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| Episode 1: The Saga Begins | GM: Right. Everyone listening? Here's the campaign intro. / Opening Crawl: Episode I - The Phantasmal Malevolence. Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic. The taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems is in dispute. Hoping to resolve the matter with a blockade of deadly battleships, the... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0001.html |
| Episode 2: Not Negotiable | Obi-Wan: So what weapons can we afford? / Qui-Gon: There's laser swords. We can get one of those each. / Obi-Wan: I suppose they'll have to do. / Qui-Gon: They sound lame. If this is a space game, we should have blasters. / GM: Are you quite ready to get on with it? / Obi-Wan: Okay, so where are... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0002.html |
| Episode 3: Whine and Cheese | TC-14: I'm TC-14, a protocol droid. Please wait here. / Obi-Wan: "Droid"? / Qui-Gon: It means "butler". / TC-14: A robot, a droid is a robot. / Qui-Gon: What a stupid name. Why don't you just call it a robot? / Obi-Wan: Shhh! He's trying to feed us plot. / TC-14: It's an honour to have two such... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0003.html |
| Episode 4: A Touch of Class | GM: Jedi is your character class. You're sort of warriors with arcane abilities— / Qui-Gon: Like fighter/mages? / GM: — fighting for justice. / Obi-Wan: Ah, paladins. / GM: No. You draw upon the power of the Force— / Qui-Gon: "The Force"? / GM: The Force is an energy field— / Obi-Wan: Energy?... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0004.html |
| Episode 5: Search and Destroy | Obi-Wan: So, we're just sitting in a room, waiting for these Trade Federation dudes to talk to us? / GM: Right. / Qui-Gon: We search the room. / GM: What? / Qui-Gon: We search the room. Anything valuable? / GM: It's a waiting room! You're ambassadors! / Qui-Gon: Well what do you want us to do?... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0005.html |
| Episode 6: Jedi in the Mist | Obi-Wan: Poison gas? I hold my breath. / Qui-Gon: Me too. I look for an exit. / GM: The gas fills the room, obscuring your vision. / Qui-Gon: Right, I'm gonna kill the butler robot. / GM: No, you can't see it. / Qui-Gon: I swing my sword where it was just standing. / GM: Very well. You miss. / Obi-Wan:... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0006.html |
| Episode 7: Accentuate the Positive | Obi-Wan: Okay, I listen at the door. / GM: You can't see the door. But you can hear voices outside.
/ Trade Federation Guy: Guards, bling out the bodies! / Qui-Gon: What sort of stupid accent was that? / Obi-Wan: Japanese? / Qui-Gon: Are they samurai or something? / Attack droid: Roger roger. / Qui-Gon:... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0007.html |
| Episode 8: Alea Jacta Est | GM: You see a squad of a dozen battle droids, each armed with a blaster. You're completely outnumbered and outgunned. There's no chance of escape. / Battle Droid Leader: Lay down your weapons and— / Qui-Gon: Attack! / Obi-Wan: What?! / Qui-Gon: We attack! / Obi-Wan: No, wait, the GM's trying to— / Qui-Gon:... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0008.html |
| Episode 9: Right Back At You | GM: The droids fire! / Obi-Wan: We're screwed. / Qui-Gon: I block the shots with my laser sword! / Obi-Wan: What? / GM: What? / Obi-Wan: No... actually... that's going to work. A laser sword has to be a magnetically contained tube of plasma. Anything else is clearly ludicrous. / Obi-Wan: The containment... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0009.html |
| Episode 10: Having a Blast | Qui-Gon: I'll use a blaster in one hand, and the laser sword in the other hand. / GM: You can't. The laser sword is a two-handed weapon. / Qui-Gon: Okay, a blaster in each hand, then. / Obi-Wan: No, no, the laser swords are clearly superior. The robots couldn't possibly miss that many times if their... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0010.html |
| Episode 11: A Bridge Too Far | GM: They've sealed the door to the bridge. / Qui-Gon: I cut through it with my laser sword! / GM: Hmmm?... / Obi-Wan: It's a field of plasma. It'll slice metal like a hot knife through butter. Otherwise there's no sense to this campaign— / GM: Huh? Oh, sure, yeah, go ahead... / Obi-Wan: Boo-yah!... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0011.html |
| Episode 12: Tactical Retreat | GM: The advanced battle droids fire! / Qui-Gon: I deflect it with my laser sword. / Obi-Wan: Me too. / GM: The blasts bounce off their shields. / Qui-Gon: I attack back. / GM: Your swords bounce off their shields. / Obi-Wan: The sword can cut through a blast door but not the shield? / GM: It's... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0012.html |
| Episode 13: It All Comes Out in the Wash | Qui-Gon: Boy, lucky for us these Trade Federation ships have human-sized laundry chutes. / GM: It's a ventilation duct. / Obi-Wan: Then why doesn't it have any connecting passages? You wouldn't be trying to funnel us somewhere in particular? / GM: Would I do that? / Qui-Gon: Do robots even need clothes? / GM:... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0013.html |
| Episode 14: A Cunning Plan | GM: It looks like the Trade Federation are sending a droid invasion fleet down to the planet. / Obi-Wan: This is bad. They'll almost certainly open the airlocks rather than risk letting us live. / GM: Um... huh. / Obi-Wan: There's no time to lose. We need to split up and sneak about troop carriers.... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0014.html |
| Episode 15: In Space, No One Can Hear You Shout | GM: The Trade Federation dropships fly down to the planet. / Qui-Gon: Hey Obi-Wan, when we land, you stay put and I'll find you. / Obi-Wan: Okay. / GM: You're in different ships; he can't hear you. / Qui-Gon: HEY OBI-WAN! WHEN WE— / GM: No. http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0015.html |
| Episode 16: Terra Incognita | GM: You open the hatch, stepping on to Naboo's soil. / Obi-Wan: We step on "tuna booze oil"? / Qui-Gon: It's a beverage popular in isolated fishing communities. / Obi-Wan: Eww. / GM: Naboo. It's the name of the planet. / Obi-Wan: Oh. / GM: The dropships release gravcraft laden with battle droids. / Qui-Gon:... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0016.html |
| Episode 17: Sally Forth | Qui-Gon: I roll a 9 for Dodge. / GM: Er... you brought your sister along? / Obi-Wan: Give me a break. My parents couldn't get a babysitter, so I have to look after her. / Sally: I'm not a baby! / Qui-Gon: I weave to the right! 12! / GM: Well she can't just sit around. I'll create a new PC for her. / Obi-Wan:... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0017.html |
| Episode 18: A Rose By Any Other Name | GM: The stampede passes. Your heroic action has saved both yourself and the alien. / Qui-Gon: Well met, friend alien. What is your name? / Jar Jar: Sally! / GM: No, Sally, we're playing a make-believe game, remember? Can you think of a new name for yourself? A made-up name? / Jar Jar: Pikachu! / GM:... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0018.html |
| Episode 19: Dodge and Burn | GM: Suddenly, Obi-Wan emerges from dense undergrowth, pursued by droids on hoverbikes! / Qui-Gon: I draw my sword! / Obi-Wan: Don't forget they have to dodge the trees. / GM: Yes, that's how you stayed ahead of them for the last mile. They fire! / Obi-Wan: While steering their hover-bikes and avoiding... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0019.html |
| Episode 20: Intelligent Design | Obi-Wan: I decided to come and look for you because we failed to make any arrangements while on the ship together. / GM: Indeed. / Obi-Wan: What does our new friend look like? / Obi-Wan: That's you, sis. / Jar Jar: Mesa got biiiig long floppy bunny ears... / Jar Jar: ... and a tongue like an anteater! / Jar... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0020.html |
| Episode 21: I Didn't Vote For Her | Qui-Gon: Jar Jar, are there any humans on this planet? / Jar Jar: Ooh, yessy yessy! / Obi-Wan: Who's their leader? / Jar Jar: Their leader issa Queen Amidala! She issa very old and smart. / Qui-Gon: Sounds like the person we want to talk to. / Jar Jar: She issa 14 years old! All the peoples voted... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0021.html |
| Episode 22: It's Better Down Where it's Wetter | Obi-Wan: We need to avoid the droid army and find this queen. But she's on the other side of the planet. / Qui-Gon: We start walking. / Obi-Wan: ... away from the droids. / GM: Right. You come across a shoreline. You're clearly going to need to find some form of transport. / Qui-Gon: Jar Jar, any... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0022.html |
| Episode 23: Why Did The Gungan... | Jar Jar: Mesa shows you mesa underwater city. / Qui-Gon: Lead on! / GM: http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0023.html |
| Episode 24: Gungans & Qui-Gons | Qui-Gon: Tell us about this underwater city, Jar Jar. / Jar Jar: Ooh, it'sa made of big balls of glass, all full of air. With lots of fairy lights everywhere. It'sa called Otoh Gunga! / Obi-Wan: Sounds nice. How do we get in? An airlock? / Jar Jar: There'sa magic curtain where we walk inside. / Obi-Wan:... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0024.html |
| Episode 25: Cunning Tarpals Syndrome | Captain Tarpals: Jar Jar! Why did you bring these humans here? You know they're not allowed. / Jar Jar: Oooh, Captain Tarpals! Sorry, mesa forgets. / Captain Tarpals: You'll be in trouble for this. / Jar Jar: But, wesa can use the humans for food! / Qui-Gon: That's a good... hey, wait, what?! / Captain... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0025.html |
| Episode 26: This is Serious | Boss Nass: [[white balloon (spoken by Sally)]] Jar Jar, whatsa you be doing backy here? / Jar Jar: Ooh, big Boss Nass, mesa helps these peoples excapes. / Boss Nass: Yousa break no-humans law! Yousa bein' pune-ished! / Jar Jar: Oh nosa! Please Boss Nass, nosa! / Boss Nass: And theesa humans, wesa... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0026.html |
| Episode 27: Orbilicious | Jar Jar: Yousa in big danger! Mesa came back to give warning. / Boss Nass: Danger? / Qui-Gon: Look. A massive robot army is invading this planet as we speak. / GM: Roll for Diplomacy. / Qui-Gon: 3. / Boss Nass: We no scared of no steenking droid army! Theysa all rust if they come here. / Qui-Gon:... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0027.html |
| Episode 28: Finders of the Lost Plot | Obi-Wan: The Lost Orb of Phanastacoria? / Qui-Gon: It's.. um... it's... an orb... / Boss Nass: Inna da mists of time, a great Orb of power wassa stolen from Otoh Gunga. / Qui-Gon: And it's lost. / Boss Nass: It wassa powerful weapon. Without it wesa Gungans musta be defending wesa selves with primitive... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0028.html |
| Episode 29: ... To Get to the Other Side | Obi-Wan: Hmmm. We're still stuck unless they give us some kind of transportation. / Qui-Gon: I told you we should have befriended the local fishermen. / Obi-Wan: Maybe we can barter your blasters for some hoverbikes? / GM: You're Jedi, you know. The class comes with Force Abilities. Check your character... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0029.html |
| Episode 30: Unarmed and Delicious | Obi-Wan: We set off through the centre of the planet. / Jar Jar: Ooh, mesa make sure mesa go to the toilet first! / GM: You guide the bongo through deep, dark underwater caves. / GM: Suddenly... you feel a shudder! A giant fish is trying to eat the ship! / Qui-Gon: Is it a tuna? / Obi-Wan: I gun... http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0030.html |
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