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| Meat: 11. Stroganoff | [[Halschild sits next to an Aikengyu, looking sick. There is a puddle on the ground by him.]]
/ Halschild: As it turns out, the... winged jewels are as poisonous as they are tasty. I do not recommend them as a source of food. / Halschild: Fortunately, the legendary soothing effect of our beasts' nursing-fluid is preventing further... spillage.
/ Aikengyu [licking herself]: Moof.
/ Landis: Oh, is that why you fill the wash tub with it? / Halschild [angry]: In order to prevent any calamity, Landis has agreed to be my taster for all future food trials.
/ Landis: I have, sir?
/ Halschild: Don't contradict me, Landis.
/ [[The Aikengyu falls asleep, while Halschild's hat starts to scoot off.]] http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110103.php |
| Meat: 12. Jokbal | [[John Halschild and his expedition are on the roof of a wagon pulled by two Aikengyu like animals. Ahead in the jungle are several creatures lying next to a camp fire.]]
/ Halschild: Look ahead, in the clearing! Beasts, check and cease!
/ Landis: What is it, sir?
/ draft animals: moooooooof / Halschild: [[looking through a macroscope]] There appear to be several large creatures, moreso than anything I've seen before!
/ Halschild: Landis, what do you make of them? / Landis: Remarkable, sir.
/ Halschild: [[stepping over side of wagon]] We must get closer. On foot we go - Tally-ho! / {{caption: That's one small step for a Dromaiu, one giant about-to-faceplant-on-the-ground for Dromaiu-kind.}} http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110105.php |
| Meat: 13. Long pork | [[Halschild stands next to a purplish ape, who we see from the shoulder down]]
/ Halschild: Remarkable. These... gentle giants appear to be quite tame. Docile, even. They are clearl--
/ Halschild: Landis, what are you doing? Record the beast, not me! / [[The camera turns to the Ape's face, which is clearly that of a human. The ape picks up Halschild's hat.]]
/ Halschild: It seems so... gentle. Majestic, even.
/ Halschild: What shall we call them, Landis? / [[Zero looks on, staring intently]]
/ Landis: How about "Ape," sir?
/ Halschild: Perfect! A simple name for a simple creature.
/ Zero: They're... HUMANS. http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110107.php |
| Guest art: Stephanie O'Donnell: Favorite band | [[A dromaiu wearing a do rag and a loose-fitting shirt]]
/ dromaiu: Fuck Buttons is my favorite band, and I don't even know what they SOUND LIKE!!! http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110108.php |
| Meat: 14. Lamb | [[Zero regards the recording]]
/ Zero: What does this mean? Who sent this to me, again? Someone in Centralia?
/ Zero: ... Oh, right. I'M there. / [[The Oracle puts his hand to his eye, as the Dromaiu worker continues to lecture]]
/ Worker: ?our quality control is quite phenomenal, as you can see, with every kilogram of grade 0 meat inspec?
/ Zero/Oracle: I... apologize but I am being, uh, summoned.
/ Worker: Pardon?
/ Zero/Oracle: Please show this Kayohash out when he recovers.
/ Worker: When who recovers? From what? / Oracle: Ow, my head...
/ Zero [to Oracle]: Sorry.
/ Worker: [incomprehensible babble in Torihan]
/ Oracle: S'ry, whuh?
/ Worker: [more Torihan babble]
/ Oracle [weakly]: Ah munna lie down here. http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110110.php |
| Meat: 15. Turducken | Zero[1397]: Jar-breeze, Zero! Why did you detach me from my oracke?!
/ Zero[0]: Sorry, 1397. I just saw the archive you received.
/ Zero[0]: Please, pull the ingestion stream. / Zero[1397]: Oh... oh my. Do you want me to explain this to the dromaiu?
/ Zero[0]: Not yet. We need more data. This is quite troubling. / Zero[1397]: Yes. Who knew humans were so DELICIOUS?
/ Zero[0]: Yes, they-- THAT ISN'T THE POINT.
/ Zero[0] [muted]: Even if they ARE tasty. http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110112.php |
| Meat: 16. Salmon mousse | Zero: Okay, let me think. So the humans never left, they were actually here all along... and we have been eating them.
/ 1397: I wish. It's been what, 150 rounds since we've been an organism? / Zero: But the ones in that recording didn't seem to show intelligence... perhaps they'd already lost that by the time the Dromaiu found them.
/ 1397 [pondering]: Can I go bidirectional? I could really go for some carpaccio right now.
/ Zero [glaring]: 1397. FOCUS. / Zero: I think I need a different perspective.
/ [[Zero floats off, with 1397 frozen in a block of nice -19]]
/ Zero: You, stay put. http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110114.php |
| Meat: 17. Ceviche | [[Zero regards several photographs showing human arts and technologies]]
/ Zero: You were all so brilliant.
/ Zero: So... impossible. / Zero: The last colony record was left 18 million years ago.
/ Zero: A full manifest of citizens. Gratitude for all the fish. / [[A view along the hub at one end of Unity]]
/ Zero: "Keep the lights on for us." The hub?
/ Zero: Who was left behind? http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110117.php |
| Meat: 18. Mao rou | [[Zero addresses the other members of the collective]]
/ Zero: Myselves, I/we have a mystery. Somewhere, the humans lost track of a population in what we now know as Centralia.
/ Zero: These remnants eventuallye volved into what we now know as "apes." / Zero: Please use our spare time to try to find anything about how they ended up there and whatever--
/ 83235: Found it!
/ 38085: found something
/ 1532: you mean like this?
/ 7693: here's a thing / Zero [annoyedly]: All problems are shallow, I guess.
/ 83235: Also here's a neat thing about nuclear fission in popular culture
/ 9234: Could someone seed, please?
/ 255: Hey, while we're sharing videos here's some cute kittens! ^_^
/ 94225: Found it! Ack, lag
/ (unspecified unit): Everyone, please stop replying to everyone! http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110119.php |
| Meat: 19. Saltimbocca | Woman: Hey, wake up!
/ Man [under the covers]: nrrnwha?
/ Woman: Wake up, sleepyhead. I wanna go camping. / Man: muh wh
/ Man: n'gunna sleep
/ Woman: Come on, I've rented a rover. All packed and ready to go. / Man: mrgl
/ Man: y'recording this?
/ Woman: Yes. If you don't come I'm posting this on your stream.
/ Man: ghlrbl http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110121.php |
| Meat: 20. Long pork | Man [holding camera]: You really think we should be doing t his so close to drop?
/ Woman [looking ahead]: Relax already. Just breathe. / Man: But we're supposed to be getting re-
/ Woman: Stop being so copulating rectal.
/ Woman: Sav. / Woman [looking at the map screen, which reads 'route complete']: Look, we're there. A nice little campground, just for the two of us.
/ Woman: Shutter the viddy and help me unload. http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110131.php |
| Sketchbook: Stripey (back) | [[a view of a stripey critter from behind]] http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110206.php |
| Meat: 21. Grass-fed | Man [controlling a couple of worker drone robots, which are doing all the hard work]:Sure, make me do all the hard work.
/ Man: Hey, are you recording this? If Control sees it they're gonna freak! / Woman [holding camera]: Ooh, I'm so scared. What're they gonna do, force us to leave the Icarus? I bet we're not the only ones trying to enjoy our home before it's too late.
/ [Flocks of birds fly by]
/ Woman: It's so... peaceful. / [The woman sits in the grass, barefoot. A ladybug climbs on her toe.]
/ Woman: I wish we didn't have to leave. http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110214.php |
| Meat: 22. Shuzhuk | [[A view of two kiwi birds, one blue and one green]]
/ Linus: This was quite a nice trip after all. Okay, I'm glad you made me come.
/ Lucy: Argh, you copulating lump of feces! / [[Lucy sits in the car, pointing at the car's screen, angrily]]
/ Linus: What's the matter, babe?
/ Lucy: This thing isn't starting up for me.
/ Lucy: "Routing server not found?" What kind of equine feces is that?! / [[The camera sits askew on the ground; Linus tries to comfort Lucy]]
/ Linus: Did you try turning it off and on?
/ Lucy: Yes, of course!
/ Linus: Hey, calm down.
/ Lucy: I AM CALM.
/ Linus: Just breathe. http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110221.php |
| Random: Every XKCD #3 | [[Black hat stands triumphant over Artist]]
/ Black hat: Ha ha! I put a file named "-rf *" in your home directory. Good luck deleting it without nuking your whole account! / [[Artist drags the file into the trash can]] / Black hat: Oh. http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110224.php |
| Guest art: Fesworks: Broken-hearted fluffy | [[fluffy is clutching its tail and wiping tears from its eyes. It looks so very very sad. It needs a hug.]] http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110303.php |
| Journal: Fashion cold war | Random stranger 1: Hey, neat sunglasses.
/ fluffy: Thanks!
/ Random stranger 1: Are those "steampunk?"
/ fluffy: Nah, more like "cold-war industrial." / Random stranger 2: Cool shades.
/ fluffy: Thanks!
/ Random stranger 2: They're kinda steampunky.
/ fluffy: Nnnno, they're... cold-war industrial. / Random stranger 3: Hey, I like your sunglasses.
/ fluffy: Thanks!
/ Random stranger 3: They have a cool look to them.
/ fluffy: Yeah, cold-war industrial.
/ Random stranger 2: Really? They seem kind of steamp--
/ fluffy: Do you see BRASS PIPE FITTINGS glued to them?! http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110312.php |
| Journal: April 1, 2011 | [[View of fluffy's face]]
/ fluffy: I'm sorry about the lack of comics. I've been insanely busy withw ork and music, and essentially working 90+ hours a week all last month.
/ fluffy: I was pretty much falling apart at the seams. / [[View of fluffy's new album, with adorable cover art, available at http://sockpuppet.us/lam]]
/ fluffy: But good news! My work project hit a successful milestone target, and my album is done!
/ fluffy: You can get it at http://sockpuppet.us/ if you want. Just sayin'. / [[fluffy is sitting on a chair in front of its piano, its arms, legs, and tail detached and having fallen on the floor.]]
/ fluffy: So uh... anyone want to help put me back together? http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110401.php |
| Meat: 24. Veal | [[The woman is eating some melon. Her clothes are tattered.]] / [[The man is stealing eggs from a very angry bird. His clothes are practically nonexistent.]] / [[The woman and man, now older, are cradling their newborn baby. Their child peeks up into the bottom of the frame.]] http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110502.php |
| Meat: 25. Hasenpfeffer | Zero: So that's it? Some foolish humans could not follow procedure. A few million years later we eat their offspring for food.
/ Zero: No, that's not right.
/ Zero: There has to be more than what we saw. / Zero: How could only two go forth and multiply so prolifically? Why would they not just return to their cities?
/ 1397: Were there others who were even tastier?
/ Zero: 1397...
/ Zero: I thought I froze your process. / 1397: I got bored.
/ Zero: How can you "get bored" in stasis?
/ 1397: How can you NOT? http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110509.php |
| Meat: 26. Rago?t de Lapin | Zero [excited]: No, it all makes sense. The humans must have PLANNED this. For us!
/ 1397: That's the stupidest t hing I've ever heard me think.
/ 1397: Sure, they did some amazing stuff, but what did they ever do for US, specifically? / 1397: It's like when I... when JUNI had its ridiculous "plan" to expose Tamu's fraud. What actually went how it intended?
/ Zero: Well, it DID work out for us. We're here, aren't we?
/ 1397: Do you REALLY think Juni intended to create us? You should remember better than THAT. / 1397: What do you want to bet most humans were as imperfect and selfish as we are? And we ARE.
/ Zero: 1397...
/ 1397: Yes?
/ Zero: Get back to your Oracle, already. http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110511.php |
| Meat: 27. pho ga | [[Halschild is being cuddled by one of the apes]]
/ Halschild: Something of them seems quite familiar.
/ Landis: They certainly have taken a liking to you, sir. / [[Halschild looks the ape right in the eye]]
/ Halschild: Ah, it is as if we had a special kinship, transcending all boundaries of time. "As ineffable as the gentle spiral of an object soaring through the air."
/ Landis: Lord Plait, sir?
/ Halschild: Quite! I did not realize you'd a capacity for the poetic arts. / [[Another ape is seen cuddling a proto-aikengyu]]
/ Landis: Ah, our beasts do not mind the giants either.
/ Landis: They seem as if they are reunited after aeons apart.
/ Halschild: Oh, must you be so silly, Landis?
/ Landis: Sorry, sir. http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110513.php |
| Meat: 28. Spiced Ham | Zero: So what should we do about this?
/ ...: I don't think we DO anything. Those humans weren't the pinnacle of their species. They lived on. We took advantage of it. Is there anything wrong with that? / Zero: But... they created everything! Surely they deserve our respect!
/ ...: Those particular ones did not. To want to change our relationship out of sentimentality towards their ancestors is just...
/ ...: Foolish. / Zero: And now that I know the truth I just feel DISAPPOINTED. Why?
/ ...: There is no more mystery. Perhaps it is too easy for us to know everything. It is something else we have to get used to. "Long-term thinking," as Juni put it.
/ Zero: ...
/ Zero: I'm talking to myself again, aren't I?
/ Zero: Yes. http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110516.php |
| Meat: 29. Baby back ribs | [[Landis is fiddling with some sort of rusted thingamajig]]
/ Halschild: Landis? What is it that has you so gooey-eyed?
/ Landis: Some sort of fascinating thing, sir.
/ Landis: Neither rock, creature, nor plant, yet it is of all three. / Landis: This part moves, and if I point it to the axis, that part vibrates.
/ Landis: But if I point it away, the vibration stops.
/ Halschild: An interesting phenomenon. It's as if the axis is inducing it to action, would you say?
/ Halschild: Well. Let's bring it back for further study.
/ Halschild: Might as well not have empty arms when we return to the Queen. http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110518.php |
| Meat: 30. Ape | Zero: I do feel we should tell the council about these findings.
/ Zero: And what will they do about it? / Zero: I mean...
/ Zero: They DO still have to eat. / [[Zero's antennae glow orange]]
/ Zero: And ape IS delicious. http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110520.php |
| Meat: 31. Meat | [[A mother ape stroking the cheek of her child, who is eating some melon]]
/ Halschild: These gentle creatures, these...
/ Landis: Apes.
/ Halschild: Yes, these apes. They are clearly one with the land. / [[Halschild looking into the camera, a grinning ape in the background]]
/ Halschild: We should not take them from this place.
/ Landis: No, sir?
/ Halschild: No, Landis.
/ Halschild: Let us instead bring others here, to study them.
/ Landis: Yay! / [[Cut to the 'present;' the Oracle is withering away in a cell in the asylum, as an elderly Juni looks on with one of the Zero drones]]
/ Halschild [voiceover]: Who knows what the future will bring? Good fortune, I hope.
/ Oracle: We are all made of MEAT
/ Landis: Tally-ho, sir?
/ Halschild: Yes. Tally-ho, indeed. http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110523.php |
| Journal: June 14, 2011 | [[fluffy sits up in bed, stretching and in pain]] / [[fluffy takes its bathrobe, bending over in pain]] / [[fluffy looks in the mirror at more white hairs]] http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110614.php |
| Journal: A nose for technology | [[fluffy sits at the desk, looking down at a capacitive touchscreen phone, while wearing argyle mittens]] / [[fluffy uses its nose to manipulate the screen]] / [[fluffy smiles, consulting the information it was bringing up]] http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110625.php |
| Sketchbook: Fezzes Are Cool | [[Ping, tiny mouse, sits in a shriner car and wears a fez while looking awfully put-upon, as Flossi, brown rabbit, and Claude, white cat, giggle and coo.]] http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110706.php |
| Journal: What I did on summer vacation | What I always think I will do between jobs:
/ [[fluffy hikes up a mountain]]
/ [[fluffy takes a lot of photographs]]
/ [[fluffy busks, plays music with a hat out for tips and CDs for sale]]
/ [[fluffy draws comics on the Wacom tablet]] / What I always end up doing between jobs:
/ [[fluffy sits naked at the computer, typing away]] http://beesbuzz.biz/d/20110715.php |
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