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| Episode 91: Dice Another Day | GM: You can't reroll Watto's die. That was in-game. / Qui-Gon: You used a d6 to determine the outcome. I'm rerolling that one. / GM: And you think Watto's simply going to let you pick up the die and try again? / Qui-Gon: I cast the spell in some subtle way to make it keep bouncing. / GM: http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0091.html |
| Episode 92: What Could Possibly Go Right? | Qui-Gon: Pete, how much do we need to bet on this race to buy everything we need? / C-3PO: [[translating for R2-D2]] Let's see... buy back the ship, plus the parts... / [SFX]: < whiddle bing proww > / C-3PO: The bookmakers have heard Anakin is racing and put him at 350 to 1... / [SFX]: < doot-bleep deep doot bading ting biponip > / C-3PO: We'd have to bet 22,375 credits. / [SFX]: < doot pokidikip > / Qui-Gon: Got it. Back in a minute. / C-3PO: [[under breath. Well, quietly anyway]] And win, preferably. / [SFX]: < bippity whirr > / Anakin: I don't know if I can do this. I'm so nervous. / R2-D2: Relax, kid. I calculate a 5.9% chance you won't even die. / Qui-Gon: [[in background, to some strangers]] I'll see you after the race then. / Qui-Gon: [[returning]] There we go. All done. / C-3PO: [[casually]] What did you do? / [SFX]: < ping? > / [[Padmé looking incredulous, "What have you done now?" expression.]] / Qui-Gon: I'll tell you later. But it's my best plan yet! / [[Jar Jar looking horrified, "Oh nosa" expression.]] / Obi-Wan: What. Did. You. Do? http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0092.html |
| Episode 93: I Took the One Less Travelled By | Dan: [[single alien head close-up]] Good morning sports fans, and welcome to the Boonta Eve Classic. / Dan: It promises to be a thrilling race, and joining me here in the commentary box is Olaf Annodue. / Olaf: [[single alien head close-up]] Hello Dan. / Jar Jar: They'sa joined together? / GM: Er... sure, why not. / Jar Jar: Wowsa! / Dan: [[both heads now shown joined to a single body]] Replacing the Junkyard owner Watto will be his young slave Anakin, competing in his first race. / Olaf: Let's hope it's not his last! He's a brave lad indeed; human beings are notoriously squishy. / Dan: We are a hilarious fellow, to be sure! / Olaf: Shouldn't that be an hilarious fellow, Dan? / Dan: Shut your cakehole you festering pillock. / Olaf: I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. Please don't hit me. / Shmi: Um, do you need some time alone? / R2-D2: I think Sally broke the GM. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0093.html |
| Episode 94: Bad Line Call | Shmi: Be safe, Anakin. / GM: You know, we really should have a player roll the dice for the boy during the race, since so much is riding on it. / R2-D2: I'll get out my custom racing dice with the go-faster stripes. / GM: Not you. / Shmi: Who then? / GM: How about you do it? He's your son, after all, and you haven't rolled any dice yet. / Qui-Gon: Yeah, time for some real roleplaying. / Shmi: Um, okay... Let me just get into the right mindset. / Qui-Gon: [[to Anakin]] With my mini-chlorines in your blood, you can't lose. / Anakin: [[now played by Shmi's player]] Yippeee! / Anakin: Sorry, wait. That line doesn't work at all for this character. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0094.html |
| Episode 95: Just What I Choose it to Mean | [[Sebulba sneaks over and does something to Anakin's pod]] / GM: Hmmm. / GM: http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0095.html |
| Episode 96: Oneshadowing | Anakin: I'm not sure I can do this... / Qui-Gon: Sure you can, it's easy. / Qui-Gon: This one is a d20; you use it for skill rolls. / Qui-Gon: These are d10s. Roll two of these for saving throws. / Anakin: Saving throws? / C-3PO: [[translating for R2-D2]] Against the incredible G-forces you'll be pulling. / [SFX]: < be-ting whrow spip > / Jar Jar: Don'tsa worry if yousa messes up a roll! Yousa gets another go. / R2-D2: Normally that's true. In this case, there's a good chance the first screw-up will kill you. / Anakin: Then you'd better hope I don't screw up. My mother will be coming after everyone responsible. / Qui-Gon: Yikes! I told you she was a mob boss! http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0096.html |
| Episode 97: Ext. Mos Espa - Arena - Viewing Platform - Day | Shmi: Is he nervous? / Qui-Gon: [[looking nervous]] He's fine. / Padmé: You Jedi are far too reckless. The Queen— / Qui-Gon: [[leaning confrontingly close to Padmé]] The Queen trusts my judgement, young handmaiden. You should too. / Padmé: You assume too much. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0097.html |
| Episode 98: It Sounds Even Better When You Explain It | Jar Jar: Thissa so scary! / Qui-Gon: It's okay, I tipped the odds in our favour. / Qui-Gon: I sold my blasters to some guys for the betting money before the race, and they agreed to shoot at the other racers. / R2-D2: You got the whole 22,375 credits? That's a pretty good deal. / Qui-Gon: Well... I also told them I knew about a Cheddar monk they could hand in for the bounty. / Qui-Gon: They're coming around afterwards so I can lead them to him. But we'll be gone by then, right? / R2-D2: Let's just recap here. / R2-D2: We've given away our only means of transportation to someone to throw a race in which, at our insistence, he is no longer competing. / R2-D2: We've bet all our money on a nine-year-old driver who has never raced before, in a vehicle he built in his backyard— / Jar Jar: Whatsa never been driven before! / R2-D2: We've sold all of our decent weapons to raise the money for the aforesaid bet. / R2-D2: And if by some bizarre unforeseen chance we don't win... / R2-D2: ...you've agreed to hand the Queen of a planet we're meant to be helping over to a sadistic slave-owner— / Jar Jar: And Shmi will comesa after us, muy angry! / R2-D2: That too. Thank you Sally. / R2-D2: And a group of mercenaries, armed by you, Jim, will expect you to help them capture... you. / Qui-Gon: That's about right. / [[beat]] / R2-D2: This campaign is awesome. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0098.html |
| Episode 99: Überstition | Dan: And they're off! / GM: Make a fast-start roll. / Anakin: My first roll of the race! / Anakin: What does a 1 mean? / GM: You stall. Roll again to see if your engine explodes. / Jar Jar: Oh nosa! / R2-D2: Quick!! Change dice! / R2-D2: Here, use this one. I've pre-rolled the ones out of it. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0099.html |
| Episode 100: Un-Forced Error | GM: Make an immediate action Mechanic roll. / Anakin: 14. / [SFX]: Clik! / GM: You start the engines and take off after the other racers. / [SFX]: Vrahooomm!!! / [SFX]: Vreeeeooooooowwww!!! / Shmi: [[in the spectator tower]] Who did you sell your blasters to? / Qui-Gon: I dunno. Some sort of... sand... people. / Jar Jar: And howsa they knowin' who to shoot at? / Qui-Gon: I gave them a picture of Watto and told them to shoot at everyone else. / [[Sand People sitting on a race corner; they shoot at Anakin's pod]] / [SFX]: Pow! Pow! / [SFX]: [[a shot bounces off Anakin's pod]] Ktchang! / [SFX]: [[Sand People shouting]] Urrr... Hurr-Hurr-Hurr!!! / R2-D2: Remind me never to play poker with the GM. / Qui-Gon: Why? / R2-D2: There wasn't even a hint of a smile when you handed him those notes. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0100.html |
| Episode 101: Amaranthine | Anakin: http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0101.html |
| Episode 102: Sweet Sorrow | GM: Just a second... I'm still setting up the race map where we left off last session. / R2-D2: Where's the drama queen? / Obi-Wan: Um... I don't think she's coming. All that dice rolling probably put her off. / Qui-Gon: Oh. Huh. / Qui-Gon: I really thought she was enjoying herself. / R2-D2: Yeah, 'cause of our leet personal skills. / Obi-Wan: Speak for yourself. Charisma isn't my dump stat. / R2-D2: [[under his breath]] That'd be Intelligence, right? / GM: Jim, can you roll for Anakin from now on? / Qui-Gon: Oh. Okay... / [[the race continues along a narrow canyon]] / [SFX]: vreeOOOOW!! / [SFX]: zyeeOOOO!! / Anakin: [[now being played by Jim]] It's my mini-chlorines doing the hard work anyway. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0102.html |
| Episode 103: No Plan Survives Contact with a Jedi | [[Anakin's pod thunders across the stark desert landscape of Tatooine]] / [SFX]: VRAAOOOOOM! / [[the crackling arcs of energy between the engines writhe with a purple electric life as Anakin hurtles into a dark underground chamber]] / [SFX]: zttt zttt zttt
/ [[the racer behind Anakin makes a fatal miscalculation and slams into a stalagmite near the cave entrance, the pod flowering into a vast orange fireball as Anakin races ahead of it, beating it out of the cave by a fraction of a second]] / [SFX]: fwacKOOOOM!! / R2-D2: Did you happen to do anything else to ensure the outcome of the race? / [[Anakin rips across the sandy desert plain, slowly gaining on Sebulba's pod, and leaving a streaming trail of dust in the air behind them]] / [SFX]: vzoooo! vzzoooo! / Qui-Gon: Early on I ripped out some wiring and stuck a spanner in the pod engine. / Jar Jar: Mesa fixed those! / Qui-Gon: And I ran into that Sir Bullbar guy on the starting grid and cast Suggestion on him to sabotage Watto's pod. / [SFX]: Pow! [[a Sand Person fires at Anakin's pod]] / [SFX]: Ktchang! [[the shot scores a hit on the pod's chassis]] / [[the pods hurtle through a jagged canyon]] / [SFX]: zeeooowww! / R2-D2: Anyone happen to fix that? / GM: Heh heh heh... / R2-D2: You've really outdone yourself this time. That's a truly astoundingly... intricate plan. / Qui-Gon: Thank you. / R2-D2: With almost no detail overlooked. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0103.html |
| Episode 104: Automotivation | Shmi: Hey guys. Sorry I'm late, car trouble. What'd I miss? / Qui-Gon: Wow! Hi! / Shmi: Wow? / Qui-Gon: We thought all the dice rolling scared you away. / [[the pods scream across the desert in a tight group]] / [SFX]: VRREEOOOWW!! / Shmi: Oh... well, yeah, but you guys are still more fun than "Godot". This story's really going somewhere. / R2-D2: Yeah, currently lap three. / GM: Anakin's trailing in fourth place. / Shmi: I had an idea on the way here... / Anakin: [[played by Shmi's player]] Driving in a desert, sand is going to mess up the engines. By the third lap everyone will be running really badly. So if I just... / [[the pods enter a slot canyon]] / Anakin: ... hit the safety ramp... / [[Anakin steers right of the track to race up the safety ramp, hurtling up at a steep angle into the clear air above the dust-choked canyon]] / [SFX]: VYOOOOOOOooooooo... / Anakin: ... clear the intakes... / [[the pod levels out and begins a steep dive, gathering an insane amount of speed]] / Anakin: ... and open the throttle... / [[the pod dives back into the slot canyon]] / [SFX]: vaHOOOOOM!! / [[Anakin's pod flattens out of the dive and resumes racing, now ahead of Sebulba's pod]] / Qui-Gon: Awesome! / Shmi: By the way, can anyone give me a lift home tonight? http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0104.html |
| Episode 105: Burning Bridges | GM: You overtake Sebulba. / [SFX]: [[Sebulba's pod]] wubwubwubwub / [SFX]: [[Anakin's pod]] VEEOOOOOWW!! / GM: But then, suddenly... / [SFX]: klang clunk ktang / [[the part that Sebulba sabotaged before the race begins rattling, then shakes loose with a spark]] / [SFX]: fzzzt! / [[the part snaps free with a shower of sparks]] / [SFX]: kzzzt! / [[the left engine catches fire]] / [SFX]: FFWOOM! / GM: You're losing power. Sebulba overtakes you. / [SFX]: WUBWUBwubwub / Anakin: Wait, wait... okay, how much overdrive do I have left? / GM: Two seconds' worth. But your engine is actually on fire. / Anakin: If I blow the lot, it might put out the fire from the sudden burst of acceleration, right? / GM: Yeah... I guess. But you wouldn't have enough fuel left to reach the finish line. / Anakin: I do it. / GM: What? / Anakin: I roll an 18. / [SFX]: [[Anakin flips a switch on the dashboard]] clik / [[the pod accelerates and the rush of wind puts the fire out]] / [SFX]: FFFFFFFFffffffftt... / GM: Well. / GM: That's it then. / GM: And you were going so well... / R2-D2: Really learning from Jim here, aren't we? http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0105.html |
| Episode 106: Drag and Drop | GM: You've just caught up with Sebulba, but you're completely out of power. / [SFX]: wubwubwubwub / Anakin: I swing the pod sideways and ram him. / GM: Um... sorry? / Qui-Gon: That's exactly what I'd do! / Anakin: 16. / GM: Okay... roll for ramming damage. But it won't be enough to disable his pod. / [SFX]: KERUNCH! / Anakin: That's okay. I just want to latch on. / R2-D2: Ooooooh. / SFX: < bee-oop! > / GM: The pods are entangled. His is dragging yours along. / Anakin: Force Manipulation, Level 1. What's the range on that? / GM: Two metres, why? / Anakin: When I see the grandstands, I snap his right engine cable and detach my pod. / [SFX]: [[Sebulba's pod goes out of control and one engine slams into a sand dune, spraying sand and parts everywhere]] PAFFF!! / [SFX]: [[Sebulba's pod explodes]] FAKOOOMM!! / GM: Let me calculate this... oooh! / GM: You just coast over the finish line! / GM: The crowd goes bananas! / [SFX]: ROOOOARRR!! / [SFX]: CHEEER!! / R2-D2: I'm in love. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0106.html |
| Episode 107: Yub Nub, Eee Chop Yub Nub | [SFX]: [[crowd cheering]] Rooooarrr!! / [SFX]: [[crowd chanting]] An-a-kin! / [SFX]: An-a-kin! / [SFX]: An-a-kin! / [SFX]: An-a-kin! / [SFX]: An-a-kin! / Qui-Gon: See how brilliant my plan was? / Jar Jar: Yousa so smart! / Obi-Wan: This is setting a really bad precedent. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0107.html |
| Episode 108: A New Hope | Jar Jar: Wowsa, yousa really learning good at thissa game! / Padmé: You were really, really, really lucky. / Jar Jar: Wesa makes up our own luck. / Anakin: I did what I had to do. / GM: I'll take over Anakin again. You can go back to playing Shmi now. [[Shmi hugs Anakin]] / Shmi: I'm... so very proud of you, Anakin. You have brought hope to those who have none. / Anakin: [[now played by the GM]] Aw, gee whillikers! / GM: You know, you're right. It's really hard playing this kid properly. Kids have more depth than that. / Shmi: I was so worried that you were going to die. / Jar Jar: And mesa so glad Shmi doesn't has to slaughter us after all! http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0108.html |
| Episode 109: Free, Shmi | Watto: Well, you won our bet. Shmi has her freedom. / Watto: But if you think I'm going to release Anakin as well... / Qui-Gon: Who? / Watto: Anakin. Her son. / Qui-Gon: The kid? Why would we want him? / Watto: So... I can keep him? / Qui-Gon: Sure. We're not doing any more racing. / Qui-Gon: And you'll need him to take over running Shmi's Mob faction. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0109.html |
| Episode 110: Pray I Don't Alter It Any Further | Qui-Gon: Here's the money for the ion cannons. Deliver them to our ship. / Watto: You mean my ship. You said if I agreed to throw the race— / Qui-Gon: You didn't throw the race. / Watto: You told me not to race at all - after you gave me the ship. / Qui-Gon: We gambled for it. You lost the chance to throw the race. Ergo, the ship is ours. / Watto: Would you like to take it to the Hutts? I'm sure they can settle this. And I can collect the bounty on you while we're doing it. / Qui-Gon: Hmm. I've got a better deal. I give you the money for the ship, and we call it a day. / Watto: Why should I? / Qui-Gon: Laser sword. / [[silent pause]] / Watto: http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0110.html |
| Episode 111: The Prodigal Master | Qui-Gon: Here are the weapons. R2 can start installing them. / Obi-Wan: Any problems getting them? / Qui-Gon: None that I can think of. / Qui-Gon: You missed some cool stuff though. / [SFX]: < whroop beep boop-ting bedoop, beedle boop beep whirr pop ding > / Qui-Gon: I had a fight with a giant sand creature. / Obi-Wan: Giant sand... The sandstorm? / Qui-Gon: I drew my laser sword and beat it into submission. / Qui-Gon: It was awesome. / Obi-Wan: That's interesting. We just let it go past us. / Qui-Gon: Your XP loss! / Qui-Gon: Anyway, I have to go back into town. There's a new PC to bring along. / Obi-Wan: Why do I sense we've picked up another pathetic life form...? / Jar Jar: Hey! / Obi-Wan: That was in-character, sis. / Obi-Wan: And I wasn't talking about you. / Shmi: Hey! / Obi-Wan: In-character! In-character! / Obi-Wan: I don't even know about you yet! http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0111.html |
| Episode 112: That Settles That Problem | GM: As you return to the town, you see Anakin in a fight with a green alien boy. / Qui-Gon: Hey! Break it up! / GM: Anakin tosses the alien roughly aside. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0112.html |
| Episode 113: Extra Baggage | Qui-Gon: I've won your freedom in the pod race. So you're free to come with us now. / Shmi: Oh, wonderful! Anakin, pack your bags. / Qui-Gon: Oh, er... you wanted him to come too? I thought he should stay and run your mob. / Shmi: Mob politics aside, he's my only son. I can't leave him behind. / Qui-Gon: But— / Shmi: And besides, you are blood-twins. That is an oath of responsibility. / Qui-Gon: But— / Shmi: He'd never be able to look after himself on his own. / Qui-Gon: But he just killed a kid! He'll be fine. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0113.html |
| Episode 114: The Making of a Man | Shmi: He what? / Qui-Gon: Some green kid was muscling in on his turf, and Anakin whacked him. / Qui-Gon: It was hardcore. / Shmi: You are lying! / Shmi: Make it not be true... / Qui-Gon: Er... no, really. I think it was a crit. / Shmi: Why didn't you do something? / Qui-Gon: Um... there was no time. He just went completely berserk. / Anakin: I suddenly got really angry. I don't know what happened. / Shmi: Oh, Anakin. The authorities will be looking for you now. We have to get you to safety. / Qui-Gon: But... Watto still owns him. / Shmi: So Watto will owe the blood debt! This is terrible. / Shmi: Oh Anakin, how could you do such a thing? / Qui-Gon: That green kid totally looked like he deserved it. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0114.html |
| Episode 115: What's That on the Floor? | Shmi: You must take Anakin instead of me. / Qui-Gon: But— / Shmi: I could never leave him here to the justice of Watto and the Hutts. Every moment would eat at my soul. / Anakin: But— / Shmi: You must go with Qui-Gon, Anakin. / Qui-Gon: But— / Anakin: I can't leave you! / Shmi: He will keep you, um... safe. / Qui-Gon: But... oh, yeah. I will. / Shmi: Anakin, listen to me. You're in great danger now. You must go with Qui-Gon. / Anakin: You're coming too, right? / Shmi: I can't. Qui-Gon has secured one slave's freedom. I must stay to make sure Watto won't seek you offworld. / Shmi: If we both go, he'll hunt us down and we'll never have a moment's safety. Now go, pack your things. / Anakin: Um... okay... {leaves} / Qui-Gon: But— / Shmi: Enough "buts". / Qui-Gon: But you're the PC! http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0115.html |
| Episode 116: It's Nice to be Wanted | Shmi: You must leave me now. / Qui-Gon: I thought... we were getting along really well. / Shmi: But it's not us! It's everything around us. / Qui-Gon: What do you mean? / Shmi: The Hutts will be after you. / Qui-Gon: Oh, right. Yeah. / Shmi: And word has probably spread about you being a Jedi. There will be bounty hunters too. / Qui-Gon: Uh... good point. / Shmi: Not to mention the Sand People. It's so noble of you to risk your life, coming back to pick up my son. / {beat} / Qui-Gon: I make a Spot check. / Shmi: Oh, you won't see the bounty hunters coming. / Shmi: Not until it's too late. / Qui-Gon: Anakin! Get a move on! We're leaving now! http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0116.html |
| Episode 117: It Has a Bibliography? | GM: All right. We've established that Anakin is going and Shmi has to stay behind. It makes sense if you play Anakin from now on. / Shmi: Exactly what I was thinking. / GM: So you're comfortable playing a male character? / Shmi: Of course. / R2-D2: [[aside]] That's just wrong. / Jar Jar: [[aside]] Mesa boy! / R2-D2: [[aside]] Yeah, but you're an alien boy. / GM: Okay then. I'll run Shmi as an NPC. / Shmi: I've jotted down a few lines on how I want to play Anakin. / GM: A few lines? This is longer than all of my campaign notes! / Shmi: But first, there's something we need to do. Follow my lead. You'll know when to change over. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0117.html |
| Episode 118: Best Actress in a Supporting Role | Shmi: This is one of those times when you have to do something you don't think you can do. I know how strong you are, Anakin. I know you can do this... / Anakin: Will I ever see you again? / Shmi: What does your heart tell you? / Anakin: I hope so... yes... I guess. / Shmi: Then we will see each other again. / Anakin: I... will become a Jedi and I will come back and free you... / Shmi: No Anakin. You are not safe on Tatooine. You can never return here. Promise me you won't come back. Promise me. / Anakin: I... I promise. / Shmi: No matter where you are, my love will be with you. / Shmi: There's a place for us, somewhere... a place for us. / Shmi: Peace and quiet and open air. Wait for us, somewhere. / Shmi: Now be brave, and don't look back... don't look back. / [[they hug - symbolically exchanging roles]] / Anakin: [[now played by Shmi's player]] I love you so much. / [[walks off to Qui-Gon, without looking back]] / GM: That was... fantastic roleplaying. I'm giving you bonus XP. You'll need it to fill out Anakin's abilities a bit. / Qui-Gon: You get XP for roleplaying? http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0118.html |
| Episode 119: Time to Go | Jira: You're leaving, Anakin? Won't you miss your mother? / Anakin: There's a time for us... some day, a time for us... / Jira: So... you will miss her? / Anakin: Time together with time to spare... / Qui-Gon: Um... Anyway, he has to come with us. He's on the lam for that kid he whacked. / Jira: That was you, Anakin? You killed Greedo? / Anakin: Time to look. Time to care... / Jira: You better run, before Watto and the Hutts find you here. / Qui-Gon: She's right; you're in danger too. Let's go. / Anakin: Some day! / Qui-Gon: No... Now! http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0119.html |
| Episode 120: Fear and Loathing in Mos Espa | Qui-Gon: I look around carefully to make sure we're not being followed. / GM: There are townspeople wandering around the market, but no one is paying any attention to you. / Qui-Gon: I look everywhere. / GM: You don't see anything suspicious. / Qui-Gon: Including the ceiling. / GM: You're outdoors. There's no ceiling. / Qui-Gon: Anything in the sky? / GM: No. / Qui-Gon: Do I hear anything behind me? / [SFX]: wmm-wmm-wmm... / GM: You faintly hear the sound of a droid some distance aw— / [SFX]: wmm-wmm-wmm... / Qui-Gon: ATTACK! / [SFX]: Whooom!! / [SFX]: 16! / [SFX]: Krzzshh!! / Anakin: What was that?! / Qui-Gon: Is it dead?! / GM: http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0120.html |
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