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| 031 - Always Say "Thank You" | That was surprisingly satisfying.
/ I don't know many hexes, but that one does the trick.
/ http://askdreldritch.com/comic031.html |
| 032 - Denouement, Part I | Are you awake, Dear?
/ Hi, Great Grandma! You were right about the amulet. / Of course I was! I'm dead, not stupid. / So, did you 'reward' him for saving you?
/ Great Grandma! / Just asking. I bet he looks good naked.
/ Can't hear you. Sleeping now. http://askdreldritch.com/comic032.html |
| 033 - Denouement, Part II | Thanks for watching out for me, Great Grandma.
/ Don't mention it. You're family. / Will I see you again?
/ Well, this house contains a highly unstable fluctuating interdimensional portal... / ...Which spews out creatures from multiple universes. So I'd say the odds are good. Sweet dreams! http://askdreldritch.com/comic033.html |
| 034 - Serious Inquiries Only | Reference Desk!
/ Hi! Where's my TV remote?
/ Do you think I haven't heard that before? The Reference Desk is not a joke. We're an integral part of the library's multi-faceted media distribution system, and are for serious inquiries only! / Okay. What percentage of info desk librarians are bitter about being made obsolete by Google? / Fine. Look behind your mini-fridge.
/ Cool! http://askdreldritch.com/comic034.html |
| 035 - The Truth About Librarians | Reference Desk!
/ I've got a question.
/ Oh, it's you. / Aren't all librarians secretly dominatrices?
/ You're obviously confused by an unfortunate media stereotype. Librarians are not all alike. We're a diverse group with our own individual tastes and interests.
/ Our first mistake was leaving the cutting torch by the octopus tank... / Plus, movies always show some Librarian-Gone-Wild tying up an unwilling participant and refusing to release them when asked, which is completely unacceptable by BSDM protocols. / I am SO turned on right now.
/ Back off, Fanboy.
/ Nobody could have foreseen the bank robbery. http://askdreldritch.com/comic035.html |
| 036 - Something To Think About | Reference Desk!
/ I've been thinking...
/ You again? / You know a lot about domination...
/ Hold on. Just because I know about it, doesn't mean I'm into it. I know about a lot of things.
/ We'll return to the "Party of Five" marathon after these messages! / Such as how to make someone repeatedly dream their worst nightmare. Being chased by evil toasters with spiky tentacles into a school basement filled with zombie cheerleaders. / For example.
/ Uh... Point taken.
/ Wish you could put gravy on EVERYTHING? Now you can! http://askdreldritch.com/comic036.html |
| 037 - Undaunted | So, Are you seeing anyone?
/ No, not right now.
/ Then maybe we could like, hook up sometime.
/ Eww! No way! I mean, no. Thanks. / You're a Troll. Why are you interested in me?
/ Cause human females are hot! Not like female trolls. Yuck... / What do they look like?
/ Like me. / Well ... That's not SO bad.
/ You think I'm hot? All right then! http://askdreldritch.com/comic037.html |
| 038 - Distraction | We could go to the basement...
/ Again, no. / MINE! MINE!
/ AAAIIIIEEEE! / You're EATING those things?
/ Sure! Tastes just like...
/ Chicken? / No. Pixie!
/ I need to stop asking questions.
/ Mmm, Pixie! Not just for breakfast anymore! http://askdreldritch.com/comic038.html |
| 039 - Walked Right Into It | Would Trevor really eat a pixie?
/ Some people consider them a delicacy. I'd never indulge, but I do know the Secret Pixie Stew Technique. / That's disgusting!
/ They tend to be annoying little egomaniacs. If you got to know one, you might want to feed it to Trevor just to make it shut up. / Oh. So how DO you make a Pixie Stew? / Boink her sister.
/ HA! Now ask me how to make a Gnome Loaf! http://askdreldritch.com/comic039.html |
| 040 - Intruder Alert! | Hey! I'm... tidying up.
/ Just doing your job? / Yeah! That's it!
/ Me too. / Ack! No! Don't!! I'm still UNDER WARRANTEE! http://askdreldritch.com/comic040.html |
| 041 - Adapt, Improvise, Overcome | Ow. You're all metal.
/ Being a robot, yes. / But you're an intruder. I must eat you.
/ You can't! HA, HA! I'm safe from you! / I have options.
/ HOLY ASIMO! http://askdreldritch.com/comic041.html |
| 042 - House Rules | Trevor! What did I tell you about firing weapons in the house?
/ "No shooting guns indoors without permission." / That's right.
/ So, may I...
/ No. / Want to go play outside?
/ NO SHOOTING THE ROBOT! http://askdreldritch.com/comic042.html |
| 043 - New Pet? | [[Trevor is pointing a big gun at a robot in Dr. Eldritch's kitchen. Dr Eldritch looks on.]]
/ He's cute. Can I keep him?
/ No way. You'll play with him for a while, but I'll end up feeding and cleaning up after him. / Aww! This time I promise!
/ That's what you said about the Giant Slug Ranch. He looks like even more work.
/ I'm right here. I can HEAR you. / What are you called, robot?
/ Ping.
/ Even the noises he makes are cute!
/ That's my NAME! / Okay, he's a little cranky.
/ "Little Cranky" is a GREAT name for a robot! Let's put a wind-up key on his back too.
/ Cool!
/ And they wonder why robots want to kill all humans. / {{Easter Egg in Panel 1: A big lizard looks in the window.}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic043.html |
| 044 - Robo-Religion | No, he's got to go.
/ Wait! There was a misunderstanding about some stuff I... found. Let me hide here for a while! Please!
/ Doesn't stealing violate the First Law? / I don't have to follow the Three Laws. I'm a Robo-Atheist.
/ What? You don't BELIEVE there's an Isaac Asimov? Who do you think wrote all those books? / What do books prove? Have you ever actually SEEN him?
/ He's got a point. / Although I did see his face in a pancake once.
/ Well, who hasn't? http://askdreldritch.com/comic044.html |
| 045 - Two Out Of Three | Okay, you can stay. But you must obey the Three Laws. And that means no stealing.
/ That sucks.
/ Tell you what; you only have to obey the first TWO Laws. But that still means NO STEALING. / Cool! Thanks!
/ No problem. Now I'm going to check out the portal. I'm not liking this influx of extardimensional entities wandering the mansion. / You don't know what the Third Law is, do you?
/ Uh, "Thou shalt not take Asimov's name in vain"? / No! "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." Duh!
/ No, it's "Every action has an equal and opposite reaction!" I HATE obeying that one! http://askdreldritch.com/comic045.html |
| 046 - Robo-Magnetism | Is there a reason for all the rubber duckies on that table.
/ Yeah, It's... technical. / Hi there! Trevor, who's your friend?
/ He's not my friend.
/ Hi! I'm Ping! I'm hiding... uh, STAYING here for a while. / Oh, you're cute!
/ Well, Baby, set my thermocouples on overload, because you're really HOT! / Back off, Robo-Romeo. Don't make me get the squirt bottle.
/ She'll do it, believe me. http://askdreldritch.com/comic046.html |
| 047 - It's The Law | Do you know any tricks? Show me what you can do!
/ That's not gonna happen, Human. / Ha! You HAVE to!
/ What?!! / You agreed to live by the first Two Laws. Obeying Humans is Law Number Two.
/ Oh, this will be FUN! / Okay, now "Like a Virgin," with FEELING!
/ Oh, I love the classics!
/ Stupid carbon-based worm food...
/ I don't hear singing! http://askdreldritch.com/comic047.html |
| 048 - She's Got A Gun! | DON'T MOVE!
/ What the... Halle Berry with a gun?!!
/ Hands on your... Wait, I look like Halle Berry? / Well, in this light...
/ Careful!
/ I mean, yes, you do!
/ Better. http://askdreldritch.com/comic048.html |
| 049 - That's Logic | Don't be messing around! They send you to kill me?
/ No, I'm the caretaker while the owner's away. I have no idea who you are. / Aha! If you WERE the caretaker, he would have TOLD you about me! So if you DON'T know who I am, then you MUST be sent to kill me! / Someone skipped her Happy Pills today, didn't she? http://askdreldritch.com/comic049.html |
| 050 - No Tricks | I'm not crazy! And I've got a gun!
/ Those words certainly inspire confidence.
/ Say WHAT? / I mean, you don't want to shoot me if I'm not a threat, right? So give me a minute, and I'll explain everything.
/ Okay, but no tricks! / Of course not. Well, if you don't count Trevor.
/ Who's...? ACK!
/ (*Thump!*) / Never mind, I see you've met.
/ EWW! ICK! *HISSS!* http://askdreldritch.com/comic050.html |
| 051 - Tables Turned | Heh! I TOTALLY surprised her!
/ You did very well, Trevor. Thank you.
/ ACK! Put me down! / Can I do it again?
/ No, I don't think so.
/ Let go! LET GO! What's wrong with you people? / We're waiting for you to calm down so we can find out who you are and why you're here. Trevor's not releasing you until then.
/ Son of a... Okay, fine. / Can you at least make him stop drooling?
/ Don't I wish! http://askdreldritch.com/comic051.html |
| 052 - Bargaining | He's a troll. If you're an intruder, he eats you.
/ But if you're open-minded, we can make a deal. / I'm not liking the sound of that.
/ Heh, heh! Even trolls have needs! / Wait... You're saying you let people go in exchange for sexual favors?!!
/ Just the hot ones. / I hate to ask, but how many have...?
/ None, so far. But I'm feeling lucky!
/ You are SO not hittin' it. http://askdreldritch.com/comic052.html |
| 053 - Captive Love | I have a major problem with you offering a choice of sex or death.
/ I wouldn't really do it. / I'd keep her in the basement, and over time she'd come to know the real me, and fall in love with the gentle heart in the body of a monster. / That's. . . better. But using Stockholm Syndrome to start a relationship is still pretty creepy. / Then why is "Beauty and the Beast" a children's movie?
/ Boy's got a point. http://askdreldritch.com/comic053.html |
| 054 - Distracted Again | See? It says that when I'm not exploring other dimensions, it's okay for me to hang out here.
/ It looks legit. And you understand I am the caretaker, and not sent to kill you?
/ Sure, we're cool. / So I don't get to. . . Mine! Mine! / I'm Dr. Eldritch.
/ Valeria Steele.
/ That's not your real name, is it?
/ No, I was born Namaste Butterfly Spirit O'Hare.
/ Mine! Mine! / Hippie Parents! Did they pay for your therapy?
/ Eight years. But I'm still pissed.
/ I'm surprised you don't have tattoos.
/ I don't know you well enough to be showing you those body parts yet. http://askdreldritch.com/comic054.html |
| 055 - Intermission #1 | Hi, I'm Jeph of "We Steal Your Stuff!", the hottest new how on the Edutainment Network! We've pressured this mansion's caretaker into letting us test the security system. He says we can't beat it and steal his stuff! Let's watch and see!
/ No, I said that you'd regret it. / Mike, are you in the house?
/ Yes, I am, Jeph! The door wasn't even locked! Oh, looks like there's a dog, but I always carry some treats. Here, boy! / What the. . .
/ AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! / Sweet Jesus! Cut to commercial! CUT TO COMMERCIAL!
/ I LIKE saying "I told you so!" http://askdreldritch.com/comic055.html |
| 056 - Intermission #2 | [[Kari getting dressed in front of full-length mirror, statue to left]] / [[Kari with back to mirror, reaching behind her for her zipper]]
/ Kari: Stupid zipper!!
/ Kari's Reflection: I got it.
/ Kari: Hey, Tha...!?! / [[Kari whirls to examine her reflection.]] / [[Kari gone; her reflection looking after her.]]
/ Kari's Reflection: Wow! I've never seen her move so fast.
/ Statue: I don't think she likes me.
/ Kari's Reflection: What? She can't even seen you.
/ Statue: Oh, yeah. http://askdreldritch.com/comic056.html |
| 057 - Intermission #3 | Reference desk!
/ How much do my dreams weigh? / That depends. What's your current weight?
/ One eighty-three.
/ Yeah, RIGHT.
/ [[from TV]] We've given the sloth a revolver, to see if he can defend himself against his natural enemy, the jaguar. / Fine. Two hundred. But I haven't had time to work out lately. And I always put on a little extra in winter, just for warmth.
/ What makes you people think you can lie to ME?
/ ...
/ [[from TV]] *BANG!* Ow! OW! The little BEEPing BEEP shot me! Come here, you BEEP, I'll BEEP BEEP your BEEP BEEEEEEEEP! / Two nineteen.
/ And a half?
/ YES! http://askdreldritch.com/comic057.html |
| 058 - Embarassment | Hey, Kari... Um, What's going on?
/ [[sung]] Life is a myyysteeeeryyy....
/ Oh my god!! / This is not what it looks like!
/ Girl, don't be ashamed! Getting off on a robot in a camisole doing Madonna tunes is pretty hot.
/ Oh, really? You think so? / Sure! Works for me!
/ I'm not... It doesn't....
/ Hey, you know "Lady Marmalade"?
/ You bet! / I'm Val. So, do we tip him a dollar, or what?
/ For a five, you can see the good stuff!
/ Please let me wake up now! http://askdreldritch.com/comic058.html |
| 059 - What's This? | Trevor [facing away from camera]: Where'd you go, little lunch?
/ [[gnomes running across foreground]]: *patter* *patter* *patter* *patter* / [[Trevor passes hallway. Hallway is filled with a black nothingness containing a large pair of eyes; the Eater of All.]] / [[Hallway, Eater.]] / [[Trevor pokes his head back into frame.]]
/ Trevor: If anyone asks, I never saw you.
/ Eater: We're cool. http://askdreldritch.com/comic059.html |
| 060 - The Eater of All | [[Trevor talking to the eyes in nothingness.]]
/ Trevor: What are you?
/ Eater of All: I am the eater of all. / Trevor: Hey, me too! One time I had a bowl of pudding THIS BIG...
/ Eater of All: You misunderstand, puny mortal. I feed upon the entirety of matter and energy in a universe, leaving nothing. / Trevor: You seem kinda small for that.
/ Eater of All: This is merely my larval stage. You should see me when I pupate. / Trevor: Eww. I'm not into bathroom stuff, Dude. http://askdreldritch.com/comic060.html |
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