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| #331 - Nice To Meet Me | {{comic title= Nice To Meet Me }}
/ {{comic number= #331 }} / [[ Dr. Eldritch works on his novel. ]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Hmmm, what's another word for "throbbing?" / [[ Perfect World Dr. Eldritch enters. Dr. Eldritch pulls a gun and points it at his visitor. ]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: FREEZE! Are you a Doppelgänger, Replicant or Magical Construct?
/ PW Dr. Eldritch: Hahahaha! That's so cute! None of the above! I'm you from the Perfect World.
/ Dr. Eldritch: From... WHERE? / PW Dr. Eldritch: You know how people say: "In a Perfect World, we'd have flying cars?" That's the alternate dimension I come from, where everything's perfect. / Dr. Eldritch [[not aiming the gun at himself anymore]]: You have a flying car?
/ PW Dr. Eldritch: Sure! It runs on the sound of children laughing.
/ Dr. Eldritch: That's amazing!
/ PW Dr. Eldritch: Hahahahaha! And in a perfect world, I'm not so gullible! / {{ I hope you could use a digital sample of a child's laugh, otherwise it seems a terribly unreliable energy source. }} /
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Alternate Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic331.html |
| #332 - Self-Talk | {{comic title= Self-Talk }}
/ {{comic number= #332 }} / [[Office. Sudbury watches from the shelf. Dr. Eldritch talks with Perfect-World Dr. Eldritch]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: So, what are you doing here?
/ PW Dr. Eldritch: I like to visit other dimensions to remind me how great I have it.
/ Dr. Eldritch:What does an advice columnist DO in a perfect world? / PW Dr. Eldritch: Since we don't have Crime, Evil or Professional Sports, people just write in and tell me how awesome their lives are. I respond with praise and thank them for writing.
/ Dr. Eldritch: That's it?
/ PW Dr. Eldritch: Yup! Sometimes, they send photos. / Dr. Eldritch: You really don't have Professional Sports?
/ PW Dr. Eldritch: We don't. Why would you PAY people to play games?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Um... So fans can watch them. / PW Dr. Eldritch: Weird. That would be like... like watching other people have sex! What's the point?
/ Dr. Eldritch: You mean, in your world, you don't...?
/ PW Dr. Eldritch: Hahahahahahahahaha! Just kidding! Our porn is GREAT! /
/ {{ I bet there's no spam email or pop-up ads in the Perfect World, either. }} /
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Perfect World Dr. Eldritch}} {{Sudbury}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic332.html |
| #333 - Trade Off | {{comic title= Together Again }}
/ {{comic number= #333 }} / [[ Fitness room: Dr. Eldritch runs on a treadmill. Perfect World Dr. Eldritch sits on an exercise bike, watching. ]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Your dimension can't be all good. Surely there's a dark side to it.
/ PW Dr. Eldritch: Can you keep a secret? The truth is that we pay a terrible price. / PW Dr. Eldritch: Every day, we have to sacrifice one person to the computer that controls everything in our world. We execute outsiders, mostly, but if none are available, we must kill one of our own. / Dr. Eldritch: Ha! I knew it was too good to be true!
/ PW Dr. Eldritch: Hahahahahaha! No, I'm yanking your chain! We just tell people that story to keep out visitors. / Dr. Eldritch: You mean, you don't have tourists?
/ PW Dr. Eldritch: No! Nor telemarketers!
/ Dr. Eldritch: *SIGH!* It is a Perfect World. /
/ {{ You'd have the same problem that Canada has, where people come to visit and then never want to leave. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Perfect World Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic333.html |
| #334 - Politricks | {{comic title= Together Again }}
/ {{comic number= #334 }} / [[In a supermarket ]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: I know you like your life, but can people really be happy with perfection? They need challenges and struggle, to give their lives meaning.
/ Perfect World Dr. Eldritch: Sure. in my world, while nobody HAS to work to receive basic food, shelter and medical care, everybody has jobs which they find fulfilling. / Dr. Eldritch: Ah Ha! Your taxes must be incredible!
/ PW Dr. Eldritch: Not really. Since everybody's willing to cooperate for the greater good, the shared burden isn't too demanding. / Dr. Eldritch: So an individual's hard work is rewarded?
/ PW Dr. Eldritch: Always! And nobody's so greedy that they exploit the system for excessive personal gain. / Dr. Eldritch: I cling to the belief, that our way is still better.
/ PW: Dr. Eldritch: I heard that in this dimension, you didn't elect President Gore. How's that working out for you?
/ Dr. Eldritch: AAAAUUGH! / {{ In the Most-Imperfect World, everyone is Evil. And wears a goatee. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Perfect World Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic334.html |
| #335 - Temptation | {{comic title= Temptation }}
/ {{comic number= #335 }} / [[ Laundry room, Dr. Eldritch sets laundry basket on washing machine. ]]
/ Perfect World Dr. Eldritch: Well, I should be getting back. My girlfriends miss me when I'm gone too long.
/ Dr. Eldritch: GIRLFRIENDS? They don't mind that you have more than one? / PW Dr. Eldritch: Not at all! in a Perfect World, everyone hooks up with just the right person, or persons, to make them happy. Here, I've got pictures!
/ Dr. Eldritch: Wow! They're gorgeous! / PW: Dr. Eldritch: And they're just as attracted to me as I am to them.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Hmmm... Your life is so great, someone who wasn't perfect might be tempted to kill you and take your place.
/ [[ Dr. Eldritch reaches for something ]] / PW Dr. Eldritch: That... That would be WRONG!
/ [[ Dr. Eldritch holds a cricket bat ]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Welcome to MY dimension! /
/ {{ If you go around gloating, you've got to expect this eventually. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Perfect World Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic335.html |
| #336 - Consolation | {{comic title= Consolation }}
/ {{comic number= #336 }} / Valeria Steele: Hey Dr. E! Why so down?
/ Dr. Eldritch: You ever find yourself in a situation where if you just killed the you from another dimension, you could have his awesome life, complete with world peace, social harmony, cushy job, and lots of hot sex with several really gorgeous girlfriends? / Val: Let's say I have.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Sure. Then you understand the temptation.
/ Val: Uh. huh. What's the problem?
/ Dr. Eldritch: I couldn't do it. / Val: Why not?
/ Dr. Eldritch: I've devoted my life to warning people not to step on that slippery slope. Any venture that begins with killing someone is bound to end tragically. Except.... / Val: ...in a perfect world, you would get away with it.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Stupid ETHICS! / {{ It's obviously Wrong, but is it VERY Wrong, or just a LITTLE Wrong? }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Val}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic336.html |
| #337 - Presents | {{comic title= Presents }}
/ {{comic number= #337 }} / [[ Kari dusts Walter ]]
/ Valeria Steele: Hey Girl! How's it... Are you crying?
/ Kari: No! I'm just.... It's that.... It's nothing.
/ Val: Uh uh. Tell me. / Kari: I'm supposed to be an apprentice, but all I do is clean things! He won't teach me anything, and if I complain, he just gives me more chores! / Kari: I'm angry! I'm frustrated! I know he's just trying to make me quit, but I don't know what to DO!
/ Val: Here, I brought you this.
/ [[ Val hands a present over to Kari ]] / [[ Kari unwraps a dinosaur head ]]
/ Kari: AW! That is the nicest dinosaur head anybody's ever given to me!
/ Val: Damn straight. / {{ You really don't see 'Stuffed Raptor Head' listed in those holiday gift-giving guides. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Val}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic337.html |
| #338 - Friendly Chat | {{comic title= Friendly Chat }}
/ {{comic number= #338 }} / [[ Bedroom of Dr. Eldritch; Val sits on top of him, she has just woken him up. Val is fully clothed. ]]
/ Valeria Steele: Wake up, sleepyhead!
/ Dr. Eldritch: AACK! Um, I can't move with you sitting on me.
/ Val: Duh. We're having a talk. / Val: You swore an oath to teach Kari what you know. And you're not doing it.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Traditionally...
/ Val: Stow it. You're going to teach her, and do it right.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Or what? You'll hurt me? / Val: Don't have to. I know you think you're all Do-Everything-Right, hot shit Mr. Awesome. But You lied! And You're. Doing. This. Wrong. / Val: You do what's right, or I will remind you, every hour, EVERY DAY, that you're NO BETTER than any other lying, deal-breaking, back-stabbing ordinary person!
/ Val: Ordinary! Ordinary! ORDINARY!!
/ Dr. Eldritch: OKAY! Stop saying that!
/ Val: THEN I'd smack you around a bit. Just for fun. / {{ Sometimes, the best Communication Tool is a Pointed Stick. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Val}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic338.html |
| #339 - NANO TGIO | {{comic title= NANO TGIO }}
/ {{comic number= #339 }} / [[Ping, Trevor, Kari and Dr. Eldritch sleep in the living room, exhausted from finishing their novels. Randall, the elf, reads one of the stories, while Barry, the other elf, listens, to guess whose story it is.]]
/ Caption: NaNoWriMo TGIO 2007
/ Randall: "As they did it, Prunella leaned closer and whispered in his ear: 'Can You hurry up? The fork lift has to be back to the rental company by 6:00.' Dudley moaned. She always knew just the right thing to say!"
/ Barry: Ooh! That's Trevor's!
/ Randall: Correct!
/ Kari Proctor: zzzzzzzzzz
/ Dr. Eldritch: zzzzzzz
/ Trevor: ZZZXX... ZZZX... / {{ It's hard to see, but Trevor's holding Ping like a Teddy Bear. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Trevor}} {{Ping}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {Randall}} {{Barry}} {{Magical Helper Elves}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic339.html |
| #340 - Fixing | {{comic title= Fixing }}
/ {{comic number= #340 }} / Kari Proctor: *SIGH* So I'm cleaning in here today?
/ Dr. Eldritch: No. I.... Look, you probably realized that I made an agreement that I didn't intend to honor, and rationalized to myself that it was for your own good. / Dr. Eldritch: The way I've handled things is inexcusable. It goes to show that people with high standards of integrity are still vulnerable to lapses in judgment. Without objective feedback, one can justify these faults....
/ Kari: We're losing focus here. / Dr. Eldritch: Yes, of course. What I'm trying to say is that what I did was wrong. I'm sorry. Let's start over, and do this properly.
/ Kari: Whoa! You apologized for a mistake! You never do that! / Dr. Eldritch: I do! I just haven't messed up this badly since I convinced Congress to create the Strategic Helium Reserve.
/ Kari: You did... what?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Who knew they'd believe me when I said there was a "Talking In A High Squeaky Voice" Gap? /
/ {{ Few people realize that the Muppets were created because the Soviets were years ahead of us in whimsical puppet technology. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Val}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic340.html |
| #341 - Trouble Calling | {{comic title= Trouble Calling }}
/ {{comic number= #341 }} / [[ A Mystery Woman talks on the phone with Dr. Eldritch ]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Hello!
/ Mystery Woman: Thank god you're there! Scott hasn't checked in, and I'm afraid the Belgians have got him!
/ Dr. Eldritch: That sounds bad.
/ Mystery Woman: That could ruin everything! / Mystery Woman: Nigel's been asking a lot of questions. I think he suspects that we switched the paintings in transit.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Really?
/ Mystery Woman: Yes! And if he tips off the Drug Lords that they're receiving counterfeits they won't wire the money to the Belgians!
/ Dr. Eldritch: Well, that doesn't seem unreasonable... / Mystery Woman: But then they'll keep the Grimoire from The Knights Jentacular, who won't be able to stop the Convocation of Spectral Doom!
/ Dr. Eldritch: Uh huh. Now, how does Scott fit into all this?
/ Mystery Woman: Um... You're NOT Scott's friend Jack?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Sorry, no. / Mystery Woman: Could we just pretend that all this never happened?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Are You kidding? I'm dying to know how this all works out! /
/ {{ The wrong numbers I get are never that interesting. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Mystery Woman}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic341.html |
| #342 - Not So Hard | {{comic title= Not So Hard }}
/ {{comic number= #342 }} / [[ At the kitchen table ]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: You and Evisceratina broke up?
/ Trevor: Kinda. She said Portland wasn't cool enough, so she moved.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Where'd she go? London? New York?
/ Trevor: Pittsburgh.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Ouch. / Dr. Eldritch: I'm sure there are other women interested in eating pizza and having sex. Heck, you may even find someone who likes eating pizza WHILE having sex. / [[ silent penultimate panel ]] / Trevor [[ jumping up and running out of the kitchen ]]: HEY KARI!
/ Dr. Eldritch: Good luck with that! /
/ {{ Let me know if anyone has success with this as a pick-up line: 'Hey, you want to eat this pizza while we have sex?' }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Trevor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic342.html |
| #343 - Education | {{comic title= Together Again }}
/ {{comic number= #343 }} / [[In the fitness room, Kari and Dr. Eldritch exercise. Trevor and Ping watch.]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: What tingling? I said I feel like something bad will happen.
/ Kari Protcor: Right, spider-senses! Don't you read comic books?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Meh. Spiders don't have precognitive abilities. Voles do. And my superhero friend, the Golden Vole. / Kari: Was he bitten...?
/ Dr. Eldritch: by a radioactive vole? Yes.
/ Kari: What are his powers?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Sensing danger... Eating his own weight in food.... and scurrying. / Kari: Oh, super scurrying! I bet all the other superheroes are just lining up to recruit him for their crew.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Actually, he's in high demand since he became an expert dessert chef. / Kari: Someday, we'll have a conversation that doesn't turn surreal.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Superheroes love bananas flambé, you know. / {{ 'Scurrying' is a Superpower? }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Trevor}} {{Ping}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic343.html |
| #344 - Repercussions | {{comic title= Repercussions }}
/ {{comic number= #344 }} / [[ Living room: Kari lies on the sofa, trying to reach the TV remote. Val enters.]]
/ TV: These Native-American cliff dwellings are impressive examples of low-tech architecture. Some three-story buildings made of wood and clay have survived for thousands of years.
/ Kari Proctor: EHN... Ow. / TV: Constructed in locations accessible only with ladders, building materials were carried up by muscle-power alone.
/ Kari Proctor: EHN... Ow. / TV: Why would the inhabitants go to such great efforts? Obviously, these cliff-houses served an important function: Protection from dinosaurs.
/ Kari Proctor: EHN... Ow. / Valeria Steele: What's up with you?
/ Kari: Too much... training... Hurts to move. Save me!
/ TV: That's ridiculous! What about the dinosaurs with laser-vision? / {{ Why hasn't Science invented a TV remote that will come to you on command? }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Val}} {{TV}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic344.html |
| #345 - Cliff... | {{comic title= Cliff... }}
/ {{comic number= #345 }} / Dr. Eldritch: Hold on. It's pink?
/ Kari Proctor: That's right.
/ Dr. Eldritch:AND invisible?
/ Kari: Yes. / Dr. Eldritch: Fascinating. How is it you know so much about Unicorns?
/ Kari: Well, I WAS ten years old once. In fact I...
/ Dr. Eldritch: Hey, there it is again! That sense that something terrible is about... / Dr. Eldritch: Oh, Craptoids!
/ Eater of All: Hi there!
/ Caption: To be continued... / {{ It's unusual because most invisible things are blue. }} / {{ handy reference link: The Eater / Eater of All: Comics #058 - #065, #070 - #084 ) / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari}} {{Eater of All}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic345.html |
| #346 - ...Hanger! | {{comic title= ...Hanger! }}
/ {{comic number= #346 }} / Dr. Eldritch: Hey, Eater of All! No hard feelings, right?
/ Princess Sparkle: Eww! Don't call me that! I'm not like the rest of my family!
/ Dr. Eldritch: So you're not the Eater wearing colored contacts? / Princess Sparkle: No way! I only consume matter that doesn't support life.
/ Dr. Eldritch: You're the Eater of SOME? / Princess Sparkle: Technically, yes. But I prefer my chosen name.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Which is? / Princess Sparkle: Princess Sparkle!
/ Dr. Eldritch: Um, Welcome... Your Majesty.
/ Princess Sparkle: EEEEEEEEEEEEE! That's AWESOME! /
/ {{ How would the Eater of All put in contact lenses, anyway? }} / {{ handy reference link: The Eater / Eater of All: Comics #058 - #065, #070 - #084; #345 ) / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari}} {{Eater of All}} {{Princess Sparkle}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic346.html |
| #347 - Family Likeness | {{comic title= Family Likeness }}
/ {{comic number= #347 }} / Dr. Eldritch: So, if You're not here to avenge the Eater of All, why are You here?
/ Kari Proctor: Good question.
/ Princess Sparkle: To enter the "Cutest Princess in the Universe" pageant, of course!
/ Dr. Eldritch: I don't think there is one. Not on this planet. / [[ Close-up of Princess Sparkle ]]
/ Princess Sparkle: I came here for nothing? If there's no pageant, I will become very angry! Cataclysmic destruction shall follow! Every atom of your entire world shall be torn asunder and sucked into nothingness!
/ Kari: Excuse me! What he MEANT to say was that the pageant won't start for a few hours yet. / [[ Kari and Dr. Eldritch turn to leave ]]
/ Kari: Now we need to go finish preparations.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Yeah, pageant. That's EXACTLY what I meant.
/ Princess Sparkle: Oh! Oh! Okay! But I can hardly wait! / Dr. Eldritch: I hate it when I'm right! I'm not going to get ANYTHING done all day because of this.
/ Kari: So it's HELPFUL in these situations to get all sulky?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Hey! RULE TWO!
/ {{ handy reference link: the apprentices rules: #322 }} / {{ Don't interrupt when I'm getting a good sulk going. }} /
/ {{ handy reference link: The Eater / Eater of All: Comics #058 - #065, #070 - #084; #347-current }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari}} {{Princess Sparkle}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic347.html |
| #348 - Momentum | {{comic title= Momentum... }}
/ {{comic number= #348 }} / [[ Living room: Kari carries dresses ]]
/ Trevor: Hey Kari! What's up?
/ Kari Proctor: We're hosting a cutest princess pageant to keep the world from getting destroyed.
/ Trevor: Cool. I'm in. / Kari: You want to help?
/ Trevor: I want to COMPETE. / Kari: Um, sure. We do need contestants, I guess.
/ Ping: Can I be your pageant coach?
/ Trevor: You bet! / Ping: Yay! I'll get the duct tape, vaseline and white-out!
/ Trevor [[to Kari]]: Are two-piece bathing suits allowed? / {{ I suspect that Trevor has been secretly waiting for this day. }} / {{ handy reference link: The Eater / Eater of All: Comics #058 - #065, #070 - #084, #345 (start of current story-line) ) / {{Appearances:}} {{Trevor}} {{Kari}} {{Ping}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic348.html |
| #349 - Recruitment | {{comic title= Recruitment }}
/ {{comic number= #349 }} / Valeria Steele: Hell no. Not gonna happen. Uh Uh.
/ Kari Proctor: Please! We need more competitors than just Trevor.
/ Val: No way I'M doing it if YOU'RE not.
/ Kari: Fine! I'll compete too! So, you're in?
/ Val: No. / Kari: Please! You get to wear a pretty dress and a tiara.
/ Val: Doesn't just the winner....?
/ Kari: It's a "Cutest Princess" contest, so all the contestants are princesses. / [[ Silent panel with four sub-panels showing Val thinking ]] / Val: Okay, but I get to win that prize for being the nicest.
/ Kari: Um... Princess congeniality?
/ Val: Yeah!
/ Kari: Deal! / [[ Are there any stories of Evil Princesses? I can't think of any. ]] / / {{ handy reference link: The Eater / Eater of All: Comics #058 - #065, #070 - #084; Start of this story line: #345 }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Val}} {{Kari}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic349.html |
| #350 - Observers | {{comic title= Cliff... }}
/ {{comic number= #345 }} / [[ Two gnomes watch the feet of Kari and Val walk by ]]
/ GnomeMom: What are the Bigs up to now?
/ GnomeSon: Something about hosting a beauty pageant so the world won't be eaten.
/ GnomeMom: Man, they are so whacked out!
/ GnomeSon: Tell me about it. / [[ Ping and the feet of Trevor go by ]]
/ GnomeMom: Although... they are distracted. Perhaps now is the time to strike. We SLAY THEM ALL, and take back the ancestral land they STOLE FROM US!
/ GnomeSon: What ancestral land? You're from Toronto.
/ GnomeMom: You're missing the point. / [[ Background: the feet of Dr. Eldritch, Kari and Val ]]
/ GnomeSon: Yeah? The point of how if we kill them off, they can't prevent the world's destruction? How does THAT fit into your Evil Plan?
/ GnomeMom: Errr.... Don't expect any special favors when I rule the new Gnometopia.
/ GnomeSon: Sure. Whatever. / [[ Background: Ping and the feet of Trevor, Kari, Val and Dr. Eldritch ]]
/ GnomeMom: HUMPH! You should have more respect for your elders!
/ GnomeSon: Maybe when you stop wearing the fake beard, Mom.
/ GnomeMom: And let those bastards from the library of congress find me? NEVER! /
/ {{ Gnomes could be plotting our demise RIGHT THIS MINUTE. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari}} {{Val}} {{Trevor}} {{Ping}} {{Gnomes}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic350.html |
| #351 - Games Being Play | {{comic title= Games Being Play}}
/ {{comic number= #351 }} / Dr. Eldritch: We've got to make this happen NOW. Can we pick up the pace?
/ Kari Proctor: WHAT? You think I'm NOT working as fast as I can? / Dr. Eldritch: No, there's some weird weather happening.
/ Kari: What does... Oh no! Is anyone watching Princess Sparkle?
/ Dr. Eldritch: I asked Byron to babysit. / [[Change of scene]]
/ Princess Sparkle: And that's how I put the "fun" in "Funnel Cloud!"
/ Byron: Huh. I thought you were some sort of ethical vegetarian.
/ Princess Sparkle: Sure! I didn't eat anyone. / Byron: Yeah. I'm just saying that a tornado through a suburb might not be so much fun for the locals.
/ Princess Sparkle: But what's the POINT of other life forms if I can't MESS with them? /
/ {{ We Apologize For The Inconvenience. }} / {{ handy reference link: The Eater / Eater of All: Comics #058 - #065, #070 - #084 }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari}} {{Byron}} {{Princess Sparkle}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic351.html |
| #352 - Pageantry | {{comic title= Pageantry }}
/ {{comic number= #352 }} /
/ [[Pageant stage: Dr. Eldritch as moderator, Trevor, Kari, Val, Princess Sparkle as pageants in the "Cutest Princess" pageant. Byron and Ping stand in front.]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: That's it up for the princess competitions; yodeling, catching heavy objects, evening wear, and interviews. It's a pity not everyone is committed to world peace as all of you.
/ Trevor: And global waffles!
/ Dr. Eldritch: And those. / Dr. Eldritch: The judges have tabulated their votes, so let's announce the winners! The first runner up is:.... Princess Trevor!
/ Trevor: EEP! / Valeria Steele: Say what?
/ Kari Proctor: TREVOR!?!
/ << *thump!* >> / Dr. Eldritch: Um.... The M.C. reminds the contestants of the "No Violence" rule.
/ Trevor [[lying on the ground]]: This is the happiest day of my life! / {{ I have no idea what he means by Global Waffles, but it sounds visionary. }} / {{ handy reference link: The Eater / Eater of All: Comics #058 - #065, #070 - #084 }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari}} {{Val}} {{Trevor}} {{Byron}} {{Ping}} {{Princess Sparkle}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic352.html |
| #353 - There She Is | {{comic title= There She Is }}
/ {{comic number= #353 }} / Dr. Eldritch: And now... Our winner, and the new Cutest Princess in the Universe: Princess Sparkle!
/ Princess Sparkle: I won! I WON! / Dr. Eldritch: Congratulations!
/ Princess Sparkle [[sucks up the flowers from Dr. Eldritch]]: << *Shoooop!* >> / Princess Sparkle: You're not just placating me so I won't destroy Your planet, are You?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Um, Would it matter? / Princess Sparkle: Heck, No! I won!! EEEEEEE!
/ Dr. Eldritch: Spoken like a true champion. / {{ Who doesn't like winning? }} / {{ handy reference link: The Eater / Eater of All: Comics #058 - #065, #070 - #084 }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Princess Sparkle}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic353.html |
| #354 - Confessions | {{comic title= Confessions }}
/ {{comic number= #354 }} / [[At the kitchen table ]]
/ Kari Proctor: I only did it once, really. My boyfriend was out of town, and I was hanging out with his roommate. We were drinking beer and watching TV, and it just... It just happened.
/ Trevor: << nom nom nom >> / Kari: Sure, I enjoyed it at that time, but afterward, when I tried to explain it to my boyfriend... The hurtful words, the humiliation.... I felt wrong to have gotten any pleasure from it.
/ Trevor: << nom nom nom >> / Valeria Steele: Not me! I love it, and I don't care who knows it! I'm not ashamed about it at all. How about You, Dr.E?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Well, I never have, actually.
/ Trevor: << nom nom nom >> / Kari: No way!
/ Val: Seriously?
/ Trevor: << *SLUUURRRP!* nom nom nom >>
/ Kari: You've NEVER watched "American Idol"? / {{ Does anyone remember 'Are You Hot?' Or as I like to call it: 'Who wants to be humiliated?' }} /
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Val}} {{Trevor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic354.html |
| #355 - Insight | {{comic title= Insight }}
/ {{comic number= #355 }} / [[Dr. Eldritch works in his office. The Time Being carries Sudbury.]]
/ Time Being: Am I boring?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Well, that's a question. Why do You ask?
/ Time Being: We were picnicking with Princess Sparkle, as you requested. She announced that I was boring and she was leaving, but she might be back in a million, billion years, if we wanted to wait.
/ Dr. Eldritch: If it's any comfort, I hoped that would happen. / [[The Time Being places Sudbury on the desk]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Actually, there is no objective quantification of interest value. Someone might be bored by another being, but it's more a reflection on them than a quality of the being in question.
/ Time Being: I was telling her about the three centuries I spent watching a glacier move across eastern Montana.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Okay, that is boring. / Dr. Eldritch: Generally, if You want someone to find you interesting, You should talk about them.
/ Time Being: But she already knows about herself!
/ Dr. Eldritch: True, but most beings are their own favorite conversational topic.
/ Time Being: If I talk about ME, I'm boring, but if I talk about HER I'm interesting?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Pretty much. / Time Being: Oh.
/ Time Being: You know, I think she likes me.
/ Sudbury: Nay, Sirrah. 'Tis she fancies!
/ Tiem Being: No, I'm sure it's me.
/ Sudbury: ME!!!!
/ Dr. Eldritch: Okay, boys, take it outside. / {{ Some of the most interesting people I know can talk about me for hours. }} / {{ handy reference link: The Time Being: Comics #292 - #295, #297, #299, #301 }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Time Being}} {{Sudbury}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic355.html |
| #356 - How It Happens | {{comic title= How It Happens }}
/ {{comic number= #356 }} / [[Living Room]]
/ Gary the Clock: I've known her for years, but I couldn't remember her name! I felt like a total houseplant!
/ Walter, the Drawer Desk: Oh man! I hate those "Metaphyte Moments"!
/ Kevin, the Plant: That's it! i can't take any more of Your ridicule! / Kevin, the Plant: No more Mr. Nice Plant! Starting right now, I'm going EVIL!
/ Gary, the Clock: Whoa, Dude!
/ Walter, the Drawer Desk: Um, okay, Kevin. So, how exactly will you do that? / Kevin, the Plant: I guess, I'll... I'll do... Evil Things.
/ Gary, the Clock: Like dropping leaves ALL OVER THE FLOOR!
/ Walter, the Drawer Desk: And extortion.... through PHOTOSYNTHESIS! / Gary and Walter: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
/ Kevin, the Plant: That does it! I'm gonna to say MEAN THINGS ABOUT YOU TO MY THERAPIST! / {{ Every Evil Genius looks back on when they experienced something like this, and mutters 'They will RUE the day...' }} / {{ Handy reference link:
/ Gary & Walter, Part 1,2,3: Comics # 264, 284, 306 }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kevin, the Plant}} {{Walter, the Drawer Desk}} {{Gary, the Clock}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic356.html |
| #357 - Lexiconsequences | {{comic title= Lexiconsequences }}
/ {{comic number= #357 }} / [[Basement. Byron lies on Trevors bed. Trevor and Ping nearby. ]]
/ Ping: Pangea.
/ Trevor: Um... Fudge.
/ Ping: Infundibular.
/ Trevor: Melons.
/ Ping: Astrolabe.
/ Trevor: Aardvaark. / Ping: Ziggurat.
/ Trevor: Kitzhaber.
/ Ping: Pleiotropic
/ Trevor: Puppies.
/ Ping: Taxonomy.
/ Trevor: Bacon! / Ping: Thermocouple.
/ Trevor: Jugs.
/ Ping: Perspicuity.
/ Trevor: Hump.
/ Ping: Bicamaral.
/ Trevor: Taco. / Byron: Yep. It was "Taco!"
/ Trevor: Cool! My turn! I'm thinking of a word!
/ Ping: Jentacular...
/ Byron: Headlights...
/ Ping: Risible... / {{ Nobody will play this game with me because I make them guess for an hour, then say 'Wait, I forgot my word. Let's start over.'. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Trevor}} {{Ping}} {{Byron}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic357.html |
| #358 - Yearnings | {{comic title= Yearnings }}
/ {{comic number= #358 }} / [[Dr. Eldritch sits at the kitchen table. A pile of clothes in front of Kari.]]
/ Kari Proctor: What's all this?
/ Dr. Eldritch: A while ago, I tried to promote my advice column by selling Eldritch merchandise. It seems silly to let cases of clothings languish, when you could be wearing them. If you want.
/ Kari: oh, that's sweet! / Kari: But it still doesn't make up for me not winning the pageant.
/ Dr. Eldritch: We HAD to let Princess Sparkle....
/ Kari [[interrupting]]: You know what I mean.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Is it really that important? / Kari: no. Yes. I know; it shouldn't be. It's so embarrassing, but part of me secretly.... desperately.... wants to have won. And to be the best princess. Despite that slip-up with the heavy objects.
/ Dr. Eldritch: How's the eye?
/ Kari: Still hurts. / Kari: But while I hate that I lost, and I hate that I know that it wasn't a real competition and yet I still care, the worst slap of all is that I was beaten by a TROLL!
/ Dr. Eldritch: Hey, I had NO IDEA he could yodel like that. /
/ {{ After such a strong performance, to NOT give him First Runner-Up would have made it OBVIOUS that the whole thing was rigged. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic358.html |
| #359 - Evilnym | {{comic title= Evilnym }}
/ {{comic number= #359 }} / [[Living Room]]
/ Kevin the Plant: What's a better name? Dr. Horrendous? Or The Evilizer?
/ Walter, the Drawer Desk: For what?
/ Kevin, the Plant: For me!
/ Walter, the Drawer Desk: What's wrong with the name you've got? / Kevin, the Plant: Are you kidding? Nobody's afraid of a "Kevin!" I need a name to strike fear in the hearts of my enemies and tell the world of my incredible evilness!
/ Walter, the Drawer Desk: Okay, what's your evil specialty? / [[ silent penultimate panel ]] / Kevin, the Plant: Choosing that is the NEXT item on my to-do list!
/ Walter, the Drawer Desk: Yeah, well, wake me when you figure it out, Evilmandius.
/ Kevin, the Plant: Oooh, that's a good one! /
/ {{ I met a Traveler from an Antique Land, who said 'A Vast and Leafless Flowerpot of Stone...' }} / {{ Handy reference link:
/ Gary & Walter, previous comics: # 264, 284, 306, 356 }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kevin, the Plant}} {{Walter, the Drawer Desk}} {{Gary, the Clock}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic359.html |
| #360 - Getting Ahead | {{comic title= Getting Ahead }}
/ {{comic number= #360 }} / [[In the kitchen, Kari sits at the table. Trevor watches. Dr. Eldritch holds a paper bag.]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Lesson time, Bob! Now, your ability to rapidly differentiate between what's real and what isn't could save you from, for example, dismemberment.
/ Kari Proctor: Excellent! I'm good at this already.
/ Dr. Eldritch: uh huh. / Dr. Eldritch: You will find parts of this disturbing... Like this DECAPITATED HUMAN HEAD!
/ Kari: AIIIIEEEE!!! / [[Kari falls backwards with the chair]]
/ << *Thump!* >>
/ Trevor: Dang! It's just a rubber mask on a bowling ball!
/ Dr. Eldritch: Afraid so. / Trevor: Still, can I eat it?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Not the MASK.
/ Trevor: Cool. /
/ {{ In fact, parts of todays comic are not Real. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Trevor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic360.html |
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