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| Irregular Webcomic! #871 | Spanners: Duran Duran posters? Those are collector's items! What did you do with them? / Serron: Trashed 'em. / / Iki Piki: Classical Earth music fans are hungry like the wolf for those! They'll be on the hunt now after you... / / Spanners: Yeah, seeking you with a view to a kill... / / Iki Piki: Why did you throw them away? / Serron: It was the reflex action... http://irregularwebcomic.net/871.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #872 | Alvissa: We'll give you five silver nobles each for passage as far as Footcrag. / / Bargemaster: Agreed! Come aboard. / / Kyros: [[aside, to Mordekai, as the others climb aboard the barge]] I'm surprised you didn't protest over paying so much silver, Mordekai. / / Mordekai: [[aside, to Kyros]] It'll give me an excuse to check the security of their coffers. http://irregularwebcomic.net/872.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #873 | [[Steve being loaded into an ambulance on a stretcher]] / / [[The ambulance speeding away]] / [sound]: WoooOOOoooOOO! WoooOOOoooOOO! / / [[Inside the ambulance, Steve is unconscious with an IV drip in him]] / Jane Goodall: You know, for all my years, Terry, this is my first ever ride in an ambulance. / Terry: http://irregularwebcomic.net/873.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #874 | Shakespeare: [[holding out a sheaf of paper]] Ophelia, I've finished another chapter. Would you mind looking over it for me? / Ophelia: Uh... sure, Will. / / Ophelia: [reading] With Aragorn out of the equation, Eowyn spent her hours in the Halls of Healing seeking solace in the company of another. / / Ophelia: Through shared experiences and similiar strength of character, she found herself charmed by a son of Denethor, the younger brother of Boromir... / / Ophelia: ... and younger brother of Faramir, the altogether more cultivated, valiant, and dashing third son, Willimir. http://irregularwebcomic.net/874.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #875 | Head Death: [[at his desk, on the phone]] What do you mean the Plagues have joined the strike?! Now they want salaries too? And employment guarantees set at medieval levels? / / Head Death: Get me someone else, then. We have to break this strike! / / Head Death: I don't care! Anyone who's good at collecting! / / [[scene change: inside a home]] / Charity Collector Guy: [[on the phone]] A collecting job? For a worthy cause? I'm your man! http://irregularwebcomic.net/875.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #876 | Minnesota Jones: Quick! Look over there! [[pointing behind Haken and Erwin]] / / Haken: You old fool. Do you think we are stupid enough to fall for that old trick? / / Minnesota Jones: Hmmm. No, I guess not. Especially with Hitler standing right behind you. / / Monty: [[looking behind Haken and Erwin, who have also turned around to look]] What?! Where? / Prof. Jones: [[running away with his dad while the Nazis are distracted]] Run, Junior! http://irregularwebcomic.net/876.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #877 | [[scene: inside Yoda's hut on Dagobah. Yoda stirs a pot of food]] / Luke: Look, I'm sure it's delicious. I just don't understand why we can't see Yoda now. / / Yoda: Patience! For the Jedi it is time to eat as well. Eat, eat. Good food, hm? Good, hmm? [[offers Luke a pot]] / / Luke: How far away is Yoda? Will it take us long to get there? What's this? Yoghurt?! Bleah! / / Yoda: Eat, eat! Contains active midichlorians this yoghurt does! http://irregularwebcomic.net/877.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #878 | Mordekai: What's that you're pushing the barge along with? / / Bargemaster: A ten foot pole. [[brandishing the pole]] / / Mordekai: You mean they're useful for something?! http://irregularwebcomic.net/878.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #879 | Spanners: This doesn't solve the problem of what we do with Paris' body. / / Iki Piki: How about we put her in the freezer? Maybe she can still be saved somehow when we reach a planet. / / Serron: No! We can't do that! / Spanners: Are you worried the alien parasites will remain active and possibly escape? / / Serron: No, I still have 18 litres of pistachio ice cream in there! http://irregularwebcomic.net/879.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #880 | [[scene: hospital waiting room]] / Man in White Coat: I'm afraid the prognosis doesn't look good. / / Terry: Steve's going to die?! / / Man in White Coat: Oh, I don't know about that. / / Man in White Coat: I'm from your insurance company. They rushed me out to assess the situation. Steve's premiums are about to double again. http://irregularwebcomic.net/880.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #881 | Ophelia: Mercutio, you have to do something about Will's Lord of the Rings files! He's written himself into the plot! / / Mercutio: That's not so bad, Ophelia. Lots of writers do that. / / Ophelia: As the new love interest for Eowyn! / / Mercutio: Noooo! She's too good for him! http://irregularwebcomic.net/881.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #882 | Death 1: BETTER DEATH BENEFITS! [[as Charity Collector Guy walks along picket line]] / Death 2: FINAL REWARDS AREN'T BIG ENOUGH! / / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: [[to Charity Collector Guy]] STOP, MORTAL SCAB. WE WON'T LET YOU CROSS THE PICKET LINE. / / Charity Collector Guy: You do realise you're a finite number of Deaths, and this is an infinite featureless plane? I can just walk around you. / / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: CURSE EUCLID. CHOKING ON A DODGY KEBAB WAS TOO GOOD FOR HIM. http://irregularwebcomic.net/882.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #883 | Me: Hmmm. Some readers really don't like the artificially darkened "day for night" scenes. / / Me: "Not enough contrast." "I can't see anything." "Stop it already!" / / Me: Hmmm... / / [[scene: on a train, at night]] / Ginny: Those fools. The Joneses and the Nazis will be stumbling about in the dark for ages! http://irregularwebcomic.net/883.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #884 | [[scene: Platform 9 3/4]] / Hermione: Hi Harry, Ron. Can you believe it? Our sixth year at Hogwarts! / / Hermione: What do you think will happen this year? / / Harry: I think we'll meet some sort of prince. Of mixed descent. / / Hermione: Oh, don't be so ridiculous! http://irregularwebcomic.net/884.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #885 | Alvissa: Footcrag is a town near the base of the Orcrift Mountains. / / Alvissa: Once there we can resupply for our trek into the mountains. / / Kyros: So how long will it take us to get to Footcrag? / / GM: [[rolling eyes]] About six more bad jokes... http://irregularwebcomic.net/885.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #886 | [[scene: Head Death's desk]] / Head Death: SORRY, THERE'S NO ONE HERE TO PROCESS YOUR SOUL AT THE MOMENT. I'M STILL WAITING ON A CONTRACTOR. / / Paris: But readers will be pointing out that I died before the Deaths went on strike. My soul should already be collected. / / Head Death: YOU REALISE YOU'RE BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL?... / / Paris: I'm dead! Give me a break! / Head Death: ... AND EXPECTING CONTINUITY? http://irregularwebcomic.net/886.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #887 | [[scene: Student's college room]] / Student: [[to his friend]] Don't tell anyone, but some Martians wanted to hire me for some medical experiments... / / Man in Black: [[bursting in through door]] There's no such thing as Martians. / / Student: Man! That's the first time I've opened my mouth about it! You bugged my room! It's a government conspiracy!! / / Man in Black: I read it last week on your blog... http://irregularwebcomic.net/887.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #888 | Doctor: Well, I don't know how he did it, but Steve has pulled through okay! / Terry: Oh thank goodness! / / Doctor: He's the first person in recorded history to have survived a red mamba bite. / / Doctor: Looks like Death has taken the day off. / / Head Death: Hey, Bitten By A Red Mamba! Guess who you just missed out on! http://irregularwebcomic.net/888.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #889 | [[scene: dawn]] / Prof. Jones: So now what? / / Monty: It's obvious, isn't it dad? / / Monty: We have to race to Moscow to intercept Dr Smith before she gives the Russians the orichalcum! / / Prof. Jones: I was thinking about where we might get some breakfast. http://irregularwebcomic.net/889.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #890 | Ophelia: What is it about Eowyn, anyway? I would have thought guys would rather go for Arwen. / / Mercutio: Arwen's cute and all, but she'd only be into elfy things, like gardening and embroidery. / / Mercutio: Whereas Eowyn is equally hot, but would also knock back a beer and play Quake Deathmatch with you. http://irregularwebcomic.net/890.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #891 | Lambert: Remember that time my uncle Bilbert was captured by orcs? He developed a cunning plan to escape. / Alvissa: Oh? / / Lambert: One night, he slipped his bonds and headbutted the orcs while they slept, then tied their feet together to prevent them running away. / / Lambert: Next morning he marched them into his village, expecting a hero's welcome. But the town guard arrested him for treason. / / Alvissa: On what grounds?! / Lambert: 'eading and 'obbiting the enemy. [[Draak, Mordekai, and Kyros turn tail and flee]] http://irregularwebcomic.net/891.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #892 | Student: You're monitoring blogs? And oppressing anyone who says anything about aliens? / / Man in Black: That's about the size of it. Of course, aliens don't exist. / / Student: Don't you goons have anything better to do? / / Man in Black: We'd oppress angsty young teens who can't spell, but the government doesn't have nearly enough resources for that. http://irregularwebcomic.net/892.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #893 | Spanners: We can't freeze Paris' body and take it to a planet. We'd never get it through quarantine. / / Serron: We could if we don't declare it to customs... / / Iki Piki: Wait a minute. Are you actually proposing we take a risk to potentially help Paris? / / Serron: Oh. No, I was thinking we could use her body to transport some... er... goods I might have. Hypothetically. http://irregularwebcomic.net/893.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #894 | [[scene: Monty, Prof. Jones, and Minnesota Jones are walking along an Athens street]] / Monty: If Dr Smith took the train as soon as she escaped from Haken, she'll be most of the way to Moscow by now. / / Prof. Jones: I knew a fellow who tried to live in Moscow once. / / Monty: Tried? Didn't he make it? / / Prof. Jones: No, poor chap. Thought he was Napoleon. http://irregularwebcomic.net/894.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #895 | Head Death: AH, MY NEW COLLECTOR. SIT DOWN. / / Charity Collector Guy: Sorry I took so long getting here. / / Head Death: DID THE PICKET LINE DELAY YOU? / / Charity Collector Guy: No. Do you know how hard it is for a mortal to find a place with no directions other than "in the middle of an infinite featureless plane"? http://irregularwebcomic.net/895.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #896 | Villager 1: D'ye ken that time when an army o' fire wizards raided t' village? / Villager 2: Aye, one were an 'obbit. / / Villager 1: An' one were a great dragon, breathin' gouts o' flame. Wi' 'n invisible ninja ridin' atop. / / Villager 2: An' an evil elf queen, she were t' worst o' t' lot. Burnt down the tavern 'n took all t' food in t' village. / / Villager 1: Aye. But tell that t' yon kids today an' they won't believe ye. / Villager 2: Nay, 'tis a cryin' shame. http://irregularwebcomic.net/896.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #897 | [[scene: a workshop http://irregularwebcomic.net/897.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #898 | Shakespeare: Mercutio! Someone's hacked into our system and selectively corrupted every one of my Lord of the Rings files! / / [[in the background, Ophelia stops typing]] / Shakespeare: Despite saving backup copies and every other sensible precaution, they've all been targeted! / / Mercutio: It's unlikely to be deliberate. It's probably just MS Word doing something incredibly stupid and irreversible. / / [[in the background, Ophelia turns to overhear better]] / Shakespeare: Hmmm.... I suppose that is the overwhelmingly more plausible explanation. Odds bodkins! http://irregularwebcomic.net/898.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #899 | cene: hospital room, Steve lies recovering in bed]] / / Terry: Steve, I'm glad you're conscious. We think we've figured out who's trying to kill you! / Steve: Crikey! Who? / / Terry: It's Cthulhu! He stole Jane's stationery. / Steve: Cthulhu...? Cthulhu who? / / Terry: The unearthly Great Old One you summoned, tied up, throttled with ichor, ripped the head off, threw into the Seine, got a croc to eat, choked on a giant frog, and wrestled to death. / / Steve: Oh, that Cthulhu! / Jane Goodall: [[to Terry]] So that's why Cthulhu hates him so much... http://irregularwebcomic.net/899.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #900 | [caption]: We regret to inform you that there will be no masterpiece of Irregular Webcomic humour today due to writer exhaustion. / [[Me collapsed exhausted onto the desk]] / / [caption]: Experts are working on a scientific solution to the lack of ideas problem as we speak. Type. Whatever. / [[Yoda, Doctor, Hitler's Brain, and Spanners around a table covered in gadgets]] / / [caption]: Writers are working on new and funnier jokes. / [[Shakespeare typing away on his computer]] / / [caption]: And we have a contingency plan... / [[Steve with the Allosaurus straining against chains]] http://irregularwebcomic.net/900.html |
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