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| #419; In which an Enterprise fails spectacularly | [[Two GAXIANS, sapient reptiles (human bodies with long necks and lizard heads), are outside a boarded-up building. To the left is a sign with a banner attached. The MALE GAXIAN sits dejectedly in a chair.]]
/ SIGN: HOUSE SPECIAL / Customer's entrails are torn from their body and fed to them in a broth... http://wondermark.com/419/ |
| #420; In which One Thing sparks Another, and So On | MAN: Brian & Amy invited us over for dinner tomorrow. You want to go?
/ WOMAN: Sure! Is Brian making pasta? / MAN: I think so.
/ WOMAN: Awesome.
/ "You've got the right stuff, baby
/ Love the way you turn me on
/ You've got the right stuff baby
/ The reason why I sing this song" / MAN: WHAT train... http://wondermark.com/420/ |
| #421; In which George gets a Pimple | [[On our right, a fat man in a top hat. On our left, a man with the face of a fish.]]
/ FAT MAN: What an absolutely WRETCHED morning I've had!
/ Woke up with a dreadful pimple. Right up top on the forehead.
/ Plain view. No hiding that'un. / FAT MAN: I felt like a MONSTER! Like some kind of DEFORMED... http://wondermark.com/421/ |
| #422; In which a Queue is about to get quieter | [[A YOUNG WOMAN is happily chatting away on her 1910s-style Bakelite cell phone while three other people are lined up behind her, including a BEARDED SOLDIER.]]
/ YOUNG WOMAN: ...Oh, I KNOW! He's ALWAYS that way. And that DOG looks JUST like him! It's SO funny!
/ HUH? Oh, no, I've got PLENTY of time... http://wondermark.com/422/ |
| #423; In which a Warning is delivered | {{This one's in color!}}
/ [[A MAN is startled by a TINY MAN in a bright yellow suit and top hat riding a falcon.]]
/ TINY MAN: HARK! I bring you DIRE NEWS of BETRAYAL!
/ MAN: WHAT the--HOLY CRAP IN A SNO-CONE!
/ I have GOT to fix that screen door. / TINY MAN: We hit the glass several times before figuring... http://wondermark.com/423/ |
| #424; Welcome to College | GIBSON GIRL: ...NEXT on our CAMPUS TOUR, we'll visit the MAVIS P. JOHNSON LEARNING CENTER. / FATHER: "Learning center?"
/ GIBSON GIRL: It's like a--what other schools might call a BUILDING, except instead of classrooms, it's got MODULES.
/ For example, the JANICE S. BYERTON ARTS & LETTERS MODULE, the... http://wondermark.com/424/ |
| #425; In which Tusky is late | FATHER O'MALLEY: Blast it all! Tusky McMammoth was supposed to be here for a TEN-FIFTEEN appointment!
/ It's nearly ELEVEN! / FATHER O'MALLEY: This is unacceptable. That boy has got to learn respect for other! When he gets here, he's going to get the lecture of his young life! / A SMALL MAMMOTH:... http://wondermark.com/425/ |
| #426; In which a Tree gets the Talk | BIG TREE: So, ah. Son.
/ You're really starting to flower. / BIG TREE: How--how're things going?
/ With, uh, you know...pollination?
/ LITTLE TREE: AAAHH!
/ DAD!
/ We are NOT going to have this conversation right now! / BIG TREE: Do you know about, uh, about entomophily?
/ Guess you kids probably call... http://wondermark.com/426/ |
| #426; In which a Tree gets the Talk | [[A pastoral field, dotted with trees. The weather is clear and springy.]]
/ Parent Tree: So, ah. Son. You're really starting to flower. / Parent Tree: How ? How're things going? With, uh, you know... Pollination?
/ Son of Tree: AAAHH, DAD. < http://wondermark.com/426b/ |
| #427; In which factor the Homes of Strangers | [[Street scene. A sandwich board in the street reads OPEN HOUSE.]]
/ PROSPECT: Thanks so much! Lovely place.
/ AGENT: Thanks for coming in! / JOHN: What'd you think?
/ MARY: Ehh, I didn't love it. The AGENT was nice enough, but the COOKIES were CLEARLY store-bought.
/ I liked that townhouse better. ... http://wondermark.com/427/ |
| #428; In which a Body is discovered | [[A man a boat sits in the middle of a lake.]]
/ BOATMAN: I think I found something!
/ Fetch the corpse-hooks! / [[Back on shore, a man in riding clothes stands over the body, holding the reins of his horse in one hand. Another man stands a short distance away.]]
/ HORSEMAN: He's not breathing. His skin... http://wondermark.com/428/ |
| #429; In which a Dog is sneaky | [[A MAN sits on a bench. A dog licks his hand.]]
/ < http://wondermark.com/429/ |
| #430; In which Jordan excels at Sport (IN COLOR!) | [[JORDAN creeps up on his father, who is asleep in a chair. Jordan holds a thin stick.]]
/ JORDAN: ...The crowd holds their collective breath.
/ Now, after four agonizing hours, the world record is within reach!
/ Can he do it? Can he top the performance of China's Xiao Fei Shin at last year's international... http://wondermark.com/430/ |
| #431; In which a Plate drives Parker to Anger | [[We see a commemorative plate on a stand. It's decorated with an American flag and a bald eagle, and the legend THE CHOSEN LAND.]]
/ PARKER (offpanel): Look at that.
/ You KNOW it was designed by some callous jerk trying to cash in on honest folks' patriotism. / [[Pan out to PARKER and DAVE doing something... http://wondermark.com/431/ |
| #432; In which Song rings forth Constantly | BONNIE: Honey, Baby, Sweetie.
/ We have to talk about this habit of yours.
/ JOHN: "Comin' up ta me/ Pickin' up my hand/ She looks real serious an' I do not unnerstan'" / JOHN: "What...does...she got to say/ Sittin' in the...middle of the...
/ month of May"
/ BONNIE: You make up these SONGS. All the... http://wondermark.com/432/ |
| #433; In which Lizzie gets better | [[A woman and a man are standing together among some plants.]]
/ Woman: So, I'm, ah... feeling a lot better. Since the accident. Hundred percent back to normal.
/ Man: Back to normal?
/ Woman: Well, you know. Ninety percent. / Man: Ninety percent.
/ Woman: Look, it's fine. Really. I don't even notice the... http://wondermark.com/433/ |
| #433; In which Lizzie gets better | [[A woman and a man are standing together among some plants.]]
/ Woman: So, I'm, ah... feeling a lot better. Since the accident. Hundred percent back to normal.
/ Man: Back to normal?
/ Woman: Well, you know. Ninety percent. / Man: Ninety percent.
/ Woman: Look, it's fine. Really. I don't even notice the... http://wondermark.com/433/ |
| #434; In which there is Taunting | OLIVER: Here comes Larry the Language Nerd.
/ DINAH: Let's mess with him.
/ OLIVER: Hey--uh--so--ANYWAYS
/ IRREGARDLESS of what him and me decided, we found a different book than that. / DINAH: Between all the ones you COULD OF got, SUPPOSABLY that one's the most unique.
/ OLIVER: Yeah, but really, I... http://wondermark.com/434/ |
| #435; In which a guy is Pinched | [[In the foreground, we see a MAN's hand. He has his thumb and forefinger extended so that two men standing in the distance appear to fit between them.]] / [[Reverse angle. The MAN is peering through the gap between his thumb and forefinger. He smiles.]]
/ {{Fans of The Kids in the Hall will remember... http://wondermark.com/435/ |
| #436: In which a Cat is had | [[JOHN sits at a desk, stroking a cat. MARY stands nearby, looking away.]]
/ JOHN: Mary. Mary, guess what.
/ I have a cat. I have a KITTY cat.
/ Guess what. Guess what else.
/ I have a little GEORGE cat. Yes I do. I have a little cat named GEORGE.
/ I TOTALLY have a little tiny baby kittycat man named... http://wondermark.com/436/ |
| #437; In which Ostriches plot | [[Three OSTRICHES in the zoo. One of them has his head in the ground.]]
/ HECTOR: ...then it's only about ten feet up through the branches.
/ And we can be FREE of this place.
/ LUIS: If you think I'm CLIMBING A TREE you are wacked in the walnut.
/ I'd try the TUNNEL before I try LEAPING FROM LIMB TO LIMB... http://wondermark.com/437/ |
| #438; Chad's First Day | DALE: You the new guy? I'm Dale, shift leader.
/ CHAD: Hi, I'm Chad. / DALE: You go by CHADWICK at all?
/ CHAD: Uh, just CHAD is fine.
/ DALE: How 'bout CHADBERG? You ever get Chadberg?
/ CHAD: Can't really say I have.
/ DALE: HANGING Chad? DIMPLED Chad? You prob'ly get that from the LADIES.
/ CHAD:... http://wondermark.com/438/ |
| #439; Arrival of the Butt Inspector | [[A MAN wearing a long coat and carrying a drum appears in a WOMAN's bathroom. The woman is bathing in a small Victorian tub and has no coverage whatsoever.]]
/ MAN: Everyone stay calm! Butt inspector!
/ WOMAN: BUTT inspector? / MAN: Here to inspect all the butts in the vicinity. Just making sure... http://wondermark.com/439/ |
| #440; In which Beauty has its Price | [[A large woman looks at herself in a full-length mirror. A much-slimmer woman sits in a wicker chair nearby, holding a parasol.]]
/ LARGE WOMAN: Oh, Erin...isn't it just AWFUL being PRETTY? / ERIN: It IS, honey, IT IS.
/ People constantly TREAT you differently. They don't expect you to be SMART.
/ Or... http://wondermark.com/440/ |
| #441; In which Politics exhilarate | [[Three men sit around a folding table in the middle of a village of thatched huts.]]
/ BERNIE: This is shaping up to be a LEGENDARY national election!
/ STIG: Oh, man! If Obama wins the Presidency...TALK about HISTORIC!
/ After ALL these years, a President with a surname BOTH BEGINNING AND ENDING in a... http://wondermark.com/441/ |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://wondermark.com/442/?ref=nf">http://wondermark.com/442/?ref=nf | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| #443; In which a Terror is sighted | [[HAND-DRAWN SEA CAPTAIN looks ahead.]]
/ CAPTAIN: There's the beast! / [[He is attacked by a grotesque, tentacled sea creature.]] / [[He punches the beast in its gigantic eye!]] / [[He returns home, triumphant, dragging the beast with him.]]
/ CAPTAIN: I brought dinner.
/ WIFE: But I made spaghetti! / {{Header:... http://wondermark.com/443/ |
| #444; In which the Classroom becomes tense | TEACHER: Why do tornadoes always seem to touch down in trailer parks?
/ You never hear about high-rise condos being damaged by a twister.
/ Is the phenomenon just under-reported? Are rich people suppressing the news of their own misfortune? / WILBUR: I think it's more likely that the property values... http://wondermark.com/444/ |
| #445; In which Everything is going Just Fine, thank you | BUD: How's the project coming?
/ LOU: Fine. Couple of minor setbacks, no big deal.
/ BUD: I got this book on carpentry from the library, in case you want to look through it.
/ LOU: No thanks. / LOU: I get anxiety attacks when I read "how-to" books.
/ They always make me feel INADEQUATE. Like everything... http://wondermark.com/445/ |
| #446; In which a Toy prevents against Neglect | [[A man scratches his head as a woman holds a little girl, who holds a toy dinosaur in one hand.]]
/ SEAN: I, uh, wasn't sure what to get her. I hope she likes dinosaurs.
/ KATE: It's fine! But I hope you didn't spend a lot.
/ No offense, but she'll probably love it for a day, and then it'll go in the... http://wondermark.com/446/ |
| #447; The Wrong Way to Ask for $700 Billion | [[HENRY and his father. The father is wearing some kind of military uniform.]]
/ HENRY: Dad, I need cookies.
/ DAD: No. You're in trouble for flooding the basement with your homemade waterslide.
/ HENRY: You don't GET it! I NEED cookies. It's not a passing desire. It's a legitimate pressing NEED.
/ When... http://wondermark.com/447/ |
| #448; True Stories of the American West | [[RODERICK, astride his mighty team of tortoises, is in hot pursuit of DWIGHT, who is riding a tortoise of his own.]]
/ CAPTION: TRUE STORIES OF THE AMERICAN WEST
/ RODERICK: Get back here, scoundrel!
/ DWIGHT: Yee-haw! I'll never tell you where I hid that gold! / RODERICK: By frontier law, you MUST... http://wondermark.com/448/ |
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