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| Subliminal Message | [[Alp is holding a weird contraption with an antenna on top and a large red button.]]
/ Alp: Ferd, this may be my spiffiest invention ever!
/ Ferdinand: What is it? / Alp: Behold the subliminal message machine!! / Ferdinand: What does it do?
/ Alp: What doesn't it do?
/ Alp: I point it at someone's TV, hit some of these buttons... / Alp: ... and subliminal messages get embedded in whatever they are watching. I can get them to do whatever I want!
/ Fedinand: Wow! That's amazing... / [[Ferdinand is now wearing a tutu and is standing en pointe.]]
/ Ferdinand: .. Does it really work?... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=1 |
| Leader Shmeader, Page 1 | [[Aaron and Harold sit on lounge chairs on a deck behind their house. The sun is setting in the background.]] / Harold: You know what really depresses me? The lack of great leaders these days.
/ Aaron: What do you mean? / Harold: In the past we had the likes of Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Jefferson, FDR, Washington. There isn't anyone like them anymore. / Harold: It makes me wonder what's the cause. Is there a character trait that our generation lacks that prevents the creation of new leaders? / Harold: Or do those with leadership qualities still exist all around us, but for whatever reason they choose to shy away from the public spotlight? http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=2 |
| Leader Shmeader, Page 2 | [[Ferdinand pops his head over from the door.]]
/ Ferdinand: Hey guys, just wanted to let you know I'm gettin' the popcorn ready for what should be a great night of news! / Ferdinand: At 8 there's an in depth investigation into which U.N. Secretary Generals most enjoyed whipped cream massaged between their toes! / Ferdinand: And if that isn't enough, we have 196 news channels to pick from -- each promising more hard-hitting journalism than the next! / Harold: So anyway, do you think we'll ever know what's the cause?
/ Aaron: mmmm......whipped cream... / [[Harold looks at Aaron discouragingly while Aaron sits with a happy, dreamlike smile on his face.]] / Aaron: Sorry, did you ask something? http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=3 |
| Bird Brains, Page 1 | [[Ferdinand and Alp are walking in the forest on an autumn day. The trees and bushes are red, orange, and yellow.]] / [[Ferdinand looks up at the sky.]] / [[Ferdinand sees birds flying in a V-formation]] / Ferdinand: Alp, you know a lot of stuff, right?
/ Alp: That is true. / Ferdinand: I've always wondered, why do birds always fly in a V-formation? http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=4 |
| Bird Brains, Page 2 | [[Ferdinand and Alp are walking through the forest at fall time. The leaves are orange, red, and yellow.]]
/ Alp: Well, it's a very little known fact that birds are literate. They enjoy showing off their knowledge of the alphabet. / Ferdinand: Really? Then why don't they use any letter besides v? / Alp: Birds have a very limited alphabet and vocabulary. Just think, have you ever heard them say anything besides chirp or tweet?
/ Ferdinand: No, but chirp and tweet don't even have V's in them! / Alp: You're accustomed to English spelling. Birds have their own spelling of course! / Ferd: Birds sure are smart!
/ Alp: Indeed! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=5 |
| It's About Time | [[Aaron and Ferdinand are watching television. Ferdinand is sitting in the cushy chair, while Aaron stands behind him.]] / Aaron: Have you ever noticed how long time scales are in nature? It takes light millions of years to travel between galaxies. / Aaron: Dinosaurs became extinct 65 million years ago, and before that they roamed the earth for 135 million years! / Aaron: The earth itself is 5 billion years old. / Aaron: During our brief lives we don't have any experiences that give us a sense for how long these time scales are. / Ferdinand: Can you keep it down Aaron? Youv'e been talkin' Forever! You're going to make me miss my favorite show! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=6 |
| A Hairy Situation, Page 1 | [[Harold is laying on a hill top on a beautiful, blue sky day.]] / Harold: Ahh...this is the life. Just peace and quiet. Absolutely nothing could ruin this perfect day. / Ferdinand: Hey HAROLD!! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=7 |
| A Hairy Situation, Page 2 | [[Ferdinand approaches Harold, who has been sitting out on a grassy hill on a beautiful, blue sky day.]]
/ Ferdinand: Hey, how's it going? I'm not interrupting anything, am I? / Harold: Well actually -- / Ferdinand: -- What A funny coincidence that we run into each other here! What's new with you? / Harold: Not much. / Ferdinand: Hey, I didn't see you at Aaron's party last week. / Harold: So? / Ferdinand: So?! I'm telling you, it was a blast. I have just two words for you: beef jerky pi?iatas! / Harold: Ferd, that's three words. / Ferdinand: One ... two... oh, yeah -- well, that's not the point! / Ferdinand: The point is that we were eating beef jerky until the cows came home! (And boy were they angry!) / Ferdinand: it was a great time and you should have been there! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=8 |
| A Hairy Situation, Page 3 | [[Harold and Ferdinand are talking on a green, grassy hill, out on a blue sky day.]]
/ Harold: I don't know ... those things are always so crowded. I just feel out of place. / Ferdinand: Really? I never knew! / Ferdinand: You know what you need?! Something to boost your confidence! / Harold: Oh yeah? Like what? / Ferdinand: Like ... Like ... uh ... / Ferdinand: uh? ... hmm ... let's see ... no, that'd be too dangerous ... hmm, no ... we'd go to jail for that ... / Ferdinand: Well, I don't know, but you know who would?! / Harold: It better not be who I think it's goin' to be -- / Ferdinand: The one ... the only ... / Ferdinand: ALP! / Harold: Ha! If you think I'm goin' to see that wacko, the answer is NO! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=9 |
| A Hairy Situation, Page 4 | [[The scene is outside Alp's lab. The signs read: Danger. Stay out!! That means you! It's a pretty messy place, with a full mailbox, trashcan tipped over and overflowing, and barb wire.]]
/ Alp: I'm so glad that you guys are visiting!...
/ Alp: ...It's been awhile since I saw you last... / [[Cut to the inside of Alp's lab.]]
/ Alp: ...I was beginning to worry that you thought I was, you know, a "wacko" or something... / Alp: ...You won't leave here disappointed. I have a recent invention that is exactly what you're looking for! / Harold: I can't believe I let you talk me into coming here!
/ Ferdinand: Whatever! You'll be singing my praises later. Just remember that six-packs make great thank you gifts!
/ Alp: Let's see...I know it's here somewhere... / [[Alp is looking behind an old, tore-up couch. A banana peel sits on top.]]
/ Alp: ...I think it's behind the couch...--Ah yes! / [[Alp turns to Ferdinand and Harold. He's holding something behind his back.]]
/ Alp: Hold onto your hats--or at least Ferd should hold onto his--because I am now going to present to you... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=10 |
| A Hairy Situation, Page 5 | [[Alp is holding a bottle full of some sort of glowing, blue concoction. The label of the bottle says "Alp's chest hair tonic. Do not mix with fertilizer. For ages 3 years and older. Children under 3 should consult a physician.]]
/ Alp: My amazing new, chest hair tonic! Just a dab of this stuff and get ready to say hello to chest hair and newfound confidence!' / Ferdinand: That's amazing! Alp, you're a genius!! / Alp: Oh thank you, you're too kind! I must be honest though--although I'm pretty sure it works, I've never actually tested it on anyone before. So...who wants to go first? / Harold: You've never...uh...tried it before now?
/ Alp: Nope.
/ Ferdinand: GULP! / Harold: Well, then maybe we shouldn't, uh, you know, rush into anything--
/ Ferdinand: Harold will try it!
/ Harold: WHAT?! HEY! / Alp: Harold, you're so brave! This is so exciting! I'm giddy as a school-boy! / Harold: Actually I think I'm feeling better. I don't think I'll need the tonic after all. / {{title text: A Hairy Situation, Page 5}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=11 |
| A Hairy Situation, Page 6 | Alp: You really don't want to try it Harold? You just want to give up? Where's your sense of obligation to help the less fortunate? / Alp: Maybe you get to live in a nice house, eating a preservative-laden tv dinner, curled up on your couch, all warm and cozy and without a care in the world! / Alp: But somewhere poor little Timmy sits out in the freezing cold, and his singular, modest dream is to someday have thick, luscious chest hair to keep him just warm enough to survive through the night! / Alp: That is why it is your destiny, Harold the Hamster to bring the world softer and silkier chest hair than has ever been witnessed before!! / Ferdinand: *crying* Wow, that was beautiful!
/ Harold: Then do you want to go first?
/ Ferdinand: No, it's okay. I don't want to stand in the way of destiny / Harold: *sigh* Okay, okay. You know what? I'll do it. / {{title text: A Hairy Situation, Page 6}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=12 |
| A Hairy Situation, Page 7 | [[Alp and Harold stand in a messy room in Alp's lab.]]
/ Alp: Fantastic! I'll just pour a little out so you can rub it onto your chest.
/ Harold: Great.
/ < http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=13 |
| A Hairy Situation, Page 8 | [[Ferdinand raises his arms in triumph.]]
/ Ferdinand: You did it Alp! You did it! This is awesome! You'll be rich! You'll be famous! / Harold: Wow. It's so soft and velvety. You know what? I think it's really working. I'm feeling more confident already. / Harold: I have the sudden urge to try calling girls on the phone, and I'm not even nervous. / Alp: What can I say? Chest hair is a fail-safe means toward self-improvement. Pretty soon you'll have so many chicks after you that you'll have to beat them off with a stick. / Ferdinand: Okay, okay. I'm next...I can't wait any longer!
/ [[Ferdinand rips his shirt open.]]
/ < http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=14 |
| A Hairy Situation, Page 9 | [[A tropical beach full of beach goers.]] / [[Ferdinand, Harold, and Alp sitting at the beach with their new chest hair.]] / Ferdinand: What a fantastic day at the beach! I can feel the cool salty air blowing against my chest hair! / Alp: Yeah, I look back now and I can't believe I lived so many years without a chest full of hair. / Ferd: Let's watch all the girls admire our hairy chests!
/ Alp: Okay! / {{title text: A Hairy Situation, Page 9}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=15 |
| A Hairy Situation, Page 10 | [[Ferdinand, Harold, and Alp wave at women passing by at the beach.]] / [[Ferdinand, Harold, and Alp continue waving at women passing by at the beach].] / Ferdinand: That's odd. I wonder why everyone is smiling and laughing.
/ Alp: There must be some clowns on the beach somewhere. / Harold: By the way, Ferd, before I forget I would like to say thanks. / Harold: You were a great friend to try 'n' help me when I was feeling down in the dumps. I was skeptical whether this would work, but I have to admit you were right. / Ferdinand: Don't mention it! We're best buddies and I know you would do the same for me. It's as simple as that! So let's just relax and enjoy this. / {{title text: A Hairy Situation, Page 10}} http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=16 |
| A Hairy Situation, Page 11 | Alp: I hate to break up your love fest, but can we just have a fun day at the beach *without* all this mushy stuff?! / Ferdinand: Mushy stuff?!--
/ Harold: Hey look! Aaron's here!
/ Harold: I bet he'll be jealous of our chest hair!! / Aaron: Hey guys! Ha! Ha! I heard you were out here and I just *had* to see it for myself!
/ Ferdinand: Wow, our admirers spread news fast!
/ Alp: How do you like our brand new hairy chests? We're test driving them at the beach today! / Aaron: HA! HA! You *really* want my opinion?! Ha! Ha!
/ Sure! / Aaron: You guys look completely and utterly *_ridiculous_*!!
/ Harold, Alp, and Ferdinand: Huh?... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=17 |
| A Hairy Situation, Page 12 | Aaron: Firstly, you should realize that chest hair hasn't been cool since the early 1980s! / Aaron: Secondly, if you invent something that can instantly grow hair, shouldn't you use it for balding men?!...
/ Aaron: ... That's a guaranteed goldmine! / Aaron: I'm outta here! See you around! Ha! Ha! Ha! / Aaron: Hee Hee! / Ferdinand: Hmm... *Maybe* this wasn't as good of an idea as I thought...
/ Harold: *Maybe* next time you can keep your ideas to yourself!
/ Alp: Balding Men?!... How boring
/ Alp: What about hair for the bottom of feet?
/ Alp: That'd be the *perfect* cushioning for marathon runners!
/ Alp: Why didn't I think of that before?! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=18 |
| A Hairy Situation, Page 13 | [[View of Harold lying on a hilltop, more hills in the distance. The sun is beginning to set.]] / [[Ferdinand, off panel]]
/ Ferdinand: Hey Harold! I *knew* I would find you out here! / Ferdinand: Is your chest hair gone?
/ Harold: Yeah... / Harold: It all fell our a couple of hours ago. You too? / Ferdinand: Yup. I guess Alp still needs to do more tinkering with his tonic. / Harold: In retrospect it was silly for us to want hairy chests.
/ Ferdinand: Why? / Harold: Because we're already furry!
/ Ferdinand: Oh yeah.
/ Ferdinand: I didn't think of that... http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=19 |
| A Hairy Situation, Page 14 | Ferdinand: ...So are you goin' to Aaron's party right now?
/ Harold: Of course.
/ Ferdinand: Really? That's great! Why the change of heart? / Harold: The whole business with the chest hair made me appreciate that I don't need to change my appearance to boost my confidence!
/ Ferdinand: Because you've decided to be happy the way you are? / Harold: No, because I realized that as long as you and Alp are present, I'll only be the third biggest loser at the party.
/ Ferdinand: Wait a minute... / Ferdinand: That doesn't sound very flattering... What do you mean by that? / Harold: In other words, I have my confidence back and I owe it all to *you*!
/ Ferdinand:Oh... Thanks! That's good! / Harold: You think Aaron will still let us attend the party after the incident at the beach?
/ Ferdinand: Of course! Beef jerky pinatas, here we come! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=20 |
| Pathetic Apathetic, Page 1 | [[Ferdinand and Aaron at the kitchen table, reading separate newspapers.]]
/ [[Ferdinand's paper says: REALLY IMPORTANT NEWS -- Because we said so!]]
/ [[Aaron's paper says: SUPERFICIAL COVERAGE]] / Ferdinand: That's it! I can't take it anymore! / Aaron: What's with you?
/ [[Aaron's paper says: SUPERFICIAL COVERAGE -- Because details are boring!]] / Ferdinand: Everyday there's more news about our failing government!
/ Ferdinand: From a broken health care system to an illegitimate war, the list goes on and on. / Ferdinand: Well, I'm going to do something about it!
/ Ferdinand: I'm marching on Washington, I'm going to demand a better system, I'm going to demand accountability! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=21 |
| Pathetic Apathetic, Page 2 | [[Ferdinand and Aaron at the kitchen table]]
/ Ferdinand: I'm going to...
/ Ferdinand: ... * / [[Ferdinand checks his wrist watch]] / Ferdinand: Oops!... I almost forgot that "American Idol" is on! / [[Ferdinand walks to another room]]
/ [[Aaron's newspaper says: FEAR MONGERING -- Because it sells]] / Aaron: These days who needs riot police or tear gas anymore?
/ [[Ferdinand, off panel]]
/ Ferdinand: HA! HA!
/ Ferdinand: Aaron, come look at this *idiot*! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=22 |
| To the Point | [[Aaron and Ferdinand at the beach, Ferdinand with a surfboard.]]
/ Aaron: How was the surfing today?
/ Ferdinand: Sharp. / Aaron: Sharp? / [[Shark hanging off Ferdinand's butt says...]]
/ Shark: Sharp. http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=23 |
| Popcorn for the Eyes | [[Marquee says: Now Playing: Popcorn for the eyes. People are gathering around to enter the movie theater.]] / Ferdinand: What do you want to watch? / Aaron: I have no idea!
/ Aaron: This is the *worst* summer for movies ever! / Aaron: There is *no* innovation!
/ Aaron: Shrek III, Spider-man III, Pirates of the Caribbean III, Harry Potter V, Fantastic Four II ... / Aaron: Every movie is part of a series or derived from an established property in another medium...
/ Aaron: ... many are from comics. / Ferdinand: But *we're* in comics!
/ Ferd: They could make a movie about *us*!
/ [[Dollar signs in Ferdinand's eyes...]]
/ Ferdinand: We'll be rich! We'll be famous! / Aaron: They use *good* comics.
/ Ferdinand: Damn, there's always a catch! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=24 |
| Branded | [[Aaron and Ferdinand outside a movie theatre]]
/ [[Ferdinand and Arron, outdoors. Ferd's shirt says "GAP"]]
/ Ferdinand: How do you like my new shirt?
/ Aaron: *GAP?!* What's with the logo? / Ferdinand: I think it adds something extra to the *boring* gray shirt I usually wear. / Aaron: You people with your *name brands*! All you're doing is providing free advertising. / Aaron: In addition, you're implicitly supporting their business practices, which includes allegations of using *sweatshops*! / Aaron: *Why* would your choose to do all that when you receive *nothing* in return? / [[Ferdinand thinks it over. Aaron walks away.]] / [[Ferdinand's shirt now reads: Your Ad Here! Call 555-1684 for more info]] http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=25 |
| Spacin' Out | [[Alp and Harold are standing at a table while Alp works on an invention in Alp's lab.]]
/ Harold: Alp, if you could do anything in the world, what would it be? / Alp: Hmmm... let's see... it'd have to be going to outer space. / Harold: That's a good one! So few get that kind of opportunity. It must be serene out in all that emptiness with only your thoughts to keep you company. / Harold: And just imagine the appreciation one gains for how fragile this planet is by seeing it from afar. / Alp: I was more excited by the high speed loogies I could shoot down at the Earth! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=26 |
| Higher Ground, Page 1 | [[Scenic nature view: Ferdinand and Aaron walking a path along a stream. Path crosses a bridge in the distance. Rocks, trees, hills.]] / Ferdinand: Being out in nature gives one a chance to relax and think.
/ Ferdinand: For example, I was just thinking to myself how *proud* I am that this country doesn't use torture. / Aaron: *What* are you talking about?! It was *just* in the news that the Justice Department had secretly authorized the C.I.A. to use painful physical and psychological tactics of interrogation! / Ferdinand: *Exactly!!* If it's been authorized by the Justice Department then it's not torture!
/ Ferdinand: Torture is *illegal* you know! / Aaron: I don't need to ask any department to know what torture is! How can we let our nation commit such morally reprehensible acts?! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=27 |
| Higher Ground, Page 2 | [[Scenic nature view: Ferdinand and Aaron walking a path, now crossing a bridge over a stream. Rocks, trees, hills.]]
/ Ferdinand: Well if we can learn about terrorist plots and make our citizens safer then it's worth it!
/ Aaron: But does it ultimately make us safer if we lose our integrity in the process?
/ Aaron: How would you feel if other countries committed these acts against our soldiers or citizens? / Aaron: It's not like we can criticize them or appeal for international assistance! / Aaron: And what's the point if in most cases torture has been shown to lead to false confess--
/ Aaron: -- Wait a minute! How did you get down there?! / [[Somehow, Aaron is on a rise of ground several feet above Ferdinand who's still on a lower level.]] / Ferdinand: Is this supposed to be a metaphor or something?
/ Aaron: You tell me! *You're* the one down there! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=28 |
| Hot Dog!, Page 1 | [[Aaron at the kitchen sink]]
/ Aaron: This is ridiculous! Why am I always the one washing dishes?!
/ Aaron: If I could find Ferd I would wring his scrawny neck! / Ferd: There you are Aaron! I was lookin' everywhere!
/ Ferd: I should have known you'd be washin' dishes *as usual*! / Ferd: Take a good look because the next time you see me I will be the Hot Dog eating champion!
/ Aaron: Hot Dog eating!
/ Aaron: What are you talkin' about? / Ferd: Today I'm goin' to finally fulfill my destiny to be *rich* and *famous*!
/ Ferd: I'm attending my first Hot Dog eating contest! / Aaron: I've seen those moronic contests on TV before.
/ Aaron: Why on earth would you want to participate? http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=29 |
| Hot Dog!, Page 2 | [[Aaron and Ferdinand in the kitchen, Aaron doing the dishes in the sink.]]
/ Ferdinand: It's the next great American sport!
/ Ferdinand: What's more patriotic than consuming large quantities of unidentifiable meat products?! / Aaron: A *sport*, huh?
/ Aaron: What kind of training do you do for this so-called sport? / Ferdinand: *Training?!* Why would I need to train to eat?!
/ Ferdinand: I've been eating every day of my life!
/ Aaron: It sure sounds like you have no clue what you're getting yourself into! / Ferdinand: Hey, I'll just treat the contest like a Hot Dog buffet!
/ Ferdinand: But with the added bonus of a trophy when I'm finished! / Aaron: I have a better idea! Why don't you do something useful instead-- like *wash the dishes* for once?! http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=30 |
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