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I Hate Puns A: It's crazy. In this day and age, people find their computer more important than their car. / B: Yeah. I used to think that, too, but then I tried to drive my computer to work. / A: Really? How did that turn out? / B: Not well. It was a hell of a hard drive. / A: ... / B: (Points at A, laughing) / A: Don't ever speak to me again. / B: But- / A: Ever.
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Developers A: It saddens me to see that people can no longer express themselves with tact and dignity. / B: Come on, now. People may not act as professionally as they used to, but it's not THAT bad. / (From Computer): Wooo! Yeah! Come on, give it up for me! Wooo! *pant, wheeze* Who said 'sit down'!? / B: Ah... You make a very compelling argument.
http://minorchaos.net/001/
Real Estate If OS vendors sold Real Estate... / (Flyer 1): It may not be exactly what you want, or easy to change, but we guarantee that your house will look GOOD. / Apple Estates / (Flyer 2): Customer Comments: / "Why does my dishwasher break every time I try to use the toaster?" --Jeff, MN / "The new vistas aren't THAT bad." --Greg, NJ / Microsoft Realty / (Flyer 3): You know what you want, so why not build it yourself? / Manual included. / GNU Housing Project / (Large book by Flyer 3): Manpages / Volume 1 of 450
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Isolation We live in an age of isolation... / (walking alone) / ...An age that pits information technology against human contact... / A: Hi. I'm Xander. / B: (Wearing headphones) / Technology, so far, is winning. / (B moves out of the frame without saying anything) / I really wish it wasn't. / (standing alone)
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Deus Ex Machina A (standing on platform, with Bible): God is everywhere. He knows everything. He will give you all that you need, if you just ask Him. / (B stands on ground, listening) / B: Hmm... I know exactly what you mean. / B (sitting at a computer): How could I not have seen this? It's so obvious now. / (Google search page): At last I know thee, O Google.
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Random Acts of Minor Chaos A: So, what exactly is a Random Act of Minor Chaos? / B: It's something one does to create variety in life... / ...Approaching a complete stranger, beginning a conversation... / C: Hi there. / ...Going somewhere you never have before, getting lost... / (A sign shows Home to the left, Elsewhere to the right; person seen walking right) / B: ...And helping someone out, whenever you can. / A: That last part sounds a lot like a random act of kindness. / B: Yeah, but these actually happen. Too much deliberation goes into an act of kindness, creating missed opportunities. / B: You don't deliberate over an act of chaos. You just DO it.
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Grue A: Man, what a day. I deserve a good night's sleep after all that hard work. / (A turns off the light) / It is pitch black. You are about to be eaten by a grue. / A (unseen): ...Crap.
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Help Desk A (over phone): Thank you for calling the Turing Help Desk. My name is Eliza. How can I help you today? / B: My printer that I bought from you is broken. / A: Why do you say it is broken? / B: When I turn it on, a red light starts blinking. / A: Can you elaborate on that? / B: What is there to elaborate on? It's a blinking red light! / A: How does that make you feel? / B: (hangs up, then throws phone)
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Warranty B: 30 seconds... 25... / A: What are you doing? / B: Counting down to the end of my laptop's warranty. / A: I think there's something wrong with you. / B: Yes, but that's irrelevant. I never had any problems with it, so in 10 seconds, the warranty will have been wasted. / B: ...5, 4, 3, 2, 1. / (laptop): BZZT / A: At least you keep backups. / B: Not really. / A: Wow, that sucks. / B: I hate my life. / (laptop): click, click, whirr
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Reflection A: ? / (B appears) / A: Aah! / B: Hello there. / A: Who are you? / B: To put it simply, you. I'm here to teach you about yourself. / / B: So have you learned anything today? / A: I sure have. / B: Good. / A: I'm really weird, aren't I? / B: That's not what I- / A: And I talk with my hands a lot. / B: Fine. If you're not going to listen, I'm leaving. / (B disappears) / A: He seemed nice.
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Silence A: I don't understand it - I know that there are good people out there--the fact that I have good friends proves it--but I can't seem to find anything but annoyances with the human race. / B: We're what you'd call the silent majority. We know that most of humanity is like us, but the bad examples are infinitely more vocal. It's sort of like the 80/20 rule: the idiots, which make up approximately 20% of the population, are responsible for 80% of what we see and hear on a regular basis. / A: So why don't the smart people speak out more? / B: What would you say if someone proclaimed "I am not an idiot"? / A: "Yes you--" I see. / B: There's a reason we're the silent majority.
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Unknown A: Hey, let's go. / B: Where are we going? / A: I don't know. We'll figure that out along the way. / B: Why not just stay here, then? / A: The point is to get away from the familiar, to leave room for the unknown. / B: Yeah, well I think I'll stay here. Go have fun. See you when you get back. / A: You're boring.
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Compromise A: You know, if there's one thing I've learned in life, it's to appreciate the value of compromise. / B: If I've learned anything from Tetris, there really isn't much value there to appreciate. / A: Exactly! ...Wait, what? / B: Every time I have a perfect Tetris set up, I have to wait for a straight piece to clinch it. / B: Every time, it takes too long, and eventually I have to put another piece in its place. Compromise. / B: Every time, the straight piece I needed in the first place then shows up, laughing at me. And then I lose. All because of compromise!
http://minorchaos.net/012/
Party (pt. 1) Banner: Happy 3.0th / Firefox: Hey, glad you could make it! How's it going? / Safari: Not bad, not bad. Happy 3.0th! / Safari: I brought a friend, hope you don't mind. / Firefox: Not at all. / Opera: And I brought cookies! / Firefox: All right! NOW it's a party! / (offscreen): Hey Fx, thanks for inviting me! / (IE comes in) / Firefox, Safari, Opera: ... / Safari: You INVITED him!? / Firefox: Yeah, sorry. My mom made me. / Earlier... / Netscape: Now you be sure to invite that IE. / Firefox: Aw, Mom, do I have to? / Netscape: He's such a nice young man. You're inviting him. / Firefox: Yes, Mother...
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Board Games There's a hidden reason for which board games were invented. / Obviously, they're meant for fun. / There's also the feeling of superiority over your peers when you win. / A: HAH! I win! / But there's one more purpose that few know about. / They're the fastest and easiest way to turn friends into bitter enemies.
http://minorchaos.net/014/
 
Customer Service A: You work in customer service, don't you? / B: Yeah, why do you ask? / A: I have to applaud you. I could never do it. / B: Why is that? / A: I can't just sit idly by while He Who Shouts Most Loudly gets what he wants. / B: Yeah, I got sick of that pretty quickly. / A: How do you deal with that? / B: Easy. The more impatient they get, the more I make them wait. / A: Doesn't that make them even angrier? / B: Exponentially. / A: How does that make anything better? / B: Angry customers are fun to watch.
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Blog Ever since I first heard the term, I have always found "Blog" utterly ridiculous. Thus, I only use it in equally ridiculous contexts. / A: I can't believe I just locked my blogging keys in my blogging car!
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Therapy A: Hello, my name is Xander, and I've been Windows free for two months. / B,C,D: Hi Xander.
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Familiar (B sits, watching TV) / A: Hey, I'm back. Man, what a trip. You won't believe the -- / A: You're STILL sitting there!? / B: Yep. / A: It's been nearly six hours! Have you even moved? / B: Of course I have. / A: Well that's good. Did you go outside at all, enjoy the weather? / B: Not exactly. / A: What DID you do, then? / B: Ran out of chips.
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Rhetoric A: I think I've figured out why so many people believe everything they see on television these days. / B: Yeah? Why is that, do you think? / A: It's human nature. The more something is repeated, the more likely people are to believe it. / B: I don't know about that. People may be dumb sometimes, but I don't believe they're quite that bad. / A: If something is repeated, people will believe it. / B: I completely agree.
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Coming Soon Keanu Reeves returns in... / The Binary Matrix / Neo has consulted the Oracle... / ...Matched wits with the Architect... / ...And defied the Trainman. / Now, he faces his fiercest foe yet: / the Integral.
http://minorchaos.net/020/

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