonus. / {{Is it time for a heart-to-central-processing-unit chat?}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Valeria Steele}} {{ZGTJ}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic476.html |
| #477 - Halloween 2008 | {{Comic 477}} {{Halloween 2008}} / [[Brad and three other customer service reps are in the break room, drinking Tab]] / Brad: Zombie.
/ CSRZ 1: Zombie
/ CSRZ 2: Zombie.
/ CSRZ 3: ...ommieee... / Brad: This is lame! We're ALWAYS the same thing for Halloween!
/ CSRZ2: But I've already got the costume. / Brad: Is this what we want our afterlives to be? Endless repetition of the same boring routine? Not for me! This year I'm going to do something DIFFERENT!
/ CSRZ 1: Yeah! Me too!
/ CSRZ 2: All right!
/ CSRZ 3: YAAW! / [[a halloween party]]
/ Brad: You couldn't think of anything, either?
/ CSRZ 1: It was this or "Fairy Princess."
/ CSRZ 2: No, I'm a Zombie PIRATE!
/ CSRZ 3: UHH HUHH.
/ CSRZ 2: Check it out! Braaainnnsss...ARRRR! / {{Not everyone you meet tonight is wearing a costume, if you know what I mean.}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Brad}} {{Customer Service Representative Zombie 1}} {{CSRZ 2}} {{CSRZ 3}} {{Hapless partygoers}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic477.html |
| #478 - Meat Again | {{Comic 478}} {{Meat Again}} / [[the entry room, a pile of meat is stealthily dropped]]
/ < http://askdreldritch.com/comic478.html |
| #479 - Carried Away | {{Comic 479}} {{Carried Away}} / [[Trevor, falling supine in the entry foyer]]
/ Trevor: MMMM. Tasty. / < http://askdreldritch.com/comic479.html |
| #480 - Note | {{Comic 480}} {{Note}} / [[a cut-out ransom note]]
/ We have your troll. Give us Brobot if you want him back. Wait for instructions. / [[Dr. Eldritch and Kari Proctor confer in the entry foyer]]
/ Eldritch: Put on your apprentice hat, Bob. This is a perfect live-fire exercise for you.
/ Kari: Oh, thank goodness!
/ Eldritch: That wasn't the reaction I expected.
/ Kari: Well, this is just training, right? He isn't really kidnapped. / Eldritch: I only know what's in the note. But if the question is whether I arranged this, the answer's no. This is real.
/ Kari: So what do we do?
/ Eldritch: You tell me. You arrive at home, and find a ransom note. Now what?
/ Kari: I call you. "Help me, Dr. Eldritch!" / Eldritch: You're not really getting into the spirit of this exercise.
/ Kari: I don't want an exercise. I want Trevor back!
/ Eldritch: As do I.
/ Kari: Well, duh! That's why I called you! / {{And really, who's not playing along, here?}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari Proctor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic480.html |
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