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| Irregular Webcomic! #2281 | Edmond Halley: Mr Newton? I'm Edmond Halley. I've come to urge you to publish your greatest work. / / Edmond Halley: A lifetime's collection of experience mixing elixirs and draughts. / / Edmond Halley: Coming up with new combinations nobody considered or even thought possible! / / Edmond Halley: The name of... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2281.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2282 | Hitler's Brain: There is one way to restore mein body. You must find ein Professor North Dakota Jones. He is an expert und can lead us to die Holy Grail! / / Erwin: Ni! Ni! Ni! / / Hitler's Brain: Erwin! What was that?! / / Erwin: It is a joke, mein Führer. From a movie. / / Hitler's Brain: We are Nazis! We... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2282.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2283 | Martian 1: If we're to make the Martian race prosper again, we'll need guidance. / / Martian 1: So I've programmed the personalities of revered elders into the computer to act as an Ethics Committee. / / Martian 1: Let me just activate them. / / Ethics Committee: You know, digging through our records to bring... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2283.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2284 | [[scene: the office of the Paradox Department]] / / Receptionist: [[on phone]] Yeah, so I said, "Look, the universe has been recreated. Our job's done." / / Receptionist: [[on phone]] And he just looks at me with those cold eyes of his, and you know what he says? / / Receptionist: [[on phone]] "Ribbit." / / Receptionist:... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2284.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2285 | Governor: Wendy, this is Captain Ponsonby. A navy captain would make a fine catch for a governor's daughter... / / Ponsonby: The pleasure is mine, m'lady. / / Wendy: Oooh... You do a lot of sailing? / / Ponsonby: Yes, yes I do. / / Wendy: Tell me about how dashing and handsome the pirates are! http://irregularwebcomic.net/2285.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2286 | Mercutio: [[looking over Will's shoulder]] Oh. You write fiction? / / Shakespeare: Yeah, I'm trying to get published. I have a stack of reject letters this high. / / Shakespeare: So many people think they can write these days. It's almost impossible to get that first break. / / Shakespeare: It would have been... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2286.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2287 | Charon: Have you a coin for the Ferryman? / / Prof. Jones: Let's see. I have francs, guilders, marks, escudos, pesetas, lire, zloty, roubles, dinars, dirhams, piastres, rand, rupees, baht, and yen. / / Prof. Jones: Will any of those do? / / Charon: <sigh> Do you know how much commission I have to pay to... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2287.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2288 | Paris: So we're doomed to relive our own past? / / Spanners: Well no. It'll be different this time. It's changed already, because we can remember it. / / Serron: So what happens next? / / Iki Piki: Don't you remember? http://irregularwebcomic.net/2288.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2289 | [[scene: The badlands of Montana]] / / Young Jane Goodall: Well, there's our Allosaurus. / / Steve: 'ow are we goin' to deal with this monster? / / Young Jane Goodall: You could attempt to subdue it hand to hand. / / Steve: Crikey! Who in their right mind would want to wrestle with a wild animal! Hand me the gu... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2289.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2290 | [[scene: The Infinite Featureless Plane of Death]] / / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: I hear the head of the Paradox Department is a frog. / / Death of Inhaling Hatmaking Chemicals: 'ow appropriate. / / Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: Huh? It might be appropriate if that was somehow actually... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2290.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2291 | Alvissa: There's a Balrog behind you! / / Kyros: Ha. Like I'm going to fall for that old gag. / / Kyros: Just because I've completely exhausted my magic for the day, you think you can play a joke on old Kyros, eh? / / [[beat]] / / Kyros: Ha ha! Just kidding! The looks on your faces! / / Kyros: I know there's a Balrog... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2291.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2292 | [[scene: The Death Star]] / / Luke: The trash compactor is closing in! But I'm sure we'll be safe. If that snake-like creature can survive in here, so can we. / / Han: No way, kid. If we take each point along its one-dimensional length and try to map it to a point in our three-dimensional bodies... / / Han: ...... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2292.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2293 | [[scene: Outside a pizza shop. Ishmael sees a sign in the window and goes in.]] / / Ishmael: Hi, I'm applying for the delivery job. I have to warn you though, weird things happen to me sometimes. / / Giuseppe: You'll be delivering pizzas! What's the worst that can happen? I'm Giuseppe, what's your name? / / Ishmael:... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2293.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2294 | [[scene: a nondescript outdoor area with trees and rocks]] / / Me: [[writing in diary]] On the run from Death, day 129. / / Me: [[writing in diary]] Every day is a new challenge. The fear is never-ending, never-diminishing. / / Me: [[writing in diary]] I can't trust anyone. / / Me: [[writing in diary]] And for some... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2294.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2295 | [[scene: Isaac Newton's bedchamber, Cambridge]] / / Isaac Newton: [[lying in bed]] Hmmm... Sunday morning. / / Isaac Newton: I think I'll just sleep in. / / [[beat]] / / Isaac Newton: After all, a body at rest likes to remain at rest. http://irregularwebcomic.net/2295.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2296 | [[scene: a college dorm room, with a table set up with a Dungeon Master's screen on it]] / / Jamie: So, I'm a lovable rogue, enjoy a good drink, like to regale my young nephew with tall tales of my daring exploits... / / Adam: You don't need any details like that! The game is just about killing monsters and... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2296.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2297 | [[scene: Somewhere in Switzerland; Prof. Jones is tied to a chair]] / / Monty: Dad! I'm here to rescue you from these Nazis! / / Haken: [[appearing]] So, Herr Doktor Jones, we meet again for die first time. / / Monty: You fool! It can't be "again" if it's the first time. / / Haken: Nazi science sneers at maintaining... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2297.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2298 | Steve: So how d'you reckon an Allosaurus got 'ere, Jane? / / Young Jane Goodall: A relic population, living undetected here in the Montana badlands for the past 135 million years, only now revealed to man. / / Steve: Or maybe 'e fell through a time rift! / / Young Jane Goodall: Don't be ridiculous. http://irregularwebcomic.net/2298.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2299 | Quercus: [[appearing]] Hey guys. / / Iki Piki: Quercus! But... we don't meet you for another few years. / / Quercus: You want me to leave? / / Serron: Don't go out on a limb. / / Quercus: It's not always going to be like this with you, is it? / / Serron: No, I'm just branching out. / / Iki Piki: I'd stop if I were you.... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2299.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2300 | Martian 1: To help make our next invasion of Earth successful, we'll recruit an Earthling to act as an agent for us. / / Martian 1: And to make her more effective, we'll give her the patented Martian immortality treatment! She'll be unable to die! / / Martian 2: Why didn't we give that to everyone in our first... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2300.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2301 | Mordekai: So here we are, running for our lives through a dark subterranean maze again, with no idea where we're going. / / Alvissa: There's a light at the end of the tunnel. / / Mordekai: Yeah, sure. / / Alvissa: No, literally! / / Mordekai: Uh huh. / / Alvissa: No, literally literally! [[Light shines in from... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2301.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2302 | Monty: So where are you taking us? / / Charon: Switzerland. / / Monty: Switzerland? Why there? / / Charon: It's neutral. It's clean. / / Prof. Jones: That's where we had out first run-in with those Nazis, remember Junior? When they captured me and you rescued me? / / Monty: Yes, Dad, I remember. / / Charon: And it has... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2302.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2303 | Boy: Mr Newton, Mr Newton! The queen wants to give you a knighthood! / / Isaac Newton: Well, finally some just reward for all the hard work I've done, inventing scientific principles and new branches of mathematics. / / Isaac Newton: It will be good for my name to forevermore be associated with my greatest... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2303.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2304 | Mercutio: How are you coping after breaking up with your fiancé? / / Ophelia: It was upsetting of course, but I think it's for the best. / / Ophelia: You know what they say. When one door closes, another one opens. / / Shakespeare: Morning Ophelia, Mercutio. / / Ophelia: I just have to figure out where that... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2304.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2305 | Adam: You've become separated from the dwarves and you're now lost in the tunnels. / / Jamie: I grope around in the darkness. / / Adam: Your hand falls on what feels like a ring. / / Jamie: I pick it up and put it on. / / Adam: What?! You don't want to put it in your pocket? / / Jamie: Why would I do that? It's a ring;... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2305.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2306 | Young Jane Goodall: [[on phone]] Mr President, we've determined the Allosaurus is not a threat to your country. / / Young Jane Goodall: [[on phone]] In fact, he's a positive benefit to the USA. / / President: [[on phone]] How so? / / Young Jane Goodall: [[on phone]] He plans to eat all the politicians and run... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2306.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2307 | Long Tom: Arrr! Our first raid o' Port Royal! Be takin' no prisoners! / / Crew: Arrr! / / [SFX]: Clang! Clash! Bang! [[fight scene]] / / Long Tom: What be this? I be sayin' no prisoners! This be one prisoner! Can ye nay count! / / Dirque: She be sayin' she be wantin' to be joinin' the crew! / / Wendy: Arrr? http://irregularwebcomic.net/2307.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2308 | Paris: It's like we've been rebooted. We can start afresh on a series of lucrative cargo runs. / / Iki Piki: We just have to avoid running into mad cloners, insane robots, and slavering xenomorphs, having our organs accidentally removed... / / Iki Piki: ... getting involved in temporal paradoxes, destroying... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2308.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2309 | Lambert: Phew! We're out of the tunnels. That's a relief. / / Mordekai: Yeah, now we'll at least be able to see when the Balrog kills us. / / Kyros: Don't be foolish! / / Mordekai: What, Balrogs avoid sunlight or something? / / Kyros: No. It'll gouge out our eyes first. http://irregularwebcomic.net/2309.html |
| Irregular Webcomic! #2310 | Nigerian Finance Bureaucrat: Finance Minister! We need to raise revenue quickly! / / Nigerian Finance Minister: I have a brilliant new idea to do just that. / / Nigerian Finance Bureaucrat: What is it? / / Nigerian Finance Minister: I go undercover as a child of the slums and go on Who Wants to be a Milli... http://irregularwebcomic.net/2310.html |
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