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| The Taco Salsa Party | [[A giant bowl of salsa sits at the base of the frame, a high dive next to it. There are tacos in all sorts of disarray and ranges of pleasure. The happiest taco is flying through the air, the next happiest being the one about to jump. The rest of the tacos have realized that this is a bad idea, suffocating, sinking, or having their eyes burned by the peppered death of salsa. One of them is even screaming.]]
/ Screaming Taco: MY EYES! http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/08/birth-of-gibberish.html |
| Earthworm Farm | [[A bunch of free range earthworms hanging out in their fenced off area. One of them is munching some grass. Others stand around, looking a kind of clueless that only worms can have.]] / {{Gibberish, worms, worm, chris smith, free range}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/08/earthworm-farm.html |
| Finding a Prince | [[A forlorn girl kneels at the edge of pond, gazing into the eyes of a frog that she holds in her hands. There are spots of color, a baby-blue sky, a dusted pink shirt and eye shadow, and the pale green of the frog itself.]]
/ Text: They say that good things come to those who wait, that there will always be another fish in the sea, another person to wrap you in their arms, another to whisper they love your smell, but she was tired of waiting and worrying.
/ And was seriously considering sticking her tongue down this frog's throat...
/ ...just to be sure. / {{gibberish, chris smith, frog prince, frog, pond, lily pad, woman, love, lost, fish in the sea}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/08/finding-prince.html |
| Moose and Bear: The Power of Love | [[A moose hovers over a tiny bear cub looking all cute and cuddly with its paws extended in a loving way towards our moose hero. Though the moose is rather apprehensive, and rightly so, about the love.]]
/ Text: Moose knew it was a bad idea. Bears and bad ideas went together like fresh aspen buds and ice-cold river water. But sometimes the need for connection, the need for another trumps the simple logic that, in the end, love might devour you...
/ ...then feed your entrails to its babies. / {{gibberish, chris smith, moose, bear, love, power, connection, need for another, tragedy}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/08/moose-and-bear-power-of-love.html |
| Underground Filmmaking... | [[A bunny sits at the top of the topsoil, staring off into space while hiding in the grass. Below him, cut through Earth's crust, we can see rocks, an earthworm in his natural habitat and watching television, and other such ground-like things: i.e. old, archaic stuff like bones and VHS. Beneath the crust is pure darkness, where our unseen production crew lies.]]
/ Director: What do you mean no one brought the lights!?! / Blog Caption: ...It's tough. / {{Gibberish, chris smith, earthworm, vhs, bone, fossils, bunny, filmmaking}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/08/underground-filmmaking.html |
| The Way to a Woman's Heart | [[A female stands at a stone balcony, leaning out over the edge in her flowing dress, complete with large bow. Below her and to the right, a guy proffers up a blooming flower, a floppy hat with a feather on his head.]]
/ Caption: The way to a woman's heart is not through her cat. It is not through her nose or your wallet. It is not through her shattered psyche, or the use of voodoo. Not even through massages--including feet. It is not through her stomach or a heart-shaped box of chocolates. It's not even a diamond ring.
/ It is as simple as a midnight serenade, with a blooming flower...
/ ...and a gay, floppy hat. / {{Gibberish, chris smith, flowers, balcony, romeo and juliet, floppy, hat, feather, woman's heart, adage, spoof}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/08/way-to-womans-heart.html |
| Winston v. Zombie | [[A guy, Winston, stands behind a podium on the left side of the panel, looking very annoyed and pissed, his teeth biting into his upper lip. On the other side of the panel stands a Zombie, behind his own podium, dressed in a nice suit that covers most of his rotting flesh.]]
/ Text: Winston had figured his debate would be a breeze. Listing out the reasons for what was wrong with America's school system should have been easier than Shelly McLaughlin, the head cheer leader--especially when he found out his debate partner. Unfortunately, Winston hadn't planned on the simple logic of Zombies. The one word counter-arguement crumbled his thesis faster than the walls of Jericho, because if there was one thing that individuals, the principals, the school boards, the entire school system--nay, the entire world--needed, it was...
/ Zombie: BRAINS! / {{Gibberish, Chris Smith, zombies, winston, zombie, debate, high school, spoof, bizarre}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/08/winston-v-zombie.html |
| Zombie Tramp | [[A disheveled zombie stands in normal hobo garb: tattered coat, pants, hat. Of course he looks even worse, being a zombie and all: visible skull, missing fingers, no lips. He holds a cardboard sign that reads, "Will Shuffle, Moan, Drool 4 Brains."]] / {{Gibberish, Chris Smith, zombie, hobo, zombies}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/08/zombie-tramp.html |
| Action Hero | [[A plane falls from the sky in the background, smoke and monsters billowing around it. Winged beasties plague the skies, coming after our grim hero, who falls through the air hardcore style--which means he has his gun pulled and fires a flying pig towards his enemy. Wait, what?]
/ Text: And the worst part of the whole ordeal wasn't the plane, or his sidekick's death, or even his own demise.
/ No.
/ The worst part of this whole stinking venture was the fact that there would never be a film made from all of this.
/ Because nobody,
/ nobody,
/ wants to make an action film with a hero that shoots flying pigs from his gun. / {{hollywood, film, movies, action, gibberish, chris smith, pig, flying pig, plane crash, monsters, bat-things, far side, softer world, indie, odd, weird}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/09/action-hero.html |
| A Dragon's Day | [[A wonky castle hangs in the corner of the comic, a valiant knight out front. Hovering beside the castle, wringing its hands in anxiety, a dragon stares through a tower window. There are also trees, clouds, and the sun... woooo.]]
/ Text: You always have to weigh out the consequences of kidnapping a damsel. Of course, there is the whole Champion to deal with, then the rest of the guard. For what? A heap of pink satin and blonde hair that screams and screams and screams. Even when you do get a Damsel back to your cave, the wife always gets jealous, roaring obscenities, slapping you upside the head with her spiked tail...
/ *sigh*
/ In the long run though...
/ what else do you have to do today? / {{gibberish, chris smith, knight, dragon, damsel, castle, spoof, fairy tale, faerie tale, boredom, indie}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/09/dragons-day.html |
| Freedom Bot | [[A robot runs in the bottom right corner, thrusting his arms upward in mighty glee. His eyes glow yellow, as his triumph is nigh.]]
/ Text: It doesn't happen very often...
/ Almost never in fact...
/ but, man...
/ being programed for freedom
/ is friggin' sweet. / {{gibberish, chris smith, funny, indie, robot, robots, freedom, odd, bizarre}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/09/freedom-bot.html |
| Haunting | [[A blood red hallway, with dark mahogany doors along the walls. In the center, floats a ghost, bored or sad or maybe just contemplating the complexities of Britney Spear's career.]]
/ Text: Floating around hallways, through doors, windows, safety deposit boxes, and showers; dripping ectoplasm on everything; making grown men wet themselves, all that was cool.
/ Cool as cucumbers actually.
/ But mostly...
/ Being a ghost was boring as hell. http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/09/haunting.html |
| I Need a Hero | [[A mighty ogre thing leaps over a table, bloody club in his fist, darkness in his eyes, charging after his prey, which is a tiny little rat, almost cute. In the background a damsel stands, wide-eyed, hands covering her mouth.]]
/ Text: Millicent was glad she was about to get rescued. She just didn't expect her hero to be so..... Hairy.
/ Damsel: Eeeek! Rat! / {{gibberish, guest art, scott v, scott aleric, hell has found me, chris smith, ogre, troll, damsel, distress, rata, rats, ogres, hero, heroes}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/09/i-need-hero-special-guest-scott-aleric.html |
| Sad Truth | [[A teeny tiny little demon stands at the bottom right corner of the panel, arms thrown over his head, all akimbo, little devil tail curling, mouth all open and roaring: a fearsome miniature beastie.]]
/ Text: Sometimes,
/ It's the smallest things in life
/ that scare the shit out of you. / {{gibberish, chris smith, far side, softer world, demon, beastie, advice, lifepoint}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/09/sad-truth.html |
| Scary Places | [[A creepy house sits on the top of a hill in the dead of night. Leafless trees loom. A scared guy goes running down the sidewalk, hopefully to somewhere a bit safer, more pleasant.]]
/ Text: Scary Places:
/ Where the bad kids go
/ to have sex
/ get high...
/ ...then die. / {{gibberish, chris smith, scary places, horror, spoof}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/09/scary-places.html |
| Those Crafty Lines | [[A stickfigure esque, drawn in the Chris Smith fashion stands, looking annoyed and is saying something--most likely obscene. An Astrix is over its head.]]
/ Text: *Not Actual Cartoon Character.
/ Just lines and circles portraying one. / {{gibberish, chris smith, meta-comic, comix, comic, character, cartoon}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/09/those-crafty-lines.html |
| Too Much | [[A guy "stands" on the edge of the a cliff, overlooking the sky-colored ocean and ocean-colored sky. He has no legs and uses his hands like feet. He leans out over the edge looking down as if contemplating his final tumble, his hair a spiky mess.]]
/ Text: Terrence could deal with not having any legs.
/ Sure, some things were harder, but when you'd grown up without them, you learned to get by.
/ Now, no legs AND a bad haircut?
/ That...
/ That was too much.
/ {{gibberish, chris smith, cliff, suicide, weird, odd, bizzare, ocean, precipice, haircut, hair, far side, softer world}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/09/too-much.html |
| Walking the Walk | [[In the bottom right corner, strolling fancier than if the Rose Bowl Parade and a trillion dollar dining facility had a baby, a goofus of a guy heads our way. Behind him is a square house billowing smoke, and flowers line his path.]]
/ Text: If you start the day with a fancy walk...
/ fuck, man...
/ fuck. http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/09/walking-walk.html |
| Dragon's Fingers | [[In the cool shade of a bamboo forest, a semi-retarded looking ninja with oversized eyes faces off against an ancient dragon that has the tiniest little arms any dragon has ever had--though its fingers are extremely long.]]
/ Text: The mighty dragon, Xian Jang, hated fighting.
/ Not just because of ninjas.
/ But because these hands weren't made for fighting...
/ these were pianist fingers.
/ {{gibberish, chris smith, ninja, ninjas, dragon, dragons, bamboo, fighting, fight, indie, funny}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/10/dragons-fingers.html |
| Fat Chicks Need... | [[A lanky robot with crazy arms and a beard is reaching over an overweight woman in a flower printed mu mu.]]
/ Text: Fat Chicks Need Scaring, Too. / {{robot, mu mu, fat, robots, gibberish, chris smith, indie, bot, bots, fat chicks need loving too, spoof}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/10/fat-chicks-need.html |
| Stop and Say Hi | [[A featureless guy stands in the bottom right side of the panel, his arms stretching to the sky, as he waits... for something.]]
/ Text: Every now and again, it's a good idea to stop,
/ to clear your throat and, loudly,
/ say to God, "Here I am."
/ "I just wanted to say hi." / {{Gibberish, God, Chris Smith, god, quiet moment, odd, bizarre, far side, softer world}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/10/stop-and-say-hi.html |
| Tuff Being a Ninja | [[A disgruntled ninja pops up from the bottom right, looking all crazy pissed off and ready to cut a bitch.]]
/ Text: Ever since films like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, and House of Flying Daggers, and Hero, And any other film where ninjas flip and fly around like some silent Cirque de Soliel performer on steroids, being a ninja sucked.
/ People are always asking about your smoke bombs and flying powers and water walking.
/ Then they demand that you perform some two-bit circus trick, like cutting peanuts into eights before they ever hit the ground.
/ Whatever happened to just killing a guy?
/ Like a severed jugular and blood spray aren't cool enough.
/ Ingrates.
/ {{gibberish, chris smith, ninja, ninjas, spoof, indie, gaming, film, movie, bizarre, dvd}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/10/tuff-being-ninja.html |
| Voices | [[A "hip" dude in a stupid hate stands, contemplating life, the things that go bump in the middle of the afternoon, and possibly dinosaurs. Nearby, a cat, with a ridiculously long tail, licks itself.]]
/ Text:Every now and again, Jimmy would've bet cold hard cash that he could hear the voices of the dead.
/ Inevitably though,
/ He came to his senses
/ and realized it was just the cat.
/ Licking its balls.
/ {{gibberish, chris smith, cat, voices, spirits, ghosts, cats, odd, bizarre, funny, indie}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/10/voices.html |
| We've Got a Problem Here | [[A freakish looking guy with an equally freakish finger, screams as he points to the robot beside him. The robot is almost a badass, but its gimp arm and nonsensical body and leg tred make it stupid.]]
/ FREAKISH GUY: I think this one is retarded.
/ Text: Though,
/ more likely,
/ the artist is. / {{gibberish, odd, weird, bizarre, chris smith, robot, robots, meta, meta-comic, far side, a softer world}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/10/weve-got-problem-here.html |
| Work With What You're Born With | [[A weird looking guy, wearing a t-shirt with nothing but "FAT" written upon it, stands at the corner of the panel, one fist pumping in triumph, his other hand pointing for all its worth with a hugeantic pointer finger. His eyes are buggin and his mouth is puckered into the long OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sound.]]
/ Guy: Estas Consado!
/ Text: When you're born with a giant finger,
/ you have to use that thing.
/ Even if it is just pointing out useless information...
/ ...in Spanish. / {{gibberish, chris smith, spanish, fat, odd, bizzare, weird, tired, sleep, point}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/10/work-with-what-your-born-with.html |
| Believe Me | [[A long haired beauty stands in the center of the panel, wearing a bear suit, and holding the mask/bear head in her arm. She stares off panel as if she knows the secrets of the universe but you are too unimportant to talk with about such things. In the background, there is a small cave and a bear standing outside that has an arrow pointing at him. Above the arrow, it says, "Kevin."]]
/ Text: You didn't believe me when I said I was leaving.
/ But by the look in your eyes, as Kevin shoved you into his maw...
/ I'm pretty sure you changed your mind. / {{gibberish, bear, bears, odd, bizarre, relationships, love, cave, weird, indie}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/11/believe-me.html |
| False Advertisement | [[A scrawny guy puzzles over a tag that dangles around his neck. It is a bright red tag and reads, "Sale."]]
/ Text: Thomas didn't know how it had gotten there.
/ And, honestly, he didn't care.
/ It didn't bother him that someone decided to quantify his worth.
/ It didn't bother him that he cost a mere $624.09.
/ What bothered him was the description: SWM. 27. Likes Ace of Base, Walker, Texas Ranger, and Pilates.
/ They'd gotten it all wrong.
/ He didn't just like those things...
/ He worshiped them. / {{chris smith, gibberish, odd, bizarre, sale, tag, for sale, far side, a softer world, chuck norris, walker texas ranger, ace of base, pilates}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/11/false-advertisements.html |
| Not Going Alone | [[A guy glares from the bottom right of the panel, looking to the side as if he is plotting the world's destruction. Behind him, in a kitchen of increasingly blurry proportions, stands a woman, cooking something on the stove.]]
/ Text: If I were a turkey...
/ I'd down a bottle of cyanide before they chopped me.
/ 'Cuz if I go down...
/ I'm taking you with me. / {{thanksgiving, relationship, couple, gibberish, doom, plotting, turkey, kitchen, death, black, chris smith}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/11/not-going-alone.html |
| Recession Fast Food | [[A deranged fellow stands with an exotic grin on his face. In one fist he holds a fluffy, fluffy bunny, and in the other fist he holds a Happy Meal looking box, complete with yellow smile.]]
/ Text: Best part about the recession?
/ McRabbit meals. / {{gibberish, chris smith, odd, bizarre, indie, mcdonalds, spoof, rabbit, bunny}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/11/recession-fast-food.html |
| Scary Jungle | [[A panda stands, looking all majestic and like he's pondering the very meaning of life. He scratches his stomach.]]
/ Text: One time, I decided to eat a human.
/ Just a little one.
/ It's mother wasn't too happy about it.
/ I can't blame her.
/ But did they have to scream so much?
/ The jungle is scary enough as it is.
/ < http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/11/scary-jungle.html |
| VaporWHATo? | [[An overworked and under-appreciated vaporetto driver looks to the "camera", holding an oar and standing in his craft.]]
/ Text: If he didn't love his job,
/ he would've given it up years ago.
/ But every time he even thought about quitting, the sloshing canals, that moldy stench, and the drunk tourists demanding he sing wooed him once again.
/ The only thing that really cooked his noodle was being called a water taxi or boatman or Italian dude.
/ It's a vaporetto, people.
/ Get it the fuck straight. / {{Venice, Italy, vaporetto, gibberish, indie, chris smith}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/11/vaporwhato.html |
| Ocean of Love | [[Deep in the ocean, the ocean of love if the title is to be believed, a tiny sea turtle, baby you might say, stares into the eyes of some alien gray thing, looking like some offspring of a seahorse and a dolphin with some E.T. thrown in for good measure. There are bubbles and colors.]]
/ Text: There will always be another fish in the sea.
/ but what happens when you're stuck
/ with a turtle
/ or worse
/ something unrecognizable?
/ I suggest a sea food salad. / {{chris smith, gibberish, ocean, sea, turtle, dolphin, alien, seahorse, seafood, odd, bizarre}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/12/ocean-of-love.html |
| Happy New Year? | [[In the bottom right corner, looking his usual menacing self, all teeth and empty sockets and black cloak, Death looms--as always.]]
/ Text: The kisses are done.
/ The champagne sipped away.
/ The resolutions made
/ and broken.
/ Happy New Year.
/ {{gibberish, new year, comic, comics, webcomic, death, new year's resolutions, impending doom, resolutions}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2009/01/happy-new-year.html |
| Just For Me | [[Broken and all crookedy, a cardinal lies dead on some grass.]]
/ Text: I always tell the story with a chuckle, detailing how I had to stuff it through the grill, then pull out the battery to remove the rest; how, every once and again, a feather blew out from the air conditioner, for weeks after; how half of the innards had been squeezed through its tiny butthole, and I always endd with "That sure cleaned him out."
/ I always leave out the last part.
/ That final step
/ where I buried you out back
/ under the roses.
/ That...
/ That one is just for me.
/ {{chris smith, gibberish, dead, bird, death, indie, story, sad, cardinal}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2009/02/just-for-me.html |
| The Warm Gelatin | [[A Zombie sitting at the table looks like he's just dug the prize out of every cereal box at the grocery store, holding up his spoon in triumph. In front of him, sitting on a plate, is a brain, which has a nice blood trail to an extremely round-headed victim that lolls on the table.]]
/ Text: BRAINS!
/ - The Zombie Jello http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/08/warm-gelatin_21.html |
| Milicent is Thrown a Bone | [[An old school executioner stands, giant axe in hand, black hood covering his face. His chest is bare, and he's wearing dumb pants and an even dumber cummerbund. Below him, as he towers over it, a weird orange kangaroo-rat hybrid thing is sitting, starting up at him.]]
/ Text: For the most part, Milicent hated his job. But every now and again, the world threw him a bone.
/ And he got to kill something cute. http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/08/milicent-is-thrown-bone_26.html |
| Terrible Truth | [[A pissed off and bizarre looking Tyrannosaurus Rex, T-Rex, stands on the left side of the panel, waving his arms and roaring, mouth full of crooked teeth, like there is no tomorrow.]]
/ Text: Some people wonder at the pure fury of a Tyrannosaurus rex.
/ They don't understand why a single creature can be so mean, so ferocious.
/ But with arms like this...
/ It's no wonder they wanted to kill everything in sight.
/ I would, too.
/ {{gibberish, Chris Smith, bizarre, odd, dinosaurs, dinosaur, tyrannosaurus rex, t-rex, angry, pissed, indie}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/10/terrible-truth_08.html |
| Penguin's Wish | [[A penguin stands on the right side of the panel, staring into space, the blank expression of someone so depressed and dazed that they've ceased to acknowledge their surroundings. This penguin is scarred, man, scarred. Behind him is a quick attempt at a polar landscape.]]
/ Text: The best part about being a penguin is all the time you have to think, about life, about the sound your lover makes, about the way you haven't felt your feet in 92 days.
/ Then you remember the dangers, the polar bears and gulls that eat your babies. And the blizzards, don't for get the blizzards.
/ And you wish,
/ not for the first time,
/ that God would've given you
/ unbroken wings.
/ {{Chris Smith, gibberish, odd, bizarre, penguin, God, polar, north pole, indie, funny, wanting, desire}} http://www.click-trackheart.blogspot.com/2008/10/penguins-wish_10.html |