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| Irregular Webcomic! #1231 | Ophelia: Will, this rewrite you've done is fine up to the power of the Congress to regulate commerce. But then... / Ophelia: [[reading]] "Thou blind fool, Love, what dost thou to mine eyes / That they behold and see not what they see? / Ophelia: [[reading]] "They know what free trade is, see where it lies, / Yet regulate, for not the worst to be." / Shakespeare: You don't think Loren will like it? / Ophelia: I think you have the wrong "Act of Congress" in mind... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1231.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1232 | Spanners: Quercus, your first task is to get this Allosaurus into the cargo hold. / Quercus: Begging your pardon Mr Spanners, but how is this related to engineering? / Iki Piki: And make sure it doesn't get out of the cargo hold. / Quercus: Ah. I'll get the welding gear. / Allosaurus: RAAARRRHHH! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1232.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1233 | [[scene: The other side of the door from the radiation decontamination room. Stud and Honey are greeted by two immaculately dressed nurses seated at a reception desk.]] / Sister Lily: Come in, you poor dears. We simply didn't know when to expect you. First it was teatime yesterday, and then dinner, and it was only half an hour ago we really knew you were on your way. / Sister Rose: Cigarette? These are American, these English, and these Turkish. We hope to make your stay as pleasant as possible. / Honey: Well this is very weird, don't you think? / Stud: What is? / Honey: Women who are glad to see you. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1233.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1234 | Minnesota Jones: If we're to be shot at dawn, what say we request a last meal? / Prof. Jones: Capital idea! / Monty: How can you think of food at a time like this?! / Minnesota Jones: What shall we order? / Prof. Jones: Anything but sausages. / Sallah: Dates! / Minnesota Jones: No sausages? / Prof. Jones: The sausages here in Berlin are the wurst. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1234.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1235 | [[scene: Giuseppe's pizza shop]] / Giuseppe: Here. [[indicating pizza boxes on the counter]] Three large garlic and anchovy pizzas with extra garlic and anchovies. And garlic bread. With anchovies. / Ishmael: Oh man. That room is gonna stink. / Giuseppe: Si. I wouldn't want to be in there for the next few days. / Ishmael: Giuseppe, can I move into the pizza shop? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1235.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1236 | [[scene: Back in Footcrag...]] / Villager: Remember when that army o' hobbit fire wizards raided t' village? / Farmer: Aye, backed up by a legion o' elven warrior maidens. They stole all my food and horses. / Villager: And what about t' horde o' berserker lizard men? / Farmer: Forty feet tall and roaring like dragons, they were! / Villager: Really? They seemed taller... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1236.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1237 | [[scene: A press conference. The League of Good Guys are seated at the interview table, giving their story to the gathered press of the world.]] / Worm Master: So as soon as we heard about the hijack we raced straight to the scene. / Refractive Man: Where we used our powers to determine where Aqualich and his cronies had gone. / Captain Spatula: Any questions? Yes, Mr Clark? / Kent Clark: So how come you're giving a press conference instead of chasing them? / Captain Spatula: [[leaping dramatically to his feet]] We have a public image to maintain! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1237.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1238 | Terry: E-mail for you, Steve. / Steve: Crikey! Read it, Terry. You know I can't handle anything without claws or fangs. / Terry: It's from Jane Goodall. "I'm inviting you to join an elite group of experts to help solve the world's ecological and environmental problems. / Terry: "Together, it's my plan to present to the world a series of documentaries outlining the issues and suggesting positive solutions. I hope you can join us. / Terry: "Sincerely, Jane Goodall. P.S. Sorry to do this by e-mail, Steve, but I couldn't stand the thought of asking you in person." http://irregularwebcomic.net/1238.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1239 | Marlowe: Ophelia, this revised text reads great. You and Shakespeare are really pulling for the team. / Ophelia: Sorry Mr Marlowe, but did you actually read it? There's... love poems all through it. / Mercutio: [[butting in]] Sounds like an improvement in government philosophy to me. / Loren: What? Love? In a government policy? We can't have that! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1239.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1240 | Jamie: Today we're testing the myth that working with traditional hatmaking chemicals can make you go mad. / Adam: I have some felt impregnated with mercury. Let me just inhale the fumes... / [sound]: Sniiiiff!! [[Adam holds the felt to his nose and inhales deeply]] / [[scene change: Adam is now standing on the Infinite Featureless Plane of Death, next to a Death wearing a fine top hat.]] / Adam: I'm seeing things, Jamie! I think I've gone mad! / Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: NO GUV. YOU AIN'T MAD. YOU'RE DEAD. / Adam: Aha! Myth busted! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1240.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1241 | [[scene: The bridge of the Legacy, preparing to depart the starport.]] / Paris: I see the Allosaurus is loaded. / Spanners: Yes. Quercus, the new assistant engineer, did it. / Paris: I haven't had a chance to meet him yet. What's he like? / Serron: A bit wooden. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1241.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1242 | Prof. Jones: [[ordering food from Erwin, through the prison cell bars]] ... Schweinshaxe mit Spätzle, Kartoffelsalat mit diesen kleinen Speckstücken, und Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte und Apfelstrudel zum Nachtisch. / Erwin: No wurst? / Prof. Jones: No, it's the wurst. / Erwin: But we have die best of die wurst here in Berlin. / Prof. Jones: It's still the wurst, to be frank. / Minesota Jones: I never sausage a thing as a best wurst. / Monty: Aaaargghh!!! / Prof. Jones: [[whispering to Erwin]] Actually, bring us some wurst. This is fun. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1242.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1243 | Dwalin: To get to the door to the sikkret dwarven kingdom we have tae climb oop high intae the moontains. [[translation: To get to the door to the secret dwarven kingdom we have to climb high up into the mountains.]] / Mordekai: Why on Earth would the entrance to an underground kingdom be at a high altitude? / Dwalin: The Dwarf King wanted a sikkret undergroond kingdom wuth a view. [[translation: The Dwarf King wanted a secret underground kingdom with a view.]] http://irregularwebcomic.net/1243.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1244 | Ishmael: [[delivering pizzas to the Martians in his own room]] Here're your pizzas. / Martian 1: Ah. Thank you, Earthling. / Martian 2: Amazing, this Internet. You can order food and someone brings it without you having to do anything else. / Ishmael: Actually, you have to pay. That's $28.37. Plus tip of course. / Martian 1: What? / Ishmael: Oh man! Invading Earth, using my net to order pizza, and having me deliver it is one thing, but no tip?! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1244.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1245 | Steve: I can't refuse a good cause. Let Jane Goodall know I'm in! / Terry: [[checking her computer]] She's online. I'll instant message her. / Terry: She wants to know what endangered species you think we should focus on first. / Steve: Crocs! / Terry: "Anything but crocodiles." / Steve: Crikey! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1245.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1246 | Adam: Okay, the myth is busted. You can send me back now. / Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: I FFINK YOU FAIL TEW UNNERSTAND THE FUNNAMENTAL PRINCIPLE OF BEIN' DEAD, GUV. / Adam: [[holding up a phone]] Do you get cellphone reception here? / Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: UMM... / Adam: [[on phone]] Jamie? Hi. Get a cameraman to sniff the mercury. We're missing some great footage here. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1246.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1247 | Loren: I don't get it, Ophelia. Why would Shakespeare put love poetry in the revision of the US Constitution? / Ophelia: Isn't it obvious? He's holding a torch for you. / Loren: What? Like Lady Liberty? / Ophelia: You don't get out of the government offices much, do you? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1247.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1248 | [[scene: Sister Lily shows James Stud and Honey a luxuriously appointed hotel-style room.]] / Sister Lily: Your room. / Stud: Delightful. / Sister Lily: The doctor invites you to join him for dinner. Six o'clock, for seven. / Stud: Tell him we accept with pleasure. / Honey: Does nothing crack your cool exterior? / Sister Lily: [[walking off]] And of course the lady has a separate room next door. / Stud: Nooo...! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1248.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1249 | [[scene: High up in the Orcrift Mountains, the fantasy party gaze out over the wide plains below from a birds-eye lokout point.]] / Lambert: Wow, it's a good view from up here in the mountains. / Draak: Draak can see whole plain from here to sea. / Alvissa: And look, there's the mighty Elusian River meandering across it... / Kyros: Making 60 degree turns every 1/sqrt(3) miles... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1249.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1250 | [[scene: The ship's bridge. Starfields are visible through the viewports, showing they have left the starport.]] / Paris: So, you're a tree being. / Quercus: Yes. From the planet Fagalia. / Quercus: People often find it awkward asking me about my origins, but it's quite straightforward, really. / [[silent beat]] / Quercus: So, you're a ghost. / Paris: Just don't ask... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1250.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1251 | Monty: [[kneeling down near a hole that Sallah is digging in]] How's it going, Sallah? It's almost dawn! The Nazis will be here to shoot us soon! / Sallah: [[from in the hole]] I've just about... yes! There's a clear passage! / Sallah: [[standing up in the hole]] It's very tight though. No time to widen it. We'll really have to suck our stomachs in and squeeze through. / Prof. Jones: [[lying flat on his back in the cell]] Oh, that last meal. I think I gained six pounds! / Minnesota Jones: [[also lying down]] And four inches on the waist! I won't ever move again... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1251.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1252 | Ishmael: Look, if you're going to take over Earth, you need to understand local customs. What do you Martians use for money? / Martian 1: Money? / Martian 2: Looking it up on the Internet... / Martian 2: Well, I'm not sure from this what money is, exactly... / Martian 2: But I don't think it's a problem. A lot of people are offering ways for us to make a lot of it, fast. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1252.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1253 | Steve: Right. Let's go film some crocs! / Terry: But Jane said no crocs, Steve. / Steve: Crikey! Crocs encapsulate all the problems facing the world today, Terry! All we have to do is capture it! / Terry: Global warming? Mass extinction? Long-term climate change? / Steve: They've been around for millions of years! They know that stuff! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1253.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1254 | Loren: You mean Shakespeare's in love with me? Good God! What can I do about it?! / Ophelia: What indeed... / Loren: Help me, Ophelia! / Ophelia: You have to let him down gently. I don't want him to be hurt. [[in the background, Mercutio stops working and turns to watch]] / Loren: No... I mean, what should I wear?! [[walks off]] / [[Ophelia stands in stunned silence.]] http://irregularwebcomic.net/1254.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1255 | Adam: [[on phone]] Oh and Jamie? Get him to bring some of that dead pig from the car. It doesn't look like there's a hot dog stand anywhere near here... / Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: SOMEFFINK'S WRONG HERE, GUV. THE DEAD SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TEW COMMUNICATE WIFF THE LIVIN'! / Adam: [[no longer on phone]] Shouldn't be able to? So, in other words, what you're saying is... / Adam: Myth busted! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1255.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1256 | [[scene: An impressive set of iron-bound doors set in the sheer rock wall of the mountain.]] / Dwalin: The doors tae the dwarven kingdom. The passwoord is soo cunnin' ye'll ne'er guess it, ye ken. Goo on, try. [[translation: The doors to the dwarven kingdom. The password is so cunning, you'll never guess it. Go on, try.]] / Lambert: [[reading]] "Spik, friend, and coom ye in, the noo!" Hmmm... "Friend!" / [[The doors swing open silently on meticulously dwarven-engineered hinges, revealing a long passage leading deep into the mountain.]] / Alvissa: It wasn't even in Dwarven! / Dwalin: Moost dwarves wouldnae ken yer language!! [[translation: Most dwarves wouldn't know your language!]] http://irregularwebcomic.net/1256.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1257 | [[scene: Dawn is slowly breaking in the prison cell in Berlin.]] / Monty: How could you eat so much! You knew Sallah was working on reopening the escape tunnel! / Prof. Jones: But oh, the food... it was so good. Räucherlachs, Zweibelsuppe, Hasenpfeffer, Saurbraten, Leberkäse, Kartoffelpfannkuchen... / Prof. Jones: ... Rouladen, Wiener Schnitzel, Königsberger Klopse. And then the Lebkuchen, Königstorte, and various Gebäcken... / Minnesota Jones: Don't forget the wurst. / Monty: Aarrgghh! I don't want to hear about the wurst! / Prof. Jones: It was the best... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1257.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1258 | Spanners: [[showing the new assistant engineer around the ship]] The engine room. That's the hyperdrive shunt. There's the manoeuvre engine manifold. / Quercus: [[spotting a device labelled with "FTL"]] The faster-than-light drive? / Spanners: The Faraday Turret Lamp. Very important for navigating the grey maze of hyperspace. / Spanners: [[gesturing at some cubes on a desk]] And this here is the most important piece of equipment on the entire ship. / Quercus: Oh? What is it? / Spanners: My lucky dice for crucial engine repair skill rolls in combat. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1258.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1259 | Ishmael: Since I'm here, can I just check my messages? / Martian 1: Sure. / [sound]: click [[Ishmael presses a button on his answering machine]] / Answering Machine: You have ... one ... new message. From 555-5555. / Ishmael: My mother's number. / Answering Machine: "Call me, Ishmael!" / Ishmael: Why does she always say that?! / Martian 1: You should call her... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1259.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1260 | [[scene: Steve lies on a stretcher by a river, attended by an ambulance crew.]] / Doctor: So how did this happen? / Terry: We were filming a documentary... / Steve: [[in flashback]] We're here to get the opinions of some crocs on global warming. [[gestures at a nearby croc]] / Terry: Steve! / Steve: {being chewed by the croc]] Crikey! / Doctor: [[back in the present]] And...? / Steve: [[on stretcher]] They're pretty stroppy about it. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1260.html |
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