You're browsing the archives of Irregular Webcomic!.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Irregular Webcomic! #1411 | Will: You want me to replace Harry Potter? I'm not sure I'm up to that... / Hermione: So modest! / Ron: But all Harry's good at is getting into trouble. You know a lot more than he does, about a lot of things. / Ron: Muggle history, rhetoric, European literature, psychology, theatre, Greek mythology, poetry, English royalty... / Hermione: [[making doe-eyes]] Romance... / Ron: Steady on! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1411.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1412 | Townsman: Why are you raiding Port Royal? / Wendy: We be seekin' the treasure map me father be takin' from Greybeard the Pirate! / Townsman: He's just a senile old salt! What could his map tell you? / Wendy: I be knowin' that, but Greybeard be the one drawin' the map, not me father! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1412.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1413 | [[scene: The Legacy bridge, after it has landed at an open-air landing pad on Bune, showing a coast in the background.]] / Serron: I think we should discuss the arrangements for splitting the profits from this trip, given our unusual circumstances. / Iki Piki: This should all have been settled ages ago. I see no need to revisit it now. / Spanners: Actually, he does have a point. / Iki Piki: Oh? / Spanners: We've never actually made a profit before. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1413.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1414 | [[scene: A front door in Ancient Rome.]] / [sound]: Pulsus! Pulsus! / Charity Collector Guy: [[As Marcus opens the door]] Ave! I'm collecting for the fund to prevent Latin from becoming a dead language. / Marcus: [[to Julius]] What did he say? / Julius: I don't know; it's all Greek to me. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1414.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1415 | [caption]: Japan... / [sign]: [[on an ice cream stand, attended by a robed monk]] Zen Ice Cream / Steve: A vanilla cone, thanks mate. / Monk: We have ice cream today, so we can give you none. / Monk: If you come back tomorrow, we will have no ice cream, so we can give you some. / Steve: Crikey! What was that? / Monk: An ice cream koan. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1415.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1416 | Gollum: [[in pitch blackness]] Ahh... We hass it! We shall eats it up! / Lambert: Aaaargh! / Gollum: Unlesss... unless it winss a riddle contest againsst uss! / Lambert: A riddle contest? Like how come you talk in the third person and are willing to let me go on such a flimsy premise? / Gollum: Argh! It criticises our characterisation! It hurtss usss! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1416.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1417 | Monty: So what happened after you and Erwin jumped from the zeppelin? / Ginny: We didn't find the orichalcum - it's as good as lost. We wandered the back woods of Poland for a week. / Ginny: It got cold at night. We had to huddle together for warmth. / Monty: Eurgh! / Prof. Jones: [[leering from the back seat]] Go on... / Monty: Dad! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1417.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1418 | [[scene: on board the Hogwarts Express]] / Hermione: So tell us more about yourself. / Will: Well, I'm a writer... / Hermione: Oooh! What do you write? / Will: Stirring tragic plays highlighting the eternal dilemmas and conflicts of the human condition. Historical dramas to educate and entertain. / Will: Absurdist comedies of mistaken identity and folly. Soaring romances that pierce the most jaded heart to the very core. Sonnets and epic poetry... / [[scene change: The office, where Shakespeare is sitting at his desk, staring at his computer screen]] / Shakespeare: http://irregularwebcomic.net/1418.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1419 | Serron: As he's a junior member of the crew, I vote Quercus gets a reduced share of the profits from this trip. / Paris: But without him, we all would have died! / Serron: Exactly! Either we're all dead, or he gets a reduced share! He gets more this way! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1419.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1420 | Me: [[writing equations on a whiteboard, in front of a group of people]] Divergence of the electric field is charge density on epsilon-zero. Divergence of magnetic field is, however, zero, meaning there are no magnetic monopoles. / Me: Curl of the electric field is minus the rate of change of magnetic field, while curl of the magnetic field is mu-zero times current density... / Me: ... plus the all-important displacement current term, which gives rise to the propagation of light! So... what do you think of that as an idea for a comic? / Audience member: It's a bit formulaic. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1420.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1421 | Dirque: [[triumphantly holding aloft a map]] We be findin' the map! / Wendy: That be grand! Let's be abscondin' with it! / [[beat]] / Wendy: Let's be stealin' it! / Dirque: Arrr! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1421.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1422 | Lambert: [[still in darkness]] Riddle contest, eh? Okay then... What's green, has six legs, and will kill you if it drops on you from a tree? / Gollum: Too easy, it iss! A billiardss table! How did the man drown in his muessli? / Lambert: Erm... He got pulled under by a currant! How do you know when there's five elephants in your refrigerator? / Gollum: There'ss a Volkssswagen parked outside! / Lambert: Dang, you're good. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1422.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1423 | Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: But, but... I have a fireball victim waiting. That's a collection! / Head Death: Not any more. We'll let the victim off this time. / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: That's not fair! / Head Death: Immortality, freedom from normal constraints of space and time, a scenic work environment, and you want fair too? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1423.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1424 | Terry: [[reading a book on the flight]] This says the Tibetan name for the yeti is "migou", which Lovecraft rendered as "Mi-go" in his 1930 story The Whisperer in Darkness. / Terry: He describes the "Abominable Snow-Men" of the Himalaya as pinkish things with crustaceous bodies, membranous wings, and a convoluted ellipsoid where a head should be. / Terry: These fungoid abominations extract living brains and come from the "dark planet Yuggoth", which he identifies as the then newly discovered planet Pluto... / Steve: Crikey! We better be careful. That "Pluto is a planet" crowd can get stroppy! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1424.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1425 | Prof. Jones: For some reason this reminds me of the time your mother and I were excavating near the Step Pyramid of Djoser. / Prof. Jones: The artefacts we unearthed were very exciting. They got our blood racing and the next thing we knew, passion took over and... / Monty: On an important archaeological dig site? Dad! / Prof. Jones: Well, one has to make Saqqara-vices. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1425.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1426 | Serron: And speaking of profit sharing, Paris shouldn't get a share. She's dead. / Paris: I'm standing right here, you moron! / Serron: What are you going to do with money? / Paris: I can think of one good thing! / Spanners: Put it in a bank account just so Serron can't have it? / Paris: Two good things! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1426.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1427 | Ophelia: Mercutio, I'm worried about Will. Since Loren left, he's buried himself in work. / Mercutio: Loren Ipsum, the U.S. Constitution ISO 9001 project leader? / Ophelia: Yes. With her gone, he's not socialising any more. / Mercutio: I wouldn't worry. He'll be over it soon. I reckon she was just a placeholder for someone else... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1427.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1428 | [caption]: It came upon a midnight clear,/that colour out of space, / [caption]: From aliens bending near the Earth,/to suck life from a place. / [caption]: "Death on Earth, bad will to men,/from heav'n's chaotic things!" / [caption]: The world in ghastly stillness lay,/around it evil clings. / [caption]: Still through the cloven skies they come,/with rugose wings unfurled, / [caption]: And still their discordant music floats/o'er all the wormy world; / [caption]: Above its sad and leprous plains/they bend on horrific wing; / [caption]: And ever o'er its baleful sounds/the bilious colours sing. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1428.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1429 | [[scene: still pitch black darkness...]] / Gollum: Another riddle... What iss black and white and bouncesss? / Lambert: Black and white... and bounces? Um... / Gollum: Doess it gives up? / Lambert: No! Give me a second here. Black... and... white... / Gollum: And bouncesss, it doess. What isss it? / Lambert: Um... bounces... and... black and white... / Gollum: Too sslow it isss... / Lambert: A rubber... um... rubber... er... nun! A rubber nun! / Gollum: Aaargh! / Lambert: Ha! Too easy! / Gollum: Yesss... Another riddle it hass to gives usss... / Lambert: I'm thinking! I'm thinking! / Gollum: A riddles, or it losesss... / Lambert: Um... er... What have I got in my pocket?! / Gollum: In itss pocketses? That's not a riddle! / Lambert: Close enough! / Gollum: Three guessesss it musst gives usss... / Lambert: Okay, okay. You'll never get it. / Gollum: In its pocketses... Lint! / Lambert: No. / Gollum: A trick quesstion it iss! Nothing! Nothing in its pocketses! / Lambert: No... That's two guesses. / Gollum: In itss pocketses... what hass it got in itss pocketses?... / Lambert: You'll never guess... / Gollum: Is it... is it... The Preciousss?! / Lambert: No! It was a trick question! I don't have any pockets! / Gollum: Auugh!! Why not??! / Lambert: Trust me, around Mordekai you're better off not having anything in pockets. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1429.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1430 | [caption]: Episode I / [caption]: THE PHANTOM MENACE / [caption]: Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic. The taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems is in dispute. / [caption]: Hoping to resolve the matter with a blockade of deadly battleships, the greedy Trade Federation has stopped all shipping to the small planet of Naboo. / [caption]: While the Congress of the Republic endlessly debates this alarming chain of events, the Supreme Chancellor has secretly dispatched two Jedi Knights, the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy, to settle the conflict... / Obi-Wan: I have a bad feeling about this... / Qui-Gon: Your intuition serves you well, my young padawan. / Obi-Wan: Master Qui-Gon, isn't there any way we can avoid meeting Jar Jar? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1430.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1431 | [[scene: The Infinite Featureless Plane of Death]] / Death of Choking On A Giant Frog: Hello, Fireballs... Been to see the Head Death again...? / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: Choking... Do you always hang around outside his office? / Death of Choking On A Giant Frog: Only when demotion is in the air... So? / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: {downcast, in a low voice} Being Poisoned By Licking A Giant Frog. / Death of Choking On A Giant Frog: Ha ha ha ha ho ho ho! / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: So, anyone choked on a giant frog lately? / Death of Choking On A Giant Frog: Damn you... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1431.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1432 | Minnesota Jones: The Palladium of Troy. Well, well. So where in Rome are we going? / Ginny: We know the Romans brought treasures back from their Hellenic campaigns, possibly including the Palladium. / Minnesota Jones: That's never been proven. / Ginny: My research indicates a book in the Vatican Library may contain the clues we need to pick up the trail after all these centuries. / Minnesota Jones: Hmmm. Maybe... / Monty: Pop, wait. She never said anything. How did you know we were going to Rome? / Minnesota Jones: We're on a road, aren't we? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1432.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1433 | [caption]: Tribhuvan International Airport, Kathmandu / Terry: Now let me do all the talking this time, Steve. / Customs Guy: Anything to declare? / Steve: We're here to see the yeti! / [[Terry holds her face in her hands]] / Customs Guy: I see. Security! / Customs Guy: [[as Steve is led away by Security]] And you, miss? / Terry: I'm not with him. I wasn't even on the same plane. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1433.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1434 | Quercus: [[appearing on the bridge]] The Allosaurus has been unloaded and we've been paid. Let's hit the town and I'll see if I can find a new cargo. / Serron: See?! More reasons why Quercus should get a reduced profit share! / Iki Piki: What? He's the one actually doing all the work around here. / Serron: Exactly! He's not letting me do my job! / Spanners: I vote we increase his share... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1434.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1435 | Me: It's been four years since I started this comic. That's a long time to be doing a single creative pursuit. / Me: I never imagined it would last this long, and it's been fun, but I think this is as good a milestone as any to move on. / Me: I want to thank everyone who contributed over the years. The friends who I showed #1 to and they said, "Ha! Make another one!" / Me: Then the ones who posted links on their sites and pulled in a few more readers. In fact everyone who ever pointed friends or strangers here. / Me: Too many inspirational cartoonists to mention, but significantly Charles M. Schulz, Goscinny & Uderzo, Hergé, Murray Ball, Gary Larson, and Bill Watterson. / Me: Eric Burns for snarkage, Ryan North for letting me rip off his ideas, Dusan Jeftinija and Andy Weir for crossover madness. Jane Goodall, for not killing me. / Me: But most of all to you, the readers, who have shown time and again your support, in blogs, by e-mail, and in the forums. / Me: Thank you all. I'll see you when my next project gets off the ground. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1435.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1436 | [[scene: still in pitch darkness]] / Gollum: We will eats it anyway! Trick quesstion indeedss! / Lambert: Aaaargh! / Alvissa: Lambert! Is that you?! / Lambert: Alvissa!? / Gollum: Gollum! Gollum! / Draak: Draak smash! / Kyros: We need light. Channelling mana... / All: Noooo! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1436.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1437 | [[scene: Gryffindor common room, Hogwarts]] / Hermione: So Will, what are you planning to do after our final year of school? / Will: I thought I might stay on and try to become a teacher at Hogwarts. / Hermione: Amazing! That's what I want to do! / [[scene change: Shakespeare's office, where Shakespeare is typing at his computer. Ophelia can be seen in the background, working at her own desk.]] / Shakespeare: [[typing]] "Yes, that is amazing," replied Will. "It's pretty rare to find someone who shares your interests, working in the same place as you..." http://irregularwebcomic.net/1437.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1438 | [[scene: The pirate ship Allosaurus, docked at Port Royal.]] / Long Tom: [[walkin' up the gangplank]] We be findin' the map! Cast off! / Swab: [[on board]] What? Now? / Long Tom: Be ye deaf, ye barnacled swab?! Cast off! / Swab: [[holding up a half-finished garment]] But I ain't be finished knittin' the sleeves yet! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1438.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1439 | Minnesota Jones: When I was in Troy on Schliemann's dig, a carnival sideshow passed through. One act was these two men, covered head to toe in tattoos. / Minnestoa Jones: One had Egyptian hieroglyphs, the other Mayan symbols, which was interesting. They ate live bugs and goldfish. It was quite amazing. / Minnesota Jones: It was only after the show that we discovered their fellow performers had raided our camp for valuables. / Monty: Oh? / Minnesota Jones: Beware of geeks bearing glyphs. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1439.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1440 | [[scene: Outside, on a street of the starport]] / Quercus: Bune's major export is a spice extracted from the native giant water worms. I've secured a load, but we have two days until it's delivered. / Paris: Good work, Quercus. While we're waiting, we can enjoy the local attractions. / Quercus: {approaching a shop with displays of flowers in the window} Let's avoid this place though... / Serron: It's just a florist. / Quercus: How would you like it if someone cut off your reproductive organs and arranged them in a vase for people to admire and smell? / Serron: Oh... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1440.html |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80
81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100
101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 >>