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Objectively Subjective	[[ Harold and Aaron walking along... ]] / Harold: It feels so painfully true that certain artistic creations have more value than others, but isn't all Art supposed to be subjective? / Harold: Everyone chooses the Art they consume for how it uniquely speaks to them and enriches their lives, right? / [[ Ferdinand appears in the background. ]] / Ferdinand: Check it out, I've ordered the songs on my IPod according to the commercial sales! When there's a tie, I give priority to the song with more vacuous lyrics! / Harold: Nobody really does that... Do they? / Aaron: I've never heard anyone admit it before... / {{alt-text: Why does it feel like some artistic creations objectively have more value when all art is supposed to be subjective? }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=452
Yo Mama Jokes: Astrophysics Edition	[[ Panel: Calamities of Nature Presents... Yo Mama Jokes: Astrophysics Edition ]] / Ferdinand: Yo Mama is so repulsive that's she's been identified as the Dark Energy that's pushing the Universe apart! / Ferdinand: Yo Mama has such bad acne that she gets mistaken for Jupiter's moon, Io! / Ferdinand: Yo Mama is so fat and hairy that she single-handedly disproves the Black hole no-hair theorem! / [[ Panel: Stephen Hawking called: He wants to study your mom! ]] / {{alt-text: Yo mama jokes for astrophysicists, astronomers, and physicists. Stephen Hawking would be proud...maybe. }} / {{keywords: astronomy}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=453
The American Skeptic	[[ Aaron and Raymond take a walk... ] / Raymond: You criticize Americans for not being bigger skeptics, but they show plenty of skepticism. / Raymond: They're skeptical of Big Government and they're skeptical of Global Warming. / Raymond: They're skeptical of whether we went to the moon, whether the government is hiding aliens, and the cause of 9/11. / Aaron: Americans aren't skeptics, they're conspiracy theorists. / {{alt-text: Americans love to be skeptical, as long as it doesn't require any skepticism. }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=454
Stiff Competition	[[Harold and a hooker are standing on a street corner in front of a brick wall. The hooker has a bright blue shirt, short black skirt, fishnet stalkings, big black high heals, and gorgeous red hair.]] / Harold: Hi hooker lady. How's it's going? / Hooker: Not so good. / Hooker: Business has been horrible. There's too much competition! / Harold: When did this start? / Hooker: When the TSA began offering everyone free gropings. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=455
Guest Comic by Alan Ryan	[[ Guest comic by Alan Ryan ]] / [[ Harold and Aaron, walking through the countryside, come to the edge of a river. ]] / Harold: Ya know, sometimes I envy the rocks and the trees... / Aaron: Huh? / Harold: They're untroubled by everything but the slow passage of time... Compared to them we're like leaves on the breeze! Our lives are constantly buffeted by a hyper-accelerated culture, fickle economies, arbitrary political whims... / [[ Harold throws a rock into the river as Aaron watches. ]] / [[ The rock "ploop"s into the water. ]] / Harold: I mean... / Harold: ... Don't you ever feel like we've no real control over the paths we take? Like we're all just helpless flotsam drifting along on the currents of life? / [[ As Harold looks across the river, Aaron notices something floating downstream towards them... ]] / [[... It's Ferdinand, on his back floating down the river on an old inner tube with a martini resting on his belly. ]] / Ferdinand: Hey fellas / [[ He waves to Harold and Aaron on the shore. ]] / [[ As Ferd drifts on downstream as Harold and Aaron watch, Aaron smiles. ]] / Aaron: ...Yyyup! / {{ alt text: Thanks to Alan Ryan, creator of the webcomic Faraday the Blob, for providing today's update. }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=456

Lil' Calamities and Thanksgiving	[[A classroom. A teacher stands in front of a chalkboard.]] / Teacher: Okay class, for Thanksgiving we're going to reenact the meeting of the pilgrims and Native Americans. / Teacher: This lesson will demonstrate how different cultures can work together in harmony. / [[Lil' Harold and Lil' Ferdinand stand across from each other. Lil' Harold is dressed as a Native American and Lil' Ferdinand is dressed as a pilgrim. Lil' Harold offers some corn.]] / Lil' Harold: Here's corn. It's an important crop, which we'll teach you how to cultivate and harvest. / [[Lil' Ferdinand offers a blanket.]] / Lil' Ferdinand: Here's a blanket. / {{alt text: There's no better way to show your love than giving the gift of smallpox-infected blankets. Keep this in mind for the holiday season.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=457
Amazing Universe	[[Aaron is giving a monologue to Ferdinand, outside]] / Aaron: There are real stars called neutron stars. A sugar cube of neutron star material has a mass equal to the entire human population. / Aaron: Merging neutron stars send out ripples of space and time that literally change the speed of clocks and length of rulers as they pass by. / Aaron: We live in an AMAZING universe! -- I just wish more people appreciated this. / [[Aaron has his palm on his face as Ferdinand watches TV]] / TV: ...And when the toast popped up, it had Jesus' face on it! / Ferdinand: That's AMAZING! / {{alt text: No claim of the supernatural or supernormal has ever exceeded the amazingness of reality.}} / {{keywords: astronomy, religion}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=458
Carl Sagan Would Be Proud	[[Harold is talking to Ferdinand inside their house]] / Harold: All the elements heavier than hydrogen and helium were synthesized in the nuclear furnace of a star. / Harold: These were then expelled when the star exploded, making everything and everyone we see around us today. / Harold: Isn't that beautiful? Not only are we star stuff, but we're all born from the death of the SAME star. / Voice from the Bathroom: Jeez Ferd, what did you do in the bathroom?! / Ferdinand: It's STAR stuff! / [[Harold stands behind him, looking concerned]] / {{keywords: astronomy, science}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=459
Guilty Pleasure	[[Harold and Ferdinand are walking though the forest. The trees have red leaves and the sun is setting in the background.]] / Harold: I can't stand the term "guilty pleasure" / Harold: Where did this modern notion come from that I should somehow feel bad or embarrassed about things I enjoy? / Harold: The most annoying implication is that there are some types of enjoyment which are objectively better than others. / Ferdinand: I get pleasure from slashing and burning rainforests. / Harold: Well...maybe you should feel guilty about that... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=460
Abuse Muse	Narrator: As every artist knows, pain and suffering can be crucial for inspiration. Here are some tips for Maximizing your artistic output! / Narrator: Get a crappy job... / [[Aaron and Ferdinand are shown standing a fast food restaurant.]] / Aaron: Why are you holding the french fries in scalding hot oil with your hand? / Ferdinand: The manager says that utensils cost too much. Don't worry, the art will write itself! / Narrator: Cut off your body parts... / [[Ferdinand is painting a strip of bacon on a canvas. He has bandages over each ear.]] / Raymond: Wow, you really outdid Van Gogh by slicing off both ears. / Ferdinand: What did you say? / Narrator: Post your work onto the internet... / [[Ferdinand is standing at his computer desk with this arms raised in exclamation.]] / Ferdinand: 324 emails explaining to me why my art sucks--I'm ready to create! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=461

The Halting Problem	[[ Harold and Aaron take a walk ]] / Aaron: The Halting Problem is a proof that we can never know in general whether a giving computer program will eventually stop or run forever. / Aaron: If you believe that a brain is essentially a sophisticated computer, there are many interesting implications. / Aaron: For example, then we begin a thought process, how do we avoid thinking about it on and on in futility with no end in sight? / Harold: We avoid it? That basically summarizes my entire existence! / {{alt-text: Is the halting problem a real problem for explaining the human thought process, or is consciousness the embodiment of the halting problem? }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=462
It's All in the Details	[[ Harold and Aaron looking at a computer screen. The screen shows a picture of a total eclipse. ]] / Aaron: This is a picture of the positions of stars around the sun during the 1919 solar eclipse. / Aaron: The fact that these miniscule dots were in one positions versus just a hair over tells us that space and time are warped by mass. / Aaron: It's amazing that the smallest of details can completely revolutionize our understanding of the uni verse. / Harold: What does this dot tell use about the universe? / [[ Harold points at the screen ]] / Aaron: That's my fingerprint. / {{keywords: astronomy, relativity, Einstein, Eddington, physics, astrophysics}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=463
Thermodynamics	[[ Alp talks to the reader ]] / Alp: Ludwig Boltzmann, who was famous for being one of the founders of statistical thermodynamics, committed suicide in 1906. / Alp: Paul Ehrenfest was a major contributor to statistical thermodynamics and died similarly in 1933. / Alp: In addition, Percy Bridgeman, Gilbert Lewis, and Robert Mayer all studied thermodynamics and all committed or attempted suicide. / Alp: All right, who's excited to study thermodynamics?! / {{ Alt text: If you're surprised by the number of people involved with thermodynamics who have committed or attempted suicide, then clearly you've never taken a thermodynamics class. }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=464
Logicians	[[ Alp talks to the reader ]] / Alp: Georg Cantor was a logician who suffered from manic depression. He eventually died in a mental institution. / Alp: Emil Post was a bipolar logician who died of a heart attack following Electric Shock Therapy. / Alp: Kurt Godel was a paranoid schizophrenic logician, he starved himself to death out of fear that people were trying to poison him. / Alp: If these are supposed to be the logical people, what does that say about humanity? / {{Alt text: Georg Cantor, Emil Post, Kurt Godel, all logicians are crazy. But I guess at least it's better than studying thermodynamics.. }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=465
Lil' Calamities and Wholesome Influences	[[ Lil' Ferdinand indoors, perhaps in his bedroom, rocking out to music playing on his boom-box. ]] / Adult: [[ from off-panel, unseen ]] Turn that noise down! / Adult: Why are you always listening to that satanic garbage?! / Adult: Try something a little more wholesome-- Like Physics and Philosophy. / [[ Adult tosses Ferdinand a couple books. ]] / Lil' Ferdinand: [[reading a book]] Maxwell's demon?! LaPlace's demon?! Descartes' evil demon?! / {{ alt text: What's with all these physicists and philosophers always invoking demons? }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=466

Lil' Calamities and the Physics Quiz	[[ Lil' Ferdinand in school. His teacher stands in front of a blackboard, preparing to hand out a test. ]] / Teacher: All right class, time for a Physics Quiz. / [[ Lil' Ferdinand sitting at his desk, reads a question from the test. ]] / Lil' Ferdinand: [[ reading ]] A pendulum of length L is suspended from an elevator. The elevator accelerates upward with a = 1/2 g . What is the pendulum's frequency of oscillation? / [[ Lil' Ferdinand writes an answer ]] / Lil' Ferdinand: I cannot answer this question because we don't have a fundamental physical theory of everything. / [[ Lil' Ferdinand comments to us ]] / Lil' Ferdinand: I actually use this for all my classes, even history. / {{ alt text: This is actually a really deep question: how do we know anything about the world if we don't know the fundamental physical theory behind it? }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=467
Virtual Reality	[[Alp and Ferdinand sit at the workbench in Alp's laboratory. Lots of technical looking gadgets sit around them, and Alp is holding a futuristic helmet thing.]] / Alp: I've done it! I've created the first ever virtual reality generator! / Ferdinand: Cool! / Alp: Once you have the helmet in place, your neurons will be stimulated to provide any experience you wish! / Alp: You know, if our senses can't distinguish a virtual reality from real life, it makes one wonder, what can we ever really know to be true? / Alp: Anyway, what should we simulate? - - name anything! / Ferdinand: I want to experience the largest prime number. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=468
The Reality of Virtual Reality	[Alp and Ferdinand at Alp's work bench, tools and gadgets scattered about. Alp has a futuristic helmet with lights and buttons.] / Alp: Okay, you got me. My virtual reality machine can't simulate logical impossibilities, like a largest prime number, but it can simulate any _logical_ reality. / Ferdinand: How do we use it? / Alp: Every possible reality is assigned a unique number, which can be entered on the keypad. Since a reality can in principle run forever, there are an infinite number of possible simulations. / [Ferdinand tries on the helmet.] / Alp: So which virtual reality do you want to simulate? / Ferdinand: Let's see... During the first minute I want to experience a simulation that different from simulation #1. / Ferdinand: In the second minute I want a reality different than simulation #2, in the third minute something different than simulation #3, and so on down the line forever. / Alp: Wait a minute. My virtual reality machine can simulate an _infinite_ number of realities, but you've constructed a logically possible reality that my machine can still never simulate. / Ferdinand: Yup! / [Alp and Ferdinand stare at each other a moment.] / Alp: Why do I sometimes feel like the universe is mocking us all? / {{Alt text: Are many different physically possible realities are there? Is it countably infinite or more? }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=469
What Christmas Is All About	[[Linus and Charlie Brown conversing on a stage.]] / Charlie Brown: Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?! / Linus: Sure I can tell you what Christmas is all about. / [[Linus stands alone on stage in a spotlight, arms raised]] / Linus: December 25th is associated with the birth of many pagan gods, including Mithra, Horus, Hercules, Zeus, and Sol Invictus. The Roman festival Saturnalia would also end around this time. Christianity imported many of these pagan myths and traditions into its own customs around 400 AD. / Today Christians express outrage that Christmas is losing its Christian roots. This is ironic since it was Christianity that first hijacked the holiday in the first place to make it easier to convert new followers. / Nevertheless, it is a wonderful opportunity to share our love with friends and family and commit acts of goodwill for those that are less fortunate. It is a time for children to revel in their innocence and wonder about the world, and adults to find their inner child. / Linus: That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown. / {{alt text: A tribute to Linus's famous speech from the television special, A Charlie Brown Christmas, updated for this secular, atheist age.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=470
Treats For Santa	Ferdinand: I can't wait to see what Santa leaves for us tomorrow! / Harold: Don't forget to put out cookies! / Ferdinand: Cookies? Why would Santa want boring cookies? / Harold: I don't know Ferd, it's just a tradition, okay? / [[Caption: The next morning... ]] / [[Harold has just opened a present from Santa...]] / Harold: What, just a lump of coal? / [[A note in the package reads: "Cookies again?! --Santa"]] / [[From off panel:]] / Ferdinand: Yoo Hoo!... / [[Scene shifts. We see Ferdinand standing in front of a wall of presents, arms spread wide. There are packages in all sizes, some bigger than Ferd himself. A note on one package reads: "You're the best! --Santa"]] / Ferdinand: Never underestimate the power of Apple-wood smoked Bacon! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!! / {{alt text: If you think leaving milk and cookies for Santa Claus is going to result in good presents, you're sadly mistaken. }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=471

Dollar$ 4 Ca$h	[[ Ferdinand, outdoors in a road-side stand selling books. The front of the stand reads: "DOLLAR$ 4 CA$H". Ferdinand calls to a man walking by...]] / Ferdinand: Want to learn how to retire at age 25, just like me?! / Ferdinand: Buy my book for $47 or else! / Man: Or else what? / Ferdinand: Or else I'll have to come out of retirement. / {{alt text: Want to learn how to make big money just like me? I'll tell you all of my secrets for the low price of $47. What, you don't believe I'd give away these life changing secrets for such a low price? Just read these reviews from these extremely reputable sources. Why isn't everyone else buying this book? Because they're idiots of course!. }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=472
The Problem With Marriage	[[The scene is at an alter at a wedding. The caption reads: The problem with marriage.]] / Priest: I now pronounce you Husband and Wife. / Husband's thought: I'm going to get laid whenever I want! / Wife's thought: I'm never going to hafta put out again! / {{alt text: Sex expectations are always the culprit.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=473
Focused	Alp: Do you think parabolic mirrors can focus smells? / Ferdinand: I don't know... / [[The point of view widens out. We see a pair of large parabolic mirrors aimed towards each other. Ferdinand stands in front of one, with Alp nearby. Harold is in front of the other mirror. ]] / Ferdinand: ... Why do you ask? / [[ Ferdinand stands hands on hips, elbows out. "Airing his pits".]] / [[ Harold (at the other mirror) is lying on the ground, holding his nose, apparently knocked out, stars spinning 'round his head! ]] / {{alt text: This is just a warning: always hold your nose if you see a parabolic mirror behind you! }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=474
Trying to Get into Her Genes	[[Ferdinand is at a bar talking to a blond lady with a martini.]] / Ferdinand: Although life on Earth shows a lot of diversity, we're all united with the same common ancestors by the DNA we share. / Ferdinand: From a genetic point of view, we're practically brother and sister! / Ferdinand: So do you want to come back to my place tonight. / [[Ferdinand is talking emphatically to Alp, and he has martini spilled over him with the olive sticking through his cap.]] / Ferdinand: When she said she was from the South, I figured she was into dating relatives! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=475
A Very Special Guest Artist	[[Today's comic features child's drawing of Harold and Alp, side by side and colored. The same art is used for all four panels with speech balloons added. ]] / Harold: One of the big stories last year was "Axe Cop", a webcomic drawn by a 29-year-old, and written by his 5-year-old brother. / Harold: Following Axe Cop's success, we'll be trying a similar formula, but with one important twist. / Harold: Calamities of Nature will still be written by a 31-year-old, but now it will be drawn by a 4-year-old. / Harold: How long will these comics continue? / Alp: Until we run out of cookies to use a bribes. / [[ Sub-caption: Special thanks to my daughter for providing the artwork ]] / {{alt text: A big thank you to my four-year-old daughter for drawing today's comic.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=476

Progress	[[ Aaron and Harold walking in the woods. ]] / Harold: On one hand, modern science basically understands the history of the universe back to when its ages was 0.00000000000000000000000000000001 seconds / Harold: On the other hand, the majority of the world's population lives in poverty and doesn't have the luxury to ponder such issues. / Harold: How can this be the case? / Aaron: We focus on the easy problems. / {{alt text: What determines the areas in which the human race makes progress? }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=477
ESP Evidence	[[Aaron and Harold walking through the woods.]] / Harold: Did you hear that a major psychology journal will be publishing an article claiming evidence for extrasensory perception? / Aaron: Yeah, but I don't think the researchers used a sufficiently large sample of data in their analysis. / Harold: What would have been an appropriately sized sample? / Aaron: The entire history of biology, neurology, psychology, and physics. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=478
Forecasting	[[ Aaron and Harold watching TV. ]] / TV: It's freezing weather up and down the east coast, and we're supposed to believe in Global Warming? / TV: A heat wave continues in the west, just more proof of Global Warming. / Harold: When will people realize there's a difference between weather and climate? / TV: If we can't predict the weather next week, how can we know what will happen 20 years from now?! / Aaron: It better be sooner rather than later. / {{alt text: As the global warming crisis continues to develop, many of the people arguing about climate change don't even understand the basics of the science behind it.}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=479
An Examined Life	[[ Distant view of Harold and Raymond standing at the edge of a tall cliff. Orange-ish clouds and pinkish sky in the far distance suggest sunrise or sunset, though the sun is not visible. ]] / Harold: Not a day goes by in which I don't wonder about the nature of reality and worry about my place in it. / [[ Closeup view of Harold. ]] / Harold: It's hard for me to fathom that there are people in this world who don't agonize over these questions like I do. / [[ Near view of Harold and Raymond together at the cliff edge. ]] / Harold: Don't they realize how rewarding an examined life can be? / Raymond: Yeah, just look how happy _you_ are all the time. / Harold: That's not the point! / {{alt text: Harold discusses the pain of living an examined life.}} / {{title: Is there any more enjoyable torture than living an examined life? }} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=480
There's Something in the Air	[[ Alp and Ferdinand. Alp is holding a brown bottle. ]] / Alp: Check out my newest invention, beef-scented cologne! / Ferdinand: Hmm... It's not bacon, but I'm listening. / Alp: Made with real USDA prime beef, spray it on and you'll smell just like a steak. The chicks will find you irresistible! / [[ A television set appears! ]] / TV: Breaking news: Research has found that neurodegenerative diseases like Mad Cow are contagious when sprayed into the air! / Alp: Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all. / Ferdinand: Of course it is! We can single-handedly initiate the zombie apocalypse!! / {{alt text: Neurodegenerative diseases, prions, mad cow, aerosols, and the zombie apocalypse.}} / {{title: One of the aspects of this comic I never seem to take advantage of enough is Alp's inventions. Okay, that will be my new year's resolution: more inventions from Alp... oh wait, that was my resolution LAST year...}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=481

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