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| Irregular Webcomic! #1741 | [[scene: Head Death stands staring at the assembled group of Deaths.]] / / Head Death: COME ON. WHOEVER CALLED OUT BETTER OWN UP. / / [[silence]] / / [[silence]] / / Head Death: I CAN WAIT FOR ALL ETERNITY, YOU KNOW. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1741.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1742 | [caption]: Near an island off the coast of Antigua: [[The pirates board a rowboat to land on the island.]] / / Long Tom: [[wading ashore]] Now the treasure be ours! / / Wendy: Except for the man-eatin' natives, cap'n. / / Long Tom: Nay, they be exterminated by the Spanish. / / [[natives appear, brandishing spears and bows]] / / Long Tom: Arrr! Ye be meanin' those man-eatin' natives. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1742.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1743 | Ophelia: So Will, what did you think of the ending of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows? / / Shakespeare: It was just one author's vision. It didn't necessarily happen that way. / / Ophelia: It was the author's vision. / / Shakespeare: She has no more right to it than the fans! / / Ophelia: All the world's a fan-fic, and all the men and women are its authors... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1743.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1744 | [caption]: Announcements you really won't want to hear: / / Purser: [[over plane's PA system]] Attention ladies and gentleman, this is your purser speaking. Everything is perfectly normal and there's nothing to worry about. However, if any people with any of the following skills are on board, please identify yourself to our crew: medical skills, wild animal catching skills, aircraft engineering, and anyone who knows how to land a Boeing 767. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1744.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1745 | Mordekai: Lambert? He's... uh... he was right here just a second ago. / / Draak: Draak smell Bert. / / Mordekai: Oh, what does he smell like? / / Draak: If you not want Draak say smell of elf, you much not want Draak say smell of Bert... / / Mordekai: Right, 'nuff said. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1745.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1746 | [[scene: The bridge of the Legacy, in the Bune starport.]] / / Iki Piki: Hi Paris. Uh... we spent all your money. / / Paris: So you got the illegal weapons? / / Serron: Well, no. / / Paris: And what's this? / / Iki Piki: A hospital bill for 90,073 credits. / / Spanners: It could be worse. / / Serron: Oh, and if two guys who look exactly like us come looking for us, we're not here, okay? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1746.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1747 | Head Death: IF NOBODY TELLS ME WHO CALLED OUT, I'LL HAVE TO DEMOTE ALL OF YOU. / / Death of Being Wrestled To Death By Steve: [[pointing]] IT WAS CHOKING ON A GIANT FROG! / / Death of Choking On A Giant Frog: WHY YOU....! / / Voice: SOMEONE CALL DEATH OF BEING A DIRTY ROTTEN SNITCH! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1747.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1748 | Haken: Erwin! Tie them up! / / Erwin: Jawohl, Herr Kolonel! / / Ginny: I'll do it. To demonstrate my loyalty. / / Monty: Your disloyalty, you mean. / / Ginny: If you prefer. / / Monty: No, I damn well don't prefer! / / Prof. Jones: Junior! Don't yell at a lady! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1748.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1749 | Me: Douglas Adams famously used the device of revealing ahead of time that a dangerous plot event would turn out to be harmless. / / Me: The humorous justification was explicitly stated: that he wanted to reduce levels of uncertainty and stress in the audience. / / Me: My approach is different. I've revealed that a popular major character will soon suffer a terrible fate and die horribly, never to return. / / Me: The goal here is to draw out the agony and make you all suffer. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1749.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1750 | Long Tom: [[to savage-looking natives]] Arrr. We be white man, be comin' in heap big canoe. / / Long Tom: Er... We be comin' in peace. You be leadin' us to heap big tree wi' roots like buttresses? Chop chop! / / Long Tom: Savvy? / / Native: Actually, we speak English. And a fair sight better than you do, I daresay. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1750.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1751 | Stewardess: We need to land. The nearest airport is Delhi. / / Terry: I'll use the radio. / / Stewardess: I'll take care of the pilots. / / Terry: [[into radio]] Delhi air traffic control? This is Highland Airlines flight HL16. Our pilot and co-pilot are incapacitated. We need emergency landing clearance. / / Delhi Air Traffic Control: [[over radio]] Sorry HL16, you can't land here. We're dealing with our own emergency situation. We're talking down a sailplane infested with tarantulas. / / Steve: Crikey! Spiders on a glider! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1751.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1752 | Ophelia: So you're not happy with what Rowling did in Deathly Hallows? / / Will: She's betrayed the fans by revising what went before. / / Ophelia: Hmmm. I didn't think anything in the book contradicted anything she wrote in the previous six books. / / Will: She's completely ignored all the fan-fiction continuity! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1752.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1753 | Draak: Bert this way. [[they follow and find Lambert, lying on the tunnel floor]] / / Alvissa: Lambert!! / / Mordekai: He's... he's dead! Wow. So last time we were all together, Lambert was alive. And Kyros was dead. / / Alvissa: See what happens when you run off without me?! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1753.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1754 | [[scene: Head Death's desk]] / / Head Death: NOW WHAT WAS THIS FIGHT ABOUT? / / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: HE STARTED IT! / / Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: NO, 'E DID! / / Head Death: I DON'T CARE WHO STARTED IT. FIREBALLS, YOU'RE DEMOTED TO BEING STARED AT ANGRILY BY A GIANT FROG. / / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: NOOO!! / / Head Death: HATMAKING CHEMICALS, YOUR PUNISHMENT IS DOUBLE DUTY, CLEANING UP THE FIREBALL SCRAPS LEFT BEHIND. / / Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: NOOO!! / / Head Death: AND SINCE THIS IS SUCH A SEVERE TRANSGRESSION, I'M MAKING THIS RETROACTIVE... / / Head Death: STARTING FROM THE PREVIOUS FIREBALL VICTIM. / / Jamie: But... that's me! / / Head Death: AND YOU TWO, I'M SENDING BACK. I CAN'T BE BOTHERED SORTING THIS OUT NOW. / / [[scene change: The Mythbusters studio]] / / Jamie: So Adam, the boggy Kalashnikov? / / Adam: Well, it was still lethal. I'm calling it plausible. / / [[scene change: Head Death's desk. Head Death sits alone, talking on the phone.]] / / Head Death: Go find Hit With A Sword By Your Own Party Member In A Tragic Case Of Mistaken Identity. Tell him he's fired. No reason; I'm just that angry. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1754.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1755 | [[scene: On the landing pad outside the Legacy. Spanners and Paris can be seen through the bridge windows in the background.]] / / Iki Piki: How are we going to recover the money? / / Serron: The football bet! / / Serron: Our future selves would have known we'd need money, so they gave us a way to make it! / / Iki Piki: But where are we going to get the capital to place a bet? / / Serron: A loan shark! / / Iki Piki: Now why didn't I think of that? / / Serron: Your mind just doesn't work in the right sort of way. / / Iki Piki: What, suicidal? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1755.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1756 | Ginny: "Anno Domini mille, septingenti, nonaginta et septem; dux ducis minime emovisti thesaurusi ad Lutetiam." / / Ginny: We should leave here before I read any more. We don't want the Joneses to know where the Palladium went. / / Haken: We should just shoot them! / / Erwin: We should have just shot them every other time we captured them. Why change now? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1756.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1757 | Terry: Delhi's no good. Let's try Lahore. / / Terry: Lahore air traffic control? This is Highland Airlines HL16 requesting emergency landing clearance. / / Lahore Air Traffic Control: We'd love to help, LH16, but we have a situation with a bunch of chimpanzees taking control of an airship. / / Terry: Chimps on a blimp? / / Steve: Crikey! They need Jane Goodall! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1757.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1758 | Long Tom: So, ye not be mindin' if we be havin' a looksee around yer lovely island? / / Long Tom: Perhaps be diggin' a few tiny holes? Arrr? / / Native: Oh no. We intend to cook and eat you. / / Long Tom: Be eatin' us?! / / Native: With garlic mashed potatoes and bearnaise sauce. / / Dirque: Mmmm... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1758.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1759 | [[scene: The Jedi Temple, Coruscant.]] / / Yoda: Obi-Wan. What help to you, can I be? / / Obi-Wan: I'm looking for a planet, but it doesn't show up on the Jedi Archive maps. / / Yoda: Lost a planet Obi-Wan has. How embarrassing, how embarrassing. Ho ho ha ha! / / Younglings: Ho ho ho! / / Obi-Wan: So, losing at poker and streaking through the Jedi Temple at 3 a.m., not so embarrassing, eh Master Yoda? / / Yoda: http://irregularwebcomic.net/1759.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1760 | Alvissa: Poor Lambert. I wonder what happened. / / Mordekai: It looks like he's been hit by a sword. See the wound there? / / Alvissa: Let me see. Wait! He's still breathing! He's not dead! He's just mortally wounded! / / Kyros: And this is a useful distinction how? / / Mordekai: He's still worth experience points if we put him out of his misery, right? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1760.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1761 | Iki Piki: We should write down what happened with our future selves, so we know how to deal with it when we go back in time. / / Serron: Come on, how will we ever forget an experience like that? And what's the point anyway? They didn't save us. We got away ourselves. / / Iki Piki: We might be able to record some useful information to help us when we get there. / / Serron: "When you find a time machine, don't go back in time. Your past selves nick your organs." / / Iki Piki: On second thought... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1761.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1762 | Terry: Tashkent air traffic control? This is Highland Airlines flight HL16. We have an emergency situation and need landing clearance. / / Tashkent Air Traffic Control: [[over radio]] Sorry LH 16. We have a hot air balloon... / / Terry: Don't tell me. It's been taken over by a troop of baboons. / / Tashkent Air Traffic Control: How did you know?! / / Terry: I'm familiar with aviation emergencies. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1762.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1763 | Me: I've recently been criticised for using the comic device of the silent penultimate panel too frequently. / / Me: Here's what I have to say to that. / / [[beat]] / / [[pokes tongue out]] http://irregularwebcomic.net/1763.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1764 | Ginny: Erwin's right, don't shoot them. Leave them here. / / Ginny: By breaking into the Library, they've triggered da Vinci's final and most diabolical deathtrap, which will finish them horribly within the hour. / / Monty: But... traps always come in threes! There was the door trapped with the giant frog, the rake, and the enormous stone ball! / / Ginny: You thought the rake was a trap?! Hah ha ha! / / Prof. Jones: Oh! So that explains the lawnmower. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1764.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1765 | [[Mercutio is on the phone]] / / Mercutio: Ophelia! Quick! Will's been hit by a car! He's in critical condition! / / Ophelia: <gasp>! [[they run out of the office]] / / Ophelia: This is terrible! I... I never told him how I feel about him. It's... it's like a romantic tragedy. / / Mercutio: Featuring Will Shakespeare, Ophelia, and Mercutio... / / Ophelia: It's just so wrong! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1765.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1766 | Dwalin: Och, the puur wee hobbit. / / Mordekai: He's not dead yet. / / Dwalin: Tae ha' frinds thu likes o' ye, I meant! / / Alvissa: We can't give up. As long as his heart beats, there's a chance. / / Alvissa: I have an elven healing draught. It should revive him. Kyros, don't you have any magic that can help? / / Kyros: I don't know. Does he have any severed limbs that need cauterising? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1766.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1767 | Long Tom: What be ye lickin' yer chops for, Dirque? / / Dirque: Beggin' yer pardon, cap'n, but mashed tatties 'n' bearnaise sauce be soundin' a fair sight better'n biscuits 'n' salt pork. / / Long Tom: Arrr! They be eatin' us, not feedin' us, ye dolt! / / Dirque: Mmmm... but what a way to be goin'... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1767.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1768 | Serron: We have a day in port before we leave Bune. The Galactic Cup final is on tonight. We need fast cash to make this bet. / / Serron: A loan shark should be good for 10,000 credits. / / Serron: The odds on the Acropolis Titans are 8:1. So with 10,000 credits we'll win 80,000, which gives us enough to cover the 90,000 hospital bill. / / Iki Piki: What about repaying the capital to the loan shark? / / Serron: What? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1768.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1769 | [[scene: Head Death's desk]] / / Head Death: That's it. I've had it up to here with these shenanigans that end up with us having to send people back to life. / / Head Death: [[on phone]] Put the word out. The next person who dies, anywhere, I want them processed instantly. No interaction. No second chance. / / Head Death: [[on phone]] What? / / Head Death: [[on phone]] I'm the head of a multiverse-spanning supernatural organisation! I can use whatever third person prounoun I like! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1769.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1770 | Air Traffic Control: Sorry HL16, we're diverting all flights from Moscow. / / Terry: What's the problem? / / Air Traffic Control: There's a rail line parallel to the main runway. A cargo of minks, ferrets, and stoats has run amok on a 2TE116 locomotive. / / Steve: Weasels on a diesel?! Crikey! Now it's gettin' ridiculous! / / Terry: Now it's getting ridiculous? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1770.html |
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