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| #059; In which an Honest Effort is mocked | - What IS this? Some kind of fungus? / - Don't think so. Too many tentacles.
/ - I'll bet it's some new slime mold. / - No, I think it's actually sentient!
/ - Or WAS, before its grisly murder. / - Ha ha. So your dad cooks for once. Give him a break. / -There's no way you can call this cooking.
/ -... http://wondermark.com/059/ |
| #060; In which Parental Prerogative is exercised | - Ya dah tee... / - Shoobidy bap bap... / - What are you breaking this time?
/ - Just breaking into song! Bah dum dee doobee... / - Top o' the world, Ma!
/ - Get in the trunk. / header: impenetrable night at WONDERMARK.COM
/ alt-text: that's ALWAYS your answer! http://wondermark.com/060/ |
| #061; In which Death seems certain | - Please, O guru, my mother has been to every healer in the Yellow Pages. Can you do anything?
/ - Why, of course. / - I meant to help her.
/ - Oh. / header: trust your instincts at WONDERMARK.COM
/ alt-text: cool bike though http://wondermark.com/061/ |
| #062; In which Tobacco is enjoyed | - You know, I don't think you show me very much respect.
/ - My stars! Please accept my heartfelt apologies! / - That was really nice. Thanks.
/ - That was a test, you racist bastard. / header: prove your worth at WONDERMARK.COM
/ alt-text: surgeon general's warning: consumption of tobacco products may... http://wondermark.com/062/ |
| #063; In which Amourous Intent factors | - What up, girlfriend, you wanna get a little freaky up in this?
/ - Don't gimme all that! I ain't your ho! / - Oh, girl, I'm jes playin, you know it.
/ - Why you always gotta be clownin? You and that stoopid pony! / - A man's ride is a potent symbol of his virility.
/ - I don't know if potent is the... http://wondermark.com/063/ |
| #064; In which Efforts are rebuffed | - Hello, may I speak to primary telecom decision maker in the house?
/ - I'm afraid he's tied up right now. / - Sir, are you happy with the service from your long distance provider?
/ - I don't make any long distance calls. / - Sir, I'm trying to save you up to eight cents a minute. / - Do you know... http://wondermark.com/064/ |
| #065; In which a Corpse is complimented | - What a tragedy. There lies a great man.
/ - What are you talking about? / - He killed all those children! And those he didn't kill, he maimed! And what about all the kittens he nailed to that fence? / - Nice looking corpse, though.
/ - Oh, yeah. I'll give you that. / header: practice your parlor tricks... http://wondermark.com/065/ |
| #066; In which Ben acts Intrusively | - Honey, what do you want more than anything in the world?
/ - I don't know! Can I ask for ANYTHING? / - Sure, anything at all.
/ - Wow, geez. World peace could be nice, or one of the Segway scooters... / - Although what I REALLY want is for Ben to give back our bathroom key.
/ - Girl, it ain't you I'm... http://wondermark.com/066/ |
| #067; In which Brazenness is debated | Courage, Howie. Go ahead. Drop it in. / But what if the Thundercats Fan-Fiction Newsletter doesn't feel the same way?
/ I'll be mortified! / Oh, stuff it. Where's your spine? Are you Tygra or Snarf? / Sigh... / And now my hand is stuck.
/ Where's Panthro when you need him? / header: recite the... http://wondermark.com/067/ |
| #068; In which Ignorance is claimed | - See, my health care is just too important to trust to the guys that run the DMV. / - Leave it to those guys in Washington to bugger it up, am I right?
/ - Actually, I wouldn't know. I'm Canadian. / - Oh. / - So what's that Boxing Day thing all about, anyway?
/ - I have no idea. / header: socialize... http://wondermark.com/068/ |
| #069; The claim of ignorance proves False | [[Two Men sit at a low table.]] / Man 1: Boxing Day in Canada is a tradition dating back for thousands of years. / Man 1: We take all the boxes left over from Christmas and pack our children in them for a day. / Man 1: We pack them in with Styrofoam and seal them up with tape for 24 hours. / Man... http://wondermark.com/069/ |
| #070; In which a Transaction fails to occur | - You there! Child! You're blocking my path. I have two sheaves of rabbits due at IHOP in twenty minutes.
/ - Rabbits? / - You need a rabbit baster! I happen to have one. I'll let it go for a thousand bucks.
/ - Rabbit baster?! / - That's preposterous. More, it's prepondiculous. Move aside before I kick... http://wondermark.com/070/ |
| #071; In which Telepathy is attempted | - Hey there, pretty lady. Does it turn you on knowing that I can read your thoughts? / - Your coat is covered in old jelly stains and you breath smells like beef Wellington. Be still, my heart. And the clincher? I can almost hear the crab lice playing volleyball in your shorts.
/ - I'm picking up some... http://wondermark.com/071/ |
| #072; In which a Guessing-Game is played | I'll give you three guesses what's in this barrel.
/ All right. Marbles? / AAH JELLYFISH GET THEM OFF GET THEM OFF AAAHHH PLEASE GOD NOOOO / I think he woulda guessed it in two.
/ Quick, get his wallet. / header: play to win at WONDERMARK.COM
/ alt-text: his third guess would have been earwigs. that... http://wondermark.com/072/ |
| #073; In which the Nuts of a Poet suffer Injury | - ...finally he says, "Your hair is like spun gold - and your eyes, like magnificent pools of sapphire sunlight." I didn't know what to say. / - And so I just sit there, and he's all "I feel coarse and unworthy in your presence, so I'll just go." This after HOURS of furtive glances: He turns and leaves. / -The... http://wondermark.com/073/ |
| #074; In which Thanks are made for Nothing | - Dear Aunt Mabel, Thank you very much for the wonderful black void. / - I've put it in my room where its all-encompassing lack of being can hopefully inspire me to clean once in a while! / - As utter non-existance goes, I'm glad you went for the medium size. It fits just right in my breakfast nook.... http://wondermark.com/074/ |
| #075; In which a Family is callously disregarded | - You know, Jeeves, I've already broken my New Year's resolution.
/ - Have you, Madam. / - I'd resolved to be more socially responsible with my billions, but it just hasn't happened.
/ - Surely there's still time? / - Perhaps. That reminds me. I've evicted your family and bulldozed your house to build... http://wondermark.com/075/ |
| #076; In which Deeper Issues are only hinted at | - This story illustrates exactly how I feel! / - So?
/ - So, the only logical explanation is that the publisher is spying on me! Watching my every move, sharting my every emotion... My privacy is gone! My civil liberties violated! I hope my hair looks okay. / - Nobody cares that much about you.
/ - Shut... http://wondermark.com/076/ |
| #077; In which Vomiting is induced | - Take a deep breath...
/ - GRUAAH / - Let it out, easy does it.
/ - HOURAKK / - Calmy, gently. Take another breath, easy now.
/ - WHOOUAG / - May I say, Madam, there are easier ways to dry your nails.
/ - He's trying to vomit my watch back out.
/ - It was shiny! / header: lots more fun at WONDERMARK.COM
/ alt-text:... http://wondermark.com/077/ |
| #078; In which Horses struggle with Insecurity | - Uh-oh, here comes Martha. Don't mention her new implants. / - Hey, ah, hi, how's it going?
/ - Hi, Norman! Notice anything different? Anything special? / - Um... Haircut?
/ - Why are you always so mean?! It's people like you that drive people like me to do pathetic things like this! / - For once you... http://wondermark.com/078/ |
| #079; In which Bernie is believed to be Undead | - He looks so natural.
/ - Still got good pallor. / - Man, I'm beat. Hey, you got the time?
/ - Ahh! The vile undead!
/ - Stakes and garlic! Fetch me kerosene! / - I just lay down for a nap. My head feels like a snail.
/ - I'll call Father Mulcahey. You fetch the ax!
/ - Lord have mercy! / - I knew I shoulda... http://wondermark.com/079/ |
| #080; In which Total Recall is alluded to | - Ah! I see you've fired up the old latex foundry. Never too late to take over the family business, then? / - Gonna go to Mars!
/ - Barry, you can't sell water balloons to the Martians. / - The water that scientists have found on Mars has been gone for millions of years. Also, you appear to be making... http://wondermark.com/080/ |
| #081; In which a Confrontation occurs | - Man, I hate coming home for the holidays. First it's some sly comment about my job. And my hobbies. And my friends. / - Then comes the silence. The implicit judgement. I thought parents were supposed to be supportive. Look at them, just waiting to slip in some crack, some dig at the way I've chosen... http://wondermark.com/081/ |
| #081b; In which a Confrontation occurs | [[A mustached man sits at a dining table. His mother and father are there as well.]]
/ Man: Man, I hate coming home for the holidays.
/ Man: First it's some sly comment about my job. And my hobbies. And my friends. / [[The man continues thinking.]]
/ Man: Then comes the silence. The implicit judgement.... http://wondermark.com/081b/ |
| #082; In which a Child consumes Human Flesh | - Whatcha eating?
/ - Human flesh. / - No, you're not.
/ - Medium rare, fresh off the grill. / - Seriously?
/ - Yup. / - Is it good?
/ - Little too much steak sauce. / header: smell the roses at WONDERMARK.COM
/ alt-text: leftovers in the fridge and by the way, where's your brother? http://wondermark.com/082/ |
| #083; In which Economics factors | - Spare change, Miss? Feed a man and his finches for another day?
/ - Change comes from within. / - All I need is a quarter, if you have it...
/ - But what's in it for me? You're charging money without offering a service. / - I beg your pardon?
/ - Look, you're going to have a lot more success if you... http://wondermark.com/083/ |
| #084; In which Movement is detected only peripherally | - Listen to this: "Your book sucks. I checked it out of the library for free and hated it so much I set if on fire." / - This guy actually bought a 37-cent stamp to tell me how much he hated my book. The library will buy a new copy, and I'll get the royalties. / - It's a good life, having idiots hate... http://wondermark.com/084/ |
| #085; In which the Letter-Carrier delivers Love | - Hey, this must be the package Jim sent me from his jungle safari!
/ - Hrrm? / - What's that noise?
/ - Help! Please! Is anyone there? / - Oh, geez. This better not be what I think it is...
/ - Lordy, I'm saved! I'm starved, and badly hurt! / - It IS. Jim sent me a pygmy bride.
/ - O my husband! / -... http://wondermark.com/085/ |
| #086; In which Pharmacology factors | - Easy does it, now... Try to to breathe normally. Deep breath... Hold it.
/ - HSSHHPP / - I'm beginning to inhale your brain. You might feel light-headed or dizzy. That's normal. Some memories will start to fade. I'd advise thinking really hard about your favorites.
/ - Ummm... Doctor? / - Shut up!... http://wondermark.com/086/ |
| #087; In which Suspicions are validated | - giggle giggle
/ - tee hee
/ - shhh!
/ - Hey! What's so FUNNY, huh? Can't a guy take a shower in peace without allyou yapping away? / - We were just discussing your super-sexy tattoo.
/ - Über-manly!
/ - giggle
/ - I copied it from a menu someone hung on my doorknob! I think it's double awesome. / - It... http://wondermark.com/087/ |
| #088; In which Ty employs Questionable Methods | - My roommate is so rude. There's always these weird noises coming from his room.
/ - Well, let's mess that fool all up, yo! / - Hey, could you guys keep it down? We're trying to torture prisoners with cheese and it's really hard to focus. Thanks so much. / - Jerk.
/ - Dude, he gots cheese! / header:... http://wondermark.com/088/ |
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