You're browsing the archives of Wondermark.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ show full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| #689; The Tale of the Clipper League | TWIG: My documentary follows a group of people who cut up the packaging from the food they eat each week. Then they get together and invent games to play with the cut-up pieces. / [[The movie]]
/ JULIO: ?nope! I nullify your Raisin Bran attack with my Lean Cuisine ingredients list! That's fifty points... http://wondermark.com/689/ |
| #690; In which a Tag is Utterly Obscured | GREGG [[seeing that the word "POOP" has been spraypainted on his house]]: Ah! GRAFFITI! / GREGG: This will not stand! Got to take care of this! / [[LATER]]
/ GREGG [[walking away with a can of paint and a roller]]: There. MUCH better! / [[We see that he has simply painted over the tag, and "POOP"... http://wondermark.com/690/ |
| #691; Thirty Seconds before the Town is Eaten | DIANE: So this him? The werewolf?
/ GUILLERMO: Quickly, before the moon rises...bring the silver! Drive it through his heart!
/ ED: Now, to answer your question: Yes, we will be executing him. Bethany has the silver dagger. Bethany?
/ BETHANY: I...uhh... / BETHANY: Funny story! It was in the silverware... http://wondermark.com/691/ |
| #692; In which a Mouse is Angry | JORGE [[a frog]]: HI HOW ARE YA
/ GWENDOLYN [[a mouse]]: Angry. Go away.
/ JORGE: ANGRY HUH WHY YOU ANGRY
/ GWENDONLY: It doesn't matter. I'd rather be left alone, thank you. / JORGE: WELL YOU AIN'T STARVING IN A DITCH SO I SAY YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY
/ GWENDOLYN: Is it really such a crime to want to own... http://wondermark.com/692/ |
| #693; In which Nothing is appreciated | BECCA: I didn't appreciate that waiter giving us attitude.
/ JUAN: I don't appreciate you assuming that everyone is giving you attitude. / BECCA: I don't appreciate you challenging my assumption!
/ JUAN: Well I don't appreciate you talking ill of strangers! / BECCA: I don't appreciate you insinuating... http://wondermark.com/693/ |
| #694; In which Freedom comes at a Cost | THE FIRST GUY: Nuts! I forgot to medicate myself at noon. What time is it now?
/ BILLY: Dunno! I don't have a watch. / THE FIRST GUY: Well, check your phone.
/ BILLY: Don't have one of those either. / THE FIRST GUY: How do you keep track of time?
/ BILLY: There's no place I have to be so precisely.
/ THE... http://wondermark.com/694/ |
| #695; In which Percy wins | ABIDEEN: I say! Percy Whippersnuggin! Is that you? Whatever happened to you, my good man? You simply vanished! And now look at you!
/ PERCY: It is indeed I / PERCY: I got tired of trying to measure up to you cool kids and just went off on my own! Kept my insecurities to myself and managed to get... http://wondermark.com/695/ |
| #696; The Chilling Case of Were-Cat | [[WERE-CAT]] / COUNT TWIGGY: When the moon hangs full...when its cratered surface spews maddening light upon the midnight land below...THIS becomes A CAT! / FLIP: What is it the rest of the time?
/ COUNT TWIGGY: A CAT / {{header: turn into WONDERMARK.COM}}
/ {{alt-text: On warm, bright days, Were-Cat... http://wondermark.com/696/ |
| #697; In which Fame finally arrives | LARRY: Honey! You'll never believe it! It's incredible! They LOVE me!
/ JEANNE: Who loves you? For what? How could they?
/ LARRY: You remember that video. Of ME. From 1992. / JEANNE: THe one where you thrashed around making
/ LARRY [[interrupting]]:-MAKING BOAT NOISES for nineteen minutes! Yes!... http://wondermark.com/697/ |
| #698; In which Spencer goes home alone | SPENCER: Come on, Cynthia. Show's over. Let's go back home.
/ CYNTHIA: I have taken root. / CYNTHIA: My dress has pressed itself firmly into the voids in the wicker seat-backs. My stockings have wound themselves about the chair-legs. Even the ribbons in my shoes have drilled deep into the earth at... http://wondermark.com/698/ |
| #699; Conquering the Only Enemy | MATT [speaking to his reflection in a mirror]: You can't do it. You're not good enough. You're not talented. You're entirely pedestrian. / MATT: I'm tired of being told I can do anything I can put my mind to. Don't really want the pressure anymore. / LOLA: So you're just giving up?
/ MATT: Not giving... http://wondermark.com/699/ |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://wondermark.com/700">http://wondermark.com/700 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| #701; The Karma of Currency | OTTO: Since money in a credit-based economy is essentially fictional anyway...and there is no way to track individual discrete dollars as they move through the system...it follows that wholly invented backstories for every dollar are completely valid by virtue of being impossible to disprove. / OTTO:... http://wondermark.com/701/ |
| #702; The Manufacture of Anxiety | EUGENE: What's this I hear about you redeeming money? Redeeming it for what?
/ OTTO: Not in a transactional sense, but in a moral sense. [He hands HILDA a slip of paper] Thank you, here's your receipt. / OTTO: All our money has a history. Bribes paid to politicians...hush money paid to victims...drugs... http://wondermark.com/702/ |
| #703; Thus endeth the Business | EUGENE [[visiting OTTO in the hospital]]: What happened? Your ridiculous money-redemption scheme was going so well!
/ OTTO: TOO well. I flew too high, too close to the sun. I got on some radars. / OTTO: Five men in pinstriped suits. Didn't play around.
/ EUGENE: Gangsters?
/ OTTO: Wall Street bankers.... http://wondermark.com/703/ |
| #704; In which Advice is shouted | BILLY: ...so I was thinking we'd have Cindy cater. She can bring one of her bartenders.
/ AUDREY: The venue has chairs and tables and all that stuff. / BILLY: Oh! And Kendra's friend is a DJ with his own equipment!
/ LARRY: Don't need a DJ! Just play Pandora from a laptop! / < http://wondermark.com/704/ |
| #705; In which something is Strange | HANS [[Chatting, walking, with CLAUDE]]: ...so I toss the baby in the air and it's gone. I mean POOF. VANISHED. Cloud of something like flour comes raining down on our heads. / HANS: Then the dog starts barking. Piano starts playing by itself. BAM! My tea freezes over. Flour hits the ground and... http://wondermark.com/705/ |
| #706; In which Evil is banished | JAKESY: Can you still hear him? The demon?
/ ANNIE: Just barely. Scratching a little or - I don't know. Could be your footsteps echoing. Could be water dripping. Could be my heartbeat. He may have returned to Hades. / JAKESY: We must PRAY this is so!
/ VARGONATH [[a demon]]: Dude screw you
/ ANNIE:... http://wondermark.com/706/ |
| #707; In which a Breakthrough is made | CLARA: Oh, Barbara! James is a writer! Look at him create from his brain! I wonder what he's writing! Something about me, probably!
/ BARBARA: A load o' rubbish mos' likely. All fulla monsters what never existed an' other lies similar. / CLARA: I wonder if I will be immortalized as a heroine in... http://wondermark.com/707/ |
| #708; Everything needs a Metric | RUDY: Nice haircut!
/ KEN: Thanks, you too! I love my barber. He just knows my hair. It's amazing what he can do. / RUDY: Do you go to some expensive place? I can never justify spending more than about eight dollars on a haircut. Haircuts make me anxious.
/ KEN: Maybe it's because you're not getting... http://wondermark.com/708/ |
| #709; Cracks in the Metric | RUDY: LISTEN! I got a bone to pick with you and your Haircut Value Index!
/ KEN: Yes, well, clearly something has gone shockingly awry / RUDY: Your math is all backwards! I went and got me a hundred-dollar haircut that looked great for twelve hours! H.V.I. of 200! NOW look at me! / KEN [narrating... http://wondermark.com/709/ |
| #710; The Cracks Widen | ROBERT: See, here's the problem. The Haircut Value Index isn't an index at all! In fact you can realize this just by looking at the units. The more you spend, the higher the H.V.I. - and the more time you spend looking good, the lower the H.V.I. So really I think what you described is more of a Haircut... http://wondermark.com/710/ |
| #711; The Miserable Fawn | DAPHNE: Hey! Hey there, little one! Don't be shy! What's the matter? What's the matter, little baby deer? / GORDY [[a fawn]]: Oh, you know?every day I'm increasingly angry at myself for being unable to fulfill the promises I whisper into my pillow in the dead of night / GORDY: "Tomorrow," I insist.... http://wondermark.com/711/ |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://wondermark.com/712">http://wondermark.com/712 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://wondermark.com/713-jordan-damascus-private-eye/">http://wondermark.com/713-jordan-damascus-private-eye/ | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| #714; An Insignificant Detail | UMBERTO: Do you know that I have a magical eye! It can see pain! It can see guilt! It can see everything you would rather hide from your grandpa! / UMBERTO: I wish to peer into your inmost being with this aforementioned magical eye. Don't be self-conscious! Just act normal! / UMBERTO: Mmm yes... http://wondermark.com/714/ |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://wondermark.com/715-in-which-speech-is-merely-a-dialect/">http://wondermark.com/715-in-which-speech-is-merely-a-dialect/ | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| #716; The Ultimate Bathroom Reader | VIC: Is that it? The one you wanted?
/ CALVIN: Yes! My dear chap! Wherever did you find it? / CALVIN: This was my first book as a boy - filled with vivid descriptions of the workings of the world around us - this is the book that ignited my passion for learning! For scholarship! For a lifelong journey... http://wondermark.com/716/ |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://wondermark.com/717">http://wondermark.com/717 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://wondermark.com/718">http://wondermark.com/718 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 >>