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Irregular Webcomic! #391 [caption]: The Jones' route from India to Venezuela. [[A map, with statutory red dotted line from India to Venezuela]] / / Prof. Jones: [[sitting in a plane]] You know, Junior, travelling west all the time makes that red line tricky to read in the right direction...
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Irregular Webcomic! #392 Martian 1: [[to the new skeleton beside him]] Hey, who are you? / / Death of Being Ground By A Mars Rover Rock Abrasion Tool: DEATH OF BEING GROUND BY A MARS ROVER ROCK ABRASION TOOL. / / Martian 1: Wow, I've heard of specialised, but you must have been waiting forever... / / Death of Being Ground By A Mars Rover Rock Abrasion Tool: AND YOU THOUGHT THE GUYS AT NASA WERE FRUSTRATED EVERY TIME A MARS PROBE WENT MISSING.
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Irregular Webcomic! #393 Anakin: And not only do they need to import ludicrous amounts of food, but think of all the sewage! / / Qui-Gon: Actually, Anakin, Coruscant has solved both those problems with a very ingenious solution, hidden below the city. / / [[silent beat]] / / Jar Jar: Meesa like mushroom soup! / Ric Olie: You won't after spending a week here.
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Irregular Webcomic! #394 Hitler's Brain: We need die new plan to overwhelm der Russian Army. / / Hitler's Brain: My South American spies tell me there are fantastische creatures there who could form invincible units! / / Hitler's Brain: Tyrannenmacht! Plesioschiffen! Pteranowaffe! / / Haken: You've been reading die English schweinhund author Conan Doyle again, haven't you, mein Fuhrer?
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Irregular Webcomic! #395 Martian 1: So I'm dead? / Death of Being Ground By A Mars Rover Rock Abrasion Tool: YES. [[The rover gets bored, and wanders away, slowly]] / / Martian 1: Hey, why are you an Earthling skeleton and not a Martian skeleton? / / Death of Being Ground By A Mars Rover Rock Abrasion Tool: YOU HAVE EXOSKELETONS. / / Martian 1: So? / Death of Being Ground By A Mars Rover Rock Abrasion Tool: IT WOULDN'T LOOK NEARLY AS COOL.
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Irregular Webcomic! #396 Anakin: Ok, even if you could grow enough food on-planet to feed everyone on Coruscant, consider how much energy you'd need. / / Anakin: Greenhouse lighting, hydroponic reticulation, gas exchange, plus the actual energy consumption of the civilisation. / / Anakin: That's at least 10^18 watts of waste heat. The surface should be hotter than boiling water, and nearly hot enough to melt lead. / / Qui-Gon: Anakin, just shut the hell up! It's some weird Jedi magic, okay?
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Irregular Webcomic! #397 Hitler's Brain: So! Your flight leaves for Venezuela at once! / Erwin: Jawohl! / Haken: Jawohl! / / Erwin: Ach. This is terrible. Why do we have to be carried along by that old gasbag again? / / Haken: Erwin! How dare you refer to die Fuhrer in such terms! / / Erwin: I was talking about our flight on die Graf Zeppelin. What were you thinking, Herr Kolonel?
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Irregular Webcomic! #398 NASA Guy 1: The rover has found life on Mars! / / NASA Guy 2: Amazing! What does it look like?! / / NASA Guy 1: [[looking at the transmision from the Rover]] Er... a giant frog. / / Death of Being Ground By A Mars Rover Rock Abrasion Tool: [[to Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs]] YOU DO REALISE THE BOSS IS NEVER GOING TO FALL FOR THIS? [[pointing to Martian, who is under a giant frog]]
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Irregular Webcomic! #399 Me: Oh man, another email telling me that Coruscant is actually physically plausible, and not as stupid as I make it sound. / / Me: Time to take some drastic action. / / [[Scene change: Head Death's office]] / Head Death: Ah, Being Impaled By A Javelin. Sit down. / Death Of Being Impaled By A Javelin: Yes, sir. / / Head Death: I'm promoting you to Death Of Annoying The Cartoonist. A lot of work has come up for this position recently.
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Irregular Webcomic! #400 Monty: Sallah! Good to see you again. You have our transport inland to the mysterious plateau? / / Sallah: Yes, Monty. Via Uruguay. / Monty: Uruguay? But that's a bit roundabout, isn't it? / / Sallah: Yes, but I have to visit my aunt. I promised I would next time I was in South America. / / Prof. Jones: Don't worry, Junior. Sallah, you go Uruguay, we'll go ours.
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Irregular Webcomic! #401 Head Death: [[at his desk]] Ah, Ground By A Mars Rover Rock Abrasion Tool and Sat On By A Giant Frog. Sit down. / Death of Being Ground By A Mars Rover Rock Abrasion Tool: Yes, sir. / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: Yes, sir. / / Head Death: Ground, good work bringing that Martian in. You're promoted to Insanely Overpowered Fireballs. / / Death of Being Ground By A Mars Rover Rock Abrasion Tool: Thank you, sir! / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: But...! But...! That's my job! / / Head Death: I'm sorry, Entity Formerly Known As Sat On. Did I just hear you say you had a job?
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Irregular Webcomic! #402 [caption]: Once upon a time there were three little acuties who went to the Geometry Academy. [[image shows three acute angles, labelled Jill, Sabrina, and Kelly]] / / [caption]: And they were each assigned very Euclidean duties. [[the angles join to form a triangle. Under the triangle is the equation j s k = 180 degrees]] / / [caption]: But I took them away from all that, and now they work for me. [[same triangle, but now the equation is j s k does not equal 180 degrees]] / / [caption]: My name is Cthulhu. [[image of Cthulhu in front of a flaming background, overlaid with the title: Cthulhu's Angles]]
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Irregular Webcomic! #403 [[scene: the humid tropical Venezuelan jungle]] / Prof. Jones: [[wielding a machete]] So, here we are, slogging through the jungle again. / / Prof. Jones: Why's it always jungle, Junior? Why can't we go to... Switzerland, say? / / Monty: There's nothing wild and unknown and dangerously exciting in Switzerland, dad. / / Prof. Jones: I don't know... There was that masseuse at that hotel in Geneva...
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Irregular Webcomic! #404 Paris: Where's my stellar cartography data and flight navigation calculations? / / Spanners: I saved them on the holocube here. [[indicating the cube on the bridge dashboard]] / / Paris: How come in the future everything is cubes? Whatever happened to discs? / / Iki Piki: Do you want a repeat of... disco...? / Paris: Oh. I see.
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Irregular Webcomic! #405 Lambert: [[in the tavern]] Mordekai, do you visit the sewers under the city? / Mordekai: Yep. A few people in my guild do. / / Mordekai: It's dangerous though. The most fearsome creatures in the city are down there. People who stay topside have no idea. / / Lambert: You call the city streets "topside"? / Mordekai: Yeah, most of us do. / / Lambert: What do you call it down in the sewers, then? / Mordekai: Sewer-cide.
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Irregular Webcomic! #406 Nigerian Finance Minister: Have you found a new hire for the Internet revenue-raising project yet? / / Nigerian Finance Bureaucrat: Yes, Finance Minister. He's ideal for the job! He's got the typing in all-capitals down perfectly. / / Nigerian Finance Bureaucrat: Actually... he even speaks that way... / / [[scene change: the new hire sits typing at a computer]] / Death [typing]: GREETINGS MORTAL, WE REQUEST YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE WITH ACCESSING FUNDS IN A LOCKED ACCOUNT.
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Irregular Webcomic! #407 Monty: There's the plateau, Dad! [[pointing up at a plateau atop a vast sheer cliff]] / Prof. Jones: We have to climb up there?! / / Monty: Yeah. Sorry, Dad. I know it'll be a rough climb. Lots of hard work. Very strenuous. / / Monty: Look, if you want to stay down here in the jungle, I'll understand. / / Prof. Jones: No, I was just thinking it might be chilly at that altitude. I should have brought my tweed jacket.
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Irregular Webcomic! #408 [newspaper]: RAAARRRHH!!! Allosaurus launches White House bid. / [newspaper]: WASHINGTON - The race for the US Presidency has been thrown wide open by the declaration of an Allosaurus that he will be contesting the November election as an independent candidate. Announcing a policy of raw meat for all and promoting global warming to usher in a new Age of the Dinosaurs, the Allosaurus was greeted with enthusiastic cheering from the crowd, mostly of therapods but with a few ornithischia and humans also in attendance. The Allosaurus announced a campaign / [newspaper]: said he will be making a whistle-stop campaign tour to every state of the union over the next few weeks to build support for his platform. "Current politicians are poseurs," the Allosaurus asserted in his address, to wild applause. "I say put a real carnivorous predator in power!" The Allosaurus went on to say that humans would be put to good use in his Administration, serving as fodder for an all-dinosaur Cabinet dedicated to making America prehistoric again. Political analysts predict that the Allosaurus' policies will draw votes away from G.W. Bush
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Irregular Webcomic! #409 [caption]: Norman Manley Airport. Kingston, Jamaica. / / Driver: Mr Stud? Welcome to Jamaica. I've been asked to take you to Government House. / Stud: Ah, good. / / Stud: Excuse me while I make a subtle and completely non-paranoid phone call to check if they actually sent a driver to meet me. [[walks off to phones]] / / Driver: [[to self]] Damn, I think he's on to me.
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Irregular Webcomic! #410 Monty: Phew! We made it. This is the lost plateau marked on the map. Wow, what a climb that was. / / Prof. Jones: Er, Junior? Are you sure this is the right plateau? According to my calculations, we're about 5 miles away still. / / Monty: Oh Dad, you know these crude maps drawn in the wilderness. They're often slightly inaccurate. / / Prof. Jones: So you think this tiny spire of rock is it, and not that great big extensive plateau in the distance over there? [[pointing at a much bigger plateau off about 5 miles in the distance]]
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Irregular Webcomic! #411 Kyros: So you pay Draak with scale armour to be your bodyguard? / / Lambert: Yes, which he sends home to his tribe for the war they're fighting. / / Kyros: What message does he put on the packages he sends home? / / Draak: You got mail.
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Irregular Webcomic! #412 [[scene: Obi-Wan's hut on Tatooine]] / Leia [projected as a hologram]: This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope. / / Obi-Wan: [[to Luke]] You must learn the ways of the Force if you're to come with me to Alderaan. / / Luke: I must learn the ways of the Force if I'm to go with you to Alderaan. / / Obi-Wan: Oh man, what sort of weak-minded fool are you? I wasn't even using the Jedi Mind Trick.
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Irregular Webcomic! #413 Haken: [[pacing the bridge of the zeppelin]] Teufel! I wish we had die Fuhrer's pteranowaffen now, instead of having to fly in this slow zeppelin. / / Erwin: I have been wondering about that. How can a 50kg animal carry die men and die bombs? / / Haken: [[pacing back and forth]] Nazi science can keep die Fuhrer alive in a glass jar! Making der big dinosaurs is no problem! / / Erwin: Actually, Herr Kolonel, pterosaurs are technically not die dinosaurs... / Haken: Zilence!
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Irregular Webcomic! #414 Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: [[sitting at a computer]] WRITING REVENUE-RAISING E-MAILS FOR THE NIGERIAN FINANCE MINISTRY IS FUN. / / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: AND SENDING THEM OUT IS SO MUCH MORE REWARDING THAN MY OLD JOB. / / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: I ONLY USED TO SEE PEOPLE ONE ON ONE AND IT WAS ALWAYS BAD NEWS FOR THEM. / / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: NOW I'M BRINGING FINANCIAL OPPORTUNITIES AND HAPPINESS TO MILLIONS OF PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD!
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Irregular Webcomic! #415 [sound]: Ring! Ring! / / Steve: [[picking up phone]] Hello? Crikey! Jane Goodall! No, sorry, Terry's not here. No, don't hang up! / / Steve: I just wanted to thank you for helping me out of that legal mess. Is there any way I can repay you? Anything at all? / / Steve: What, the whole continent? Not even Madagascar?
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Irregular Webcomic! #416 Haken: [[still pacing the zeppeling bridge]] Ach! Curse die slowness of this zeppelin! / / Erwin: But Herr Kolonel, we will be in Venezeuela in only another 8 hours. / / Haken: Bah! In eight hours, who knows what Herr Doktor Jones will have done? Captured hundreds more specimens! / / [[scene change: Venezuela]] / Monty: [[climbing...]] Almost there dad... Just a few more feet. Then we can walk 5 miles through the jungle and start climbing the actual lost plateau.
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Irregular Webcomic! #417 Jar Jar: But iffa yousa planet bein' too hot, cannot yousa use dissa heat energy to runna som-a freezin' units, muy muy? / / Anakin: Jar Jar, the efficiency of a Carnot heat engine is only 1-TC/TH and any possible cold reservoir isn't going to be very cold. / / Anakin: And that's the best theoretical case. The additional energy needed to pump the heat around will just heat Coruscant even more. / / Anakin: Sometimes I don't think you understand basic thermodynamics at all. / Jar Jar: Meesa learn-a from George Lucas!
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Irregular Webcomic! #418 Steve: Crikey! Terry, you're home! Jane Goodall called, but she didn't want to talk to me. / / Terry: She really doesn't like you, Steve. Just what did you do to her chimps all those years ago? / / Steve: It was a bit like the Noodle Incident. / Terry: Noodle Incident? / / Steve: You remember, when I saved that spiky-haired blond boy from the tiger in that school cafeteria? / Terry: Oh yes.
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Irregular Webcomic! #419 Monty: [[triumphantly, atop the right plateau this time]] Well dad, we finally made it. I'm sure this is the right plateau now. / / Prof. Jones: I think you're right, Junior. Look! A giant frog! This is amazing. I'm going to get a closer look. / Monty: Dad! Wait! It could be... / / Monty: ... dangerous. [[the frog sits atop Prof. Jones]] / / [[scene change: Head Deaths' desk]] / Head Death: [[on the phone]] Hello? What? Someone actually got sat on by a giant frog? But I fired him!
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Irregular Webcomic! #420 Anakin: And another thing! / / Anakin: If they're growing 10,000 worlds worth of food underground, you realise that means 10,000 layers of farms, under the entire planet? / / Anakin: There isn't enough room in the crust for all that! The bottom layers would be magma! / / Qui-Gon: Wake me when he's done and we've landed. I'll have Master Yoda kick his butt. / Anakin: And the oxygen...!
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