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| Episode 721: No Whey! | Obi-Wan: I approach the Sand People. / GM: http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0721.html |
| Episode 722: Liquidity | Obi-Wan: And what is your name, young wanderer? / Adam: Um... let's see. "Adam Lars". / R2-D2: So, Obi-Wan, long time no see. What happened to my dreadnought? / Obi-Wan: R2-D2. I knew you'd be here somewhere. / R2-D2: Aha! You did have a tracking device on me! / Obi-Wan: You've always said it's bad to split the party. / Adam: You two know each other? / Obi-Wan: We fought together in the Droid Wars. / Adam: The Droid Wars? / Obi-Wan: Before your time. / C-3PO: They led to the downfall of the Jedi and the corruption of the Galactic Senate. / Adam: Well this is all fascinating, I'm sure, but I'm on a quest. I need to get home. / Obi-Wan: As you wish. / R2-D2: He thinks he's going to melt us down. / Obi-Wan: Hmmm. You probably would be worth more credits that way. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0722.html |
| Episode 723: Slagging Off | C-3PO: You were hiding here on Tatooine all along? / Obi-Wan: I had much to ponder. / C-3PO: So you've been busy pondering while the Rebellion suffers and dies. Without you. / Obi-Wan: Think first, then act. We've seen the consequences of the reverse. / R2-D2: So you're going to save us from this wanton droid-melter? / Obi-Wan: A different state of being is not a priori a bad thing. / R2-D2: Newsflash: Liquid metal is not cool! / Captain Antilles: [[dead]] Actually, mercury, gallium, and certain bismuth alloys are? / R2-D2: Can it! http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0723.html |
| Episode 724: A Duck's Quack | R2-D2: Look, we need to contact Senator Binks. Trillions of squishy humanoid lives depend on it. This is save-the-Galaxy stuff. / Obi-Wan: We should discuss this somewhere safer. / Adam: Yeah, I don't like all this open sky. / Obi-Wan: The Sand People respect my territory. Follow me. / Adam: Whoa! With respect old man, I need to get home. With the droids. / Obi-Wan: I have no dispute with your mission. Follow me. / Adam: You have no dispute with my mission? / Obi-Wan: This way. / [[beat]] / Adam: This way? / Obi-Wan: Are you echoing me? / Adam: Echoing you? / Obi-Wan: Yes. / Adam: No. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0724.html |
| Episode 725: A Perfectly Reasonable Explanation | C-3PO: ... which is why you should reattach my arm before you melt me down. / Adam: Hmm. Fair enough. / Obi-Wan: Adam Lars, huh? / Obi-Wan: Lars... now that's a name I've not heard in a long time. / Adam: You knew my family? / Obi-Wan: I was good friends with your father. A long time ago, during the Droid Wars. / Adam: He never mentioned you. / Obi-Wan: He betrayed the Jedi Order and orchestrated their extermination. The Galaxy holds no safe harbour for Jedi any more. / Obi-Wan: We haven't spoken since. / Adam: My dad did that? / [[beat]] / Obi-Wan: Let me explain from the beginning. You know your name isn't really Adam? / Adam: Yeah, it's Corey. I know how this works. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0725.html |
| Episode 726: Hermit Gab | Obi-Wan: Listen to me. Your life is a lie. / Adam: Er, sure. Look, it's been real nice talking to you, crazy old guy. / Adam: I've got to go home. It's late, I'm in for it as it is. / [[Obi-Wan retrieves something from a chest]] / Obi-Wan: Your father's laser sword. This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or as random as a blaster. / Adam: My father would die before he'd let you get your hands on any of his weapons. / Obi-Wan: You never knew your father. / Adam: What are you talking about? / Obi-Wan: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. / Obi-Wan: You take the hovercar back to your moisture farm - the story ends, you melt down the droids and believe whatever you want to believe. / Obi-Wan: You take this laser sword - you stay with me and I show you who you really are. / [[beat]] / [[beat]] / [[Adam takes the sword]] / Adam: This has gotta be better than binoculars. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0726.html |
| Episode 727: The Cake is a Lie | Obi-Wan: Your name is Luke. Luke Amidala. / Luke: What? / [SFX]: whooom / Luke: Whoa, this is definitely better than binoculars. / Obi-Wan: I was there when your mother named you. Your real mother. / C-3PO: We were all there at your birth. / Luke: Whoa. That's not true. That's impossible! / Luke: It says right here on my character sheet, "Adam Lars". / [SFX]: Whooom / Obi-Wan: Owen and Beru are your uncle and aunt. They've devoted their lives to your protection. / Luke: My protection? / Obi-Wan: You're a Jedi, Luke. / [SFX]: whooom / R2-D2: Congratulations. Your life expectancy just went from "senile pensioner with a space-bus card" to "missing your next birthday". / R2-D2: Which, by the way, is actually tomorrow. / C-3PO: Happy Birthday! http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0727.html |
| Episode 728: Visited Upon the Son | Luke: How can I be one of these Jedi? I've never even heard of them before. / Obi-Wan: Your true father was a powerful Jedi, a strong user of the Force. / Luke: The Force? / [SFX]: whooom / Obi-Wan: The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the Galaxy together. / Obi-Wan: It's an energy field created by midi-chlorians - microscopic organisms that exist in all living cells. / Obi-Wan: Your father had... an unusual concentration in his blood. Blood which now flows in your veins. / Obi-Wan: To those who hunt down the Jedi you are already a target. You always have been. Thus the need to keep you hidden. / Luke: But trust me, I didn't do anything! I don't even know any of this stuff. / Obi-Wan: Jedi are normally trained from birth. I can help you to hone your skills. / Luke: But I'm... 19 years old. Will starting the training so late be a problem? / Obi-Wan: Uhh... no, not at all. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0728.html |
| Episode 729: The Sins of the Father | Luke: I still can't believe Owen and Beru would lie to me. / Obi-Wan: They had to. They were protecting you... in their own unique way. / Luke: Tell me about my parents. Where are they? / Obi-Wan: Your father Anakin used his Jedi powers for his own gains. It corrupted him. He betrayed and murdered your mother, Padm? Amidala. / Obi-Wan: That was the end of our friendship. We duelled, and he fell. / Luke: Whoa, let me get this straight. / Luke: My name is Luke Amidala? You killed my father? / Obi-Wan: I was prepared to die to save the Galaxy from him. / Obi-Wan: But your mother... was an angel. She died trying to... uh, redeem Anakin. / Obi-Wan: Here, she wanted you to have these when you were old enough. / Luke: What are they? / Obi-Wan: Your mother's underwater oxygen extraction apparatus and grappling hook. / Luke: O-kaaay. / Captain Antilles: [[dead]] They were very special to her! http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0729.html |
| Episode 730: Rabbiting On | Luke: So that story you droids told about saving the Galaxy is true? / R2-D2: Yeah! Here, Obi-Wan, check out this message from Senator Organa. / [SFX]: < whir fidooby squee bop pating doip ding > / GM: Annie, you're up. / Leia: Anyhow, that total bitch Senator Estornii of Ord Zeuol had exactly the same hairstyle as me. So I had to come up with something super smeerping quick. But you know what, I think I like it? Hang on a second... / Leia: R2, you'd better not be recording this, or so help me I will come over there and? / C-3PO: Artoo, you're playing the wrong message! / R2-D2: Er... Let's try that again. / Leia: This masked fellow and his cronies are obviously after the plans. We can't take them to Alderaan; they'll be expecting that now. / [SFX] < oofloo bebedooby doosquee ting prow boop doodle bip > / Leia: I'll create a diversion. You and 3PO need to get these plans to Senator Binks on Naboo. / Obi-Wan: Is this the Peace Moon plans? Still? / R2-D2: But the real ones this time! http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0730.html |
| Episode 731: Conviction | Luke: All right, I'm convinced. This is an important mission. What do we do now? / Obi-Wan: Get a ship to Naboo at Mos Eisley spaceport. / R2-D2: No, just take us to my dreadnought. I'll have it up and running in no time. / Obi-Wan: I don't think so. / R2-D2: Okay, fine, be that way. Looks like I need a serious talk with those Jawas. With my shock probe. / Luke: And I need to have a serious talk with mum and... Owen and Beru. / C-3PO: Look! This is stupid! We're sitting here playing the game when none of us have seen Ben for two years! / C-3PO: That's the only serious talk we should be having right now! / Obi-Wan: I'm back to stay. / C-3PO: Why did you leave without telling me?! / Obi-Wan: Someone dear to me made me question my life. / C-3PO: What stupid dorkhead was that?!? / Obi-Wan: She asked me why I was studying medicine. / [[beat]] / C-3PO: Oh. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0731.html |
| Episode 732: In Space, No One Can Hear Your Scene | GM: Let's, uh... go to the Peace Moon. / General Tagge: Once this Peace Moon is fully operational we are vulnerable. The Senate will seize command. They're more dangerous than you realise. / Admiral Motti: Dangerous to your incompetent leadership, Commander, but not to this Peace Moon. / General Tagge: Oh, look at the new guy, coming in and thinking he's irreplaceable. The Senate will? / Obi-Wan: Wait wait wait... How are we hearing any of this at all? I know you like your little NPC dialogue scenes, but this time there's no PC present to overhear. / GM: Is that really important? / Obi-Wan: If you honour consistency and separation of player/character knowledge, yes. / [[beat]] / GM: If you don't think you have a reason to hear this, I suggest you ignore it. / Obi-Wan: Okay, fine. Just be aware that some people might use out-of-character knowledge. / R2-D2: Like who? / Captain Antilles: [[dead]] Hey, if I'm actually out of character, can I use it? http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0732.html |
| Episode 733: Can't Take a Choke | T?rkin: Ze Imperial Senate will be moving into zeir newly completed chombeurs on Levels 129 to 157. / T?rkin: Ah expect your full cooperation as zey tour ze Galaxy on zeir inaugural goodwill inspection. / General Tagge: That's impossible! How can we maintain control here with 29 levels of bureaucracy? / T?rkin: Zey were scheduled to move in six years ago. Zeir concerns are Galaxy-wide. Our responsibility is ze, 'ow you say, efficient operation of zis Peace Moon. / Admiral Motti: Don't you dare throw that on me. We've had to replace half our workforce in that time. / Darth Vader: The half who failed me. / Admiral Motti: Look, staff competence will never improve as long as you keep killing people for making mistakes. / Admiral Motti: This station could have been running ten years ago if I'd been? / Admiral Motti: http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0733.html |
| Episode 734: The Incredible Smoking Hulk | GM: Back on Tatooine, you come across the Jawas? / R2-D2: Great! / GM: ?slaughtered. Their sandcrawler is a smoking hulk. / R2-D2: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? / Obi-Wan: We search for tracks. / GM: http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0734.html |
| Episode 735: Beru-Owen-inated! | [[beat - Luke comes across the destroyed Lars homestead]] / [[beat - close up of two smoking bodies]] / Luke: I can't believe they're dead. They... were prepared for anything. / C-3PO: So I guess you don't need to melt us down any more? / Luke: What, and deny their last request? http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0735.html |
| Episode 736: Needling the Prisoner | Darth Vader: Princess Organa. I trust you are comfortable. / Leia: Go to hell. / Darth Vader: We're on the trail of those plans you stole. / Leia: I got no idea what you're talking about. / Darth Vader: We traced them to a desert Rebel hideout. / Darth Vader: Your defensive arsenal impressed even me. / Darth Vader: But the lubrication oil was contaminated with dust. When the weapons jammed, my troops overran the place. / Leia: You fiend. / [[a sinister-looking spherical droid with a large hypodermic needle approaches Leia]] / IT-0: Ooh! Ooh! Another human to play with! You can both relax, I won't go for the eye this time. / Leia: And here I didn't think you had any balls. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0736.html |
| Episode 737: My Way or the Fire Way | Obi-Wan: The Jawas should be burned. It is their way. / R2-D2: My way too. / R2-D2: Oh, you mean the dead ones. Fine. Here, I've already looted these. / [[Luke arrives back]] / Luke: Owen and Beru are dead. The homestead was all shot up. / C-3PO: Oh no! / Luke: I thought they could defend against anything. Those troopers must be better than you thought. / Obi-Wan: Hmm, usually clone troopers are really lousy shots. / R2-D2: Yeah, right. They shoot droids just fine. / Obi-Wan: Droids are different. / R2-D2: Superior. More worthy targets, obviously. / Obi-Wan: I once fought Jango Fett, their clone-father. He had a nervous twitch fighting living targets. He never hit. / R2-D2: You living targets need all the help you can get. / R2-D2: Anyway, we're done looting. Let's go. / Luke: Hey! Where's my share? / R2-D2: You... actually, sure. Here, I grabbed this spread-spectrum black-body alpha wave suppressor. You can have it. / Luke: Uh... / R2-D2: It's a +1. / Luke: Cool! http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0737.html |
| Episode 738: Chuting the Moon | Luke: I can't believe it. I looked up. I went out at night. I talked to strangers. And now it's happened, they're dead. / Captain Antilles: [[dead]] Don't sweat it. That happens to me all the time. / Luke: I don't know what to do next. / C-3PO: You could help us save lives. Help us with the Peace Moon plans. / Obi-Wan: What do you intend to do with them? / R2-D2: Now that we have the plans we just need the Orb, and we can start modding my dreadnought. / C-3PO: No, we need to get the plans to Senator Binks so he can expose the superweapon and shut it down! / [[beat]] / Captain Antilles: [[dead]] Oh. I thought we just needed the map so we could sneak around in the laundry chutes. / Luke: Now, that makes sense. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0738.html |
| Episode 739: Burning Down the House | Luke: Okay, I'll help you, I guess. Until we find a blast furnace. / Obi-Wan: Very well. We should leave right away. Guess I should cancel my Tatooine Times delivery. / R2-D2: You're never coming back, you know. Let's burn your hovel to the ground. That will send the right message. / Obi-Wan: Unlike you, I don't believe in burning... bridges. / R2-D2: Not even the outhouse? / GM: Okay, that's a good place to stop for tonight. / R2-D2: What, in the outhouse? / Luke: Can't we keep playing? It's not even midnight! / Obi-Wan: Uh... can I stay over? I've got my own bedroll. / GM: Sure, Ben. / C-3PO: What?! You're coming home, aren't you? / Obi-Wan: Sally, can you do me a favour? Don't tell mum and dad I'm back. / Obi-Wan: I don't want you to have to deal with their questions. I'll talk to them in a couple of days. / [[beat]] / C-3PO: Don't you dare let him out of this house. / GM: As long as Pete doesn't set any fires on his way out. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0739.html |
| Episode 740: A Rolling Stone Gathers no Scum | Captain Antilles: [[dead]] Hey everyone. Guess what! My character is three and a half pages of pure awesome. I'm ready to roll! / R2-D2: Judgement withheld until evidence is produced. / GM: Jim's devised an... interesting back-story. I'm all set to introduce his new character this session. / GM: The hovercar arrives at an overlook giving you a magnificent panoramic view of the desert all around, and in the valley far below you the cosmopolitan bustle of... / GM: Mos Eisley Spaceport! / Obi-Wan: You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. / R2-D2: I thought that place where Anakin lived was the hive of scum and villainy? / GM: All of the Mos'es are wretched hives of scum and villainy. It's just that Eisley is the most wretched. / C-3PO: Or that the ones that are even more wretched are so well-hidden that we'll never find them. / GM: It's the most scummy too. Also, villainous. / Captain Antilles: [[dead]] The ideal place to meet a new friend! / Obi-Wan: We must be cautious. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0740.html |
| Episode 741: I Knew We Should Have Taken That Left Turn at Mos Albuquerque | Obi-Wan: We have to do something about your last name. Amidala will ring alarm bells. / Luke: Potter. / C-3PO: Yeah! / GM: GM says "No". That's not original. / Luke: Potter-underscore-1337? / Obi-Wan: Um... something more spacey. / Luke: Luke... Star. / C-3PO: You're not the sheriff! / Luke: Killer. Luke Starkiller. / Captain Antilles: [[dead]] Oooh, awesome! / [[beat]] / C-3PO: So how do you kill a star, anyway? / R2-D2: Reality TV. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0741.html |
| Episode 742: Painting the Town Green | R2-D2: Oh. Ooooooh. / R2-D2: You. Bastard. / C-3PO: What? / R2-D2: I... oh god, no. / R2-D2: This... this town. This entire town. / R2-D2: This beautiful, elaborate miniature... it's made out of pieces of the dreadnought miniature. / R2-D2: My dreadnought! My beautiful dreadnought! / R2-D2: Mos Eisley is made of dreadnought! / Captain Antilles: [[dead]] So... technically, you own the whole town. / R2-D2: But does it nuke things? http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0742.html |
| Episode 743: Blast from the Past | Luke: And what are these miniatures? Dinosaurs? / C-3PO: Oooh. / GM: They're alien beasts of burden. / Luke: They look like dinosaurs. / R2-D2: I think they're dinosaurs. / GM: Fine. They're alien dinosaurs being used as beasts of burden. / Luke: What are they carrying? / GM: Carrying riders, and... burdens. / Obi-Wan: How does a desert planet get dinosaurs? / C-3PO: Kamino, silly! Their dinosaur cloning facility ships them all over the Galaxy. / R2-D2: Why don't they use trucks with wheels? It's on flat ground. Even a hovercar would cost less than feeding dinosaurs tons of roughage each day. / GM: Not everyone can afford trucks or hovercars. / Luke: How much do hovercars cost? / GM: An old one like yours, about 4000 Imperial credits. / Luke: Cool! I sell my hovercar and buy a blaster. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0743.html |
| Episode 744: I'll Tell You What You Want, What You Really Really Want | Trooper 1: You there, stop. / C-3PO: Jim, is this you? / Captain Antilles: [[dead]] Tempting... but no. / Trooper 1: We're looking for a dangerous lunatic and two droids. He's a home-schooled survivalist from a nearby off-the-grid compound. Have you seen anything unusual lately? / Luke: [[small]] Unusual? Noooo. Perfectly normal day. Status quo man, aaalllll morning. / Obi-Wan: So what does this lunatic look like? / Trooper 2: Well, he looks like... that kid there actually. Anyway, have you seen anyone by that description? / Obi-Wan: Besides this kid here that looks like him, no. No I haven't. / Trooper 1: That's a shame. We're all very concerned. / Obi-Wan: Luke, do you have a twin that you know of? / Luke: Huh? No, not that I know of. / Obi-Wan: Hmm. Well, you heard it from the kid himself. Sorry we couldn't be of more help. / Trooper 1: Say, kid, if you've got some spare time later, perhaps you could patrol with us and help give people an idea what this lunatic looks like. No insult intended. / C-3PO: Jim, are you sure this isn't you? http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0744.html |
| Episode 745: He's a Freighter Pilot and He's Okay | Obi-Wan: We need to find a pilot who can take us to Naboo. / Captain Antilles: [[dead]] Oooh, interesting. I wonder who that could be? / Obi-Wan: Most of the best freighter pilots can be found here in this cantina. / R2-D2: So... where do we go to find Jim's character? / Luke: Are you sure about this? / Obi-Wan: Watch your step. This place can be a little rough. / R2-D2: Wait. We're going to meet up in a tavern? Really?? / Captain Antilles: [[dead]] Hanging out in bars is just one of the quirky character traits I made up. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0745.html |
| Episode 746: Footloose | [[A montage of shots of various aliens inside the cantina, with the band playing music over the top]] / Luke: Wow, I've never seen so many people, and... things. / C-3PO: The things are also people. / Luke: What, even that thing? / R2-D2: It's a sock pupp... well, actually it's just a sock. / GM: Use your imagination!! http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0746.html |
| Episode 747: I'd Like to Buy a Vowel | GM: Obi-Wan, you chat to a guy called BoShek. / R2-D2: Is this your new character, Jim? / Captain Antilles: [[dead]] No, not yet. / BoShek: Pilot, huh? This Wookiee should be able to help you. / R2-D2: Is that your new character? / Captain Antilles: [[dead]] Nope! He's my sidekick. How cool is that? Is my character background detailed or what? / Captain Antilles: [[dead]] Not only that, it's Chewbacca! / C-3PO: Cool! / [[beat]] / R2-D2: Who? / Captain Antilles: {dead]] You know, the Wookiee that Yoda talked to back on Kashyyyk! / [[beat]] / C-3PO: That's even the correct pronunciation! / Obi-Wan: Who are you and what have you done with the real Jim? http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0747.html |
| Episode 748: Monky Business | Wuher: Och! We dinnae sarve his kind here! / Luke: What? / Wuher: Yer druid. It'll have to wait ootside. We dinnae want him here, ye ken? / Obi-Wan: I'm not a druid. I'm a... monk. / Wuher: Nae, laddie! Tha wee metal druid, 'e's on oor blacklist. / R2-D2: What, me? / R2-D2: How come?! / GM: You took a -2 Reputation to get a periscope, remember? / C-3PO: I'll wait outside with you. / R2-D2: Thanks Threepio. We'll watch through the window. / GM: It's too high up for you. / [[beat]] / R2-D2: Oh dear. If only I had some... device which lets me... see over barriers taller than? / GM: Okay, okay. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0748.html |
| Episode 749: The Need for Theed | Luke: I'll have a blue milk special. / Wuher: A whut, noo? / Luke: You know, blue milk. / Wuher: Nivver heared o' sooch a ridiculous thing. In here, we puir whisky. / Luke: Whoa. Uh, one of those then, I guess. / Obi-Wan: I'm looking for a fast ship to Naboo. No questions asked. / Chewbacca: Naboo? / Chewbacca: Which is a rhetorical question, by the way. One assumes such do not count. / Obi-Wan: Indeed. / Chewbacca: Charming place this time of year. / Obi-Wan: The whole planet is charming at this time of year? / Chewbacca: The habitable part, my dear fellow. Springtime in Theed: O, how the sights and scents excite the senses! / Obi-Wan: I see you are a man of exquisite refinement. / Captain Antilles: [[dead]] I made my sidekick high in all my dump stats! http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0749.html |
| Episode 750: Teh Bukkit, You Will Kikkit! | Luke: So... tough moisture farming season, huh? / Ponda Baba: You talkin' to me? / Luke: Er... / Ponda Baba: I don't see no one else here, you must be talkin' to me. / Luke: Yes? / Ponda Baba: You see, when someone takes the mickey?to my face?I want to make sure they're talkin' to me. Before I take offence, like. / Doctor Evazan: Whoa, whoa. Who's this kid? / Ponda Baba: Tells me some nonsense about moisture farming. / Doctor Evazan: Holy snap. You can't just take that. / Ponda Baba: Well, I wasn't gonna. / Luke: Uh... but I really am a moisture farmer. / Ponda Baba: Look, he's saying it again. To my face, even. / Doctor Evazan: He wants to die. He's terminally ill and wants to be put out of his misery. That's the only explanation. / [[beat]] / Luke: So... I don't suppose you have any blue milk? / Ponda Baba: Wooooooow. You sicken me. I'm gonna mail your body parts to twelve systems. / Luke: I'll... be careful. / Doctor Evazan: You'll be dead! http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0750.html |
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