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| Irregular Webcomic! #991 | Lambert: This reminds me of when my unce Bilbert was charged with treason by his village. They sentenced him to the worst punishment possible. / / Lambert: Threw him in a locked dungeon cell with no food. Execution by starvation! And him well past his 100th birthday! / / Lambert: They should have treated him better. But he lasted a full week until they finally pardoned and released him. / / Mordekai: Wow... that's amazing for such an aged man. / Lambert: Not really. Old hobbits die hard. http://irregularwebcomic.net/991.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #992 | Spanners: So the cyberspace program saved a full mindscan of Paris at the instant she died? You know what this means? / / Iki Piki: We can bring her back to life! / Serron: She's not getting her cabin back! / / Iki Piki: It's interesting how a useful feature of their software they called an annoying bug. / / Spanners: Yeah, that's exactly the opposite of normal software engineering practice. http://irregularwebcomic.net/992.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #993 | Adam: What myth are we busting today, Jamie? / / Jamie: "Jumping the shark." This myth says that a popular series starts to go downhill when a character jumps over a shark. / / Adam: And where are we going to find someone stupidly reckless enough to test that out? / / [[scene change: in a house]] / Steve: [[on the phone]] Over a shark, you say? Crikey! I'll do it! http://irregularwebcomic.net/993.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #994 | Julius: So Marcus, why did you travel all the way to Britannia anyway? / / Marcus: To visit my brother, and discuss the merchant business we run there. He has this idea for a new type of selling. He thinks it will revolutionise trade. / / Marcus: Instead of travelling to various markets we have a building and the buyers come to us. He wants to name it after us. / / Marcus: Marcus and Spencus. / Julius: It'll never catch on... http://irregularwebcomic.net/994.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #995 | Prof. Jones: [[walking through the open hotel room door]] Voilą! Dr Smith's room! Ooh, a mini-bar... / / Monty: Now if we can just find the orichalcum. Aha, there's a safe! / / Monty: [[examining the safe]] It's pretty flimsy. I can probably pry it open. / / Monty: I need a screwdriver. / Prof. Jones: [[by the mini-bar]] Well there's plenty of vodka, but unfortunately no orange juice. http://irregularwebcomic.net/995.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #996 | Nigerian Finance Minister: You'll have to write back to MasterCard and Visa and tell them that the Nigerian Finance Department can't help them. / / Nigerian Finance Bureaucrat: But... Finance Minister... / / Nigerian Finance Minister: Is there a problem? / / Nigerian Finance Bureaucrat: Can we send an e-mail to only two addresses? http://irregularwebcomic.net/996.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #997 | Mordekai: [[by the dungeons door]] I listen at the door. / / GM: You can hear a muffled voice. Make a Perception roll to make out the words. / / Mordekai: Eleven! Success by two! / / GM: It's Alvissa. She's saying, "Okay, and what if I don't pay the bail?" http://irregularwebcomic.net/997.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #998 | Terry: They want you to jump over a shark on a motorcycle?! / / Steve: Yeah! Beaut idea, isn't it? / / Terry: How is this even remotely related to crocodile wrangling? / / Steve: Crikey, Terry! Sharks are reptiles too! http://irregularwebcomic.net/998.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #999 | [[scene: Head Death's desk]] / Paris: You keep files on mortals? What's in them? / Head Death: EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. / / Paris: Everything? / Head Death: EVERYTHING. / / Paris: Like when I was six years old at school and Johnny and I... / Head Death: EVERYTHING. / / Paris: Wow. / Head Death: YOU SEE WHY WE DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO PHOTOCOPY THEM. http://irregularwebcomic.net/999.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1000 | [[A watercolour painting showing four panels]] / [caption]: [[A copy of Edvard Munch's The Scream, with the screamer being hit by an axe and blood spraying everywhere]] Blood / [caption]: [[An organ being crushed in a hand, labelled:]] (Spleen) [[with black gunk oozing out]] Black Bile / [caption]: [[A dripping nose]] Phlegm / [caption]: [[A pasty face throwing up a nasty yellow liquid with blobs of green and orange in it]] Bile (With chunks in) / / Me: Oh come on... that was full of humour! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1000.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1001 | Monty: [[standing by the now open safe]] Well, the orichalcum isn't in the safe. Where could she have hidden it? / / Prof. Jones: [[pointing]] There's a wardrobe in the corner, Junior! Try using your head for once. / / Monty: [[opening wardrobe]] But it's empty! / / Prof. Jones: Yes, but try to use it anyway! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1001.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1002 | Shakespeare: [[by Ophelia's desk]] I found a clever thing on the net. The legendary Helen had a "face that launched a thousand ships", so a millihelen is a unit of beauty sufficient to launch one ship. / / Ophelia: Oh Will, that's so old. Everyone knows that. And it's silly too. / / Mercutio: [[walking up to join the conversation]] That's not the real problem with it though. / Ophelia: Oh, and what's that? / / Mercutio: You can't mix metric prefixes with Troy units like that. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1002.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1003 | Terry: Actually, Steve, sharks are cartilaginous fish. They have gills. They're not even remotely similar to reptiles. / / Steve: Crikey! But if one 'as me hand, and I shove me arm further down 'is throat, will 'e let go? / / Terry: Um... maybe... / / Steve: Close enough! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1003.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1004 | Lambert: We're in a prison cell? / Kyros: I'll blast our way out! / / Mordekai: You realise a fireball is 40 feet in diameter? This room is less than one eighth that volume. It'll compress and blast us for eight times the damage. / / Draak: Not to say all breathe gas in air gone too. / / Lambert: Draak, we're trying to be scientific here... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1004.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1005 | Iki Piki: So how do we return Paris to life from the saved mindscan? / / Spanners: We just need a piece of her DNA to grow a clone and then load her mindscan into it. / / Spanners: That'll be dead easy to find. There'll be flakes of her skin all over the ship. / / Serron: [[appearing from off the bridge]] I'm back. I've put industrial nanocleanser into the ventilation system to destroy all traces of Paris. Dead body bits... ewww... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1005.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1006 | Monty: Damn, the orichalcum just isn't here in the room. She must have taken it with her. / / Monty: I thought I had it all worked out. / / Monty: [[in despair]] This is terrible. I... I just don't know what to do next. / / Prof. Jones: [[comfortingly]] It's all right, Junior. This is a woman's room. I know you've never got this far before. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1006.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1007 | [caption]: In strip http://irregularwebcomic.net/1007.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1008 | [[scene: The infinite featureless plane of Death]] / Death of Choking On A Giant Frog: [[walking across the plane]] So... Fireballs. Back where we started? / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: [[walking parallel to Choking]] Hello... Choking. Yeah, looks like. / / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: This takes me right back to when I began this job. / / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: I started work on my first morning and saw my first fantasy author three hours later. / / Death of Choking On A Giant Frog: Work experience really meant something in those days. / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: Yeah, interesting times... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1008.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1009 | [[scene: The space ship bridge]] / Mordekai: You nanocleansed the ship?! Now there's no bits of Paris left for us to clone! / / Kyros: Um... Her casket hasn't hit the star yet, right? We can fly into the star and recover her body. / / Draak: What part of "fly in star" you not get? / / GM: Are you sure you brought the right character sheets tonight? http://irregularwebcomic.net/1009.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1010 | [[scene: external shot of jet plane flying through a golden sunset-lit sky]] / Steve: Crikey! San Francisco, here we come! / / [[scene change: inside the plane]] / Terry: America is nice, but their legal system is a bit wacky. So many archaic laws on the books. / / Steve: Yeah. It's the only country with a specific law against walking an alligator without a leash. / / Terry: They only introduced that after our last visit, Steve. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1010.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1011 | Someone who doesn't even slightly resemble Me: Ah... time to escape the grind of making comics and watch some TV. / / Someone who doesn't even slightly resemble Me: [[turning on TV]] Ah, Bewitched. Man, these are classics. / / Someone who doesn't even slightly resemble Me: What the...?! / / Someone who doesn't even slightly resemble Me: They changed Darrin!!! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1011.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1012 | [[scene: Lobby of the Palast-Hotel, Kiev]] / Monty: [[walking out from the lifts]] Well now. Let's try to work out what Dr Smith has done with the orichalcum. / / Prof. Jones: She must have it with her. We just need to find her. / / Prof. Jones: We'll have to figure out where she went. Let's see. She's a woman, a Russian... / / Minnesota Jones: Shopping! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1012.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1013 | Alvissa: http://irregularwebcomic.net/1013.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1014 | Marcus: My brother Spencus and I are thinking of starting a package tour service for people travelling between the eastern and western provinces. / Julius: That can't be profitable! You won't get large groups of people travelling long distances like that. / Marcus: You're forgetting the time that Britannian football team went to play against the Achaean colonies. / Julius: Remind me? / Marcus: All Leeds roamed to Rhodes. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1014.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1015 | Iki Piki: So there's no way we can bring Paris back now? / / Spanners: No. The computer can run her personality, but we can only communicate with her in cyberspace. / / Spanners: We'd better go into virtual reality and let her know what's happening. / / [[scene change: suddenly the characters are in cyberspace]] / Serron: [[now a cyberspace avatar]] Oh sure. We just go in and say, "Sorry Paris, we lost your body and can't bring you back to life now." / Paris: [[behind him]] You what?!! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1015.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1016 | [[scene: U.S. Customs passport inspection booth at San Francisco Airport. A huge U.S. flag hangs on the wall in the background]] / Customs Guy: Welcome to the United States. Purpose of visit? / Steve: I'm here to jump over a shark! / / Customs Guy: U.S. Customs and Border Protection does not take jokes lightly, sir. Security! Arrest this man! / / Steve: [[nabbed by a security guard]] Crikey! I'm not joking! / / [[security guard leads Steve away]] / Customs Guy: Is he, ma'am? / Terry: There are so many reasons I'd like to say he is... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1016.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1017 | Nigerian Finance Minister: I've just signed a deal to guarantee large profits for the Nigerian government! / Nigerian Finance Bureuacrat: What is it, Finance Minister? / / Nigerian Finance Minister: We've offered registration to a group of enterprising naval merchants, in return for a share of their profits. / / Nigerian Finance Bureuacrat: A flag of convenience? / Nigerian Finance Minister: Yes. And best of all, it's perfectly legal! / / [[scene change: on board the pirate ship]] / Wendy: Privateers, cap'n? / Long Tom: Arrr! And we only had ter put down 10% of our future lootin's! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1017.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1018 | [[scene: Red Square, Moscow]] / Haken: [[looking at the colourful onion domes and towers]] Und what is all this? / Erwin: This is Red Square, Herr Kolonel. Die spiritual and ceremonial heart of Russia. / / Haken: It's all right. But it's not very Gothic, is it? / Erwin: I don't think die Russians like Gothic buildings. / / Haken: [[pointing]] Und when we are in command, that will be a good place for a bierkeller. / / Erwin: They're allies, Herr Kolonel... / Haken: Give it a few years, Erwin. http://irregularwebcomic.net/1018.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1019 | Alvissa: [[outside the town jail]] Remember: A good friend will bail you out of jail. / / Mordekai: Yeah, but a great friend will be in the cell with you, saying, "Man, that was awesome!" / / Lambert: One problem with that, Mordekai. We were too drunk to even remember what happened. / / Mordekai: It must have been awesome then! / Draak: Draak head still hurt... http://irregularwebcomic.net/1019.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #1020 | [[scene: cyberspace]] / Iki Piki: [[casually]] Hi Paris. / Paris: You lost my body?! / / Serron: Spanners, you really need to warn us when you're about to flip us into cyberspace... / / Spanner: Mmmm. Sorry about that. / Paris: You lost my body?! / / Paris: This is what happens when I go away and leave males in charge! http://irregularwebcomic.net/1020.html |
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