You're browsing the archives of Irregular Webcomic!.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Irregular Webcomic! #1261 | [caption]: The cantina scene, digitally remastered by Steven Spielberg: / Greedo: Oochlayyoo-ma... Chess bookoo-tootachkeest-CHKREN-ko, ya ol-chka. / [caption]: [[subtitle]] That's the idea. I've been looking forward to killing you for a long time. / Han: Yes, I'll bet you have. / Greedo: [[whipping out a walkie-talkie and speaking rapidly into it]] Teetaka-puchno NAYOOCH-ka! / [caption]: [[subtitle]] I need backup, quick! / Han: [[also pulling out a walkie-talkie]] Help! A bounty hunter is threatening me! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1261.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1262 | Ophelia: Mercutio, if you wanted to cancel a US government initiative, how would you do it? / Mercutio: Easy. Use wireless eavesdropping to hack into an anonymous packet rerouter, preferably in Russia, via a Trojan back door on a cracked spam server... / Mercutio: ... and set up a silent keylogger worm that reports back via whitespace steganography in outgoing email BCCed to a remailer to get a government system password... / Mercutio: ... then use that to log on and just edit the files. / Ophelia: Right. How would a normal person do it? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1262.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1263 | Dwalin: [[indicating the vast tunnel beyond the doors of the secret dwarven kingdom]] Behoold. The subterranean dwarven kingdom of Dwergenberg. [[translation: Behold. The subterranean dwarven... oh, it's all in plain English after that.]] / Dwalin: Yon toonnels extend fer nigh thirty leagues. Nilly a mullion dwarves call it hoom. [[translation: These tunnels extend for some thirty leagues. Nearly a million dwarves call it home.]] / Alvissa: Wow. How long has this kingdom been here? It must be thousands of years. Since before the Dragon Wars? / GM: Since last week's playing session. I figured you weren't getting across the mountains any other way. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1263.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1264 | Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: THIS IS A BIT SUSS. I'M GOIN' TEW HAFF TEW REFER THIS TEW THE HEAD DEAFF. / Adam: [[to a cameraman who has just appeared]] Ah, the cameraman. It's about time you got here. / Cameraman: I had a sniffle... Jamie gave me a nice felt handkerchief... / Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: TEW IN ONE DAY? I GUESS THIS NEARLY MAKES UP FOR THE ENTIRE TWENTIEFF CENTURY... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1264.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1265 | [[scene: The prison cell in Berlin. The soft light of dawn breaks gently across the scene.]] / Erwin: It is dawn, meine Herren. How was your last meal? / Prof. Jones: [[still lying on the cell floor]] Most excellent, thank you. We're so full we can barely move. / Erwin: I am pleased to hear that, Herr Professor Doktor Jones. Let us go then. It is time for your execution. / Prof. Jones: What, no breakfast? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1265.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1266 | Stud: [[spotting a table set with food and drinks in the room]] Food! / Honey: It's probably drugged. / Stud: Who cares? It's not like some lunatic with metal hands is going to come in while we're asleep. [[drinks]] / [[they eat and crash to the floor, unconscious]] / [[a mysterious figure, seen only from behind, enters and looks at them, brandishing an evil-looking metal hand]] http://irregularwebcomic.net/1266.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1267 | Iki Piki: So why didn't the owner of this Allosaurus travel with us too? / Spanners: I asked him that. / Iki Piki: What did he say? / Spanners: "Three days in hyperspace locked on a tiny ship with a wild Allosaurus? Are you nuts?" http://irregularwebcomic.net/1267.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1268 | Jane Goodall: [[answering phone]] Hello? / Terry: [[on the other end of the line]] Hi, Jane. / Jane Goodall: Terry! Hi. / Jane Goodall: Has Steve somehow managed to put together some sort of usable documentary for me? / Terry: He's in hospital! / Jane Goodall: Wow. My idea is working better than I'd hoped. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1268.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1269 | [[scene: The Axis of Antagonists' secret hideout.]] / Aqualich: I wonder if the League of Good Guys are on our trail. / Sea Dog: Arrr! Let's be tryin' the TV. / Aqualich: You fool! Do you know how unlikely it is to turn on the TV and stumble across a story about us?! / [[In the background, The Hippo flicks on the TV to a scene from the press conference, where Captain Spatula is yelling at the press.]] / The Bug: [[also in the background, in a corner, hacking on a computer with a can of soft drink in hand]] [[thinking]] There's a human in my code... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1269.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1270 | Ishmael: Can I go now? / Martian 1: No! You have information vital to our plans of conquest! / Martian 1: Interrogate him! [[Martian 3 grabs Ishmael]] / Martian 3: What's your World of Warcraft password?! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1270.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1271 | [[scene: Underground, in the secret dwarven kingdom of Dwergenberg. The party have come across a store of barrels.]] / Dwalin: Och! Stoores o' dwarven whusky, distulled in the ginuine dwarven fashion, ye ken. Try soom! [[translation: Ah! Stores of dwarven whisky, distilled in the genuine dwarven fashion, you know. Try some!]] / Lambert: Hmmm... unusual. / Alvissa: But whisky needs malt and barley. How do you grow those underground? / Dwalin: We dinnae. [[translation: We don't.]] / Lambert: So what's it made from? / Dwalin: Foongus! [[translation: Fungus!]] http://irregularwebcomic.net/1271.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1272 | Me: Welcome to the world's first fully interactive webcomic! Where you are as much a part of the comic as I am! / [[beat]] / [[beat]] / Me: Well don't just sit there. Do something funny. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1272.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1273 | Adam: [[walking across the Infinite Featureless Plane of Death accompanied by Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals, with the cameraman filming them]] What is this place? / Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: THE INFINITE FEATURELESS PLANE OF DEAFF, GUV. / Adam: And where are we going? / Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: THE 'EAD DEAFF'S DESK. / Adam: So... it's not actually featureless? / Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: UMMM... / Adam: Myth busted! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1273.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1274 | Ophelia: Will, I think you should realise something about Loren. / Ophelia: She just doesn't appreciate creative writing. Not like I do. / Shakespeare: How do you figure that? Just because she works for the US government? / Ophelia: Because of her reaction to your work on this project so far! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1274.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1275 | Erwin: They want breakfast. / Hitler's Brain: Nein! Absolutely not! / Hitler's Brain: Then they will claim their last meal was not their last meal und we will be in some sort of prisoner paradox und unable to execute them at all! / Hitler's Brain: Go drag them out of die cell und shoot them immediately! / Erwin: Jawohl! / Erwin: [[walking off to get the prisoners]] I did not know he was interested in logic paradoxes. / Haken: [[walking with him]] What else is he going to do? Play football? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1275.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1276 | Paris: So, Spanners, how's Quercus working out in the engine room? / Spanners: Pretty well. I've nicknamed him "Conservative Vector Field". / Paris: Oh, why's that? / Spanners: He has potential. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1276.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1277 | Greedo: Oochlayyoo-ma... Chess bookoo-tootachkeest-CHKREN-ko, ya ol-chka. / [caption]: [[subtitle]] That's the idea. I've been looking forward to killing you for a long time. / Han: Yes, I'll bet you have. / Wuher: [[handing Greedo a drink]] Your shot, sir. / Han: Hey! I ordered first! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1277.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1278 | [[scene: A hospital reception desk. A nurse attends to a rampantly entering Jane Goodall.]] / Jane Goodall: I've just flown in from Africa to see Steve! Where is he? / Nurse: Sorry, family only. / Jane Goodall: [[barging past the desk]] Let me through! I'm Jane Goodall! I deal with monkeys all the time! / Nurse: You mean apes... / Jane Goodall: Same difference! Out of my way! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1278.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1279 | Mordekai: This is no dwarven kingdom... It's a tomb. / Kyros: Yeah. Kind of spooky. Where are all the dwarves? / Alvissa: Have they been killed by raiding orcs and goblins? / GM: Look, it took me two years to paint one dwarf miniature. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1279.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1280 | [[scene: Adam and Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals are walking across the Infinite Featureless Plane of Death.]] / Adam: This Infinite Plane of Death With One Feature...? / Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: YES, GUV? / Adam: What's its geometry? / Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: A FFREE-DIMENSIONAL RIEMANNIAN MANIFOLD WIFF A SLIGHT NON-EUCLIDEAN CURVATURE. / Adam: Positive or negative? / Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: POSITIVE, I FFINK... / Adam: Aha! So it's not infinite either! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1280.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1281 | Me: Gosh, wikis are taking over the web. / [[me looking astonished at a web site]] / Me: [[reading]] "The CIA World FactWiki"? / Me: [[reading]] "The official source for US Government profiles of countries and non-self-governing territories around the world that anyone can edit!" http://irregularwebcomic.net/1281.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1282 | Martian 3: Password! / Ishmael: No! / Martian 1: Where are Earth's space defences located?! / Ishmael: What, you mean NORAD at Cheyenne Mountain in Colorado? / Martian 1: [[triumphant]] Aha! / Martian 1: Now we've confused him! Ask again! / Martian 3: World of Warcraft password?! / Ishmael: Never!! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1282.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1283 | Erwin: Die Führer says we must execute you immediately. / Prof. Jones: [[still lying on the floor inside the cell]] No breakfast? / Erwin: No breakfast. / Prof. Jones: How gauche. / Monty: They're Nazis, dad. What did you expect? / Prof. Jones: Well, I knew Hitler was irredeemably evil, but I didn't know he was a spoilsport. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1283.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1284 | [[scene: The office, the next day. Loren has shown up in a new outfit, a pink top with red decoration and piping and red skirt.]] / Loren: Ophelia! Do you think Shakespeare will like this? Come with me! Does he like red? I'm so nervous! / Ophelia: Um, I don't know... / Loren: Oh, please Ophelia? You know him, he's comfortable around you. I could really use the help. / Ophelia: Erm... / Ophelia: Say, Loren... What do you think of Harry Potter? / Loren: Who? / Ophelia: [[standing up]] Right. Let's go see Will. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1284.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1285 | Spanners: It's time to put food for the Allosaurus into the cargo hold. / Serron: I'm not going in there. / Iki Piki: Don't look at me. / Paris: Insubstantial. / Quercus: I'll do it. [[leaves to do the job]] / Spanners: I knew hiring him was a good idea. / Serron: At this rate we won't even have to pay him... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1285.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1286 | Me: [[reading Scott McCloud's Understanding Comics]] Hmmm. In order for my comic to evolve as an art form, I need to do something unexpected. / Me: Though without jumping the shark. / [sound]: Riiing! / Me: Hello? / Jamie: Too late. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1286.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1287 | Dwalin: King Dworin's folk have bin muddered! [[translation: King Dworin's people have been murdered!]] / Dwalin: Yon halls oonce rang wi' the soond of a hoondred thoosand anvils and the songs of a mullion dwarves! [[translation: These halls once rang with the sound of a hundred thousand anvils and the songs of a million dwarves!]] / Dwalin: Who would do sooch a thung?! [[translation: Who would do such a thing?!]] / Kyros: The neighbours? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1287.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1288 | Terry: [[sitting by Steve's hospital bed as Jane Goodall enters]] Jane! You flew all the way from Africa just to see Steve? / Jane Goodall: I heard he might not pull through. As a professional animal researcher, I had to come and pay due respect. / Terry: That's the crocodile. Steve's going to be fine in a few days. / Jane Goodall: Oh. Um... Here. I brought a "get well" gift. / Terry: Champagne? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1288.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1289 | [[scene: Head Death's desk]] / Head Death: INHALING HATMAKING CHEMICALS... / Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: WOTCHA, GUV. / Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: WE GOT OURSELVES A SPOT O' BOTHER 'ERE. 'IS PHONE IS STILL WORKIN'. / Head Death: HMMM. HE MUST RETURN TO LIFE FOR SOME REASON. / Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: 'OW D'YOU FIGGER, GUV? / Head Death: HIS TELCO WON'T DISCONNECT HIM IF THEY KNOW THEY CAN CHASE THE BILL. AND DO YOU KNOW THE CHARGES FROM HERE? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1289.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1290 | [[scene: a lecture theatre]] / Me: Dr Goodall, it's an honour to meet you. I do this thing called Irregular Webcomic!... / Jane Goodall: [[the real Jane Goodall! Really!]] Oh yes, I've seen this. I've been hoping for the chance to meet you one day. / Me: You have?! / Jane Goodall: Yes. Come here, there's something special I want to give you. / Me: Yes? / [sound]: Smack!! ane Goodall chimp-slaps me across the face.]] http://irregularwebcomic.net/1290.html |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80
81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100
101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 >>