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| Irregular Webcomic! #1621 | Lambert: A solarium? What on earth would dwarves, a race that typically spends its entire life underground, want with a solarium? / Dwalin: Dwarves nidd vitamin D, too, ye ken! / Lambert: But surely you can get that from food you can easily grow underground. From... uh... what are the natural food sources of vitamin D? / Dwalin: Ocean fish... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1621.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1622 | Stud: So, Dr No. A fight to the death! With nothing but our bare hands! / Dr No: Very well, Mr Stud. / Dr No: Of course, my hands are made of hardened steel and can crush you like an elephant crushes an ant. [[holds hands up and advances on Stud]] / Stud: [[backing away slowly]] Did I say bare hands? Let me just look for a crowbar or something... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1622.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1623 | Serron 2: We're here from the future to rescue you. / Iki Piki: Some job you're doing... / Serron: Woohoo! That's great! / Iki Piki: What are you talking about? They got captured too! / Serron: But don't you realise what this means? / Iki Piki: We're going to die twice? / Serron: In the future, we find a time machine! Do you know what sort of cash we can make with that?! / Iki Piki 2: [[to Serron 2]] Remind me why I'm rescuing you again? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1623.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1624 | Ginny: So taking the local train timetables and geography into account, the answer must be the Miracle of the Mad Nun of Foligno. / Minnesota Jones: Right! So press the little brass levers marked "mad" and "nun". / Monty: I don't believe this... / [sound]: Click! Whirrrrr! / Ginny: The brass plaque is moving! It's revealing another one! / Minnesota Jones: What does it say? / Ginny: [[reading]] "On the way to Rome you meet a Florentine, a Perugian, and a Neapolitan. Florentines always tell the truth, Neapolitans always lie, and Perugians sometimes tell the truth..." http://irregularwebcomic.net/1624.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1625 | Lambert: [[emerging from a dark cave into sunshine]] The cave entrance! Daylight! / Kyros: [[waiting outside]] Well, it's about time. / Lambert: Kyros!! But... what?!... how?!... / Kyros: Yeah, I killed a Balrog again. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1625.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1626 | Me: J. K. Rowling, welcome to Irregular Webcomic! / J. K. Rowling: Thank you for inviting me. It's an honour. / Me: Now, having read this prerelease copy of Deathly Hallows, the obvious question I must ask is: Will there be more Harry Potter novels? / J. K. Rowling: Nope, Harry's dead. End of story. No more books. / Me: Do you really expect us to believe that, when the last scene has Harry and Voldemort locked in mortal combat, and then they both fall over the Reichenbach Falls? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1626.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1627 | Ishmael: Your first administrative task is to decide what to do about the intractable conflicts in the Middle East. / Martian 1: Um. Let the Earthlings kill each other. Why should we care? / Martian 2: Is that ethical? / Martian 1: You're worried about the ethics of allowing a minor native conflict to go on as it has for centuries? We've invaded their entire planet! / Martian 2: That's different... / Ishmael: May I make a suggestion? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1627.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1628 | Dr No: With those radiation suits discarded we can... Where are you going?! Come back and fight like a man, Mr Stud! [[Stud runs away up some stairs]] / Stud: It's an unfair fight! How about you put your metal hands behind your back and promise not to use them? / Dr No: And exactly how would that be fair? / Stud: It'd be fairer on me! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1628.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1629 | Wendy: We be free o' our pursuers, cap'n! / Long Tom: That be good. Now, let's be seein' what we can be makin' o' this map. / Long Tom: Hmmm. It be writ in an ancient hand, usin' a long forgotten secret pirate cipher, but I can be readin' some o' it. / Wendy: How so, cap'n? / Long Tom: I be studyin' arrrchaic languages! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1629.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1630 | Serron: You idiots! You came back in time to rescue us and got yourselves captured - knowing what you were getting into! / Serron 2: Hey, don't criticise us! We're you, only older and smarter! / Serron: Oh yeah?! / Serron 2: You want a piece of me?! / Iki Piki: How about I criticise you, future Serron, and Serron criticises future Iki Piki? / Iki Piki 2: That seems reasonable, past Iki Piki. / Iki Piki: Thank you, future Iki Piki. / Serron 2: I prefer our way. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1630.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1631 | Lambert: You killed the Balrog?! But... what?!... how?!... / Kyros: Long I fell, and he fell with me. / Kyros: Then we plunged into deep water and all was dark. Cold it was as the tide of death: almost it froze my heart. Thither we came to the uttermost foundations of stone. / Kyros: We fought far under the living earth, where time is not counted and the world is gnawed by nameless things. Of fierce battle that rended the very rock there was none to see. / Kyros: Until at last I threw down my enemy, and smote the deepest caverns of the earth in his ruin. / Mordekai: You killed it with purple prose? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1631.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1632 | [caption]: Spoiler warning: The final scene of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows / [[scene: Ron and Professor McGonagall stand on a beach, watching Harry ride a horse into the distance.]] / Ron: What will he find out there, Professor? / Professor McGonagall: His destiny. / [[Harry rides along the beach.]] / Harry: [[stopping his horse]] Oh my God. I'm back. I'm home. All the time, it was... We finally really did it. / Harry: [[kneeling on the sand next to the horse]] You maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell! [[Further along the beach is the remains of the Statue of Liberty, half buried in the sand.]] http://irregularwebcomic.net/1632.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1633 | Monty: There's some trick, right? "All roads lead to Rome," so it doesn't matter which one we take? / Minnesota Jones: Don't be so naïve, boy! That much is obvious! The real question is how best to avoid entanglements with the carabinieri along the way. / Monty: But... carabinieri didn't exist in da Vinci's time! / Minnesota Jones: Did you or did you not point out that it was a trick question? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1633.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1634 | Martian 1: You have a suggestion, Earthling? / Ishmael: Yes. / Ishmael: Drop your giant machines of war in the Middle East and warn of humanity wiping itself out and being unable to join galactic society unless we learn to live in peace and harmony. / Martian 1: Drop our giant machines of war... / Martian 1: [[to Martian 2]] Take a note. We should look into getting some of those for our next invasion. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1634.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1635 | Iki Piki: A point of nomenclature... / Iki Piki 2: Yes? / Iki Piki: You called me "past Iki Piki". I'm actually the present Iki Piki, and you're the future Iki Piki. / Iki Piki 2: No, no, no. I'm the present Iki Piki. You're the past. / Serron 2: Do we have to go through this again?! / Iki Piki 2: It's the first time for them! / Serron: Do we have to go through it once? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1635.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1636 | Dr No: Now you have no escape, Mr Stud, except to fall into the seething pool of radioactive water below! / [sound]: Trip! / [[Dr No falls into the seething pool of radioactive water below.]] / Dr No: Aaaargh!!! / [sound]: Splash! / Stud: Now see, that wouldn't have happened if you'd built this precarious elevated platform with railings. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1636.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1637 | Me: [[reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows]] Harry dies!!!! / Me: Ron dies!!!! / Me: Hermione dies!!!! / Me: Can it be a spoiler if I write it four weeks before the book comes out? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1637.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1638 | Mordekai: I can't believe it. We lost Lambert in the dark, ran across a mysterious Gollum-thing, ... / Mordekai: ... got attacked by thousands of orcs, Kyros almost got killed by a Balrog, we got lost in the dark again... / Mordekai: But after all that we managed to make it through the secret dwarven passage intact! / Draak: Where all our horse? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1638.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1639 | Ginny: Look out! Here comes the Pope! / Pope Pius XI: E voi chi diavolo siete? Cosa state combinando? / [subtitle]: Who the devil are you? What are you up to? / Minnesota Jones: Siamo la ditta di pulizie. Stiamo semplicemente lucidando la Serratura di Leonardo. / Pope Pius XI: Ah, va bene. Continuate pure. [[walks off again]] / [subtitle]: We're the cleaners. Just polishing da Vinci's lock. / [subtitle]: Ah, very well. Carry on then. / Monty: I can't believe he fell for that. / Minesota Jones: Just because he's the Pope doesn't mean he's infallible. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1639.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1640 | [caption]: xkcq: A webcomic of jokes you need a degree in mathematics to understand / [caption]: At the home of the Fourier transform family... / [[Two young Fourier transforms are playing with some wooden block on the floor of a bedroom, while the parents of one of them look on from outside the doorway. One of the kids is a sinc(x) function, the other is an odd function that looks a bit like sin(x)exp(-a x2) for a around 0.2 or so.]] / Mrs Fourier Transform: [[a cosine]] I wish Sincy would stop playing with that imaginary friend of his. / Mr Fourier Transform: [[a square pulse]] Don't worry. It's just a phase he's going through. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1640.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1641 | Martian 1: Let's come back to that Middle East thing. What's next on the list of Earth administration? / Ishmael: "Reduce the threat of global terrorism without curtailing civil liberties of the populace in general." / [[beat]] / Martian 1: More giant machines of war? . Ishmael: See how handy they'd be? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1641.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1642 | Julius: Ave, Marcus! I have an extra ticket to the games tomorrow night. Do you want to come? / Marcus: Ugh. You know sport is nothing but a formalised proxy for warfare? / Marcus: Forcing prisoners to fight one another to the death for the amusement of the masses! / Marcus: It's barbaric! / Julius: Well, they are barbarians. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1642.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1643 | Iki Piki: So what's your plan to get out of here? / [[Iki Piki 2 and Serron 2 look at each other]] / Iki Piki: You have a plan, right? You know how we escape... / Serron 2: How did we get out of this? / Iki Piki 2: I told you we should have written it down! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1643.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1644 | Mordekai: Oh man, we lost our horses? Again?! / Mordekai: How can we lose something that important and easily noticeable without realising it? / [[beat]] / Lambert: Uh... Where's Alvissa? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1644.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1645 | Stud: Enjoy your radioactive bath, Dr No! / Dr No: You fool! All I have to do is climb out! / [sound]: Scratch scratch scrape scrabble scrabble. [[Dr No fails to get a grip on the slick metal rails.]] / Dr No: Aaargh! I told those idiots to put rubber grips on these metal hands! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1645.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1646 | Monty: So I enter the answer... Oh! / Minnesota Jones: Oh? / Monty: A die popped out of a slot. "Roll a six," the plaque says now. / Minnesota Jones: So roll it. Make sure you get a six. / Monty: But... do you know what the odds of that are? What if I roll some other number? How is this a puzzle? / Minnesota Jones: You're puzzled, aren't you? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1646.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1647 | [[Allosaurus reading news site.]] / [web page]: CNN.com / [web page]: [[headline]] Earth surrenders to Martians. / [[Close up of Allosaurus.]] / Allosaurus: RAAARRRHH!!! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1647.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1648 | Jamie: Today's myth is that AK-47s are so reliable that you can submerge one in a bog for a year, and it will still fire perfectly. / Jamie: A year ago we dumped this Kalashnikov in a peat bog in northern England. Now we're going to see if it will still work. We just need a target... / Adam: How likely do you think it is that this thing will actually shoot? / Jamie: I'd estimate... less than 50%. / Adam: Good enough for me! Fire away! Jamie: I may be wrong... / Adam: Well then I win! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1648.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1649 | Long Tom: Arrr, I be havin' it! This part clearly be the coast o' East Caicos. We be headin' nor-by-east until this rock and that peak align, and be sailin' straight for the peak. / / Long Tom: We be takin' to the boats, landin' on the beach, marchin' inland to a great tree wi' roots like buttresses, and then be spyin' spray from a waterfall to the west. / / Long Tom: This be easy! We be headin' west-sou-west halfway to yon waterfall from the tree, then be marchin' a hundred paces north! / / Wendy: Uh, cap'n... / / Long Tom: What be it, Wendy? / / Wendy: Don't ye be holdin' yon map upside down? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1649.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1650 | [[scene: A pitch black tunnel, somewhere deep under the Orcrift Mountains.]] / / Alvissa: Those idiots. Running off in a pitch black tunnel where it's impossible to tell where anyone else is, and so inevitably getting lost. / / Alvissa: The great elven philosophers have a lot to say about times like this. / / Alvissa: "Fools rush in..." / / Alvissa: Well, it goes on for thirty volumes, but that much generally covers it. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1650.html |
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